Animal Crossing: The Series
by Ant423
Summary: The story of four humans and their  misadventures in a town populated by anthropomorphic animals. A mature-rated comedy that completely twists the world of Animal Crossing that we know and love.  Rated M for language, some violence and sexual references .
1. Pilot

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Characters:**

**Some Guy - **Narrator

**CJ **- Human

**Curt - **Human

**Sakura **- Human

**Lindsay **- Human

**Poncho, Alfonso, and Snake **- Friends of the humans

**Cookie - **Enemy of the humans, Limberg's girlfriend

**Limberg -** Enemy of the humans, Cookie's boyfriend

**Wolfgang and Octavian - **Friends of Limberg

**Buzz - **Drug Dealer

**Tom Nook **- Annoying Shopkeeper

**Copper and Booker **- Policemen

**Pelly, Phyllis, and Pete **- Post Office workers

**Able Sisters **- Tailors

**Blathers - **Museum Curator

**Tortimer von Tortimer III **-Mayor of Hell

**K.K. Slider** - Musician

* * *

**Episode 1: Pilot**

It had been one whole year now since four twenty-somethings met on the train ride on the way to the small town of Hell. Their names were CJ, Curtis, Lindsay, and Sakura. Though they were humans, they were moving to a town completely populated by anthromorphic animals. Was it because they liked animals? Somewhat. It was more for the cheap housing and change of scenery.

Anyways, ever since they met, they've been very good friends and found homes relatively close to each other. They even made friends with some of the animals in town. However, they did make some enemies, like Thomas Edward Nooklittle, aka Tom Nook, who forced them to work in his little shit-shack when they were unable to make a down payment on their homes. Once the work was done, though, the gang was able afford their homes and even upgrade them. Nook was also able to upgrade his Cranny to a fully functional shopping center.

But worst of all, there was Cookie, the bitchenator, the bitch-of-all-bitches, who had an affair with CJ shortly after he arrived in Hell and then dumped him for that dumbass, Limberg. Since then, it has been the gang's main priority to make life miserable for that horrible couple.

Anyways, enough rambling. Here is the story:

CJ knocked on the small door of Curtis' house. There was no answer. CJ pulled out the key to the house, (The gang all had keys to each other's homes) and went inside.

"Yo man," called CJ, "Are you here?"

No answer.

"C'mon dude, stop messing around!"

CJ heard a noise in the living room. There, he saw a half-naked Curtis lying on the couch. He was extremely hungover and the whole house was a fucking disaster.

"Man," said CJ, "What the fuck happened here?"

"Ugggh..." said Curt, "I don't remember anything."

"Looks like you had one hell of a party," observed CJ.

Curt stood up. He was wearing nothing but a pair of dirty briefs. He scratched his crotch and walked across the living room floor, which was covered with smashed beer cans.

"Where the hell are you going?" asked CJ.

"Bathroom," replied Curt. "I need cold shower and a bottle of Tylenol, because I have a fucking headache."

"Well, when you're done, come outside. We have to go to Nookington's to pick up the barbecue I ordered, remember?"

Since the gang moved in, the gang always shopped at Nook's, even when they were working for him. Of course, the gang still hated Nook, but since it was the only shop in town, they had no choice but to shop there (Damn those big corporations always stealing buisiness from small companies!).

"Fucking barbecue," muttered Curt.

"I'll be outside waiting," said CJ, "The weather is so beautiful. I can't wait to get my barbecue so I can use it tonight!"

"Whatever," said Curt.

As Curt took his shower, CJ waited outside and lit a cigarette. At that moment, Lindsay walked by.

"Hi, CJ!" said Lindsay.

"Hi, Linds!" said CJ.

"Didn't you and Curt go pick up the barbecue yet?"

"No, that bastard is still inside, completely hung-over. Apparently there was some kind of party."

"You weren't invited?"

"No, I was working late."

"You still work at that dumb burger place?"

"Hey, I gotta make a living. No underground stuff like Sakura and Curt."

"Right. I gotta get moving. Sakura and I are checking out the new gym they built. Bye!"

CJ waved goodbye. At that moment, Curt emerged wearing a tight shirt and leather jacket.

"Yo, Grease Lightning!" said CJ.

"Ha! Very funny!" said Curt, "All my other clothes are covered in puke. Now, let's go."

The two walked down to Nookington's.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay headed to Hell's Gym.

"It's about time they built a gym here," said Sakura, "I was beginning to turn into a slob."

"I know," said Lindsay, "This past Christmas I ate so much!"

"Not as much as Curt. That guy ate practically the whole turkey, a mountain of potatoes, and 50 fruitcakes. I think he even ate one of the napkins!"

After applying for a membership, the two headed to the locker rooms. Sakura was wearing the most revealing fitness outfit she could find.

"Dang!" said Lindsay.

"What?" asked Sakura, "Jealous of my sexy outfit?"

Lindsay shook her head. They left the locker room. Sakura ignored the oggling men at the tennis court and made her way to to the fitness machines. When they got there, they were greeted by the gruesome twosome: Cookie and Limberg.

"Well, well, well," said Cookie, "Look who's here!"

"Cookie..." said Sakura angrily, "We meet again."

"What are you two doing here?" asked Cookie "Judging by your outfit, I'd say you're looking to score with some with some balls and rackets, if you know what I mean."

"Cookie," began Sakura, "If you're looking for the whore house, you got the wrong place. Turn left and head to your mom's place!"

"Guys!" pleaded Lindsay, "Please stop fighting!"

"This is ridiculous!" snapped Cookie, "Limberg, defend my honour!"

"Wow," said Limberg, "These protein bars are delicious!"

Limberg gobbled down and entire bar.

"Ooooh...Stomachache!"

Cookie sighed, "Help me onto that machine."

Limberg lifted Cookie onto a nearby machine.

"Hey! You stupid bitch!" snapped Sakura, "We were going to use that!"

"You snooze you lose, fuckers!" Cookie chuckled.

Sakura and Lindsay walked away from Cookie and Limberg.

"Cookie's mean," said Lindsay.

"I know," said Sakura, "That's it! We need to find a way to get back at that cunt and her dumbass boyfriend."

**"**Oh, no..." said Lindsay, "I smell one of your crazy plans."

"_Smell _is correct, my dear..."

"Huh?"

"CJ is buying a barbecue today, right?"

"Yes, why?"

"Tonight, we're gonna throw a party..."

* * *

At Tom Nook's store, Curt and CJ took the barbecue to the cash.

"Ah?" said Nook, "A barbecue? Would this be all?"

"Yes, Nook," said CJ.

"That would be 3000 Bells."

"What?" asked Curt, "The flier said it was on sale!"

Curt showed the flier to Nook.

"Idiot," said Nook, "That flier is 2 weeks old. Now stop yelling in my store!"

Suddenly, two little raccoons approached the counter.

"Daddy," said one of them, "Tommy and I were playing with rubber balls in the pet section and Tommy broke of one the fish bowls and now people are falling on the floor!"

"Nuh-uh!" said the other, "It was Timmy who threw the ball, daddy!"

"Shut up!" snapped Timmy.

Nook rubbed his forehead.

"Who are the munchkins?" asked CJ.

"My kids," replied Nook, "My wife took them when we divorced. I can only see them once every two weeks, and now I have to take them to my store because I'm not spending enough time with them. It would have been have been once every week, but a certain 'accident' involving a dirty magazine prevented that from happening."

"Ha!" laughed Curt.

"You think this is funny?" demanded Nook, "How would like it if this happened to you? How about I laugh at your misery, you klutz?"

"That I'd like to see," said Curt.

"Bastard," said Nook, "Take your barbecue and get out of my store!"

"Bye!" yelled Curt as he and CJ approached the exit, "Loser..."

"I heard that!" yelled Nook.

* * *

Since they met, the gang were always getting themselves into some kind of trouble. Not a day goes by in Hell without some kind of adventure. There was that time that the gang blew up the police station with bottle rockets (And blamed it on Limberg), that time Curt was caught peeping in the girl's locker room at the swimming pool, and when Sakura got kidnapped by a Mexican circus and CJ had do go undercover as a bearded lady to rescue her...

Alright, maybe I made up that last one, but the gang are always involved in some crazy adventure, and today was no exception:

"Please?" said Sakura.

"For the last time," began CJ, "NO!"

"Come on!" said Sakura, "You bought a barbecue and you don't even wanna throw a party?"

"No, I just wanna have a casual evening tonight. I'm tired and Curt here has had enough partying."

"What are you talking about?" asked Curt, who was lying on CJ's couch, "I can party all day! I'm like that bunny from the _Duracell _commercials! I go on and on and on..."

"Um, Curt," began CJ, "That's _Energizer_."

"Oops..."

"Come on, let's have a party," begged Sakura, "I'll help set up the party and clean up after it's done!"

CJ thought for a moment.

"You're no fun!"

"Alright, alright...But keep it small!"

Excited, Sakura ran to her home where she called up Lindsay.

"Guess what?" Sakura said, "The party's on tonight!"

"Sakura," began Lindsay, "I think this is a bad idea."

"Hey, it's about time we stand up to Dookie and Limberger!"

"Alright. How much cheese should I bring?"

"Just enough..."

Sakura then hung up and laughed maniacally. Her plan was to throw a party to attract Cookie and Limberg to it (Which wasn't hard, as they had a habit of showing up unannounced at parties) and attacking them with Spoiled cheese bombs. When Sakura was growing up, her brothers made many of those and called them Cheese-Poppers. It consists of moldy cheese and spoiled milk placed inside of small vials or rubber balloons. As you can see, it's pretty damn gross.

* * *

Alfonso the Alligator walked down the long road to Poncho's house. Since the town of Hell was so small, walking was the common mode of transport. Plus, it was a great way to get in shape.

Speaking of shape, Alfonso was a small aligator with a long snout and rows of jagged teeth that had been sharpened down. Alfonso was the most naive and gullible person in town, and not to mention, accident prone. That didn't stop him from being a genius in many subjects like math and science. Come to think of it, Alfonso is a nerd. But, behind the nosebleeds, the bed-wetting and the bad hay-fever, he was a sweet guy.

When Alfonso reached Poncho's house, he knocked on his door.

"Yo, whazzup?" asked Poncho.

"CJ told me to tell you about some barbecue he's throwing at his house," said Alfonso.

"Sweet! I'll bring the beer!" said Poncho.

"CJ also wanted me to tell you that this is going to be a quiet party," added Alfonso, "And he expects you not to make a total fool of yourself."

"CJ's no fun! Now, which K.K. Slider CD should I bring? _A Dawg's Life,_ or _Astro-Cocks_?"

"I really don't care. Personally, I'd like to listen to some Beethoven."

"You suck! What happened to the old Alfonso, who used to get into trouble and have fun? Like that time you got stuck in the airvent at _Pork and Cheese's_."

"I'm trying to forget that time. Anyways, I have to go now. I gotta call Snake!" With that, Alfonso left.

"Right," said Poncho, "Bye dude!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Nookington's, in the dairy aisle:

"Limberg," said Cookie, "Can you hurry up and buy your cheese? This place smells funny!"

"Buying the perfect cheese requires patience and careful observation," said Limberg.

"How typical of a rat!"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Here, how about this cheese?"

Cookie held up a bunch of cheese strings.

"Hmmmm..." Limberg pondered for a second, "Nah, too thin!"

Cookie muttered under her breath.

Lindsay suddenly appeared in the same aisle as Cookie and Limberg. She was on the cell phone and did not notice the couple.

"Quick, Limberg!" said Cookie, "Hide!"

She pulled Limberg to the other side of the aisle.

"Huh, what?" asked Limberg, "Who's there?"

"It's the bitch's friend!" said Cookie.

Cookie and Limberg spied carefully on Lindsay, who was still speaking on the cell phone.

"I don't know the name of the brand, Sakura," said Lindsay.

"I think it's called _Moo-Moo Cheese_," said Sakura over the phone, "The stinkiest cheese ever!"

"I don't think they have anymore," said Lindsay, "Listen, I don't know if the whole barbecue thing is going to work. I mean all this just because she stole your favourite exercise bike before?"

"It's not just that!" said Sakura, "It's everything. Those two have been nothing but trouble since we moved her. It's about time we put our foot down and launch an offensive strike!"

"Yeah," said Lindsay, "But I'm beginning to think that throwing rotten cheese at Cookie and Limberg is not a good idea. What is CJ going to say?"

"He'll be happy we threw them out!"

"All right..." Lindsay sighed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle:

"Did you hear that?" asked Cookie.

"No," replied Limberg, "I was too busy picking at this wart on my face."

"Dumbass!" snapped Cookie, "She's throwing a barbecue!"

"Great! Let's go!"

"No! Sakura is planning on throwing rotten cheese at us!"

"Oh! Now what?"

"Come with me..."

Cookie and Limberg ran out the store. It looks like the Cookster has something special planned for the gang...

**To be continued...**


	2. Pilot Part II

**Pilot (Part II)**

That night, the barbecue began. Like Sakura promised, it was pretty small with only their closest friends showing up, like Snake, Alfonso, Poncho and even Buzz, whom CJ did not trust.

"I don't trust that guy!" said CJ, "Why did you invite him, Curt?"

"He's not that bad once you get to know him" said Curt, "Plus, he's really fun to have at parties!"

"As long as he doesn't bring anything illegal here," said CJ, "Last time Copper and his gay boyfriend Booker showed up and there was a pretty ugly scene."

"Oh, yeah! Remember that?" asked Curt, "I got a shoe sup my ass!"

As CJ and Curt discussed near the grill, Sakura and Lindsay were on the other side.

"Where the fuck are Cookie and Limberg?" demanded Sakura.

"Maybe they don't feel like coming," said Lindsay.

"Did you pass out the fliers?" asked Sakura.

Lindsay nodded.

"There's no way they'd turn down a chance to make us miserable," said Sakura, "Something doesn't smell right here..."

"The Cheese-Poppers?" asked Lindsay.

"Oh, right!" said Sakura.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the top of a large hill stood Cookie, Limberg, and Wolfgang. They spied on the party from far away with binoculars.

"Attempt to embarrass me?" said Cookie, "Ha! We'll see who has the last laugh!"

"Yeah," said Limberg, "By the way, thanks for helping us out, Wolfgang!"

"No prob," said Wolfgang, "With my experience in the army, this plan will go just right!"

"You were in the army?" asked Cookie.

"Um, not really," said Wolfgang, "But I do play a lot of _Call of Duty_!"

Cookie rolled her eyes.

"Alrighty then," announced Cookie, "Let's prepare the rotten fish bombs!"

"This is gonna be great!" said Limberg.

The rotten fish bombs were basically balloons filled with smelly fish fluids that are launched with catapults made of rubber bands. This clever plan took Limberg and about five of his friends 3 months to come up with. Limberg first used it on a teacher's house after he failed them in school. It worked, but only afterwards Limberg realized that the teacher lived right next door.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the party:

"So Buzz," said Curt, "How's going with the you-know-what?"

"It's been great," replied Buzz, "I made $2000 just the other day."

"I'd really like to come down to see your 'lab' one day and perhaps make a purchase of my own."

"Ah! Only people with the exclusive 'Buzz Membership' can see my 'lab'. Though if we make a deal right now, you're well on your way to being the first member..."

"Sweet!"

"Oh no, you don't!" said CJ, who suddenly appeared behind Curt.

CJ then dragged Curt away from Buzz.

"But..." began Curt.

**"**No way am I allowing you to make deals with strange people," said CJ.

"Geez! Sorry, _Mom_!"

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Ready, aim, fire! announced Cookie.

"Wahooooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Wolfgang.

The trio fired a slew of bombs over the hill and straight to CJ's barbecue.

"Great party, eh, Snake?" asked Poncho.

"Not bad but the beer tastes a little funny..." said Snake, "What the hell brand is this?"

"Hey!" snapped Poncho, "That's... Wait, what the hell is that?"

Poncho and Snake looked up.

"Holy Shit!" screamed Poncho, "Hit the deck!"

At that moment, a slew of rotten fish bombs crashed down onto the party spilling the foul-smelling liquid all over the place. People were drenched in fish guts and decorations fell apart. The radio short circuited and CJ's barbecue exploded for no good reason. People ran screaming home.

"AAAAH!" screamed Curt, "What the fuck is this?"

"AAAAH!" screamed Lindsay, "My hair! My beautiful hair smells like fish!"

"AAAAH!" screamed Buzz, "My feathers!"

"AAAAH!" screamed Poncho, "The beer!"

"Who the fuck is responsible for this?" demanded CJ.

Just then, Cookie, Limberg, and Wolfgang showed up, laughing maniacally.

"So it was you?" asked CJ.

"Ha!" laughed Cookie, "You guys suck! Score 1 for Cookie, 0 for you!"

"Damn you!" snapped Sakura.

"I knew just what you were planning, Sakura," began Cookie, "You and those stupid Cheese bombs. Well, I made sure to show you can never outsmart me!"

"Wait a minute..." said CJ, "Sakura? What is she talking about?"

Sakura sighed.

"I had you throw this party so that I could attract Cookie and Limberg," began Sakura, "Then, we were going to bomb them with rotten cheese."

Cookie then laughed. CJ looked angry.

"Sakura!" said CJ, "How could you?"

"I'm sorry!" said Sakura, "I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"You ruined my barbecue!"

Sakura lowered her head and began to cry. CJ, Curt, and Lindsay began to head indoors to wash themselves. Sakura began to leave as well.

**"**Awww..." said Cookie sarcastically, "Boo-hoo! Don't cry little baby!"

"Yeah, baby!" laughed Limberg.

"Shut up..." muttered Sakura.

"What's the matter, little emo?" asked Cookie, "You had a fight with your boyfriend?"

"I said shut the fuck up!" snapped Sakura.

"Geez!" said Cookie, "With that attitude, it's a miracle your friends still love you...Up until now, of course!"

Cookie, Limberg and Wolfgang began to laugh. Cookie, however, did not notice Sakura charging straight at her. Within seconds, the two were on the floor, rolling around, scratching and slapping each other.

"Oh my God!" yelled Curt, "Bitchfight! CJ, you have to see this!"

CJ, who was about to enter his house, stopped and turned around to see Cookie and Sakura duking it out on the floor of his backyard. Lindsay tried to break up the fight but was unsuccessful.

After several minutes of slugging it out, the two combatants stood up.

"Take This!" said Sakura.

Sakura unleashed a big punch that sent Cookie flying into one of the large picnic tables, causing it to break in half. Enraged, Cookie picked a fallen punch bowl off the ground and ran to Sakura and smashed the bowl on her head.

"Now, you're gonna get it!" snapped Cookie.

While Sakura stumbled around, Cookie ran up to another table and tried to pick it up, but she was too weak.

"Limberg," ordered Cookie, "Get over here and help me!"

Limberg and Cookie lifted the massive table and hurled it at Sakura. Sakura managed to dodge it.

"Hey, Limberg!" snapped CJ, "Get the fuck outta here! This isn't your fight!"

"You wanna piece of me?" asked Limberg,

Limberg charged at CJ. Unfortunately, he forgot how big and strong CJ was and soon found himself flying through the air and straight into the wooden fence that surrounded the backyard. CJ then ran up to Wolfgang and did the same.

Meanwhile, Cookie and Sakura continued to slug it out. Sakura suddenly pushed Cookie straight into the large radio that had the gang had been listening to before the party was interrupted. Cookie was knocked out.

"Whew," said Sakura, "It's over..."

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!"

Cookie suddenly came running out of nowhere holding a busted radio speaker over head.

"Bitch!" yelled Sakura.

Cookie slammed the speaker down, but missed. Sakura then tackled Cookie to the floor and pinned her down.

"Uncle!" pleaded Cookie, "Uncle!"

Curt then tossed a cheese popper at Sakura, who caught it. Sakura shoved the foul item into Cookie's mouth and got off of her. Cookie stood up and ran to a bush where she vomited like crazy.

"I hate puking!" said Cookie, "It makes me look all fugly!"

"Next time," began Sakura "Think twice about ruining our barbecue, you whore!"

"Limberg!" said Cookie, "Wolfgang! Let's go!"

Wolfgang and Limberg stood up and stumbled after Cookie, who was already long gone from the messy scene.

"Good riddance!" laughed Sakura.

Sakura ran up to Curt, Lindsay and CJ.

"Wow!" said CJ, "You really showed her!"

"You're not mad? asked Sakura.

"Who can be mad after that?" said CJ.

"Yeah," said Curt, "Seriously!"

"Hopefully," began Lindsay, "We won't be seeing them for a while..."

"Listen," said CJ, "I'm sorry I got mad."

"And I'm sorry I ruined your party," added Sakura.

"It's alright. Now, let's go get cleaned up!"

"Yeah, I got a ton of cheese-poppers to flush down the toilet. The smell is killing me!"

The gang laughed and began to walk into their homes.

"By the way, CJ," began Sakura, "What are you gonna do about the barbecue?"

"Don't worry," said CJ, "I bought barbecue insurance!"

"I didn't know they had barbecue insurance..."

That's all folks! The first episode is done! Wow, what a day. There's always something happening in Hell, so don't forget to tune in next time for more crazy adventures. See you next time, biatches!


	3. Museum Bash

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Author's Notes:** To clarify a few things, Hell's layout is a hybrid of all three games in the series. For example, there is a Town Hall, but the Post Office and Dump are still separate buildings. Also, the gang live very close to each other, as in the game. The town's name (Hell) is just a little inside joke from back in the day.

* * *

**Episode 2: Museum Bash**

It was now Saturday. Not much has happened since the barbecue fiasco, though Curt did get into a bathroom brawl with Rover the Cat. But that's a whole different story. Anyways, the gang began that Saturday as they usually did - They gathered up in the little spot behind the post office, smoking cigarettes and chatting. Wow...Sounds like fun.

"Have any of you guys noticed that Nook smells funny?" asked Curt, "I mean, he smells like my grandma!"

"I've never met your grandma," said Lindsay.

"She's a nice woman," said Curt, "Anyways, once I took a bottle of _Tag _and sprayed Old Man Nook with it when his back was turned."

"And," said Curt, "What happened?"

"The fucking spray repelled off of him!" replied Curt, "In 5 minutes, he was back to smelling like Granny!"

"Is anyone besides me fed up?" asked Sakura.

"Fed up of what?" asked Curt.

"You know," began Sakura, "Just standing here, telling dumb stories to each other that we heard a million times already. We need to do something new!"

"Like what?" asked Lindsay.

"Oh, I know!" said CJ, "Wanna go to my house and play some old NES games?"

"Those games are gay!" snapped Curt, "Especially _Super Tortimer_. That was a rip-off!"

"I know!" said Sakura, "That wasn't even a game!"

At that moment, Pelly, the disgruntled post office worker, stuck her head out the window and began to yell at the gang. Pelly was very kind, but due to her 20 year career at the post office she lost a few screws along the way. This was made by the fact that the post offie also functions as a bank, doubling the migraines for the workers.

"Listen boys and girls," said Pelly, calmly, "I've told you many times not to stand there. You're scaring many of the customers."

"Fuck you, Pelly!" snapped Curt, "It's a free country!"

"I am not liking your attitude, young man..." said Pelly.

"There's no rule against standing here," added CJ.

Pelly then pulled out her shotgun.

"I am going to give you to the count of 3," said Pelly, "1...2...3!"

"AAAAAHHHH!"

The gang immediately ran for their lives. Pelly began firing, but missed.

"Thank you for stopping by the Post Office of Hell, BITCHES!" she yelled.

The gang ran until they were back to their acre.

"Now, what?" asked CJ.

"I don't know," said Sakura, "As long as we stay away from that place!"

"Oh!" said Lindsay, suddenly, "That reminds me, Curt, you promised to come with me to the Hell Museum this afternoon."

"Oh, come on!" said Curt.

"You promised..."

"Alright! I'll take you. Don't worry."

"I'm telling you, it's gonna be fun!"

Lindsay then ran inside her house.

"Oh, boy," said Curt, "Today is gonna suck so hard!"

"The museum isn't that bad," assured CJ.

"It's okay," said Curt, "But I just can't stand that Blabbers!"

Curt then headed inside his house to get ready.

"So, CJ," began Sakura, "What do you wanna do, since we'll be all alone today?"

"You wanna watch a movie later on?" suggested CJ.

Sakura shrugged. They then headed inside to play some NES games. Sakura got her ass kicked 50 times in _Wario's Woods. _

* * *

The Museum of Hell was first constructed over 100 years ago and remains the oldest building in Hell. (Though it is in remarkably good shape) It belongs to the Farway Museum company, whose museums spread all over the country of Animalia. However, it is a known fact that museums are not very popular in these regions, and as a result, are poorly funded. This is especially true in Hell's case. Blathers the Owl, the current curator, had to accept donations from the townfolk after being completely fed up that the only things on display was a stone shaped like Elvis, a _Mona Lisa _sketch, and a soldier's helmet from some war.

More people are visiting the museum now that it looks a lot more complete, though it still suffers as a target of bottle rockets and graffitti from unruly teenagers. At least Curt and Sakura are just going for an educational visit...

Curt lay on his couch sleeping. He was waiting for Lindsay to get ready. Curt tossed and turned violently, and even began moaning. All of a sudden, the phone rang. Curt fell off the couch and hit the floor. He reached up and grabbed the telephone off the table near the couch.

"Yo, dude!" said Snake over the phone, "What's happening?"

"Aw, Snake..." began Curt, "I was having an orgasmic nightmare!"

"Right," said Snake, "Listen, me and Poncho and some other guys are heading to Cupcake's house and bombing it with eggs and toilet paper. Wanna come?"

"What kind of toilet paper?"

"Duuuuh! Charmin!"

"Oh, man! I'd love to come but I promised Lindsay I'd take her to the museum today. I owe her after she got me out of that airvent at the _Pork and Cheese's_."

"Dude, wasn't it Alfonso who got stuck?"

"Yeah, but I got stuck too after trying to rescue him."

"Man, that really sucks. Listen, maybe we'll pass by the museum tonight and we'll egg it. Will that make you feel better?"

"Aw, thanks man!"

"Gotta go!"

Snake hung up. At that moment, Lindsay knocked on the door.

"Ready?" she asked.

Curt sighed as he stood up and walked out the door.

* * *

Lindsay and Curt walked around the large museum admiring the sculptures and fossils. Despite repeated warnings from Blathers, Curt tried continuously to step on the cockroaches at the bug exhibit. He also played around with the headphones and stole some brochures from the info centre.

"Curt," began Lindsay, "I love that you came, but you have to stop embarrassing me."

"This place is as boring as fuck!" said Curt, "I gotta have some fun, or I'll die of boredom."

"Come on," said Lindsay, "We haven't even gotten to the art exhibit yet. We're gonna see your favourite painting, _The Scream_!"

"That guy who looks like who's trying to give someone a blow job? I hate that guy!"

"Come on! There has to be some kind of art that you enjoy!"

"Yeah! The _Campbell's _Soup painting. Everytime I look at it, I get hungry..."

Curt began drooling.

"You're hopeless," said Lindsay.

"Sweet!" said Curt, "They have a café! Want anything?"

"No," replied Lindsay, "I'm gonna check out the fish exhibit."

"So," began Brewster, as Curt sat on one of the stools, "What'll it be?"

"Cappucino," replied Curt, "Extra sugar, please."

Brewster prepared Curt's beverage and placed the cup on the counter.

"200 bells," said Brewster.

"Dang," said Curt, "You made it too hot. I have to let it cool for a while."

"WHAT?" asked Brewster, "No! You have to enjoy it now, while it's still hot! It's not the same when it's cool!"

"The fuck's your problem?"

"It's been a rough week. My wife left me, and I just came out of rehab. It's good to be back at work though."

"Right..."

Curt got up from his stool as he waited for his coffee to cool. As he looked at the countertop, he noticed something shining.

"Keys?" asked Curt, as he stared at the item, "Anyone lost their keys?"

Curt shrugged and put them in his pocket before approaching Lindsay, who was back from her trip to the fish exhibit.

"When are we leaving?" asked Curt, "This place is driving me nuts!"

"Hoo-hoo," said a voice, "Have you seen the new fossils?"

"The fuck do you want now?" asked Curt.

"Listen, young man, if you continue your rude behaviour, I will be forced to expell you from this place!"

"Please! Spare me!"

"Ahem," interrupted Lindsay, "How are the donations going, Mr. Blathers?"

"Very well, I must say," said Blathers, "A lot of new insects are coming in, much to my disgust."

"Question," said Curt, "Why the fuck do you talk like Prince Charles on crack?"

"Anyways," continued Blathers, "Take your time and enjoy the lovely exhibits of the Hell Museum. There is so much to see here!"

"Yeah, but nothing to do..." added Curt.

"Thanks a lot, Mr. Blathers!" said Lindsay, "I'm looking forward to coming back tomorrow!"

"If you are interested," said Blathers, "Here's a brochure on some of the things you can see in this museum."

Lindsay grabbed the brochure.

"By the way," said Blathers, "Have you seen my museum key? I could have sworn I put it back into my pocket, though I may have left it at the café."

"Actually," began Curt, preparing to pull the keys from his pocket, "Wait...Nevermind."

"Sorry," said Lindsay, "I'm sure they'll turn up."

"Hoo-hoo," said Blathers, "Yes, I'm sure they will. Cheerio!"

Blathers walked away.

"What do you have there?" asked Lindsay.

"I'll show you after," replied Curt.

* * *

Ever since Pelly kicked the gang out of their usual spot behind the post office, they had to find a new spot. The only place they could go was behind the smelly dump.

"Fuck this place!" snapped CJ. "It smells like someone died in here."

"Whatever," said Curt, "So what's happening?"

"CJ and I are going to a movie," said Sakura, "Wanna come?"

"I got better plans," said Curt, "Look at what I got!"

Curt held up the key.

"Is that what I think it is?" asked Lindsay.

"The key to the museum!" said Curt, "That idiot Blathers dropped it."

"You aren't seriously considering breaking in, are you?" asked Sakura.

"Hell, yeah!" said Curt, "Not to steal anything, though. Instead, we'll throw a huge party!"

"A party in the museum?" asked CJ.

"Yeah! It's a great idea, no? There's plenty of space in there. We just have to bring all the party stuff."

"Curt!" pleaded Lindsay, "This is ridiculous! There's no way we're gonna get in! What about the alarm system?"

"This key also shuts the alarm system down!"

"And the cameras?" asked CJ.

"That place is too cheap to afford them."

"But Blathers was looking for those keys!" said Lindsay.

"He's got spares. Come on guys! Just this morning you were talking about bored you were. This is our chance to do something crazy! Something fun!"

"I guess it'll be fun..." said CJ.

"Alright," said Sakura, "I'll call up Alfonso, Snake and Poncho!"

The gang then ran home to make preparations. This was going to be the party of the century. The Museum Bash!

**To be continued...**


	4. Museum Bash Part II

**Museum Bash (Part II)**

That night, the gang made their way to the museum, which was closed for the night. Curt carefully placed the key into the lock and turned it. The door suddenly swung open.

"Sweet, man!" said Snake.

"I know," said Poncho, "We have the museum all to ourselves. This is gonna be the best party ever!"

"I don't think this is a good idea, guys," said Alfonso, "Maybe we should turn back!"

"You turn back!" snapped Curt, "I'm not passing this oppurtunity up!"

"Whatever," said CJ, "As long as we keep it easy with the drugs. We don't want the smell to stay in the museum!"

"Yeah!" said Curt, "And try not to knock stuff down. I don't wanna get any goldfish up my ass!"

The gang rushed in to and headed to the lounge, where they plugged in the stereo. As the music played, they set up the food tables. CJ stepped onto a table and raised a bottle of beer.

"Alright guys!" said CJ, "There's only one thing I have to say: Have fun, get drunk and PARTY!"

* * *

For the next hour or so, the place turned into total chaos. They danced and smoked all sorts of crazy stuff.

"Hey guys!" called Poncho, "Look at me!"

Poncho ran into the aquarium and did a cannonball into one of the tanks, spilling water everywhere.

"Wahooooooooooooooo!" he screamed, "Oh God! OW! Crawfish!"

Meanwhile, Snake jumped inside a sarcophogus from the Egyptian exhibit and Curt pushed him down the hallway like a toboggan. Snake ended up crashing into a wall and getting dizzy. Back in the lounge CJ and Sakura had a dance-off with Lindsay and Alfonso, though Alfonso wound up slipping on a fallen beer bottle and knocked down a large painting off the wall.

"Alfonso!" snapped CJ, "You klutz!"

"Oh, lighten up," said Sakura, "He's just had a few too many."

"Yeah," said CJ, "And it looks like you're a little drunk as well!"

"I'm not drunk," began Sakura, "I'm just not sober!"

Sakura suddenly fell to the floor. CJ shook his head.

* * *

The gang were having so much fun that they lost track of the time. The party continued on late into the night. However, as CJ walked around the lounge a bit, observing the mayhem, he noticed something odd at the window...

"Oh my God!" said CJ.

There was none other than Little-Miss-Bitch, Cookie, staring straight at the party from outside. When she noticed CJ staring back, she ran away.

"Who the fuck was that?" demanded Curt.

"It's fucking Cookie!" replied CJ.

"How the fuck did she know we were here?" asked Sakura.

"Who cares?" said Alfonso, "We have to leave now!"

"Quick!" said Poncho, "Save the beer and the cigarettes! For the love of God, the pot!"

"AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" screamed Snake.

"People!" announced Lindsay, "Get a hold of yourselves!"

Everyone stopped panicking and calmed down.

"We're not totally screwed yet," began Lindsay, "There's not enough time to take this stuff out, but if we work together, we can hide all the stuff before the cops get here!"

"Right," said CJ, "Let's go!"

Snake then grabbed the beer bottles and cigarette butts and shoved them all inside the sarcophoguses, while Alfonso helped to hang up the painting he dropped. The others took the tables and hid them under the aquariums. At that moment, they heard sirens.

"Ah!" said Curt, "We gotta get out!"

"We can't leave through the front door," said CJ, "Or they'll spot us!"

"Right!" said Curt.

Curt then ran to the emergency exit.

"No, Curt! That's the..."

Too late. Curt opened the door and the alarm rang. The gang had no choice but to run out as well.

At that moment, Officer Copper and Officer Booker kicked the front door entered the museum. Booker was short, fat and stupid, while Copper was tall skinny, and intelligent. They worked together, lived together, and jerked off together. Okay, maybe not jerked off together, but they did many things together. Both of them were still single. No one cared about Booker since he was an old fart, but many of the girls were attracted to Copper due to his good looks. It was a little suspicious that at his age he was still single...

"Alright!" said Copper, "Come out with your hands up!"

Copper held his glock up high. Booker followed.

"Um, yeah!" said Booker, "We have the place surrounded, I think..."

Cookie and Limberg were in the museum as well.

"Everything looks fine here..." began Copper.

"Well, look harder!" said Cookie, "I'm positive I saw the humans in here!"

"Yeah," added Limberg, "Look around some more!"

"Alright," said Copper, "We'll look around for a bit. Meanwhile, you're gonna give us possible places that the gang would go to!"

Since the gang first arrived in Hell, Copper always had it out for them. Maybe it was because he was racist towards humans, or maybe it has something to do with the repeated blowing up of the police station, the picture of Booker and Copper kissing that Curt posted on the town bulletin board, or when they crashed one of Copper's aerobics classes (Yes, Copper is a huge aerobics fanatic). Whatever they did, the gang constantly had to deal with them.

"It smells kind of funny in here," said Booker, "I think...Unless that's how it always smells."

"Yeah," said Copper, "There was definitely a party here. Come on, Booker, let's go catch them!"

"Um," said Booker, "Right! Okay sir..."

"The hunt is on..." said Copper.

* * *

The gang ran down the road through the town. They looked desperately for somewhere to hide.

"Listen," began Lindsay, "We can't keep doing this. We have to split up if we're gonna evade the cops. The cops are less likely to suspect us if we're not hanging out together!"

"She's right!" said CJ, "Okay, here's what we're gonna do..."

"Fuck this shit!" said Poncho, suddenly.

"Yeah!" said Snake, "We all know the cops have it out for you guys! They don't care about Poncho, Alfonso and I!"

"Besides," added Alfonso, "Cookie probably didn't even see us three."

"So," said CJ, "You're just gonna leave us?"

"Yeah," said Poncho, "But good luck!"

Poncho, Alfonso, and Snake ran off.

"Fuckers!" yelled Curt.

"Nevermind them," said CJ, "We still have to split up. Curt and Lindsay will go together. Sakura, you're coming with me!"

The gang then split up. As Sakura and CJ ran, looking for somewhere to hide, CJ suddenly stopped.

"What is it?" asked Sakura.

"You know," began CJ, "If we hurry, we can probably make it home!"

"What good will that do?" asked Sakura.

"They're probably gonna check there first! If the cops see that we're home, they might let us off the hook!"

"Yeah, but the cops have a car!"

"So? Booker usually drives the car, and he can't find his way out of a bathroom stall!"

The two quickly headed home.

* * *

Meanwhile, Curt and Lindsay ran in the opposite direction.

"Where the fuck are we supposed to go?" wondered Curt.

"I don't know," replied Lindsay, "There aren't many stores open at 1 a.m.!"

"Wait!" said Curt, "There is one!"

The two quickly headed to The Able Sister's shop. Mabel immediately greeted them, while Sable sat quietly at the sewing machine, working.

"Welcome to the Able Sister's Tailor Shop," announced Mabel cheerfully, "Now open until 2:00 am!"

"Whoopee," said Sable sarcastically.

"What would you like here?" asked Mabel.

"We're not here to buy anything," said Curt, "We're on the run!"

"Ooooh..." said Mabel, "Like fugitives!"

Mabel and Sable Able were the owners of the town Tailor shop. Mabel was a fun, outgoing, though not-to-bright porcupine. Her sister, Sable, was also a porcupine (Duh!) and was at least 10 years older. Their parents died when Mabel was just a baby, and was raised primarily by Sable. But Mabel's constant crying and childish tantrums caused Sable to have repeated nervous breakdowns. Now, they are successful buisinesswomen (Even though Nook's store sometimes steal their buisiness).

"Would you like to purchase a headband?" asked Mabel, "Or maybe some bracelets?"

"Oh, can we, Curt?" asked Lindsay.

"NO!" snapped Curt, "We are on the run from the cops! We don't have time, and I don't have any money!"

"Did you know you can also customize your own patterns?" asked Mabel, "Only 350 bells!"

"Leave them alone, sis," said Sable in her lifeless, monotone voice, "They do not want to shop."

"Listen," said Curt, "If the cops come, tell them we are not here!"

"Oh!" said Mabel, "Aiding wanted criminals! How exciting! Eh, sis?"

"Shut the fuck up," began Sable, "Please shut the fuck up. I am trying to sew."

"Why are you always so down?" asked Mabel.

"Why?" began Sable, "Because the big clothing buisinesses are out to ruin our lives. We slave day after day customizing clothing for our loyal customers and make little money, while big buisinesses like Nookington's and Gracie's buy their clothes for cheap from sweat shops, who force little children in impoverished countries to produce shit clothing that they sell for enormous prices. That's why I'm so fucking pissed..."

"Wow," said Curt, "You are one disturbed chick. Wanna get together some time?"

"Curt!" snapped Lindsay.

* * *

Eventually, Sakura and CJ made their way home, and just on time. They entered and waited patiently for the cops.

"I hear sirens!" said CJ.

Copper and Booker got out of their car and knocked on the door of CJ's house.

"Yes, officer?" said CJ.

"Where have you been for the past 2 hours?" asked Copper.

"Right here," replied CJ, "Playing NES with my friend, Sakura."

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "You got a problem with that?"

"Actually," said Booker, "We do. I think..."

"We found some of your 'possessions' at the museum," said Copper, "We believe you threw some kind of party there."

"Er," began CJ, "That can't be!"

"Yeah!" added Sakura, "We've been framed!"

"Come with us," said Copper.

Copper handcuffed Sakura and CJ and pushed them into the car.

"Time to find your other friends," said Copper.

* * *

"It took about 5 days to complete this shirt," said Mabel, "It's such an accomplishment!"

"And a massive financial drain," added Sable.

Mabel was showing the two around the store, even though they didn't give a shit. All of a sudden, the phone rang. Mable answered.

"Hello?" said Mabel, "Yes...Yes...Lindsay and Curt are here..."

"NO!" yelled Curt.

"Oh," continued Mabel, "But they told me to tell you that they're not...Oh, you're on your way?"

"Yup," said Sable, "You've done it again, sis."

"Damn!" said Lindsay, "We gotta get outta here!"

Lindsay and Curt quickly ran out of the store.

"Thank you visiting our store!" called Mabel, "Come back soon!"

Sable then stood up and walked out of the room.

"Hey sis," said Mabel, "Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom," began Sable, "To cut myself."

"Have fun!"

* * *

As Lindsay and Curt ran through the town, they encountered two of the most foul individuals on earth:

"Cookie and Limberg?" asked Curt.

"That's right!" said Cookie, "You're gonna pay for what you did to us back at the barbecue!"

"Yeah," said Limberg, "We're gonna make sure you get caught!"

Cookie then jumped on Lindsay and held her down. Limberg did the same to Curt.

"Get the fuck off of me!" said Curt, "God you smell like puke!"

"Hold still, you bitch!" snapped Cookie.

At that moment, the cops arrived. Curt and Lindsay saw Sakura and CJ sitting in the backseat.

"Alright," said Copper, "Break it up here!"

"These fuckers here are trying to ruin our lives!" said Curt.

"Enough, Curt," said Copper.

"They framed us!" said Curt, "They just hate us!"

"Please!" laughed Cookie, "Are you really gonna believe these bums, officer?"

"Everyone, be quiet!" said Copper, "You two are coming with me! You have the right to remain silent..."

"How could we have broken into the museum without sounding the alarm?" asked Lindsay.

"Duh!" said Limberg, "With the museum key!"

"But we don't have the key..." said Lindsay, smiling.

Copper then approached Lindsay. As he did so, he noticed something shiny sticking out of Cookie's pocket.

"Is that?..." he began.

"What?" asked Cookie, "Oh, this...How did this get in my pocket?"

"The key!" said Copper, "I hate to say it, but you guys were telling the truth!"

Copper then took the key.

"I'm gonna have to notify Blabbers...um, I mean 'Blathers' about this!" said Copper, "In the meantime, Cookie and Limberg, come with us!"

"What for?" asked Limberg.

"For lying to us," began Booker, "And breaking and entering, and um...um...um...um..."

"Whatever," said Copper, "Just come with us. You'll be getting some probation and a hefty fine!"

"But...but..." began Cookie, "We're not lying!"

"Save it!" snapped Copper, "Now, Book 'em, Booker!"

Booker handcuffed Cookie and Limberg and placed them into his car. CJ and Sakura were released and offered some some coupons for _Pork and Cheese's_ for their troubles. As the car drove off, the gang could see Cookie and Limberg giving them dirty stares from the backseat.

"Whew!" said CJ, "That was close!"

"Seriously," said Sakura.

"Cool move, Lindsay!" said Curt.

"Thanks," said Lindsay, "I slipped the key to Cookie while she held me down. Curt dropped it while everyone was running out of the Museum. Thank God I saw it and picked it up!"

"Well," said CJ, "I don't think we'll be doing anything like this again!"

"Now what are we gonna do?" asked Sakura.

"Well, it's after midnight..." said Lindsay, "Wanna go to bed?"

"Hell no!" said Curt, "This night's just getting started! Let's go egg Cupcake's house!"

"Sweet!" said Sakura.

The gang ran off.

And that's it for now! Tune in next time for even more whacky adventures! So long and good night!


	5. Sakura's New Job

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 3: Sakura's New Job**

It was a cold day in Hell and the gang were hanging out in their usual spot behind the post office. It was Phyllis' shift and she never gave a rat's ass over who or what was hanging out back there.

"Fuck it," said Sakura, "I'm broke."

"I know a good mechanic," said Curt.

"Ha, ha," said Sakura, "Very funny. I've got no cash and I haven't even been spending that much!"

"I think," began CJ, "You need to find a job."

"Not that again," said Sakura, "Everyday you keep pestering me about that!"

"Because ever since you fired from that tutoring job three months ago, you've done nothing but sit on your ass and mooch off of us."

"Well, excuse me for enjoying my newfound stress-free life!"

"CJ's right," said Lindsay, "When the money you deposited in the post office runs out, you'll no longer be able to afford your mortgage! The HRA will repossess your house!"

"Besides," said Curt, "Working isn't that bad. At my place, we have drinks, play poker and I earn a little cash! So long as Ol' Resetti doesn't catch us, we're fine."

"All play and some work makes Curt a very happy boy," said CJ.

"I was thinking," said Sakura, "How about I work with you at the burger place?"

"I don't know," replied CJ, "It can get kinda hectic over there. Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Hellz yeah," said Sakura, "I'm down!"

CJ sighed.

"Give me your resumé by tonight," said CJ, "I'll give it in tomorrow."

"Yaaaay!" said Sakura, "I get to work with CJ! It's gonna be sweet! We're gonna party and chow down on dropped burgers during our break!"

Sakura ran off to write up her resumé.

"I would have asked her to come work with me," began Lindsay, "But I know she hates office work."

"It's okay," said CJ, "I know she won't even last a day with me!"

"Let's bet on it," said Curt, "100 Bells says she'll quit after 1 day!"

"Grow up," said CJ.

* * *

Two days later, Sakura began her first day.

"Man," began Sakura, "Working on a Saturday on my first day? That sucks!"

"Why did you wait until now to say that?" asked CJ, "You got the call yesterday! You knew you were coming in today!"

"Whatevs," said Sakura, "This uniform itches...And it's gay!"

CJ rubbed his forehead.

"Look," he said "You're done you're training. You'll be on cash register duties for now."

"Right," said Sakura.

"If you need me," began CJ, "I'll be sweeping in the back."

Just then, a customer walked in. It was Alfonso.

"Welcome to Greas-E Burger," said Sakura, "How may I serve you?"

"Small fries," said Alfonso.

"Would that be all?" asked Sakura.

"Yes," said Alfonso, "And please go easy on the salt, I'm trying to watch my sodium intake."

"Aw, that sucks! How about our new Bacon and Cheese Clogulator?"

"Um, no I just want the fries. I'm watching the fishing tourney and I need some finger food."

"Finger food my ass! Don't make me prepare you a sandwich!"

"I don't need my cholesterol getting any higher! I read about how those clogulators mess up your digestive track!"

Sakura rubbed her head.

"Ahem," coughed CJ, "Is there a problem here?"

"You can't just come in here and order only fries!" said Sakura.

"Actually," began CJ, "Yes, you can, now give the man his fries so he can go watch his Fishing Tourney!"

"Thanks, CJ," said Alfonso, "You're a swell guy."

Sakura grumbled under her breath as she placed the fries inside the paper cup and handed it to Alfonso. Alfonso paid his bill and walked out.

"Just do your job," said CJ, "The last thing you want is to piss off Mr. Hopper!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

* * *

Later...

"That'll be two Bacon Blitzes," said Sakura, handing the bag to a customer, "Would you like fries with that?"

"I already asked for fries!" snapped the customer, a rhino named Spike, "The hell's wrong wit'cha?"

"Yeah, I know," said Sakura, chuckling, "I just really always wanted to say that. The fries are in the bag, sweetpea."

"What kinda people they hiring nowadays?" grumbled Spike has he grabbed the bag and walked out.

"Touchy..."

Next in line were the gruesome twosome.

"Cookie," said Sakura, coldly, "Limberg."

"Look Limberg!" said Cookie, "It's our friend Sakura! She finally got off her ass and found herself a job!"

"Ha," chuckled Limberg, as he tore open a pack a ketchup that spilled on his shirt.

"Ahem," coughed Sakura, "Welcome to Greas-E Burger, how may I take your order?"

"Hmmm..." said Cookie, "I don't know, Limberg, what do you suggest?"

"I don't know," said Limberg, "But that clogulator sure looks good!"

"Naah," said Cookie, "Maybe I'll have a salad. Or a fish sandwich!"

"Can you please hurry up?" asked Sakura, "You're holding the line!"

"No," said Cookie, "I can take as long as I want! I'm a customer and you're just an employee, so you gotta do whatever I ask and you can't get mad!"

Sakura gnashed her teeth in anger.

"I'll have a grilled cheese," said Cookie, "And my boyfriend here will have a double-decker clogulator."

Limberg began drooling.

"And make it snappy if you want a good tip!" snapped Cookie.

Sakura sighed as she approached the microphone.

"One double clogulator and a grilled cheese sandwich," she muttered.

"Actually," said Cookie, "Could you put bacon in my grilled cheese?"

Sakura approached the mic again.

"Make that a grilled cheese with bacon," she groaned.

When the food was ready, Sakura then grabbed the bag and prepared to hand it over to Cookie.

"On second thought," began Cookie, "I changed my mind. I want the chicken nuggets!"

"But you're sandwich is here!" said Sakura.

"You eat it then," said Cookie, "But get me my nuggets!"

"I know you're trying to piss me off," said Sakura, "So take the damn sandwich and get the hell outta here!"

"No," said Cookie, "Or I'll tell your manager that you spit on it!"

"I'll spit on your face, bitch!" snapped Sakura.

"Go ahead! I'd like to see you try!"

"Grrrr..."

Sakura then leapt over the counter and attempted to strangle Cookie. CJ arrived and broke them up.

"Enough!" snapped CJ.

"She started it!" said Sakura.

"Too bad," said CJ, "You don't fight with customers! Now get out, Cookie and Limberg!"

As the duo left, Cookie stuck her tongue out at Sakura.

"You're lucky Mr. Hopper was outside smoking," said CJ, "He didn't see any of this. Maybe you should take over my job for now. I'll do the register."

"Fine," grumbled Sakura.

Sakura grabbed CJ's mop and headed to the backroom, where she began to wipe the floor.

"Stupid Cookie and Limberg," muttered Sakura, "Trying to make me miserable on my first day on the job! I'll show them!"

As Sakura mopped, she looked up at a nearby shelf and saw a small tool.

"The mayonnaise gun!" said Sakura, "Oh yeah, I'm finally beginning to enjoy this job!"

Sakura dropped her mop and reached for the mayo dispenser.

"Oh yeah," she said, "Lay that warm stuff on me!"

She began to pour some mayonnaise into her mouth.

As Sakura indulged, a passing worker tripped on the fallen mop handle and went flying into another worker who was carrying a garbage bag. This caused the second worker to drop the bag, spilling rotten patties and stale coke all over the floor.

"Uh oh," said Sakura.

"Ms. Manaki!" boomed Mr. Hopper.

Mr. Hopper was the manager of Greas-E Burger. He was extremely grumpy and miserable middle-aged Macaroni Penguin wearing a suit.

"Uh, uh," began Sakura, hiding the dispenser behind her back, "Mr. Hopper, what a pleasant surprise."

"What's going on here?" demanded Mr. Hopper.

"Um," said Sakura, "Clumsy workers...?"

As Sakura spoke to Mr. Hopper, she did not realize that she was still holding the "trigger" of the mayonnaise gun. This cause a large amount of mayonnaise to spill on the floor behind her. A passing worker carrying a tray full of food slipped on the puddle of mayonnaise and fell to the floor. The tray he was holding flew through the air.

"I heard a noise," said CJ, entering the backroom, "What's going..."

The tray suddenly landed on CJ's head.

"CJ!" said Sakura.

As Sakura turned around, she accidentally squirted mayonnaise on Mr. Hopper's suit.

"Oops..."

* * *

"I have never seen a poorer performance!" snapped Mr. Hopper, "CJ, where the hell did you find this nincompoop?"

"She's err..." began CJ, "A friend..."

"Well," said Mr. Hopper, "I suggest you find yourself some better friends. I should fire you along with her!"

"Sir," began Sakura, "Please, it's all my fault! Don't fire him!"

"Don't worry," said Hopper, "I like CJ. He's not going anywhere this time. But I don't ever wanna see _you_ around here again!"

Sakura sighed and walked out of Hopper's office. CJ followed.

"Damnit," said CJ, "You almost got me in trouble!"

"Please," said Sakura, "I don't know what your boss has up his ass, but he needs to chill a bit!"

"Well," said CJ, "You better leave soon, or he's really gonna go off the edge!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "I didn't like this place anyways. I think I know where to go..."

* * *

"Oh yeah," said Curt, "You're gonna love working with us! I mean there's some work involved, but most of the time, we just try to look busy, and when the boss turns his back, we drink, smoke and chill."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I like the sound of this already!"

Curt showed Sakura around the toy factory where he worked before arriving at his work station. There were three other workers; Tom the cat, Kicks the Skunk, and Champ the Chimp.

"This is Sakura," said Curt, "It's her first day on the job, so be nice!"

"A girl?" said Kicks, who was holding a beer, "Bro, no offense, but I ain't comfortable with this!"

"Why?" asked Sakura, "I'd love to chill and hang out with you guys!"

"Don't take this the wrong way," began Champ, who was puffing on a cigar, "But you're a chick..."

"And not just any chick," added Tom, "An Asian chick! And it's a known fact that Asian chicks can't hold their liquor!"

"That's not true," said Sakura, "I have sake at practically every family gathering!"

"Alright," said Champ, holding a bottle to Sakura's face, "Prove it! Drink up!"

"Hellz yeah!" said Sakura, grabbing the bottle.

After a couple of beers, Sakura was smashed.

"So I says..." began Sakura, "So I says to the manager, 'I hate this job and I think you smell!'"

"Man," said Champ, "I love this chick! She should have started working here a long time ago!"

"Work?" said Curt, "Holy crap! We haven't done anything all day!"

"Dang," said Kicks, "Mr. Resetti will be here soon. We need to start the line!"

Everyone ran to their spots and began to work.

"Huh?" began Sakura, "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"We went over this," said Curt, "Just attach the arms to those action figures like this!"

Curt demonstrated.

"Sounds easy enough," said Sakura.

However, Sakura was still a little tipsy and struggled to perform the job well.

"Sakura," said Curt, "Hurry up! Your toys are piling up!"

"I can't do this!" said Sakura, "I need to stop the conveyor belt!"

Sakura then saw a big red button.

"Ah-ha!"

Sakura then pressed the button and the conveyor shut down.

"Sakura," began Curt, "What did you do?"

Just then, the foreman, Sonny Resetti, suddenly popped up behind Sakura.

"What's going on here?" he demanded.

"EEP!" yelped Sakura, "Um..."

"Who pressed the Reset button?" said Resetti as calmly as possible.

Everyone pointed at Sakura.

"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" yelled Mr. Resetti, "YOU RESET EVERY LINE IN THE WHOLE DAMN FACTORY!"

The four-foot tall, cigar-chomping, hardhat-wearing Sonny Resetti was the foreman of the toy factory where Curt worked, though he performed a number of other odd jobs around town as well, increasing stress levels for the poor mole. One of these included hosting the annual Groundhog Day celebration because according to Tortimer, he is "the closest thing to a groundhog living in this town". Resetti had an explosive temper, which resulted in various medical conditions such as headaches and high blood pressure.

"When that button is pressed," began Resetti, "Every conveyor belt in this whole factor shuts down! Do you have any idea how long it takes for them to start up again?"

Sakura shook her head.

"TWO HOURS!" yelled Resetti

"Yay!" said Curt, "That means extended lunch!"

His coworkers cheered.

"SHUT UP!" snapped Resetti, "That button is for emergencies only! Like a fire, or a machine overload! Whenever that alarm sounds I have to rush here as quickly as possible! Do you realize I was about to evacuate this damn place?"

"Sorry," said Sakura, lowering her head.

"Wait a minute," said Resetti, "That smell...Your breath...HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?"

"Well..."

"GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Resetti, "Oh God...Shortness of breath...Blood pressure...skyrocketing!"

"Is there anything I can do to help?" asked Curt.

"Yes..." began Resetti, "GET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I GET A HEART ATTACK!"

"Sorry, Sakura," said Curt, "But you gotta go."

"Hmph," said Sakura, "Well I didn't like it here anyways...This place smells funny!"

On the way out, Sakura pushed the reset button again.

"GAAAAAHHH!" screamed Resetti.

* * *

Later, Sakura and Lindsay discussed by the post office.

"I don't know what to tell you," said Lindsay, "No one ever said that job hunting was easy."

"Hey," said Sakura, "Maybe I can work with you at the call center!"

"No," said Lindsay, "I have a reputation to maintain."

"You think I'm incompetent?"

"Well...You got CJ in trouble and almost killed Curt's boss!"

"True..."

"Look, instead of looking to your friends to find you a job, try finding one on your own. Go out there, search the market, and if worse comes to worse, start your own business!"

"My own business?"

"Yeah, Animalia is a land of oppurtunities! There are plenty of businesses you can create to serve the residents of a small town like Hell!"

"Like?"

"I don't know. That's up to you! Listen, I have to go shopping. I'll catch you later!"

Lindsay ran off. As Sakura walked home she began to think.

"Start my own business..." pondered Sakura, "I wonder what I can do."

"Hey Sakura," said Sally the Squirrel, "Can you do me a favour?"

"Um," began Sakura.

"Can you deliver this laptop to Opal?" asked Sally, "She left it at my house last night and I don't have time to bring it."

"What do I look like to you, a delivery girl?"

"I'll pay you...How does 250 bells sound?"

"That's it!" exclaimed Sakura, "I got it!"

She began jumping up and down.

"I'll be a delivery girl!"

**To be continued...**


	6. Sakura's New Job Part II

**Sakura's New Job (Part II)**

The next day, CJ approached his mailbox to see what he got in the mail.

"Beep!" said the gyroid near his house, "You have one new message!"

"Play it," muttered CJ.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" a voice that sounded like Sakura's came out of the gyroid, "Just letting you know that Sakura Manaki has an all-new delivery service! Call me up and I'll transport whatever you want to whoever you want! No questions asked! Items starting at 200 bells, depending on the size (And tip generously)! Call now!"

CJ sighed. How long will this job last? As CJ looked around, he saw Sakura not too far from his house. She was stapling a flier to a tree.

"Sakura?" said CJ, approaching her, "What's with the whole delivery thing?"

"Like it?" asked Sakura, as she held up a flier, "It's a business that I started. I failed at every other job I did, so I figured I'd try this!"

"Well," said CJ, "You were never the one to follow authority, so I guess this is better for you. Are you sure you're up to the challenge?"

"Meh," said Sakura, "How hard can it be? Just pick shit up, bring somewhere else, collect my tip and bask in my hard-earned cash. No taxation, no worries!"

"Hmmm," said CJ, "Well just be careful what you deliver! Any customers yet?"

"This morning I delivered a package to Filbert," said Sakura, "It was the wrong item, but it got there in time!"

"Well, good luck. You're seriously gonna need it!"

CJ left.

"Hey!" snapped Sakura, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

As Sakura stapled another flier to the tree, a beehive fell out.

"EEEEEK!" she screamed, "BEES!"

Sakura ran for her life.

* * *

Later that evening, Sakura sat at her desk at home, writing in her diary:

"Dear diary," she began, "What the hell is 'Festive Season'? These animals celebrate stupidity like 'Mayor Day' and 'Explorer's Day' and shit like that but no Christmas? What are they out of their minds? Fuck this shit..."

Just then the phone rang.

"Hello," said Sakura, "Sakura's home delivery service, how may I help you?"

"It's me, Buzz!" said the voice on the phone.

"Buzz?" said Sakura, "Sweet! What's happening buddy?"

"Not much," replied Buzz, "Say, I saw one of your fliers, and I was wondering if you can deliver a package to a friend of mine."

As Buzz spoke on his wireless phone, he walked around his basement, which was full of planters containing marijuana plants.

"A package?" asked Sakura.

"Yes," said Buzz, stroking one of his plants, "Me and my friends are into the same 'hobby' and I was going to send him some of the 'stuff' to help get him started."

"What kind of stuff?" asked Sakura.

"It was to my understanding," began Buzz, "That there would be no questions asked..."

"Right," said Sakura, "Well where does this friend live?"

"Acre V-15"

"V-15? That's the other side of town!"

"I was gonna offer around 450 bells for the job...But I can always ask someone else."

"No, it's okay. I know where that is."

"Good, you can come pick it up tomorrow!"

"How about tonight? I've got nothing better to do at the moment!"

"Sweet! The package is all wrapped up and ready to go! Just come by when you can!"

Sakura hung up and ran out of her house. She pulled her old moped out of the garage and rode off to Buzz's house.

* * *

"Yeah," said Buzz handing his package over to Sakura, "Just take this and bring it to my friend, Chuck, in Acre V-15."

"And the money?" asked Sakura.

"I'll give it to you tomorrow," replied Buzz, "Where Chuck lives, it's not a good idea to be carrying a large amount of bells."

"Oh..." said Sakura.

"Good luck, and hurry! My friend is quite impatient!"

With that, Sakura took off. Along the way, she bumped into Curt, who was walking home after a long day at work.

"Where are you going?" asked Curt, "Oh, man! I haven't seen you ride that piece of junk in ages!"

"First of all, Curt," began Sakura, "It's not junk, it's how I used to get around when I was in high school. And secondly, I'm delivering a product for Buzz!"

"Buzz?" asked Curt, "Gee, I wonder what he's delivering..."

"Well, I can't look!" said Sakura, "I have a policy, you know!"

"Screw policy! Let's have a peek!"

"Buzz off! I got work to do!"

Sakura then drove off, eventually arriving at the house. It was late at night and the dirty, run down neighbourhood kind of creeped Sakura out. As Sakura got off the moped and walked to the house, she saw a group of guys smoking in an alley and staring at her.

"This guy better not be a weirdo," thought Sakura, as she knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" asked Chuck, opening the door ajar. Chuck was a large orange bull.

"It's me," replied Sakura, "I have your package."

"Oh, yeah!" said Chuck, "Yeah, yeah, yeah! That's right! The stuff I ordered! Gimme gimme!"

Sakura handed Chuck the package. He seemed nervous and kept the door partially closed as if he was trying to hide what was inside his house.

"Sweet," said Chuck, "Tip! I need to tip you! Maybe I can...Nah, she won't like that. Here are some coins. Take these and go! Go now!"

Chuck then slammed the door. Sakura examined the coins in the palm of her hand.

"That went well," she thought.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura received a phone call. She grumbled as she searched for the phone on her night table.

"Hello?" said Sakura.

"Hey, Sakura," said Buzz, cheerfully, "It's me, Buzz!"

"Oh," said Sakura, "Hi..."

"I just wanted to say great job! Chuck called me up last night to tell me how impressed he was with the delivery. No one's ever delivered a package that fast before!"

"Really?"

"Really! You deserve every bell you got. Speaking of which, you need to come get your money!"

"Right."

"And maybe while you're here, you can pick up another package for Chuck! How does 500 bells sound like this time?"

"I'll be right over!"

Sakura jumped out of bed and put her clothes on.

For the next couple of days, Sakura performed a number of deliveries for Buzz, mostly to around the area where Chuck lives. The packages were always small rectangular boxes covered in a white wrapping paper with nothing written on it. Sakura was really beginning to enjoy her job, especially since she was earning large amounts of money. The gang, however, were a little concerned.

"So," began Lindsay, "Where exactly is she delivering this stuff?"

"The bad side of town," replied Curt, "Even I stay away from there!"

"I'm concerned," said CJ, "God knows what's in those packages! Buzz is definitely up to something. I don't know how Sakura doesn't see it."

"She's just happy to make money!" said Curt.

"Damn," said CJ, "Here she comes!"

Sakura approached the gang, who were standing outside of CJ's house.

"Hey guys!" said Sakura, "I was at Nookington's this morning. I bought myself this cool new bracelet! Oh, I'm so excited!"

"Sakura..." began CJ.

Just then, Sakura's cell rang.

"Buzzy boy!" said Sakura answering, "How ya doin' man? Sweet! I'll be right there, dude!"

Sakura closed her phone.

"Sorry, guys," said Sakura, "Got another delivery to make. Bye!"

Sakura then ran off.

"Let's follow her," suggested Curt.

"Why?" asked Lindsay.

"Let's see what Buzz is up to," replied Curt.

* * *

From a distance, the gang watched as Buzz handed Sakura a package. After she took off, Buzz looked around before going inside.

"Now what?" asked CJ.

"Hold on," said Curt, "He's coming back out!"

Buzz opened the door and put on a jacket before shutting his door and walking off.

"He's probably on his way to Nookington's," said Lindsay.

"Great," said Curt, "Now, we can go inside!"

"What?" said CJ, "Are you crazy?"

"We need to see what he's up to," said Curt, "We'll check out his basement. That's where he usually conducts his plans!"

"Damn," said CJ, "Alright, but make this quick! If he catches us, we're dead!"

The trio ran to the house and began looking for an open window.

"How are we gonna do this?" asked Lindsay.

"Wait," said Curt, "Yes! I see an opening in the basement!"

Curt pointed to one of the basement windows on the ground. It was partially opened.

"We won't fit through that," said CJ.

"I'll try," said Curt, "Help me!"

Curt then pushed open the window and began to squeeze through. CJ and Lindsay grabbed Curt by the legs and helped push him through the tight space.

"I'm almost in," said Curt, "Holy crap!"

"What?" asked CJ.

"Buzz has a farm in here," said Curt, "A weed farm! There's tons of planters!"

"That must be Buzz's new 'hobby'," said CJ, "He's growing weed and having Sakura deliver it!"

"That...That meany!" snapped Lindsay, "But why?"

"Buzz is on probation," replied CJ, "He can't be caught with this stuff in public. Instead, he's using other people to do his dirty work!"

"Um, guys," began Curt, "Can you pull me back out? It's getting hard to breathe!"

CJ and Lindsay pulled with all their might, but to no avail.

"Damn, dude," said CJ, "Ease up on the candy!"

"Fuck you," snapped Curt.

Just then, Buzz walked into the basement.

"What the fuck?" said Buzz.

"Uh-oh," said Curt, "PULL! PULL! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

Curt began crying as Buzz ran up to Curt and pulled him through the window and into his basement.

"Don't worry, Curt," said Lindsay, "We'll rescue you!"

CJ and Lindsay ran to the front the entrance as Buzz grabbed the cowardly Curt up and held him up by the neck.

"GACK!" choked Curt, "Put me down you meany! ACK!"

CJ and Lindsay ran into the basement and approached Buzz.

"Listen Buzz," began CJ, "We're sorry about this! Please put Curt down!"

Buzz threw Curt to the floor...Hard.

"Oh," said Curt, "Look at all the stars! I'm going to take one home and make a wish!"

"There had better be a fucking explanation for this," yelled Buzz, "Why are you all in my house?"

"Because," replied CJ, "We know what you're up to!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Buzz.

"The drug ring," said Lindsay, "We know you hired Sakura to deliver all this pot you're growing so you can stay out of trouble!"

"That is proposterous!"

"Is is true?" said a voice.

The gang looked at the basement stairs and saw Sakura.

"The front door was open," she said, "What's going on?"

"These clowns are spying on me," said Buzz, "And no, I'm not asking Sakura to deliver my weed!"

Buzz then approached a door and opened it. A large bag filled with what appeared to be toy train parts sat inside the closet.

"Train parts?" asked Curt, approaching the door, "That's what Sakura's been delivering?"

"Yes," replied Buzz, "Building model trains is a new hobby of mine!"

"Dude," said Curt, "That's just gay!"

Buzz glared at Curt.

"EEP!" said Curt, cowering in fear.

"Come upstairs!" said Buzz, "I'll show you!"

Buzz then lead the gang to his bedroom, where he showed them a working train set.

"Sweet," said CJ.

"My friends all laughed at me when I told them about my new hobby," said Buzz, "But once they saw the train set, they became interested as well, and began asking me for some parts. I bought those parts from all around the country and sold them to my friends. Unfortunately, my new 'farm' in the basement has been keeping me busy, so I could no longer find time to deliver the parts to my friends. That's why I hired Sakura to do that for me!"

"But why all the secrecy?" asked Sakura.

"You saw how Curt reacted when I told the truth!" replied Buzz, "My friends are mostly drug dealers and are embarrassed about having a hobby like that. So they requested that I didn't tell anyone, not even the delivery person!"

"So I was never delivering drugs?" asked Sakura.

"I would never give anyone drugs," replied Buzz, "Unless they knew what they were getting into. Besides, until my probation is up, these plants are never leaving my basement."

"Wow," said CJ, "So I guess we overreacted. Sorry, buddy."

"Yeah," said Buzz, "Well, I should have been more honest with you guys. I hope we can keep doing business, though!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "That would be great!"

As the gang left the house, they discussed.

"Well," said Sakura, "I'm done working for today! Let's eat out. My treat!"

"First," began Curt, "You owe me!"

"For what?" asked Sakura.

"After the incident at the factory," began Curt, "The boss has been on our case more. Less time to chill, you know. Me and the boys have been talking about ways to get back at him..."

* * *

Sakura approached the home of Sonny Resetti and knocked on his door.

"What?" demanded the mole, as he chomped on his cigar.

"Delivery!" said Sakura.

"I didn't order any packages!" snapped Resetti.

"Well, it's addressed to you."

Resetti opened the package and looked inside. There was a huge, stinkin' dog turd inside.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Resetti, causing the cigar to fly out of his mouth, "GROSS! Why I oughta..."

"Don't look at me," said Sakura, "I'm just doing my job. Your sender's phone number is on the package."

Resetti read the number on the package before running to his telephone.

"Hello?" said Cookie over the phone.

"YOU!" yelled Resetti, "YOU DARE PULL A PRANK ON ME!"

"Um, what?" asked Cookie.

"I am going to hunt you down and BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT! HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME! I'M GONNA..."

From a distance, Curt listened in on the tirade.

"Brilliant!" he said, "Absoloutely brilliant!"

"Thank you," said Sakura, who approached Curt.

"Two birds with one stone!" said Curt, "I guess everyone got what they deserved in the end!"

The duo then laughed and walked away.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for the next episode, where the gang find themselves in a real pickle...


	7. Molested Development

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 4: Molested Development**

Yet another day in the life of our favourite Hellians, Sakura, CJ, Curt and Lindsay. Today, the gang were heading over to Snake's house for a dinner party. He invited not only all his friends, but also his family from outside of town. Sounds harmless, right?

There was Snake's mother, Anna Bunyip, a sweet and caring lady, his father, Andrew Bunyip, a stern, but loveable man, and his sister, Sofina Bunyip. All of his family were pink rabbits, and Snake was disappointed that he received the "Pink Fur" gene as well. That might explain why he always wears dark sweatshirts...

The gang approached Snake's door and knocked. It was Snake's mother who answered.

"Oh!" said Anna, "You must be Gordon's friends! Come on in!"

"Gordon?" asked Curt, "That's Snake's real name?"

"He still calls himself that dreadful nickname?" sighed Anna, "I thought he outgrew it by now."

The gang entered the house. It was a pretty big place with lots of exotic stuff. The table was all set and Poncho and Alfonso were already there and playing some _X-Box 360._

"Geez!" said Poncho, "What took you so long?"

"Lindsay was taking forever to comb her hair," replied Curt.

"Shut up, Curt!" snapped Lindsay.

At that moment, Sofina came downstairs.

"Snake," began Sofina, "You're out of toilet paper...Oh!"

"Damn," said Curt, "Who's that hot piece of ass?"

"Um," began CJ, "Snake's sister, I guess."

"Yeah," said Curt, "I'd tap that. I'd totally tap that! Even if she looks like the Easter Bunny!"

"Enough!" said CJ, "Um, hi! You must be Sofina. I'm CJ."

"I'm Curt!" said Curt, "But you can call me whatever you want, baby!"

"And I'm Lindsay!" said Lindsay.

"Nice to meet you guys," said Sofina, "I'm Sofina!"

"Oh my God!" Sakura, "Sofina?"

"Sakura," said CJ, "Please..."

"What the fuck kind of name is Sofina?" said Sakura, "What was her mother thinking?"

"Sakura!" said CJ through his teeth.

"Her mother's a lez..."

"Yes," began Poncho, "Now that we've all introduced ourselves, can we please eat? I'm starving!"

* * *

They all went to eat. The food was delicious and they had some good conversations. Sofina was quiet for most of the meal.

"After swallowing all that toothpaste," began Curt, "The doctor told me I might die. I sure proved that son-of-a-bitch wrong!"

"Um, yes," said Anna, "What an exhilirating conversation..."

"Please!" continued Curt, "You haven't even heard about that time I took part in that in an eggnog drinking contest..."

"Curt!" snapped Lindsay, "Some of us are still eating!"

"So, how does anyone here take part in the stalk market?" asked Andrew.

"The stock market?" said CJ, "Not interested in Wall Street."

"No," said Andrew, "The _Stalk _market. You know, where you buy turnips and sell them for money? The other day I made 380 bells off of it!"

"My husband's quite the capitalist!" said Anna proudly.

"_That's_ what you do with turnips?" said Curt, "I thought you were supposed to plant them and grow turnip trees!"

"That's Curt for you," sighed Sakura.

Everyone laughed.

"Hey Snake," said Poncho, "I dare you to shove an ice cube down your pants!"

"What the fuck?" said Snake, "That's lame man!"

"Two ice cubes..."

"What?"

"Three!"

"Okay!"

Snake pulled some ice cubes from her glass and shoved them down his pants.

"Oooooh..." said Snake, "That just feels so wrong!"

"Gordon!" said Anna, "We have guests! Stop that!"

At the other side of the table, CJ sat next to Sofina.

"What's wrong, Sofina?" asked CJ, "You haven't said anything."

"I'm alright," she replied.

"So what do you do for a living?" asked CJ.

"I'd rather not talk about that now," Sofina said.

"Um," began CJ, "Okay..."

CJ then accidently knocked his glass over, causing water to spill all over Sofina's lap.

"Whoops!" said CJ, "Sorry!"

CJ then grabbed his napkin and began to wipe her crotch.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" demanded Sofina.

"What?" said CJ, "I was just cleaning up..."

"Pervert!" snapped Sofina, "First you harrass me then you touch me?"

Everyone looked at her.

"Get away from me, freak!"

Sofina then ran from the table and headed upstairs.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Curt, "I mean, yeah, she's hot and all, but even I have standards!"

"Sofina..." chuckled Sakura, "What a fucked-up name!"

"Sweetie..." said Anna.

Anna ran upstairs to try to comfort Sofina.

"Dude," said Poncho, "What the fuck did you do?"

"I don't know!" replied CJ, "I just tried to clean up a little spill and..."

"Don't worry aout it," said Snake, "She's just a little stressed out from college and stuff. She'll be fine tomorrow."

After supper, the gang said goodbye and left. They did not see Sofina again that night.

* * *

The next day, CJ woke up. He went to the bathroom, showered and washed up, then headed to the kitchen. Just as he was about to eat, there was a knock at the door. CJ answered.

"Mr. Christopher Jones?" said Copper.

"Um, yes?" said CJ.

"I am sorry to inform you," Copper began, "But you you are being sued for sexual harrasment."

CJ's jaw dropped...Literally.

"You are expected to show up in court tomorrow," said Copper.

"But, who's suing me?" asked CJ.

"Sofina Bunyip," he replied.

Copper then handed CJ a form and left.

This was officially the worst day of CJ's life. Even worse than when he fell asleep during his high school graduation. Even worse than when he fell asleep while giving a toast during his brother's wedding. Even worse than when he fell asleep while being treated for narcolepsy at the doctor. Well, you get the picture. Anyways, once CJ's brain processed what Copper had told him, he called up his friends and told them the news.

"Dude! That's whack!" said Curt over the phone, "I knew Sofia was nuts, but I didn't think she was that nuts!"

"Dude, it's _Sofina_!" said CJ.

"Yeah, well, it's always the pretty ones who are nuts! I'll be right over!"

The whole gang came over.

"What are we gonna do?" ask Sakura.

"Let's egg her house!" suggested Curt.

"Um, Curt," began Lindsay, "She's staying with Snake."

"Um," said Curt, "Let's egg Cookie's house and blame it on Sonifa!"

"That's not gonna do anything, Curt," said Lindsay, "And it's Sofina! SOFINA!"

"Listen," began Sakura, "We have to be serious about this!"

"I say you should just go to court tomorrow and straighten things out," recommended Lindsay.

"But I'll need a lawyer," said CJ.

"Oh!" said Curt, "I know!"

"No!" snapped CJ, "We're not hiring Buzz!"

"Damn!" muttered Curt.

"I think I know someone," said Sakura, "He's not too bright, but he's cheap..."

* * *

The first day of trial. CJ stood outside the courtroom waiting for his lawyer. At that moment, a large rhino with short green hair arrived.

"Hi," he said, "You must be CJ!"

"Are you my lawyer?" asked CJ.

"Yes," replied the Rhino, "My name is Tank."

"Um," began Curt, "Why do you have a piece of lettuce stuck to your head?"

"That's my hair," said Tank.

"Oh," said Curt.

"So how much experience do you have?" asked CJ.

"I almost made it in to Harvard," replied Tank, "But I had to drop out due to a speed addiction. I then had my friend make me a fake University diploma!"

"But you've had trials before, right?" asked Sakura.

"Oh yeah," said Tank, "Plenty. Good thing I always know which lawyers to hire!"

"Oh, God!" said CJ, "I'm so screwed!"

"Don't worry, CJ," said Sakura, "We'll get through this!"

"Let's head inside," said Tank.

They then headed inside the courtroom. Among the people in the room were the Sable Sisters, Buzz, and of course, Cookie and Limberg, who sat at the back laughing at CJ's misfortune.

"Please rise," said a guard, "For the honourable Judge Rhoda."

Rhoda, a large blue chicken, approached the Judge's stand and banged her gavel. Everyone sat.

"How does the defendent plea?" asked Rhoda.

"Not guilty," replied CJ.

"Not Guilty?" replied Tank, "Damn! I was hoping you would plea Guilty. That would have made things easier!"

CJ slapped his head.

"Um, your honour?" said Tank, "Can we please have a brief recess?"

"The court has just begun!" said Rhoda.

"Nevermind," said Tank, sitting down.

At the other side, CJ could see Sofina and her lawyer.

"Your honour," began Sonfina's lawyer, "I believe Mr. Jones is a dangerous offender."

"Hey fuck you!" snapped Sakura, "CJ's a nice guy!"

"Order!" yelled Rhoda, "Order!"

Sofina then whispered something into the lawyer's ear.

"Alright," said the lawyer, "The prosecution demands 100 000 bells in damages and also requests that CJ attend a sex rehabilitation program!"

"_You_ should be in rehab, bitch!" snapped Sakura, "'Cause you're clearly on crack!"

"Sakura," said Sofina, "Please!"

"Fuck you!" said Sakura, "Ima beat yo ass!"

"If you don't shut up, miss," began Rhoda, "I will have you thrown out."

"Whatever..." mumbled Sakura

CJ rubbed his forehead. This was going to be a long trial...

* * *

CJ was released on bail after his friends put their money together. Life in the town of Hell became tough. There were Cookie and Limberg (and the other dumbasses, Octavian and Wolfgang) laughing at him, of course. However, the whole town began to distrust CJ. People gave him weird stares, and sometimes shouted out comments. Despite the odds against him, CJ hoped that this whole thing will be done and over with.

One example involves CJ's trip to town hall for a meeting. Tortimer Von Tortimer was the mayor of Hell for the past 60 years, succeeding only his father, and his father before him. Despite being over 80, Tortimer was still pretty sharp...Well, actually, he was clueless and pretty senile, but the townspeople still loved him. After all, no one ever ran against him for decades.

Anyways, back to the story...

"I am planning to build a bridge between acre D-5 and acre L-10," began Tortimer.

"Um, sir," said one of Tortimer's bodyguards, "It says 'F-6', not 'L-10'."

"Damn you!" snapped Tortimer, "I know what it says! Now who wants that Got-Dang bridge? All in favor say 'Oy'!"

"Sir," said the bodyguard, "It's 'Aye'."

"Dagnabbit! Just raise your hands!"

About half the people raised their hands.

"All those who oppose..." began Tortimer.

"Mayor Tortimer," said CJ, rising from his seat, "I propose that the bridge be built in acre B-9. There aren't enough..."

"B-9?" said Tortimer, "Bah, humbug! Why should I listen to a pervert like you?"

"Sir," said CJ, "I think it's more practical..."

Tortimer placed his fingers in his ears.

"Not listening! La! La! La! La! La!"

"Sir," pleaded CJ, "Please listen..."

"Or, what?" demanded Tortimer, "You'll touch me inappropriatley?"

"What?" said CJ.

People then started screaming and shouting bad comments at CJ. The next thing he knew, he was being pelted with garbage. CJ sat down and shut up.

* * *

The next day, at Snake's house, Snake had a heartfelt discussion with his sister, Sofina.

"I don't understand, Sofina!" said Snake, "He's my friend! How could you do this?"

"He touched me!" said Sofina, "What am I supposed to do?"

"But it was an accident!" said Snake, "CJ's a really nice guy! You should have tried to get to know him!"

"That's right!" said Sofina, "Everytime someone touches me innapropriatley, it's an accident!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Snake.

"I don't want people to see me as a sex toy. I want to stand up for once..."

"Sis, is there something you're not telling me?"

"Listen, I gotta go now."

"Wait..."

"I have to go to court now..."

Sofina walked out the door quickly. Snake did not follow. He loved his sister more than anything else in the world, and he hated to see her suffer. Snake knew that there was something more to these sexual harrasment allegations than meets the eye...

**To be continued...**


	8. Molested Development Part II

**Molested Developpment (Part II)**

There was a lot of tension in the courtroom as many restless people sat in the pews, anxiously waiting for outcome of the trial. One thing was for sure here: CJ's reputation was at stake.

"Your honour," said Sofina's lawyer, approaching the stand, "We will now see just how 'safe' a person CJ really is."

Sofina's lawyer walked up to a TV set and popped a tape into the VCR. The tape contained footage from CJ's workplace. In it, it appeared that CJ was bending down and looking up a female employee's skirt. A chorus of "Oooh's" filled the courtroom.

"Objection!" yelled Tank, "Clearly, CJ is picking up a tomato that he dropped. It's not his fault that his coworker overreacted!"

"The tomato is just an excuse, your honour," said Sofina's lawyer, "See? He's playing the 'clumsy pervert' act!"

CJ buried his face into his hands.

"Withdrawn!" said Rhoda.

"Damn!" snapped Tank.

Sofina's lawyer then played another video.

"Here," began the lawyer, "We see another 'incident' regarding CJ."

In the video, CJ goes to the post office and asks Pelly for a safe. He then opens the safe, revealing a secret stash of dirty magazines.

"Objection!" yelled Tank.

"What is it now, Mr. Tank?" asked Rhoda, impatiently.

"There's nothing wrong with having a secret porn stash. I have one, and I'm a halfway decent person!"

"Objection!" said Sofina's lawyer, "That rhino is a monster and I have the evidence to prove it!"

"Wait," said CJ, "Aren't I the one on trial here?"

"Agreed," said Rhoda, banging her gavel, "Tank, we'll deal with you later!"

"Listen, your honour," said Tank, "CJ may have a porn stash, but at least he keeps it in the bank instead of at home where, um, little children or pets could stumble upon it..."

"Mr. Tank..." began Rhoda.

"Yes?"

"Shut the fuck up. There is no hope for you or CJ."

"Sorry, your honour. Can we please have a recess?"

"Sure, why the hell not?"

Rhoda banged her gavel.

"Sweet!" said Tank, "Alright, CJ, you're on your own now!"

"What?" asked CJ.

"You heard me," said Tank, "Don't worry, though. You have until tomorrow to find a replacement!"

Tank then charged out of the courtroom. CJ's friends gathered around him.

"Hey, motherfucker!" called Sakura, "Get back here!"

"No, he's right," said CJ, "I'm hopeless. I'm a goddamn pervert and nothing can change that! I belong in rehab!"

"What are you saying?" asked Lindsay.

"Tomorrow," began CJ, "I'll plead guilty. Maybe they'll go easy on me."

CJ then walked out of the courtroom. Curt followed him. Pretty soon, the whole room was empty.

"This is terrible!" said Lindsay, "I've never seen CJ this down before."

"We have to find some way to clear him up!" said Sakura.

* * *

Some time after leaving the courtroom, Sakura and Lindsay encountered Buzz outside. He was carrying a laptop.

"Hey, Buzz!" said Sakura, "What's happening? Why weren't you at court today?"

"Hi!" said Buzz, "As much as I'd like to stay and chat, I can't. I'm a little busy today."

"What's with the laptop?"

"It's just a new 'hobby' of mine..."

"Hobby?" asked Lindsay.

"Yeah!" replied Buzz.

Buzz then showed them the laptop. It was displaying the homepage of a porno website.

"Ewwww!" said Lindsay.

"Ha!" chuckled Buzz, "It's a porn site! I made it myself!"

"Buzz," said Sakura, "That is so gross!"

"Gross? Maybe. But, you should know that amateur porn is the new thing nowadays! As long as you got a camera and an ad on _Craigslist_, you're all set!"

"There are no, um, fetishes...Are there?" asked Lindsay.

"Hell, no!" boomed Buzz, "Just pics of hot college girls! Rrrrrrrrr..."

He then showed the laptop again. As Sakura looked through it, she noticed something interesting.

"Who's that girl?" asked Sakura.

"Her?" asked Buzz, "That's 'Sexy Sofina'!"

"Sofina Bunyip!" said Sakura.

"Really?" asked Lindsay.

"Shit!" said Buzz, "I didn't recognize her with all that make-up!"

"When were these taken?" asked Lindsay.

"A few months ago," replied Buzz, "When I was out of town scouting colleges."

Sakura couldn't believe it. Sofina, the girl who accused CJ of being a pervert was a porno model. (And a hot one at that). Anyways, with this new piece of information, Sakura needed to talk to CJ.

"Buzz," she began, "Can I borrow your laptop?"

"Sure," replied Buzz, "Be careful with it!"

"Lindsay," began Sakura, "I'm gonna go to CJ's house and see if he's there! Go find Curt!"

Lindsay nodded.

Laptop in hand, Sakura ran all over town looking for CJ. Along the way, Sakura egged Cookie's house, helped Cheri find the napkin she lent Wolfgang, and stopped by the wishing well to recieve some wisdom. Eventually, she headed to CJ's house. She slowly opened the door and looked inside.

"CJ?" called Sakura.

Silence.

"CJ," repeated Sakura, "Are you home?"

Sakura suddenly heard a noise. She ran upstairs as fast as she could. When she opened the door, she saw a disturbing sight.

"CURT!" yelled Sakura, "SOFINA!"

There, on CJ's bed, was Curt and Sofina having hot sex.

"Oh!" said Curt, "Sakura! I wasn't expecting you..."

"Holy shit!" yelled Sofina.

"I demand an explanation!" ordered Sakura, "Fucking crap! I need to sit down for a sec..."

Sakura then sat down on a nearby chair and took some deep breaths. Curt stood up. He was completely naked. He grabbed some pants and put them on. Sofina grabbed the bedsheets and wrapped them around her nude body.

"Alright," he began, "Let me explain..."

"What the fuck are you doing in CJ's house with Sofina?" demanded Sakura.

"This isn't your house?" asked Sofina.

"Um..." began Curt.

"You fucking lied to me!" snapped Sofina, throwing a pillow at Curt's head.

"You told Sofina you lived here?" asked Sakura.

"I couldn't take her to my real house," said Curt, "It's a disaster area!"

"Why the hell were you getting it on with her in the first place?"

"I bumped into Buzz earlier and he showed me the internet pictures. I went to Sofina to confront her, but..."

"But what?"

"She is too damn hot! I couldn't turn down the oppurtunity to do it with an internet porn star!"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Men," she said, "How typical!"

"Listen, Sakura," said Sofina, "I'm sorry I caused so much grief for you and your friends."

"You better be sorry, you bitch!" snapped Sakura.

"Hey! Shut the fuck up! What's your problem?"

"Your face!"

"Real mature."

"If I had a cock, I'd tell you to suck it!"

"That's it!"

Sofina charged at Sakura at the two were soon rolling around on the floor. During the fight, the bedsheet came off of Sofina's body and she was completely naked.

"Damn!" said Curt, "This is one hot bitchfight!"

Just then, CJ walked in. He ran up to the two girls and seperated them.

"I'm gonna need a fucking explanation for this!" yelled CJ.

"This whore," began Sakura, "Was having sex in your bedroom with Curt over here, and then she started attacking me!"

"Alright," said CJ, "What's with the laptop?"

CJ picked up the laptop that fell on the floor and began to look at it. He saw the nude images of Sofina.

"Damn!" he said, "What a rack!"

Sakura snatched the laptop from CJ.

"You fucking dumbasses!" snapped Sakura, "Are none of you aware of this situation?"

"Listen," began Sofina, putting on a shirt, "I'll drop the charges on you, CJ, if you promise not to show the laptop to the anyone. Especially not my brother."

"Hmmm..." said CJ, "I don't know."

"Say 'no!'" said Sakura, "Let's teach this bitch a lesson!"

"Alright, listen up!" announced CJ, "I won't show this to anyone as long as you forget this whole incident ever happened and if you stop doing dirty websites. You're worth much more than that!"

"Thanks," Sofina blushed.

Sofina grabbed the rest of her stuff and began to leave the house.

"Hey, Sofina!" called Curt.

Sofina turned around.

"Call me!"

"Not after you lied to me!" said Sofina, "Oh, and you suck in the sack!"

Sofina ran out, leaving an embarassed Curt behind.

"What are you all standing around here for?" said CJ, "Get the fuck out of my house!"

Sakura and Curt gathered up their stuff and left the house. CJ then ran to his home computer and began to look up more pictures of Sofina.

* * *

Later that day at Nook's store, Sakura, who was looking around for some stuff, ran into Lindsay.

"So," began Lindsay, "What happened with CJ?"

"Everything's alright," said Sakura, "He's off the hook and he's going to Snake's house so his family can apologize before they leave."

"This was really a scary time for CJ," said Lindsay, "I hope he's okay."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "He'll be fine."

Nook then approached them.

"Need help, ladies?" he asked.

"We're fine, Nook," said Sakura.

"To think," began Nook, "I tried to get CJ banned from my store!"

"That's not nice!" said Lindsay.

"Exactly!" said Nook, "I feel bad for having done that. But now that he's off the hook, I plan on giving him some congratulatory coupons. You know, to say 'sorry.'"

"Um, thanks I guess," said Sakura, "I'll take them for CJ."

"You are truly a good friend to CJ!" said Nook.

Nook then turned around to leave, but bumped into a woman carrying a drink. The drink spilled all over her dress.

"Oops!" said Nook, "Let me get that!"

Nook pulled out a cloth and began to wipe her blouse.

"AHH!" screamed the woman, "Sexual harassment! Help! Help!"

"NO!" called Nook, "I'm sorry!"

The woman ran away and Nook immediately chased her.

"Here we go again..." sighed Sakura.

And that's it! More episodes on the way, so keep tuning in every week!


	9. Amazing Gracie

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 5: Amazing Gracie**

Sakura walked around the Able Sisters' shop, looking for cool new patterns. Sakura appreciated the unique designs and cheap prices that you couldn't otherwise find at Nook's store.

"That is a nice pattern," recommended Mabel, "Want to try it on?"

"Please say no," pleaded Sable, who was at her usual spot behind the sewing machine, "I really want to go on break now, but we can't if we're entertaining customers."

"Geez," said Sakura, "As if you ever entertain anyone!"

"Anyways..." continued Mabel.

"No," replied Sakura, "It's alright, I'm good for today. I'll check in tomorrow!"

"The store will be closed tomorrow," said Mabel, "For a special occasion!"

"And what would that be?" asked Sakura.

"Gracie the fashion designer is coming to Hell!"

"So?"

"This is a huge deal! Gracie is Animalia's leading fashion designer and one of my idols!"

"Yeah," added Sable, "And an evil, wretched whore!"

"She's coming to Hell to do a fasion show!" continued Mabel, "I'm so excited!"

"So I guess you'll be attending the show?" asked Sakura.

"The show, plus the welcoming...The townspeople are putting on a big event for her arrival."

"All that money," began Sable, "Wasted on such a worthless creature..."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Well, sounds interesting, though I honestly don't see why someone so famous would be coming to such a small, shitty town. Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow!"

Sakura ran out of the store and headed home. Along the way, she bumped into Lindsay.

"Oh, Sakura!" said Lindsay, "Did you hear? Gracie is coming to town tomorrow!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "I know! Everyone's been making such a big deal about it all day! She's doing some kind of fashion show or something."

"Yeah, but did you know that she's doing a model search as well?"

"A what?"

"She's looking for some small-town girls to join her entourage of models. You get to travel the country and participate in fashion shows, showing off Gracie's new clothing line!"

"Why would anyone want to be a model? Sure you get paid a lot, but I don't see how it could be fun!"

"People all around the world get to see you! You have a team of make-up artists and wardrobe experts making sure you look pretty all the time! And I kinda would like to be a part of that..."

"Lindsay...Don't tell me you signed up for this shit!"

"Well, it's free to participate. I suggest you try it too!"

"Listen, I know I'll never get picked, and I don't mean any offense, but I highly doubt Gracie would even be interested in you. You're pretty, but you're not snooty like those fashion model types. Besides, we're humans. Gracie wouldn't want us in her little animal entourage."

"True," Lindsay lowered her head, "But I still wanna try!"

"Alright, fine," said Sakura, "I'll sign up for this shit too...To back you up and whatnot! Where do we sign up?"

"Nook's," replied Lindsay.

* * *

"Welcome to Nookington's!" boomed Nook, "Feel free to browse, but try not to carouse, ho ho ho!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "Save it, Nook! I'm here to sign up for the fashion thingie!"

"Well," began Nook, "You're just in time, because there are only two spots left!"

"Make that one..." said a voice.

Sakura, Lindsay, and Nook turned their heads to the counter, where they saw Cookie scribbling her name into the sign-up book.

"Cookie!" said Sakura.

"There's no way Gracie would pick a couple of stupid humans to be models," said Cookie, "Besides, I'm the prettiest girl in town! This contest is mine! "

"Grrr..." said Sakura, "Give me a pen, Nook!"

"I'm sorry," said Nook, "Someone ran off with all my pens."

"Alright, then," began Sakura, "Cookie, can I borrow yours?"

"Sure," replied Cookie, handing over her pen.

Sakura attempted to sign the book, but it turned out there was no ink left in the pen.

"Damn you, Cookie!" snapped Sakura, "I'm going to kill you, bitch!"

"Tee-hee!" chuckled Cookie, who then ran out of the store.

"I got a pen...pen!" said Timmy and Tommy Nookling, who ran downstairs together, "Here you go...go!"

Both twins held up pens.

"I only need one," said Sakura.

"She wants mine," said Timmy.

"Nuh-uh," said Tommy, "She wants mine!"

The twins began fighting on the floor.

"Nook," said Lindsay, "Do something!"

"Nah," said Nook, "I'll just let them tire themselves out."

"Good enough for me," said Sakura, picking up one of the pens the twins dropped.

Sakura then signed the registration form and smiled.

* * *

The next day, everyone in town was preparing for Gracie's arrival. Several animals gathered around the train station to welcome the famous fashion designer. In between the crowd were two sets of velvet rope that made a path from the train station to the back of the crowd. Mayor Tortimer stood at the front of the crowd along with a bodyguard.

"Tell me again," began Curt, "Why are we here?"

"Because," replied Sakura, "Lindsay and I applied for the Gracie's model search and it is important we show our faces at Gracie's arrival."

"Ha," laughed Curt, "Right. Good luck with that!"

"Thanks for your support, asshole!" snapped Sakura.

"Ahem," Tortimer cleared his throat, "Thank you for gathering here today at the unveilling of Hell's newest hairdressing school! We are proud..."

A bodyguard whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"Gracie?" asked Tortimer, "Got-dangit! Ahem, We are proud to welcome Gracie to our town. She is a very important person, so everyone must do their part to make Hell as welcoming as possible!"

Just then the train arrived. Everyone watched anxiously as it came to a stop and the Porter rushed to the middle train car and opened the door. Gracie the Giraffe slowly stepped out from the car with two male Giraffe bodyguards by her side.

"Oh," she said, "It feels so great to be on solid ground again. That train ride was so bumpy!"

"Um, yes," said Tortimer, "Welcome to our lovely village!"

"Ew," said Gracie, "Who the hell are you?"

"That's the Mayor, miss," said one of her bodyguards.

"Oh," said Gracie, embarassed, "Thank you very much, Mr. Mayor. It is such a pleasure to be in your beautiful town! I love you all!"

Everyone in the crowd cheered as she blew kisses.

"She seems like a total bitch," muttered Sakura, "I don't know why I agreed to be a part of her freak show!"

"Because of Cookie?" said Lindsay.

"Oh right," said Sakura, eyeing Cookie from across the crowd.

"Ms. Gracie," called Tom Nook, "Ms. Gracie!"

Tom Nook approached Gracie. Her bodyguards stepped in his way.

"My name is Thomas Edward Nooklittle," said Nook, "I am the town shopkeeper and a huge fan. I carry all your items in my store!"

"Oh," said Gracie, moving her bodyguards aside, "Good for you. Here's a signed photo."

One of the bodyguards handed Nook a photo of Gracie with her signature on it.

"Weirdo," muttered Gracie as she moved away from Nook.

Just then, a bunch of animals surrounded Gracie and began asking her for autographs, but her bodyguards pushed them back.

"Ms. Gracie is tired now," said one of the bodyguards.

"She will not be doing anymore signings today," said the other.

Gracie then moved to the end of the velvet rope path where a limousine waited.

"Wait," called Tortimer, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Oh, yes," began Gracie, "Don't forget! At five o'clock today, the show begins! I expect all of the prettiest girls in town to be there! Ta-ta!"

Gracie stepped inside the limo which then drove off.

"Come on Lindsay," said Sakura, grabbing Lindsay by the hand, "Let's go to the Able Sisters's! We gotta get ready!"

* * *

"Ohh," said Mabel, "You girls are going to look so pretty once I finish the stitching!"

"Oh, cruel world," said Sable, who was working in her usual spot, "When will my day come?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "That girl needs help..."

"I'm getting nervous," said Lindsay, "I'm not sure if I could go through with this anymore!"

"Don't worry," said Sakura, "It'll be fine. Just go up there and be yourself! You're pretty, smart, and you can rock any dress!"

"Thanks," said Lindsay, "You're a great friend!"

"Almost done!" said Mabel, who was sticking pins into Lindsay's dress.

"Hey, Mabel," said Lindsay, "When did you get those things?"

Sakura pointed at a group of mannequins on the display window.

"Those?" asked Mabel, "I bought them yesterday, dirt cheap! Tee-hee! Hopefully they'll be good for business."

"Mannequins are always good for business," said Sakura, "Look at all those _Old Navy _commercials!"

"How I despise those commercials..." muttered Sable, as she stood up from her sewing machine.

"How come, sis?" asked Mabel.

"Because," began Sable, "Those commercials paint this overly-happy, optimistic image of our current state of equal rights! In those ads, we see a utopia where humans and mannequins live in near-perfect harmony, when the sad reality is that the mannequins we know are and will always be our subordinates, doomed to spend their entire existence as mere promotional tools in our capitalist machine!"

"Um..." said Sakura.

"Now," began Sable, "If you'll excuse me, it's four o'clock, and I must go take my Vicodin.

"Vicodin?" asked Sakura, "What for?"

"To numb the pain," replied Sable, "Of existence..."

Sable then walked off.

"Oh, Sable," said Mabel, "She can be so silly sometimes."

* * *

Later that evening, the model search began. It was a beautiful, clear night and over one hundred villagers gathered outside town hall where a large stage was set was set up. Gracie sat at a judge's table to the left of the stage along with an effeminate male skunk with a faux-hawk and a large gorilla in a pink tuxedo. Gracie looked very bored.

Tortimer cleared his throat and approached his podium, which was at the right side of the stage.

"Welcome to Hell's first ever model search!" said Tortimer, "The participants who signed up will step up on the stage and demonstrate why they would be should work for Gracie! At the end, Gracie will announce the winner and that person will sign a one-year modelling contract with the famed fashion designer!"

Everyone clapped and cheered.

"Before we begin," continued the mayor, "The children of Hell Elementary School have prepared a small performance for our visitors! I hope you enjoy them!"

A group of students stepped onto the stage. They were all very small and dressed up in band uniforms. Each student held an instrument. Timmy and Tommy Nookling were among the students performing. Timmy was on bass and Tommy was on clarinet.

"1, 2, 3," said the conductor, an elderly female sheep.

The children began playing. The music was mediocre at best.

"Those are my boys," whispered Nook to the person seated next to him, "I'm so proud!"

"Uh-huh," replied the other guy, not really giving a crap.

"Ew," said Gracie, "Look at those ragamuffins. Those outfits are atrocious! And they suck! Is this their idea of entertainment?"

"Give them a break," said the gorilla, "They're kids..."

"Yeah," added Gracie, "And I'm a famous fashion designer, dammit!"

Once the performance was done, everyone in the audience cheered. Gracie and the judges gave a standing ovation, before quickly sitting back down.

"Glad that's over," muttered Gracie.

"Thanks to Hell Elementary for that, er, stunning performance," said Tortimer, "Now, let us begin the model search!"

"Number 1," said the announcer, "Cheri..."

The first female model stepped up on the stage. One-by-one, Gracie watched as the aspiring models stepped up and presented themselves.

"Number 30," said the announcer, "Cookie Dogbreath..."

Cookie stepped up and began struttung her stuff.

"My name is Cookie," said Cookie, "But you can call me sweetie...Tee-hee!"

"Woot!" yelled Limberg from the audience, "You go girl!"

"I'd make the perfect model," said Cookie, "Just hire me and see for yourself!"

"Uggh," shuddered Gracie, "She's too...perky! God, I hate people like that. I'm beginning to think I made a mistake coming to this place."

"Number 31," said the announcer, "Lindsay Hunter..."

Lindsay stepped up on stage in a long, pink dress. Gracie suddenly perked up.

"A human?" asked Gracie, "Are you serious?"

"Humans are a large minority in Animalia," said the skunk, "Nothing wrong with this picture!"

"Yes," said Gracie, "But they all live in the cities! A human in a small town like this...Well, let's just say things are looking good!"

"What's the big deal with humans anyways?" asked the gorilla.

"We need more humans," said Gracie, "But not those stuck-up city ones. Like this girl. Humble, small-town goodness! We need to promote my line to a larger demographic! More customers, more money!"

"True," said the gorilla.

Next (and last) up was Sakura.

"Another one?" asked Gracie, "I hit the jackpot!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Um, hi!"

"It's okay, sweetie," said Gracie, "You don't have to say anything!"

"Who are you to tell me..." began Sakura, "Oh wait, nevermind!"

Sakura then walked back and forth on the stage.

"Aw yeah," said the skunk, "Work it, honey!" He then leaned over to Gracie, "She's really good."

Gracie nodded as Sakura blew a kiss and walked off.

"And that concludes the Model Search," announced Tortimer, "The judges will now select a winner."

"Well, it's definitely a choice between the two humans," said the gorilla, "Otherwise, no contest!"

"Meh," said Gracie, "I'll take the Jap. She's got way more personality."

"Yeah," said the skunk, "But models with personalities aren't always a good thing...Sometimes, they develop minds of their own. Remember last time?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Gracie, "I'll make sure that Sakura chick will do as I say!"

"Have the judges reached a decision?" asked Tortimer.

"Yes," said Gracie, "We have decided to pick...Number 31! Sakura Manaki!"

Everyone gasped.

"NO! NO! NO!" yelled Cookie, "You can't pick her! She's a stupid bitch! AAARRGH!"

"There, there," said Limberg, hugging Cookie, "There's always the fishing tourney."

"Get off of me!" snapped Cookie, breaking free from Limberg's hug, "I don't need any of you!"

Cookie then ran off.

"Me?" asked Sakura, "But...But...I don't know what to say!"

Gracie then walked up on stage as the other models walked off. Gracie then hugged Sakura and placed a tiara on her head.

"Congratulations," said Gracie, "Welcome to the Gracie family!"

"I just have one thing to say," announced Sakura, "Fuck you all!"

Sakura then flipped everyone off.

"Suck my non-existent cock Cookie and Limberg...Oh and Nook and Pelly too!"

"I can't believe she won," said CJ.

"I didn't doubt her for a minute!" said Curt proudly, "Now, where's Buzz? I kinda owe him a lot of money...For a bet I made against someone."

Curt walked off.

"Well," said CJ, "What do you say we celebrate at my place?"

**To be continued...**


	10. Amazing Gracie Part II

**Amazing Gracie (Part II)**

That evening, the gang, as well as a few friends, celebrated Sakura's victory by having dinner at CJ's house.

"Thanks for your support," said Sakura, "I just feel so awful you didn't win, Lindsay. You did great!"

"Thanks," said Lindsay, "But at least one of us made it. But are you actually going through with it? I thought you entered just for fun!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "But it feels so great now that I won. I never win anything! And when I was up there, I felt like a real fashion model!"

"You sure looked like one too," said Curt, "Rrrrrr..."

"Right..." said Sakura.

"So," began CJ, "Now what are you supposed to do?"

"Not much," said Sakura, "Tomorrow, I'm going to the hotel Gracie is staying at and we're going to prepare. Then, at night it's the fashion show! I have until then to decide if I wanna take the job."

"I can't wait!" said Lindsay.

"Me neither," said Sakura, "I wonder what working with Gracie is like..."

* * *

Next morning:

"FIRED! FIRED!" screamed Gracie, "You're worthless!"

"But...But..." said Gracie's assistant.

"Did you not understand?" asked Gracie, "Let me spell that out for you: F, I, um...um...Yeah, whatever, you're fired!"

"How come?" asked the assistant.

"Did I not ask for a macchiato esspresso to be sent to my room?" asked Gracie, "_Five _minutes ago?"

The assistant nodded.

"And when did I get it?"

"Just now..."

"I need my coffee to function! Someone in your menial position has no idea what I go through everyday. The stress, the exhaustion...If my coffee doesn't show up at exactly 11:00, like it does everyday, then I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Why did it take so long?"

"Sorry," said the assistant, bowing her head.

"Get this slacker out of my sight," said Gracie, "Eduardo!"

Eduardo, the pink-suited Gorilla from the model search, showed up.

"Escort her out," Gracie ordered.

Just as Eduardo escorted the (Ex) assistant out, Sakura walked into the hotel lobby.

"Ah," said Gracie, "Ms. Manaki! I'm so glad you made it! Kisses!"

Gracie then double-kissed Sakura who didn't know exactly what to do.

"Welcome to Le Chateau Hell," said Gracie, "Apparently the most...ahem, 'luxurious' hotel in your pathetic little town."

"Can't complain," said Sakura.

"Oh," said Gracie, "You poor girl! You've probably never stepped inside such a fancy place before. Not to worry, when you start working for me, you'll get to see all kinds of hotels!"

"Sweet!" said Sakura.

Just then, the Eduardo and the skunk from the Model Search entered the lobby.

"Sakura," said Gracie, "I'd like you to meet Stinky Coco."

"Hey, girlfriend," said Stinky, "I like your earrings. So exotic!"

"Thanks," said Sakura, "No one ever noticed them before. They're a gift from my parents in Japan!"

"And this," continued Gracie, "Is Eduardo Gorillez!"

"Pleased to meet you," said Eduardo.

"Now," said Gracie, "We need to give you a serious makeover! First your hair..."

"But I like my hairstyle!" said Sakura.

"Then we'll give you some blush," continued Gracie, "Maybe some eye shadow to help bring out those sexy eyes!"

"Cool!"

"And hopefully over time, you'll lose some weight. Maybe 5-10 pounds...Or more."

"Not fair! I work out and I always watch what I eat!"

"Honey, those two things alone won't get you very far in the modelling. You gotta really push yourself, got it?"

Sakura nodded.

"Good," said Gracie, "Cecil!"

"Yes ma'am?" said a random aardvark who suddenly appeared.

"Be a dear," began Gracie, "And take all the complementary food out of Sakura's room and throw it in the garbage!"

"Yes ma'am," said Cecil, "May I eat some of it before I throw it?"

"You may certainly not!" snapped Gracie, "Now, where were we?"

* * *

Sakura found herself seated in a barber's chair as the poodle, Harriet, began washing and styling her hair.

"You're going to look so pretty when we're done," said Harriet, "I mean, you're already pretty, but soon you'll feel what it's truly like to be a model!"

"How much longer is this going to take?" asked Sakura, "It feels like I've been here forever!"

"Oh," said Harriet, "We're only getting started..."

* * *

Next, Sakura, still with large rollers in her hair, sat in a small chair as Stinky Coco did her make-up.

"Sure," began Gracie, whow as standing behind Sakura, "In the modelling world, the emphasis is on your dress, but you also need to have a pretty face to attract attention!"

"I've never heard of these make-up brands before," said Sakura.

"They're what we wealthy folks use," replied Gracie, "In time, you will forget all about your cheap drug store lipstick!"

"Sweet!" said Sakura.

* * *

Finally, a tailor helped Sakura into a blouse and skirt.

"This," began Gracie, "Is from my brand new high quality, low cost line! In it, you can look good without paying high prices! It's going to be a hit!"

"I have to say," said Sakura, "It's quite comfortable."

"No! No! No!" said the tailor, "This is never going to work! She is far too chunky!"

"Hey!" snapped Sakura, "Take that back!"

"Now, now," said Gracie, "We agreed that you would lose a few pounds if you wanted to work for me. Just put a corset on her for now. It'll just be for this show."

"Okay then," said the tailor.

She then wrapped a corset around Sakura's torso and pulled as tightly as she could, causing Sakura to gasp for air.

Once the makeover was done, Sakura revealed herself in her new outfit and hairstyle, as well as the makeup job. She looked so much more beautiful than she ever had. It was hard to even recognize her.

"Marvelous," said Gracie, "Simply marvelous!"

"You really think I look amazing?" asked Sakura.

"Darling," said Gracie, "I don't think you look amazing...I know you do! You will be a hit! Now, there's just one last ingredient to complete the recipe!"

Sakura blushed. Just then, a man walked into the room. He was a human and was very tall and handsome, with a goatee and medium-length hair. He had tan skin and was fairly well built. He smiled at Sakura.

"Who is he?" asked Sakura.

"He's your boyfriend," replied Gracie.

"My what?" asked Sakura.

"Your boyfriend," replied Gracie, "His name is Vincenzo Alonzi. He's from Italy so English isn't his first language."

"I don't have a boyfriend," said Sakura, "And I've never even met this guy before!"

"It's just for public appearances and red carpet stuff," said Gracie, "All fashion models have super-star athlete boyfriends!"

"He's an athlete?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah," replied Gracie, "He's a soccer player in his home country. I think you two will get along well."

"But..." began Sakura.

"You wanna work for me or not?" asked Gracie, "It'll just be for now. maybe you two will actually fall in love or something!"

"You are very pretty," said Vincenzo in broken English.

"Listen, I don't care what Gracie says, you and I aren't sharing any beds, so deal with it!"

"Okay!" Vincenzo still had a big smile on his face as if he didn't even understand what she said.

"Let's get ready for the show!" announced Gracie, "We are starting in two hours!"

* * *

The fashion began at 7 o'clock that night at Hell's auditorium. Over two hundred people were in attendance, including the mayor, Tom Nook, Mabel and Sable, and of course, the gang.

"Are you sure she's ready?" asked Eduardo, "She's never had any training as a model before."

"Baah," said Gracie, "Training Shmaining. Fashion school only got me a dregree! The real experience comes from going out there and being on the road. Besides, I think she's got it!"

"I'm so nervous," said Sakura, "There's so many people!"

"Relax," said Gracie, "It's a small town. All your friends and neighbours are here. There's nothing to worry about!"

"Maybe that's why I'm so stressed," thought Sakura.

"Good luck, bella!" said Vincenzo.

He then pulled Sakura's face towards his and gave her a kiss. Sakura wiped her face with her hand.

"How adorable!" said Gracie.

"Places people!" announced Stinky, "The show's about to start!"

Everyone ran around back stage as the final preparations were made. After a few minutes Gracie stepped on stage and gave a speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Gracie, "Thank you all for coming to my event! I have worked so hard to put it together. You will be seeing some samples from my latest clothing line. Enjoy the show!"

"Yawn," said Curt, who was in the audience, "Fashion shows are so boring! And these girls aren't hot at all!"

"Now, Curt," began CJ, "We're here to show our support for Sakura. It was nice that our tickets were discounted because we're her friends. The least we can do is pretend we're having a good time."

"Fine, fine," said Curt.

"Speaking of Sakura," began Lindsay, "When's she on?"

"A few minutes, I think," replied CJ.

Seeveral models walked on and off the runway before Sakura finally stepped on. She took a deep breath and walked swiftly down the runway in her blouse and skirt. Her hair was tied up in a large bun with strands running down her face. She showed very little emotion as she made her way to the end of the stage, posed and turned back.

"WOOT!" screamed Curt, "Go Sakura!"

"Holy crap!" said CJ, "I can't believe that's her! She looks completely different!"

"She look amazing!" added Lindsay.

Once Sakura was offstage, everyone applauded. Gracie then stepped out again to give another announcement.

"Like what you saw?" said Gracie, "Those clothes are part of my new affordable _Average Jane_ clothing line. Hats, shirts, skirts, and coats...All high quality, but low priced!"

Everyone cheered.

"To make sure guys can have access to this line," began Gracie, "I will be opening a store right here in this town!"

Murmuring could be heard in the crowd.

"I know the income isn't very high here," said Gracie, "That's why I know it will sell well here! It is time I made my line a little more accessible to you small-town folks, don't you think?"

Everyone cheered again.

"But," began Mabel, who was in the audience, "What about our store? We can't compete with clothes like that!"

"You can still run it," replied Gracie, "I'm sure someone in this town will still be interested in..._that_!"

Gracie chuckled and so did a few audience members. Mabel pouted in her seat as Sable shook her head in embarassment.

* * *

After a while, the show was was over and Sakura was back in the dressing room. The gang were all there to discuss with Sakura.

"Sakura," said CJ, "That was amazing! You looked so confident up there!"

"Thanks," said Sakura, "It felt great!"

"You're hot," said Curt, "I just had to come right out with it."

"You were born to do this, Sakura," said Lindsay.

Just then Gracie entered the room.

"Sakura, darling," began Gracie, "Um...Who are they?"

Gracie pointed at the gang.

"These are my friends," replied Sakura, "I let them in."

"I see," said Gracie, "They can't be here. I'm going to have to ask them to leave."

"But they're my friends!" said Sakura, "I wanted to celebrate with them!"

"It's alright," said CJ, "We see that you're busy. We'll leave."

"Take care, Sakura!" said Lindsay.

"Are they serving any food here?" asked Curt, on his way out.

"I don't believe they are," replied Gracie.

"Damn," said Curt, "Catch ya later!"

Gracie turned to Sakura.

"You'll have plenty of time to celebrate," she began, "Just not with them. I want you to join Team Gracie."

Gracie pulled out a piece of paper.

"Sign this one-year contract," began Gracie, "And you will join me on the road, promoting my _Average Jane_ line as my top model! Millions of people will flock to see my fashion shows and you will be there up front and center, modelling my clothes."

"Oh," said Sakura, "Well, it sounds good. When does it all begin?"

"As soon as you sign," replied Gracie.

Sakura signed the form. Just then, Eduardo and Stinky entered the room with Eduardo holding a bottle of champagne.

"Time to celebrate!" said Eduardo, popping open the bottle.

Well, it looks like Sakura's a fashion model now. Are you wondering how that will turn out? Find out in the next episode, _Wardrobe Malfunction_!


	11. Wardrobe Malfunction

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 6: Wardrobe Malfunction**

For the next few weeks, Sakura travelled the country. In the short time she lived in Animalia, there were very few other towns she had visited, but as a model, she was now able to see most of them. Over time, Sakura grew thinner with the help of a personal trainer and a steady supply of diet pills. Sakura finally looked like a true model. As she travelled, she kept in touch with the gang, though over time, communication decreased as Sakura got increasingly busy.

Sakura's next show was in a city called Blazetown.

"Yeah," said Sakura, who was speaking to CJ over the phone, "K.K. Slider is going to be performing. Gracie personally invited him!"

"Sounds sweet!" said CJ, "Will you get to meet him?"

"Probably," replied Sakura, "Listen, I have to get ready for my show. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk much today."

"You can never talk," said CJ, "I'd hate to lose touch!"

"Don't worry," said Sakura, "I promise we'll talk more after this show. I've just been really busy and stuff. I have to go now. Sorry!"

"Bye," said CJ.

"Kisses," said Sakura, who then kissed the receiver of the phone before hanging up.

"Sakura," said Stinky, who was standing at the doorway, "Get ready, you're on in five minutes!"

Sakura left her dressing room.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Hell, things weren't looking to good for the Able Sisters, who had been following the opening of GracieGrace since construction began. As usual, Sable sat at the sewing machine, while Mable watched anxiously through binoculars as GracieGrace celebrated its grand opening in the distance.

"Look at that line up," said Mable, "It must be 20 feet long!"

"Yup," said Sable, who couldn't care less.

"We haven't had a customer all day," continued Mable, "All everyone keeps talking about is GracieGrace this and GracieGrace that!"

"Mmmm-hmmm," said Sable, who simply continued to sew.

Just then the door opened. It was Pete the mailman.

"Delivery," said Pete, "For a Mabel Able."

"That's me!" said Mabel, excitedly.

"What did you order, sis?" asked Sable.

"Mannequins," replied Mabel, "Lots of them. I ordered them because they're good for business. We're gonna need a lot of help to promote our store now that Gracie's is open."

"Uh-huh," said Sable, "And you think mannequins will help us?"

"They attract attention," said Mabel.

Pete picked up three large boxes and placed them down on the ground.

"Some assembly required," he said, "If you want, you can pay a small fee and I'll help you."

"No thanks," said Mabel, signing the form.

"Good," said Pete, "The sooner my shift is done, the better. I need to get down to Gracie's to buy Pel...Um, my girlfriend a new handbag."

"Grrr..." said Mabel, as Pete walked out.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen," boomed the announcer, "He's taking time off his latest tour to perform you guys tonight. Give a big hand to the one, the only, K.K. Slider!"

The famous dog musician walked on stage holding an acoustic guitar. He approached a microphone at the center of the stage. K.K. wore a small leather jacket and tight black pants, as well as a pair of shades. Known throughout Animalia for his ultra laid-back personality and rockin' tunes, K.K is something of an Animal icon.

"How y'all doin' tonight?" said K.K.

Everyone cheered.

"I came all the way down here to play a little jam for you guys," began K.K., "Here's a new track off my latest album, which is coming out next month. Y'all can go buy it if you want, but maybe after the show, I can have the ladies come to my dressing room for a little sneak peek."

The women in the audience cheered very loudly. One woman even fainted.

"1,2,3..." said K.K., who then began to perform his song.

Following K.K.'s performance, the models stepped on stage and did their thing. As usual, Sakura rocked the show.

"Congratulations darling," said Gracie, as the models headed backstage, "Well done."

Just then, K.K. showed up.

"Oh, my God!" said Sakura, "I'm such a huge fan. I mean, I only recently started getting into your music, but..."

"Hey there, little lady," said K.K., "You're a nice drink of water."

"Um, thanks," said Sakura, "My name's Sakura."

"Sakura?" asked K.K., lifting his shades over his eyes, "Cute name. What is that, like Korean or something? Say, how 'bout you swing by my hotel room later tonight and we can have some fun?"

"Um," began Sakura, "I'm technically dating someone..."

"Ignore him," said Gracie, "There's nothing this pig won't touch!"

"Bitch," snapped K.K., "And by the way, I want my money! You owe me a shitload for having me perform at your little freak show!"

"Wait," said Sakura, "I thought you said money was the root of all evil! You're always criticizing those 'idustry fat cats' and whatnot!"

"Honey," said K.K., "I have bills to pay, clothes to buy, and women to fuck. This guitar alone doesn't pay for it all!"

Just then, two women approached K.K. and he wrapped each of his arms around their shoulders.

"Come on ladies," he said, "I'm tense. It's time for a massage."

On one hand, Sakura was thrilled to have met a popular musician. On the other hand, she was sad to learn he was an absoloute douche offstage. Life in the spotlight was rough indeed.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, in Hell, the gang were shopping at Nookington's. They had not heard from Sakura since the time that CJ had spoken to her over the phone.

"Oh, look," said Curt, "Shovels are half-off this week!"

"I was thinking," began CJ, "Maybe we should go and see Sakura at her next show. Surprise her or something..."

"Isn't she far?" asked Lindsay.

"The next show is in Mallsville," said CJ, "It's about six hours driving. We haven't seen Sakura in 3 months, and we barely hear from her anymore. I honestly don't know when we'll ever see her again!"

"I agree," said Curt, "We can go see Sakura, say 'hi' and maybe meet some hot models! Oh yeah!"

"Ahem," said CJ, "Besides, it'll be fun...Like a road trip to the city. What do you say?"

"Sweet!" said Lindsay, "Let's go! I'm up for it!"

Right after the gang left the store, Mabel walked in carrying the mannequins she bought.

"How may I help you?" asked Nook.

"I would like to sell these useless things," began Mabel, "Our store is haemorrhaging money and I need some fast cash!"

"Sorry," said Nook, "I can't buy those."

"Why not?"

"I don't buy junk; Store policy, hm? If you want, I can take those things off your hands for free, though!"

"Listen, you don't understand! I'm desperate here! Ever since GracieGrace opened, business has been bad. I need help!"

"I can't save your store, but I can hire you worst case scenario. Oh wait, nevermind...I'm already overstaffed. I think GracieGrace is hiring, though."

"GAAAAHHH!"

Mabel then dropped her mannequins and ran out of the store.

* * *

Mallsville was Sakura's next stop on the fashion tour. Although not the capital city of Animalia, Mallsville was its largest, with a population in the millions and massive skyscrapers that filled the skyline. The gang had only passed this big city briefly on their way to Hell, and so travelling there was going to be a new and fun experience.

The following day, the gang walked into the studio where Sakura was doing a photoshoot. They had driven more than six hours to see her and were excited to talk to her about her new career so far.

"I wonder where she is?" asked Lindsay.

"Oh, my God!" said CJ, "Is that her?"

The gang pointed to Sakura, who they barely recognized. She was speaking to Vincenzo.

"Sakura!" said CJ, "Hey Sakura!"

"I'm sorry, Vincenzo," said Sakura, "I have to go!"

"_Ciao, bella_," said Vincenzo.

They then kissed each other on the lips before he walked off.

"Is that guy her boyfriend or something?" asked Lindsay.

"Let's go see," said CJ.

The gang approached her.

"Sakura," said Curt, "It's so great to see you again!"

"We decided to come by and surprise you!" said Lindsay.

"Excuse me," began Sakura, "But who let you in here?"

"The guy at the front," replied CJ, "We told him we're your friends!"

"Amateurs," said Sakura, rolling her eyes, "Those guys would let in a terrorist and it wouldn't bother them."

"Aren't you glad to see us?" asked Lindsay.

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "I'm thrilled, but you can't just walk in here unannounced. I'm about to do a photoshoot and you ruined my focus!"

"Well," said Curt, "Excuse us for trying to be good friends!"

"Please," said Sakura, "Good friends don't barge into their model friend's photo shoot and distract her."

"Sakura," said Stinky, "You have to get ready dear. The photographer's driving me nuts...Um, who are they?"

"No one," said Sakura, "They were about to leave."

Without saying anything, CJ, Curt, and Lindsay walked out of the room.

"Ew," said Stinky, "Did you see what they were wearing? They look like filthy hippies!"

"I know," said Sakura, "Especially that blonde girl! Who does she think she is with that beret?"

As Stinky and Sakura laughed, the gang listened in from outside. Tears welled up in Lindsay's eyes as she clutched her beret in her hands.

"Aw, look!" said Curt, "She made Lindsay cry!"

"The Sakura we knew is no more," said CJ.

"How can she be so mean?" sobbed Lindsay.

"Fame can do that," said CJ, "The fashion world is a cruel and unsual one! Come on, let's go!"

"So we came all the way down here for nothing?" asked Curt.

"There's still plenty to do in the city," said CJ, "But let's just go back to the hotel for now..."

Oh, no! This isn't good! How will the gang ever be friends again after this? Find out next time!

**To be continued...**


	12. Wardrobe Malfunction Part II

**Wardrobe Malfunction (Part II)**

That night, Sakura slept in her hotel room, anxious for the big fashion show tomorrow. Sakura had never done a show in such a large city before and she was nervous. But as she tossed and turned in her bed, something else was bothering her...

"Sakura," said a voice.

Sakura opened her eyes and looked around. At the foot of her bed stood a girl.

"Who..." began Sakura, "Who are you?"

The girl looked identical to Sakura, albeit prior to her "transformation".

"I am the ghost of Christmas past," said the girl.

"Huh?" asked Sakura.

"Nah, I'm kidding. I'm your conscience. I've come to show you the faults of your actions."

"What are you talking about?"

"Come with me, and I'll show you how your career has affected those you love!"

Sakura suddenly floated out of her bed and hovered around her hotel room.

"Woah," said Sakura, "This feels weird!"

"Come," said the spirit, "Follow me!"

The two flew out of the window and around the city. They eventually arrived at the hotel where the gang were staying.

"Look," said the spirit.

Sakura peered through the window. The gang were sitting on the ground playing cards.

"I still can't believe it's over," said Curt, "I mean we knew Sakura for so long now and just like that...She's gone!"

"I know," said CJ, "Unless there was a way can turn her back the way she was...But we can't. She belongs in the fashion world now."

"Yeah," said Lindsay, "And some of the things she said...You can't take it all back, you know."

The gang continued to play.

"Geez," said Sakura, "I guess I was a little harsh. I kinda miss them now..."

"There's more!" said the spirit.

The two then flew across the country at a very high speed. Within seconds, they were in Hell.

"What are we doing here?" asked Sakura.

"Look," said the spirit.

She pointed at the Able Sisters' shop. Only, it was boarded up and the interior of the store was empty. The two sisters stood outside the store.

"Well, sis," said Mabel, "It's over. Our business just couldn't survive!"

"How unfortunate," said Sable, still sounding like she couldn't care less.

"Someone will buy this place, hopefully," began Mabel, "And we can use the money to move out of this town and start a new life!"

"Or perhaps we can use the money to buy ourselves a gun," said Sable, "I rather enjoy that idea a little more."

"Oh sis," cried Mabel, "How did this happen to us? Waaaaah!"

Mabel then hugged Sable and began crying. Sable simply rolled her eyes and the two walked off.

"That's not my fault," said Sakura, "They couldn't compete with GracieGrace!"

"Yes," said the spirit, "But it's time you saw the true face of those you work for!"

"Look," said Sakura, "I'm enjoying my job far too much to just give it up like that. The fame, the money...Plus Cookie is far more jealous of me than she's ever been, now that I'm a model and she's at home like the sore loser she is!"

"Oh yeah," said the spirit, "Cookie. Would you like to see what she's up to?"

The two then flew to her house, where she and Limberg were sitting on the couch together watching a movie.

"Oh, Limberg," said Cookie, "These past couple of months have been the best of my life! Ever since that dumb bitch, Sakura, won that fashion show, she's been away and my life has been so great!"

"Yeah," said Limberg, "I couldn't be happier!"

Cookie then kissed Limberg and snuggled against him.

"Oh my God!" said Sakura, "So I lost my friends, and my enemy is happy? This can't be!"

"But it is," said the spirit, "It's time you fixed this..."

"But how?"

But before the spirit could respond, Sakura suddenly awoke in her bed. She looked next to her and saw Vincenzo sleeping.

"Just a dream," she muttered, "Vinnie...Vinne? Are you awake?"

"Mmmmh..." muttered Vincenzo, in his sleep, "_Si mamma, voglio uno biscotti con mio latte...Grazie!_"

Sakura rolled her eyes and got out of bed, still disturbed by what she had dreamt about. Desperate for some air, she walked out of her room and walked down the long hallway. As she passed by Gracie's room, she heard something.

"Damnit, Mickey," said Gracie, "I ordered those pelts like, a week ago! Why aren't they here yet? I have a business to run, you know."

Sakura moved her ear closer to the door.

"And be secretive about it," continued Gracie, "I think the N.A.U. is onto me or something. We can't have anyone know that these clothes are made from animal furs!"

Sakura gasped. _Animal fur? In Gracie's clothing? _Could it really be?

As Sakura moved closer to the door, she felt someone touch her shoulder. Sakura gasped.

"Vincenzo?" asked Sakura.

"Is late," said Vincenzo, "You should be in bed, no?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I'm going back now."

The two walked back to their room together.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura confronted Gracie in her dressing room.

"Listen, Gracie," said Sakura, "I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be a model!"

"Oh?" said Gracie.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I miss my friends. I just wanna go home and go back to my previous life."

"Ha!" laughed Gracie, "Well, too bad. Remember that contract you signed? Well, you're obligated to stay and work for me for at least an entire year. You got more than 9 months left with me!"

"I'll destroy the contract!" snapped Sakura.

"Go ahead," taunted Gracie, "I made copies!"

"Damn..."

"If you decide to breech this contract, I have the right to sue you for more than 10 000 000 bells!"

"10 000 000? That's absurd! Not even my entire home town can afford that!"

"Aw, poor Sakura! It seems there is no escape for you! Check AND mate!"

"But…"

"I poured too much money into you and this clothing line for you to just throw it away like that! And I can guarantee that when your year is up, you'll forget all about your former life and will want to stay with me forever!"

Gracie then let out an evil laugh.

"Bitch! I know you're using real animal furs in your clothes!"

"How do you know?" Gracie glared at Sakura.

"I have my ways," replied Sakura, eyeing Gracie.

"No biggie. It's not like anyone's gonna believe you anyways! Especially not over me! After all, who would listen to you? You're just a stupid model!"

"She's right," thought Sakura.

Gracie then walked off, laughing. Vincenzo suddenly approached Sakura.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," muttered Sakura, "Oh, Vinnie! You're the only friend I have left! I miss my town, my friends hate me and I can't even stop Gracie from using animal furs! I don't know what to do anymore!"

"Come to Vincenzo," said the soccer player, giving Sakura a big hug, "Everything is going to be alright..."

* * *

Naturally, the Mallsville stage was the largest one. Thousands of people sat in the crowd eagerly awaiting for the show to begin. Among those in the crowd were the gang.

"Tell me again," began Curt, "Why are we here if Sakura's such a bitch?"

"Because," replied CJ, "She may not have been a good friend, but that doesn't we can't be. Now that we're here in Mallsville, we're gonna sit down, enjoy the show and offer our last bit of support before we part ways."

"Meh," said Curt, "As long as the models are good-looking and not those scary skeletons you see in the magazines!"

"Well," said Lindsay, "I'm proud we came. I hope the show goes well."

As the show began, Gracie stepped out to a roaring crowd. She gave her usual introduction. Sakura watched anxiously from backstage.

"You're up," said Stinky, "Go! Go!"

"Oh, right," said Sakura.

As the previous model walked off, Sakura stepped onto the runway.

"And here's Gracie's 'A Night Out on the Town' attire," boomed the announcer, "That black dress and fish net stocking combination creates that sexy, but casual look all women strive to attain when going out with friends!"

As Sakura reached the end of the runway, she saw her friends in the audience and suddenly stopped.

"My God," she thought, "My friends still came to see me even after how I treated them? No, I can't do this anymore. I don't care what Gracie says or does!"

"What is she doing?" demanded Gracie from backstage, "Why is she just standing there?"

"I refuse to do this!" boomed Sakura, "I can't continue to be a model after seeing what it has done to me and my friends!"

Everyone gasped.

"What's going on?" asked Curt.

"I'm so sorry, guys!" continued Sakura, "I let all this exposure get to my head. Can you forgive me?"

"Looks like she came around," said CJ.

"WOOOO!" screamed Curt, "Hell yeah! She's back, baby!"

Gracie then ran onto the stage.

"Sorry, folks," she said, with a big smile on her face, "We're just having some technical difficulties!"

Gracie then approached Sakura.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, "You can't just stop the show like this! Continue NOW!"

"No," said Sakura, "I quit. I don't care if you sue me. I am not your slave!"

"Grrr..." said Gracie.

"People!" announced Sakura, "Gracie isn't who she seems. She's cold-hearted and evil! And the _Average Jane _line is made from real animal fur!"

There was uproar in the audience.

"Please," said Gracie, "You can't honestly believe her. I would never do something like that!"

"It's true," said a voice.

Suddenly, two tigers wearing black suits and sunglasses stepped onto the stage.

"Who the fuck are you and who let you on stage?" demanded Gracie.

"N.A.U.," said one of the tigers, flashing his badge, "We need to talk about your latest line..."

"N.A.U.?" asked Curt, "What's that?"

"It's the Animalese version of the F.B.I," said CJ, "It stands for the National Affairs Unit."

"We have evidence suggesting the use of real animal pelts in your clothing," said the other tiger.

"Evidence?" said Gracie.

"Recordings, videos, and samples," replied the first agent, "We also had a man on the inside."

Suddenly, Vincenzo stepped up from behind the two agents.

"Vincenzo?" asked Sakura.

"My name is Derek Green," said Vincenzo, abandoning his Italian accent, "And I'm not an Italian soccer player. I was born in the U.S. and have been an Animalese citizen for 10 years as well as a top ranking member of the N.A.U."

"You bastard!" snapped Gracie, "You tricked me!"

"Article 36A3," began Vincent, "_The trapping and/or killing of animals for recreational purposes is strictly forbidden under any circumstance_. In this country, animal laws are quite strict as you would imagine."

"But they weren't sentient animals," said Gracie.

"Doesn't matter," said Derek, "The law is the law."

"Why did you do that?" asked Sakura.

"I was running out of cheap fabric for the _Average Jane_ line," said Gracie, "So to continue producing high quality clothing, I had to hire foreign workers and pay them minimum wage to hunt animals on my private property so that I can turn them into pelts!"

"Well," said Derek, "You were careless. As of now, we are officially shutting down this line!"

"No!" said Gracie, "You can't! I'll lose so much money! I'll be ruined!"

"Come with us ma'am," said one of the tigers.

"You'll pay for this, Sakura!" said Gracie, "You haven't seen the last of me. I'll get you back!"

The two agents escorted Gracie off stage.

"So," began Sakura, "I guess you're not my boyfriend anymore, huh?"

"Nah," said Derek, "I'm actually married with kids. But I just wanted to let you know that you did a great job here. Thank you for everything!"

Sakura smiled.

"Is there anything I can do to repay?" asked Derek.

"A free ride home for me and my friends would be nice," replied Sakura.

"You got it," said Derek.

* * *

Back in Hell, the gang celebrated by going to the Able Sisters' grand re-opening. Sakura was back to her old style.

"It looks like things are doing well here again," said Sakura.

"Yeah," said Mabel, "With the affordable _Average Jane _line gone, GracieGrace is starting to suffer. No one in this town can afford the other, more expensive stuff in that store!"

"And people are coming back here again!" said Lindsay.

"How delightful," said Sable, sarcastically.

"I know!" said Mabel, "Thank you for everything, guys!"

"Well," said Sakura, "I didn't really do that much. I guess some problems just find ways of fixing themselves!"

"We're just glad to have you back," said CJ.

"Yeah," added Lindsay, "And it's about time someone exposed Gracie for what she really is!"

Just then, Sable finished sewing and handed Mabel a shirt.

"Here you go," said Mabel, passing Sakura the shirt, "Your custom pattern is done!"

"Sweet!" said Sakura, "Well guys, what do you wanna do now?"

"Let's go egg Cookie's house!" suggested Curt, "I don't think she knows you're back home yet!"

"I like the sound of that," said Sakura.

The gang then walked out of the store.

Well, this two-parter's finally done! Tune in next week for more of the gang's crazy adventures!


	13. The Cookie Affair

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 7: The Cookie Affair**

It was another day in Hell, and Curt was hard at work at the toy factory.

"And that's when I said, 'Two? Make that two thousand!' HA!" said Curt.

"Good one," said Kicks the Skunk, "You sure showed that guy!"

As Curt and his friends performed their usual job at the assembly line, Mr. Resetti, the foreman, stepped in the middle of the factory.

"Um," he began, "Hello everyone?"

No response.

"HEY!" he yelled, "I'M TALKIN' HERE!"

Everyone working in the factory suddenly gathered around Resetti in the middle of the factory.

"Um," said Resetti, "Yeah, sorry about that. I need your attention for a few minutes or so. First order of business: The recipient of the 'Employee of the Month' award is Dizzy. Come by my office later to get your congratulatory mug."

"Yes!" said Dizzy. "In yo face, everybody!"

"Um," continued Resetti, "Yes. Well, um…Anyways, as you may or may not know, sales have been declining sharply in the past few months."

Murmurs could be heard in the crowd of workers.

"Is there anything we can do to fix that?" asked a random worker.

"Ha!" said Resetti, "Unfortunately no. As you know, IPads and MP3's are popular nowadays. Even my 10-year old nephew has one of those gadgets…Kids just don't play with toys anymore. That's why _Sunshine Toys_ Inc. has decided to shut down many of its factories in the western county - Including this one. As of now, you're all fired!"

"WHAT?" said Curt, "You can't do this!"

"Damn," said Dizzy, "Do I still get a mug?"

"You heard me," said Resetti amongst the roars of outrage coming from the workers, "And no, since you guys aren't unionized, you have basically no rights. Thankfully, I still have my old job at the surveillance center with my brother Don."

The crowd continued to complain.

"Sorry," said Resetti, "There's nothing I can do. Take it up with the head office if you have a problem. Is everything clear? Good. Now, SCRAM!"

"So that's it?" said Curt, "My job is gone, just like that?"

"Now we're gonna have to find new jobs!" sobbed Champ.

"Damn," said Kicks, "I'm gonna have to go back to my old shoeshine business!"

Though Curt had worked at the factory for only about a year, he had grown very attached to that place. It seemed now Curt was going to have to start from scratch if he wanted to pay the bills.

* * *

Meanwhile, CJ was at his own job where everything was going fine.

"Two clogulators," muttered CJ into the microphone, "Hold the pickles."

"Listen CJ," said Mr. Hopper, approaching the cash, "I'm gonna need you to clean out the dumpsters out back!"

"Aw, man!" said CJ, "I thought you said I was your best employee!"

"You are," said Mr. Hopper, "I don't give you these kinds of jobs because I hate you. It's because I trust you more than those other bums! Now, get to work!"

CJ grumbled under his breath as he grabbed a pair of gloves and headed out back. The dumpsters were covered in a thick coating of rust and slime. CJ winced as he approached the dumpsters.

"Oh, _BUTCH!_" said a female voice that sounded awfully familiar, "Oh yeah! That feels so good!"

CJ shuddered. Another villager was having sex in the Greas-E Burger parking lot. It happened at least once a week. When CJ turned around to see where it was coming from, he saw Cookie's car in the parking lot and it was rocking back and forth.

"OH, _BUTCH_!" continued Cookie.

"Wait a sec," muttered CJ.

Whoever Cookie was getting it on with, it wasn't Limberg. CJ approached her car and knocked on the window.

"EEK!" screamed Cookie, "What the fuck?"

The other guy she was having sex with sat up. He was a dog like Cookie, and was far more handsome than Limberg.

"We've been caught!" he said, "I'm outta here!"

The guy then gathered up his clothes and jumped out of the car, still naked, and ran down the parking lot.

"What's your problem, creep?" demanded Cookie.

"Who was that?" asked CJ, "That didn't look like Limberg!"

"Um," began Cookie, "He's…well, um…"

"You're cheating on Limberg," gasped CJ, "How could you?"

"Oh, God!" said Cookie, her eyes watering up, "Please don't tell him."

"Well," said CJ, "It doesn't come as a surprise. You cheated on me with that rat bastard long ago, it was only a matter of time before you did the same to him, I guess."

"Look," said Cookie, "I know I've slept around in the past…"

"That's an understatement," said CJ.

"Shut up, asshole!" snapped Cookie, "But I truly love Limberg! Ever since we met, he's been my one and only!"

"Okay," said CJ, "So why were you with that guy?"

"Because," began Cookie, "Limberg has been really busy lately with work and stuff. He hasn't had enough time to, you know, satisfy me. But I still love him and you CANNOT tell him about this!"

"I don't know," said CJ.

"I promise," said Cookie, "I'll do anything! I mean it, _anything_!"

"On one hand," began CJ, "I have the power to make Limberg as miserable as I was when Cookie cheated on me back in the day…On the other hand, I have my own personal slave. Hmmm…"

"Well?"

"Okay. I'll stay quiet. You can start by helping me clean those dumpsters."

Cookie stared at the dumpsters and shuddered.

"I'll get you some gloves…"

* * *

Later, as Lindsay was coming home from work, she passed by town hall, where Curt was posting something on the town bulletin board. Lindsay approached him.

"Hey, Curt!" she said, "What are you doing?"

"Posting an ad for my car," said Curt, "It's an old piece of shit, but someone's gotta want to buy it, right?"

"Um," said Lindsay, "I guess, but why are you selling your car?"

"Didn't you hear? The toy factory shut down! I'm out of a job!"

"Oh no! That's horrible! What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. I spoke to Buzz. He can give me some odd jobs. But I won't make nearly enough to pay off my house!"

"Well, look at Sakura. She was out of a job for months and she bounced back!"

"She landed a job as a model and continues to live off the money she earned! I can never get that lucky!"

"True…Listen, I have to go to Nook's. We'll talk about this more tonight, kay?"

Curt nodded and waved as Lindsay walked off. Just then, Octavian and Wolfgang passed by the bulletin board.

"Look, Wolfgang," said Octavian, "Someone's selling a car!"

"Look at that piece of shit," said Wolfgang, "You'd have to pay someone to get that thing off your hands!"

"Ha!" laughed Octavian, "Good one, bro!"

"Grrr…" muttered Curt.

* * *

DING DONG!

Cookie got up from her couch and answered the door. It was Limberg.

"Limberg?" she asked, "You're home early!"

"I bought these," said Limberg, holding a bouquet of flowers, "Sorry I've been so busy."

"Oh, they're lovely!" said Cookie, smelling the flowers, "I love you so much."

"I knew you'd like them!" said Limberg, "Now, have you put any thoughts into our living arrangements?"

"As much as I would love to move in with you," began Cookie, "There's just a few things I need to sort out first."

"Like?"

Just then, Cookie's cell phone rang. She turned away from Limberg and answered.

"Now's not a good time," whispered Cookie, "What do you want?"

"Hey, Cookie," said CJ, over the phone, "I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning on my way home. Can you get it for me?"

"Not now," said Cookie, "My boyfriend just got here!"

"Limberg's there?" said CJ, "Hmmm…Maybe if I yell loud enough, he can hear me!"

"No!" snapped Cookie, "Okay, okay. I'll get it! Keep your pants on!"

Cookie closed her phone and kissed Limberg on the cheek.

"I forgot to go pick up my dry cleaning," she said, "I'll be right back. There's some beer in the fridge."

"Okay," said Limberg, "Love you!"

Cookie ran out, grumbling under her breath.

* * *

Unfortunately, that was not the last of the CJ's demands. The next day, CJ had Cookie perform several more errands. Cookie walked out of Nookington's carrying three shopping bags and speaking on her cell phone.

"Yeah," said CJ, over the phone, "And after you take my letter to the post office, come by my house. Sandy gave me a napkin that she wants me to return to Elmer, but I'm really busy at the moment."

As CJ spoke he was at his house playing _Tennis _on his NES. The phone was wedged in between his shoulder and his ear as he mercilessly rammed the buttons on his controller.

"Aw come one!" he snapped, "THAT WAS IN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! Fucking shit…"

"Um," said Cookie, "Is that it?"

"I'll see," said CJ, "Later, I might have to…HOW THE FUCK IS THAT AN OUT?"

"When is this whole thing gonna stop?" asked Cookie

"Soon," promised CJ, "Like I said, I've been very busy lately and I just need a few things sorted out."

"Okay then," said Cookie, "I'll be right over once I mail the letter."

"See ya!" said CJ.

Cookie sighed and hung up the phone.

* * *

Later that day, at The Roost, Limberg, Octavian, and Wolfgang all sat together at the bar.

"Three beers," said Brewster, placing three bottles on the table, "Drink up!"

"So yeah," began Limberg, "Like I said, Cookie's been acting really weird lately and she's been going out a lot without me and buying all this extra stuff. She keeps saying she has errands to run!"

"Methinks," began Wolfgang, "That the Cookster wants a little time apart!"

"Methinks?" said Octavian, "You've been using that word a lot recently. What is it, like the word of the month or somethin'?"

"Hey," said Wolfgang, "That's a great idea. Every month we should come up with a word and that becomes our word of the month!"

"Dude," said Octavian, "That's totally awesome! What should next month's word be?"

"No," said Wolfgang, "We only think of next month's word at the beginning of that month."

"Right," said Octavian.

"You guys aren't listening!" said Limberg, "I'm in distress here!"

"Here's what you do," began Wolfgang, taking a sip from his beer, "You gotta remind Cookie that you still love her. Surprise her once and a while!"

"I bought her flowers the other day…"

"Flowers?" said Octavian, "That's the laziest fucking way to say 'I love you'! You gotta be really spontaneous. Put some thought into it!"

"I think I got an idea!" said Limberg, "Thanks, guys!"

Limberg then paid his tab and ran out.

"You know," began Octavian, "I was thinking about next month's word of the month…How about 'Poppycock'?"

"I thought I said…" began Wolfgang.

"Yeah, yeah," said Octavian, "Never mind. Geez…"

The two then sat quietly, drinking their beers.

"Heh, heh," chuckled Wolfgang, "Cock..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Lindsay, Curt and CJ went to hang out by their usual spot next to the post office.

"So, how's the job hunt coming along?" asked Lindsay.

"Horribly," said Curt, "And I'm running low. I may need to take out a bank loan to help make my mortgage payment this week."

"Wait," said CJ, "Job hunt? Since when have you been out of a job?"

"Yesterday," replied Curt, "They closed down the factory."

"Shame," said CJ, "Now you're going to have to find actual work! HA!"

"Shaddup," said Curt, "It's not funny. And I did work hard at the factory…Sometimes."

Just then, Sakura arrived. She had a large cigar in her mouth.

"_O-genki desu ka_, bitches?" she said, "Guess who's now 10 000 bells richer?"

"Who?" sighed Curt.

"Me!" laughed Sakura, puffing on her cigar, "In addition to all that money I made from my 3 month modeling career, Gracie was forced, by law, to pay me a fee for terminating my 1-year contract early!"

"I'm glad you're enjoying your newfound wealth," said Curt, "Can I borrow some money?"

"Hmmm," said Sakura, blowing a smoke ring into Curt's face, "Don't think so, honey."

"I was laid off!" snapped Curt.

"Yeah?" said Sakura, "Well, I have to send some to my family and friends back home! Let me know when your home country is in crisis."

"I'm sure things will turn around," assured Lindsay.

"Actually," said CJ, "I think I have a solution to your little job problem. I'm gonna go talk to someone I know later, and then I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Sweet!" said Curt, "You're awesome! See, now there's a good friend!"

"Whatevs," said Sakura, "Come on, bizznatch! I want to go to Hell's gym to renew my old membership. I think I've gotten a little pudgy since I quit modeling!"

"Sweet!" said Lindsay, "See you guys!"

The two then left together.

"I'm gonna head inside the post office," said Curt, "And see if I can try to get a loan."

"It's phyllis' shift," said CJ, "God help you…"

* * *

A couple of hours later:

"Thank you so much for helping me paint my roof back to black!" said CJ, "That bastard Bill thought it would be funny to paint it pink while I was out. Pffft…"

"Don't mention it," said an exhausted Cookie, who was covered in spots of black paint. "How come you couldn't ask Curt or something?"

"He's still at the post office," replied CJ, "Which reminds me…Do you think you can get my friend a job at the travel agency where you work?"

"What?" demanded Cookie, "NO! Absolutely not! What are you nuts?"

"What a shame. Perhaps, I should go see if Limberg has something for my friend."

"NO!" she grabbed CJ's arm, "Okay, I'll sweet talk my boss. Your friend can work with me if he wants! Just don't talk to Limberg, please!"

"And you better be nice to him," said CJ, "I hate Curt when he's grumpy."

"Grrr…" said Cookie, "Alright."

"Thanks," said CJ.

**To be continued...**


	14. The Cookie Affair Part II

**The Cookie Affair (Part II)**

The following morning, Curt started his first day at his new job.

"Frankly," began Curt, "I'm surprised that you helped give me this job. Maybe you're not such a bitch after all."

"Yeah, yeah," said Cookie, "Don't push your luck, buddy. I only did this because I owe CJ a favour!"

"What kind of a favour?" asked Curt suspiciously.

"None of your fucking business," replied Cookie, "Now, the bathroom's over there, but try not to take too many breaks because my boss is a real piss-ass. Just sit here and sort these papers and leave me alone for the rest of the day, understood?"

"I don't think I'm gonna like this job too much," said Curt, "Thank God the hours are good."

Cookie left as Curt sat at his desk and began to work. A little while later, Limberg showed up, wearing a suit.

"Limberg?" asked Curt, "The fuck you doing here? And what's with the get-up?"

"I'm surprising Cookie," replied Limberg, "I took the rest of the day off and I was going to ask her if she wanted to go out somewhere for lunch. A little romantic get-together, you know?"

"Gay," said Curt.

"Shut up," snapped Limberg, "And since when do you work here?"

"Since today," replied Curt, "Cookie got me this job."

"Why in the fuck would Cookie give you a job?"

"I don't know…Apparently she owes CJ some kind of favour."

Limberg's face sank.

"A favour?" he said, "Did she elaborate?"

"Nah," replied Curt, "But it's probably nothing."

"Yeah, you're right, it's probably nothing…"

Limberg just stared blankly into space and sighed.

"Dude," said Curt, "Are you leaving or what? You're starting to creep me the fuck out."

* * *

Later, at the Roost:

"Think about this for a second," said Wolfgang, "_LOL_ is both a palindrome AND an acronym!"

"Dude," said Octavian, "That's totally fucked up!"

"I know, right?"

Just then, Limberg arrived, still wearing his suit, and sat on the stool next to Wolfgang and Octavian.

"It's worse than I thought," said Limberg, "Not only am I absolutely certain that she's cheating, but she's doing it with CJ of all people!"

"So," began Wolfgang, "She went back to her old fling, eh?"

"You need to stand up to that dude," said Octavian, "Let him know that you won't take any more of his crap! Want us to rough him up for you?"

"Nah," said Limberg, "This is personal; it's up to me to take care of this…On my own."

"No offense," said Wolfgang, "But CJ's a really buff guy. He'll cream you."

"That's why," began Limberg, "I need to work out first. Of course, it'll take lots of hard work and dedication!"

* * *

DING DONG!

"Yeah?" Buzz answered the door.

"You got any drugs?" asked Limberg.

"No," said Buzz sarcastically, "Just pop tarts and train sets."

"I'm sorry to bother you then," said Limberg, preparing to turn away.

"Of course I have drugs," said Buzz, "Get your ass in here!"

Limberg entered Buzz's house and took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Want anything to drink?" asked Buzz.

Limberg shook his head.

"So," said Buzz, "What can I interest you in? Some blow? Crack? I just got a shipment of roofies if you're into that whole thing!"

"You got any 'roids?" asked Limberg, "Anabolic, of course."

"Roids?" asked Buzz, "Gee, there haven't been many animals coming here asking for 'roids since last year's sports fair. Thankfully, I have some from an old shipment left over! The hell do you need steroids for, anyways?"

"Swimming," lied Limberg.

Buzz opened a kitchen cabinet, revealing stacks of pill bottles. He grabbed one and blew dust off of it.

"Like I said," began Buzz, "Demand for this stuff has kinda gone down, so lucky for you it will be cheap!"

"How cheap are we talking here?" asked Limberg.

"2200 bells," said Buzz.

"How about 2000 even?" asked Limberg.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood," said Buzz, "Enjoy."

Limberg grabbed the bottle and read the label.

"Sleeping pills?" he asked.

"Yeah," said Buzz, "I just swapped labels in case the cops come by. There are actually steroids in there!"

"Thanks!" said Limberg as he ran out with the pills.

* * *

"Fucking ref!" snapped CJ, "All high and mighty on that little high chair of yours! I'd like to see you come down and play against me, asshole!"

As usual, CJ was at home playing _Tennis. _There was a knock at the door. CJ answered it.

"I finally found you," said Limberg, who seemed to be having trouble keeping his eyes open, "Now, prepare for the…_yawn_, beating of your life."

"Are you okay?" asked CJ, "You don't look too hot."

"I'm better than okay," yawned Limberg, "I'm gonna…I'm gonna…Can I use your couch?"

Limberg then walked into CJ's house and slumped onto the sofa before passing out. Limberg then began snoring very loudly.

"Um…" began CJ.

CJ ran to his phone and called up Cookie.

"What?" asked Cookie, who was just getting out of work.

"You better get over here," said CJ, "Limberg's at my house and I think he's drunk or something."

Cookie sighed and walked to her car.

* * *

"What's going on?" asked Cookie as she entered CJ's house.

"Beats the hell out of me," replied CJ, "See if you can wake him up."

"Limberg," said Cookie, as she sat by his side, "Get up!"

"Huh?" asked Limberg, looking around, "Cookie?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I should be asking you the same question," said Limberg, "You've been so busy lately, we never get the chance to hang out much anymore. Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do…" said Cookie.

"Aw," said CJ, "How cute. Unfortunately, I'm gonna need you two to get out of my house 'cause I need to do groceries. Or, better yet, I can just have you do it!"

CJ prepared to hand Cookie a shopping list.

"NO!" snapped Cookie, "Fuck you! I refuse to do your shit anymore!"

"That's a shame," said CJ, "Because Limberg is right here and all I have to do is…"

"Save it," said Cookie, "I'll do it myself."

"Do what?" asked a still sleepy Limberg.

"Limberg," said Cookie, "I did something bad. I slept with Butch a couple of times."

"You did what?" demanded Limberg, "I'm hurt, Cookie!"

"I know," said Cookie, tears welling up in her eyes, "It's just that you were so busy with work and stuff and I needed someone to be with. But now I realized that in trying to keep the affair hidden from you, we're even worse off than we were before. Please forgive me!"

"You know," began Limberg, "The funny thing is that I actually thought you were sleeping with CJ. The fact that you were sleeping with Butch instead makes the news seem a little better!"

"So you're not mad?" asked Cookie.

"Of course I'm pissed!" said Limberg, "But at least you came clean in the end! I'm sure we'll work around this problem eventually!"

"Yay," said CJ, "A happy ending…For you guys. I just lost my slave!"

Suddenly, Buzz appeared at the door.

"Limberg," he said, "I've been looking all over for you…Listen, those pills I gave you weren't steroids. It turns out some of the bottles did actually did have sleeping pills in them. Come to my house so I can refund you!"

"Steroids?" asked CJ, "The fuck do you need steroids for?"

"To buff myself up," replied Limberg, "I was gonna kick your ass for screwing around with my girlfriend!"

"Please," said CJ, "You really thought you were going to come here and kick my ass? Pfft…"

"I'm afraid I have to agree with CJ," said Cookie, "Here, let me show you how it's done!"

She then approached CJ.

"What the…" he began.

She then brought up her knee into CJ's crotch, causing him to fall to the floor in pain.

"That's for making me paint your roof and pick up your dry cleaning and other shit! Come on, Limberg, let's go!"

"Damn, girl," said Limberg, "That was kinda hot!"

The two then walked out of CJ's house, laughing. Buzz simply shrugged and followed them, leaving CJ curled up on the ground.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Hell's gym, Sakura and Lindsay had just finished a few laps on some exercise bikes.

"Phew," said Sakura, wiping the sweat off of her face, "That was a good workout. I really needed that!"

"Yeah," said Lindsay, "What do you say we hit the showers and head home?"

"Let's go," said Sakura.

As they headed to the locker rooms, they passed by Snake, who was curling two very heavy dumbbells excessively fast. He had an insane look in his eyes.

"Hey, Snake!" said Sakura, "What's up?"

"Can't talk!" said Snake, "Pumping iron!"

"Are you okay?" asked Lindsay.

"Okay?" said Snake, "I'm better than okay! I feel great! I had insomnia for the past few nights but then Buzz gave me some of his sleeping pills and now I feel pumped! Grrrrr!"

"Um, yeah," said Sakura, "Have fun!"

"Rawr!" said Snake.

The two girls then walked off. Snake began exercising even faster.

Yeah! Another Episode done. How about that? Next week, on _Animal Crossing, _Curt finds himself in love! Let's see how that one turns out. Goodbye!


	15. Love Sick

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 8: Love/Sick**

"Yeah," said Curt, "And then he looked at me all funny like I'm some kind of an idiot…I know, right?"

As Curt sat at his desk at the travel agency, talking on the phone, Cookie walked by and glared at him.

"Eep!" said Curt, "Um, yeah! I want those papers brought to my desk in exactly 30 minutes or else!"

Curt then hung up the phone and smiled nervously at Cookie. Unfortunately, he did not realize his computer was open to _Minesweeper_. He promptly closed the window, but it was too late.

"Fooling around on the job again, eh?" asked Cookie, "You realize the boss isn't too happy with your performance."

"That's 'cause you keep ratting on me for every little thing I do, you bitch!" snapped Curt.

"I only promised CJ I would get you this job," said Cookie, "And I did. Now, I don't owe him anything anymore. So, unless you shape up, I will do everything I can to make sure you get fired, hear me?"

"You know what?" began Curt, "Don't bother…I quit!"

"Oh, poor baby couldn't handle the stress," said Cookie in a mocking tone, "Now you're back to being a bum! HA!"

"You're a monster," muttered Curt as he left the office.

Cookie simply walked off and started to laugh.

* * *

"So," began CJ, taking a puff of his cigarette, "You quit? Just like that?"

As usual, the gang hung out behind their favourite spot behind the post office.

"Yeah," said Curt, "Ever since Cookie fell out of favour with you, she's been back to her old, bitchy self. Plus the pay sucked and the place smelled weird.

"That might have been because it was above an Indian restaurant," said Lindsay, "I've eaten there, though. It's pretty good."

"We should totally go there to eat later," suggested Sakura, "What do you say?"

"I'm down," said Lindsay.

"I can't," said CJ, "I'm working later. Have fun."

"Yeah," said Curt, "And thanks to Cookie, I'm back to job hunting."

"Don't worry, sweetie," said Sakura, "We'll find a way to get back at Cookie for you!"

"Oh boy," said Lindsay, rolling her eyes, "Not another one of your schemes, I hope."

The two girls then walked off.

Just then, Pelly opened the window and began yelling at the gang.

"Hey!" she snapped, "How many times do I have to tell you children? I'm stressed enough as it is today!"

"Come on," said CJ, "Give us a break!"

"There was a mix-up earlier and now over thirty people are here, complaining that they didn't get their mail! When's my break gonna come, huh?"

"Curt," said CJ, "Pass her a cig."

Curt handed a cigarette to Pelly, which she promptly grabbed and placed in her mouth. Curt then lit it for her. Pelly inhaled deeply and blew a puff of smoke in the air.

"Bless you, children," said Pelly, suddenly smiling, "Ah, what a beautiful day!"

"Hey, Pelly!" said Curt, "Got any job openings?"

"NO!" snapped Pelly.

"Oh well," said Curt, "I tried."

"Look," said CJ, "I don't know when you'll find another job, but in the meantime, I suggest collecting some stuff to sell at Nook's. Maybe some old furniture or something. Or maybe fruit and seashells."

"That's an awesome idea!" said Curt, "Ima go find me some shells!"

* * *

That evening, Lindsay and Sakura ate at the Indian place they had planned on going to earlier.

"Mmmm," said Lindsay, "That tandoori chicken was amazing. I don't know why we don't come here more often!"

"I wish I could say the same about these curry meatballs," said Sakura, "Next time, I'll have what you had."

The two girls paid their tab and walked out. On the way back to Lindsay's car they bumped into Cookie and Limberg.

"Look, Limberg," said Cookie, "It's slut and sluttier!"

"Ha!" laughed Limberg, "Wait, which one's slut and which one's sluttier?"

"Slut and sluttier?" said Sakura, "Wow, I guess you've run out of good ones."

"Shut up, bitch!" snapped Cookie.

"By the way," began Sakura, "We know that you've been making Curt miserable at work all week. He just quit because of you!"

"Too bad!" said Cookie.

"Just know that you're gonna pay!" said Sakura.

"I'm soooo scared," taunted Cookie, "Now, if you'll excuse me, Limberg and I have been wanting to try this Indian place. Is it any good?"

"Oh yeah," said Sakura, "Try the curry meatballs. They're awesome!"

"Sweet!" said Cookie, as she headed for the restaurant, "Ta-ta!"

"Mwahaha," laughed Sakura.

"Um," said Lindsay, "So what do you wanna do now?"

"I don't know," said Sakura, "Wanna chill at my place?"

"Okay," said Lindsay.

* * *

The following day, Curt headed to Hell's beach and began collecting shells which he placed into a large bucket. He spent hours combing the beaches, picking up as many shells as he could fit in the bucket. When he was done, he excitedly ran to Nook's:

"I'll give you 25 bells," said Nook.

"25 bells?" yelled Curt, "The fuck?"

"How much exactly did you expect me to pay for something I could have easily gotten myself for free, hm?" asked Nook, "If you think about it, I'm just paying for your services really."

"But I put a lot of hard work into this," said Curt, "Look at me! I smell like a dirty vagina!"

"Gross," said Nook, "Alright, I'll make it 30 bells, hm?"

"If the shells are so worthless to you, then why even accept them?"

"So I can turn them into necklaces and bracelets and then sell them at ridiculously high prices and make profit."

"You mean that beautiful necklace I bought Lindsay for her birthday was just a smelly old seashell from the beach? You bastard!"

Nook then let out an evil laugh. Curt just stared at him.

"Well?" began Nook, "Are you going to go find me more shells or not? I'll pay you 45 this time."

Curt sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura was at home cleaning up her house. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Sakura quickly answered.

"Hello?" she said.

Standing there, was Limberg, looking very depressed and teary-eyed.

"I don't quite know how to say this…" he began, "Cookie is sick."

"What?" asked Sakura.

"Last night we went to that Indian place and she tried the curry meatballs like you suggested. Except there was something in them that didn't sit well with her…We went to see the doctor and he said she has food poisoning! She nearly died!"

"Oh my God!" said Sakura, "It's all my fault. Where is she now?"

"At home," said Limberg, "If I were you, I'd come talk to her...But not today. She's been sleeping all day"

Limberg then ran off. Sakura ran inside and called up Lindsay.

"Lindsay?" she said, "You won't believe this…"

* * *

Curt quickly returned to the beach, where he cursed under his breath as he gathered up more smelly shells. As he bent down to pick up a shell, he discovered a hermit crab living inside of one.

"EEEEK!" screamed Curt, as he tossed the creature away.

Curt shook his head and resumed collecting. Suddenly, he found something hard in the sand. He began to dig with his hands until the item was fully visible.

"Could it be?" asked Curt, "A fossil!"

Curt ran back to Nook's as fast he could.

"I'm afraid," began Nook, as he examined the fossil, "I can't give you a price."

"Why not?" demanded Curt.

"I'm not sure what it is exactly…Perhaps you should take it to an expert to be analyzed, hm?"

"You mean Blathers?"

"Yes. Hopefully the item will already be in the museum so that you can sell it to me instead of donating it. Good luck!"

And with that, Curt headed for the museum.

* * *

"Hoo-hoo!" exclaimed Blathers, as he examined the small, round object, "Why, this appears to be a fossilized ammonite. It is in pretty good shape, I might add. Unfortunately, though, it is rather common. I estimate it to be worth about 2000 bells."

"Woo-hoo!" yelled Curt, "Looks like I'll be getting that new jacket after all!"

"Ahem, yes," said Blathers, "Is there anything else you need help with?"

Just then, a young female owl passed by. She was carrying two small boxers. She resembled Blathers except that she had pink feathers and a large bow in her hair. As she approached Blathers, she smiled at Curt. As Curt stared into her eyes, his heart began to beat faster. A feeling unlike any other came upon him. For a minute, he was lost in her beautiful eyes.

"Excuse me," she said to Blathers, in an accent similar to his, "Where shall I put these?"

"Back room," replied Blathers.

She then walked away, but not before smiling at Curt one last time.

"Who…" began Curt, still awestruck by her beauty, "Who is that?"

"Celeste," replied Blathers, "My baby sister. She has been working in the observatory for two weeks now trying to earn money for college. She is quite intelligent, I must say. Of course, it runs in the family, wot, wot!"

Blathers looked around and realized Curt was already gone.

"Dear me," he said, before slowly drifting off into sleep.

* * *

As Celeste worked in the upstairs observatory, typing something on a computer, Curt slowly approached her.

"Hello there," said Curt, "So, you're into astronomy eh? I'm a bit of an astronomy buff myself."

"Oh, really?" asked Celeste, "Did you read about that new space probe they launched? It's going to take photographs of black holes! "

"Um," began Curt, not knowing what she was talking about, "Yeah, totally! Did you know Pluto's not a planet anymore?"

Celeste giggled.

"You're silly," she said, "My name is Celeste. How do you do?"

"My name's Curtis," said Curt, "And I do wonderful!"

"Tee-hee," chuckled Celeste, "I'm awfully busy at the moment, but I hope to see you around very soon."

"Yeah," said Curt, "Same!"

"In fact," began Celeste, "Why don't you apply here? The museum has started hiring recently since it is so understaffed. We could use some strapping young men to do some physical labour."

"Sure!"

* * *

"Wake up!" ordered Curt.

Blathers opened his eyes and looked around.

"Hoo, what?" he said, "I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Curt, holding a piece of paper to Blathers' face, "Here, take this!"

"What's this?"

"My résumé, what's it look like?"

"My dear boy, that is a train wreck of a résumé if I ever saw one. It is written on one of the museum's brochures and I do believe you used a wax crayon to write it."

"I kinda wrote it in a hurry…"

"Well, since it is the only application I've gotten all week, I might as well accept it. Frankly, I'm surprised you would even consider working here!"

"What can I say? I developed a sudden love for the arts (And for your hot sister, wink, wink)!"

"Hoo-hoo, I say, splendid! You can start tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. Please be on time!"

* * *

The following morning, Curt began his new job. He walked through the museum entrance carrying a large box.

"Here ya go, Blathers!" said Curt, dropping the box on the floor in front of Blathers, "That's the last of the donations."

"Do be careful," said Blathers, "That stuff is fragile. And by the way, you now work for me, which means I am your superior and thus you will address me as 'Mr. Blathers'. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," sighed Curt.

"Excellent," said Blathers, "Now take this telescope part and bring it to my sister in the observatory!"

Curt grabbed the piece and excitedly ran to the observatory, where Celeste was working, as usual.

"Um, hi," said Curt, blushing.

"Hello," said Celeste, looking very cheerful, "Lovely day isn't it?"

"Um, yeah," said Curt.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"Oh!" said Curt, "I almost forgot why I came! Here is the part you wanted."

"Oh, thank you! My brother told me you got the job here. Congratulations!"

"Thanks," said Curt, who began fidgeting, "Um, so…Um, my lunch break is coming up soon. Wanna…you know, chill and grab a bite or something?"

"I'd love to!" said Celeste.

"Sweet," said Curt, "I'll meet you downstairs at the Roost in half an hour, then!"

"I look forward to it!"

* * *

Sakura and Lindsay headed to Cookie's house, where Sakura hoped to make amends for accidentally poisoning Cookie.

"I can't have this on my conscience, you know," said Sakura, "Even though I despise Cookie with a burning passion, I never wanted to kill her."

"Don't worry," said Lindsay, "It's not your fault. But it was very nice of you to visit her. Maybe this will be an opportunity for you two to mature and become friends!"

"Whatever," said Sakura as she knocked on the door, "Let's just see how she's doing…"

All of a sudden, the ground underneath the two girls gave way and they found themselves falling into the earth. Only the top halves of Sakura and Lindsay's bodies were visible as they struggled to get out of the hole.

"HA!" laughed Cookie from her bedroom window, "You fell right into my trap!"

"What a couple of losers," laughed Limberg, "I can't believe they fell for the whole food poisoning bit!"

"Pitfalls!" said Sakura as she finally managed to free herself, "I should've known this was one of your schemes! You're gonna pay, you conniving bitch!"

Cookie and Limberg continued to laugh while Sakura pulled Lindsay out of the trap.

"I can't believe she did this to us!" snapped Lindsay.

"You see why I can't stand her?" asked Sakura.

"Now I wish she really was sick, that whore!"

"You know what? If she wants to pretend she's ill, I say let's make her ill…I have an idea."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Roost, Curt and Celeste sat down to some coffee and lunch.

"My word," she said, "This tuna sandwich is quite delicious. You know, I've been working here two weeks and I've never been to this place before!"

"Yeah," said Curt, "It's pretty good. I would stay away from the 'Pigeon Milk' though, 'cause I'm not really sure what that is…"

"Tee-hee," said Celeste, "You're adorable. I've never met anyone quite like you before!"

"You haven't?"

"My parents were always very well off, so I spent much of my time around snobby rich children. Being here, in this small town, introduced me to all sorts of new people. Everyone is so funny and charming, you know?"

Curt blushed.

"Dear me," said Celeste, "Look at the time. I must return to my work. See you around!"

As Celeste got up and left, Brewster approached Curt.

"So," he said, "You tapped that yet?"

"What?" asked Curt, "No! None of your business, perv!"

"Take my advice," said Brewster, "Don't hesitate. Make it clear you love her right off the bat. If you don't, you'll end up with another chick who just wants to be friends, but never takes the time to call you!"

"Gee," said Curt, "I wouldn't want that…But I need the right opportunity, you know? I need to take her somewhere romantic first."

"Hmmm," said Brewster, "Hell's annual Spring Fair is in two days. Take her there. I'm sure she'll enjoy it! And, when the mood is just right…BAM! You make your move."

"Sweet," said Curt, "That sounds awesome! Get ready, Celeste, because in two days, you'll be mine!"

**To be continued…**


	16. Love Sick Part II

**Love/Sick (Part II)**

"Buzzy boy," said Sakura as Buzz answered his door, "Wassup?"

"Sakura!" said Buzz, cheerfully, "I still owe you for that last delivery you made!"

"Don't bother," said Sakura, "I came to pick up some 'stuff'."

"Cool," said Buzz, "What would you like?"

"You got anything that could, you know, make someone sick?"

"What?"

"It's not for me, it's for a, er, friend...A very mean friend."

"Say no more! I think I got just what you need."

Buzz ran inside and pulled a couple of bottles out of his kitchen cabinets and handed them to Sakura.

"Syrup of Ipecac," he said, "They don't sell this shit anymore. Guaranteed to induce vomiting!"

"Excellent," said Sakura, "Thanks, bro!"

* * *

"And then we slip some of this stuff into their food or drinks, or whatever," said Sakura, "Cool idea, no?"

"That's an awful idea," said CJ, who was standing behind the counter at Greas-E Burger.

"Did you not hear what Cookie did to Lindsay and me?" said Sakura,

"Yes," said CJ, "And I understand that you wanna get back at them, but they can sue Greas-E Burger!"

"So?"

"It's gonna come out of my paycheck!"

"So?"

"Look," said CJ, "Mr. Hopper put his best employees in charge of the refreshments at this year's fair. I'd rather you find another practical joke that won't cause people to believe our food is toxic."

"It'll just be Cookie and Limberg," said Sakura, "No one else will touch that stuff. I promise."

CJ sighed. Just then, Curt walked in.

"Curt, my man," said CJ, "How was your first day on the job?"

"Amazing," sighed Curt, "I met the most awesome girl, and I think she actually likes me!"

"Wow," said Lindsay, "Who is it?"

"Let me guess," began Sakura, "That weird owl chick who works in the observatory?"

"Her name is Celeste," said Curt, "And she is absolutely amazing! After the Spring Fair, I'm totally getting laid!"

"Here's some advice," said Sakura, "Don't buy her ice cream…That's a pussy thing to do. Buy her a marguerita!"

"Thanks," said Curt, "I'll take that into consideration."

"Well," said Lindsay, patting Curt on the back, "I'm happy for Curt."

"Thanks," said Curt, "Hey, CJ! How about a cheeseburger to go?"

"It's on me, loverboy," said CJ, "Enjoy!"

* * *

Two days later, the Spring Fair began. The park was packed with villagers from all over Hell, and several kiosks were set up that included carnival games, refreshments and other entertainment.

One booth featured a water dunking game. Mr. Resetti was the unfortunate soul who was chosen to be the diver in the tank.

"You call that a throw?" taunted Resetti from inside the glass booth, "HA! My Grandma throws harder than you and she's DEAD!"

Poncho wound up and tossed another rubber ball at the target.

"Missed again, chump!" laughed Resetti, "And you're out of balls…Not like you had any to begin with! NEXT!"

"Fucking game is rigged," muttered Poncho.

"I agree," said Snake, "Come on, guys. Let's try something else!"

"There is nothing wrong with the game," said Alfonso, "You're just not factoring in wind resistance and throwing angle."

"Huh?" asked Snake.

"Allow me," said Alfonso, as he paid for three balls.

"Aw, look!" said Resetti, "Little gator boy wants to give a shot. GOOD LUCK BUDDY!"

Alfonso then did some quick measurements.

"Hurry up, chump," snapped Resetti, "I haven't got all day!"

Alfonso then threw the ball, which hit the target. The trap door under Resetti opened, causing him to fall into the water below.

"WHAT THE FU...Blub…blub…blub…"

"Nice going man," said Poncho, "That was smooth!"

"Thanks," said Alfonso, grabbing his prize, "Want me to teach you a trick for the dart game?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Curt and Celeste strolled around the park, admiring the scenery around them.

"It was so nice of you to take me here," said Celeste, "I'm really having a good time!"

"My pleasure," said Curt, "I figured you haven't been in town that long and you needed to check out some of the events."

"Well, I have been working a lot recently. Listen, there's something I wanna tell you…"

"Oh?"

"Curt, I think you are quite possibly the most charming and adorable person I have ever met. I love you so much…I never want to go back to school! I want to stay here in Hell with you, even if it means working in the museum for the rest of my life!"

Curt's heart began to beat really fast. He couldn't believe what she was saying. He finally had her!

"I…" began Curt, "I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me back," pleaded Celeste, "I really want to be with you."

"I love you too. And I wanna be with you as well."

Celeste smiled.

"There's just one thing you should know about me," began Celeste.

"There's nothing you can say now that'll possibly change how I feel about you," assured Curt.

"Good," continued Celeste, "Because I'm celibate."

"Celibate?" Curt's heart suddenly sank.

"Yes, I prefer to wait until I'm married. That's how my brother and I were raised. Most men just don't understand…But not you. I knew you were different all along, and that's why I love you so!"

"Um," said Curt nervously, "Yeah, that's right…I'm different. Hehehe…Oh boy."

"Wanna get something to eat?."

"Sure…"

As Curt and Celeste headed for the burger stand, all Curt could think about was how he was going to get out of this mess without hurting poor Celeste.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay patrolled the park, keeping an eye out for Cookie and Limberg.

"The drinks suck this year," said Sakura, as she took a sip from her marguerita, "I liked it better when Brewster was in charge of the drinks."

"I agree," said Lindsay, "Hey, isn't that them?"

Sakura turned her head.

"Looky here, Limberg," said Cookie, "It's the twerps. I almost didn't recognize them without that big gaping hole around them."

"You slut," muttered Sakura, "You're gonna get what's coming to you."

"Oooh," said Cookie, "Is that a threat?"

"Maybe," said Sakura, "You'll see…"

"Come on Limberg," said Cookie, "Let's get away from these weirdoes!"

"I'm hungry," said Limberg, "Can we eat?"

"Right after you win me something," said Cookie.

Limberg sighed and the two walked off, hand in hand.

"The plan's in motion," said Sakura, "I just have to give CJ the ipecac. Once Cookie takes a bite, she'll puke her heart out in front of all these people! Everyone will think she's some kind of drunk!"

"I'm not sure about this anymore," said Lindsay, "It seems like a lot of trouble for nothing."

"Don't back out on me now, bizznatch," said Sakura, "For now, just stay here...I'll be right back!"

* * *

Later, at the burger stand, CJ took the bottle of syrup from Sakura and carefully sprinkled a few drops onto a patty. When that was done, he took the top bun and sandwiched the meat together.

"Here," said CJ, handing Sakura the bottle, "Get this thing away from me. I don't want people to think I'm poisoning customers."

"Nice job, love," said Sakura, "Any minute, Dogbreath and Cheeseface will be here. Make sure she gets this patty, got it?"

And with that, Sakura ran off. Just then, one CJ's coworkers arrived at the stand.

"Yo," he said, "Mr. Hopper wants to see you. He needs help carrying some stuff and since you're the strongest..."

"Alright," sighed CJ, "Take over for me, will ya?"

"Sure," said the employee, "What's this patty doing here?"

"Er, um," began CJ, "See that pink dog down there?"

CJ pointed in Cookie's direction. The employee nodded.

"She's a friend," said CJ, "She really hates onions, so I made this sandwich for her. There are no onions in it, so make sure she gets this one, got it?"

"Okay."

CJ then ran off. A minute later, Curt and Celeste arrived at the booth.

"One burger please," she said, "Oh, and a drink. Curt, are you sure you wouldn't like anything?"

Curt shook his head. He was still a little shook up about what Celeste had said. Curt still loved Celeste, but wasn't sure he was up for a sex-less relationship. He just could not bring himself to tell her something like that.

"One burger," said the employee, "Coming right up."

"Actually," said Celeste, "Can you please hold the onions? Thank you."

"Hmmm," thought the employee, "Well, there's an onionless patty right here…I just have to remember to make that pink dog another one."

The employee then grabbed the patty off the counter and handed it to Celeste along with a drink. After paying, the two left.

"Listen, Celeste," began Curt, "I…I…um…"

"Mmmm," said Celeste, "This burger is positively scrumptious…For fast food that is. Don't you at least want a bite?"

Curt sighed and took a bite out of the burger. It was actually pretty good.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the center of the park, where the wishing well stood, there was a large wooden stage set up. Mayor Tortimer stepped onto the stage and approached the microphone in the middle. He tapped the mic a few times, causing loud feedback.

"Ahem," began Tortimer, "Welcome, citizens of Hell, to our 5th annual Spring Fair!"

A bodyguard whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"What?" said Tortimer, "I mean, welcome to our 7th annual Spring Fair! Thank you all for coming here!"

As he spoke, a large crowd formed around the stage, which included Curt and Celeste, as well as Cookie and Limberg, among others.

"This reminds me of back in the day," began Tortimer, "When we used to have an event called 'Springfest', where we did all kinds of crazy activities. It's unfortunate that it was cancelled after all those people died in that sack race…"

As Tortimer rambled on, Sakura and Lindsay observed the crowd from a distance.

"I don't see them," said Lindsay.

"Me neither," said Sakura, "But I saw Cookie and Limberg at the booth, so they definitely ate the burger. It's only a matter of time."

"Anyhoo," continued Tortimer, "Before we proceed with the festivities, I would like to continue our annual tradition by presenting the Hell Award of Excellence. This year's winners have helped preserve our town's culture and knowledge by maintaining the town museum. Can Mr. Blathers and his sister, Celeste, please come on up?"

"Oh, dear," said Celeste, placing her arms on her stomach.

"What's wrong?" asked Curt.

"I don't feel so well," said Celeste, "I don't think I can go up to accept the award."

"Nonsense!" said Curt, "You'll be fine. I'll help you up."

And so Curt helped Celeste to the stage, where Blathers was already standing.

"Hoo-hoo," said Blathers, grabbing the award from Tortimer, "I'm ever so honoured. I would first like to thank…"

Suddenly, Celeste barfed all over the stage. Much of it went on Blathers' shoes.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Blathers, "My talons!"

Celeste puked again, and this time, it sprayed all over Blathers' clothes and the award.

"My award is ruined!" sobbed Blathers.

"What the fudge is wrong wit' ya?" asked Tortimer.

"Celeste, are…" began Curt, who suddenly began to feel sick.

Curt then barfed as well, with most of it going on Celeste. As Celeste screamed, Curt puked into the crowd below him.

"Dagnabbit!" snapped Tortimer, "I don't know what you kids been eatin', but I tell ya, it's all those confounded hormones they put in food nowadays. They're poisoning our kids!"

"Damn," said Cookie, from the audience, "I would be so embarrassed if that ever happened to me! I don't think I would ever recover from something like that!"

"Tell me about it," said Limberg, as he chewed on his burger, "Aw man! They put onions in mine!"

From a distance, Sakura and Lindsay watched as Curt and Celeste (Who were both still puking sporadically) were escorted off the stage by Tortimer's bodyguards.

"Guys," said CJ, as he ran up them, "Someone may have gotten…Oh, shit, I'm too late, huh?"

"Well," began Sakura, "This was an utter disaster…"

"I hope everything goes well for Curt," said Lindsay.

"Can somebody get me a dad-blasted mop?" demanded Tortimer.

Meanwhile, Blathers, whose vest was covered in puke, began crying and ran off the stage.

* * *

The next day, the gang went to hang out behind their usual spot.

"Yup," said Curt, "And then she dumped right after. I kinda don't blame her though."

"Well," said CJ, "It didn't help with you cracking all those 'Pukahontas' jokes afterwards."

"Whatevs," said Curt, "Like I said, she was celibate! There's no way I would've survived with her. If you think about it, this whole thing was a blessing in disguise...Though, I wonder what could have caused me to get so sick all of a sudden."

CJ and Lindsay then glared at Sakura.

"I don't know," Sakura shrugged, "Probably those margueritas. They were awful!"

"True," said Curt, "Well, anyways, I'm out of a job again. It just felt too awkward going back there, you know? Plus, I'm the laughing stock of the town!"

"People will forget about it," assured Lindsay, "Just like how they forgot about that time you and Alfonso got stuck in the air vent at Pork…"

"Don't go there," warned Curt.

"I know you'll find another job," said CJ, "In the end, you always do."

Just then, Pelly opened the window of the post office and stuck her head out.

"What do you want now, Pelly?" asked Curt.

"You said the other day you wanted a job here?" asked Pelly, "Well a spot opened up! You can come in and…"

"Buzz off!" snapped Curt.

"Hmph!" said Pelly, slamming the window shut.

"Like you said," said Curt, "I'll find something."

That's the end for now! Stay tuned for the next episode when the gang re-enact a famous movie. Ciao everybody!


	17. Mad CJ: Beyond Animaldome

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 9: Mad CJ: Beyond Animaldome**

"Damn," said CJ, "You're kicking my ass! Have you been practicing?"

"Sorta," said Lindsay, "Oh! I win!"

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and CJ, Lindsay, and Sakura were sitting around Sakura's house playing _Excitebike _on the NES.

"Damnit, guys," said Sakura, "Why the fuck do we keep playing these gay old NES games when I have an X-Box 360 in my basement?"

"I don't know," replied CJ, "I like the nostalgia of it I guess."

Sakura sighed. Just then, Curt burst open the door and ran into the house.

"Guys," he said, "You won't believe what I saw!"

"Yo momma?" asked Sakura.

"Shaddup," said Curt, "I was digging near the old caves for fossils and shit, and then I found this thing...You have to come see it!"

Curt then ran out of the house excitedly. No one else moved. A few minutes later, Curt returned.

"Well?" he said.

Everyone groaned and grumbled as they stood up and headed out the door.

The town of Hell was surrounded by many things: A train track to the north, the ocean to the south, the town gate the west and several hills and cliffsides to the east. The hills were great places for digging, but not too many people passed by since they were prone to landslides and whatnot.

"What is that?" asked CJ.

"I'll tell you what it is," said Sakura, "A waste of our fucking time!"

The gang stared at what Curt was trying to show them. There appeared to be a large metallic object stuck into the side of mountain.

"Isn't it cool?" asked Curt, "Maybe it's a UFO!"

"Looks like an old missile," said CJ, "Maybe the government was testing missiles and one landed here and got stuck or something."

"Or," said Curt, "Maybe it's a conspiracy! Someone's trying to blow us up!"

"Curt," said Lindsay, "That sounds ridiculous. Still, I think we should go to the police!"

"Wait," said Curt, "I want someone to take a pic of me with this thing first!"

"Curt..." began CJ.

Too late. Curt climbed up the side of the cliff and sat down on the bomb, riding it _Dr. Strangelove _style.

"Woo-hoo!" said Curt, "Kura, you got your cell phone? Snap some pics!"

"Hold on," said Sakura, taking out her phone, "I hear a beeping noise. I must be getting a text..."

"It's not coming from the phone," said Lindsay.

"Uh-oh," said Curt, looking down, "It's coming from the bomb!"

"Curt, you idiot!" snapped CJ, "You must have accidentally set it off!"

"Holy crap," said Curt, jumping down, "We only have 5 minutes! What do we do?"

CJ thought for a moment.

"We'll go to my house," he began, "And take refuge."

"Why your house?" asked Sakura.

"My house is closest," replied CJ, "Plus, my basement still has the old lead-based paint up. It should protect us from any radioactivity!"

"And what about our friends?" asked Lindsay.

"We only have 5 minutes!" snapped CJ, "There's only time left to save us! Come on, let's go!"

The gang ran as fast as they could to CJ's house. Thankfully it wasn't too far. They entered with less than 1 minute to spare.

"Quick," said CJ, "Into the basement!"

The gang ran down the stairs and into the large basement. CJ shut the door and locked it up tightly. Just then, the bomb detonated and a loud blast could be heard. Villagers ran screaming from the fiery explosion that erupted from the mountain. An enormous mushroom cloud formed over the town and was visible for miles. This was all followed by a powerful earthquake that rocked the town and nearly knocked the gang over. Eventually, it was all over.

"That's it?" asked Sakura, "Is it done?"

"Yeah," replied CJ, "But we can't leave...Not yet."

"Why not?" asked Curt.

"The air might be radioactive," replied CJ, "We can be harmed. We'll just have to stick it out down here. Possibly for a long time. Thankfully I have enough food in my downstairs fridge and cupboard to last us more than a month, though hopefully someone will rescue us before then!"

* * *

And so the gang spent nearly a month and a half living in CJ's basement, terrified of what had become of their beloved town.

"CJ," began Sakura, "We have no food left and we reek! When are we ever gonna go above ground?"

"I guess help isn't coming," said CJ, who in his time living underground had grown longer hair and a thick five o'clock shadow, "Let's go up. But be careful!"

As the gang emerged from their underground hideout, they saw what became of their town. Much of CJ's house was destroyed, as were many of the nearby buildings. The town was now a barren desert, covered in sand and dust, which also blew around in the air. There were no more trees, and not one person could be seen walking around.

"Damn," said Curt, "This is rough."

"Damn straight," said Sakura, "Hey, CJ! Your mailbox is flashing! You got mail!"

"How in the hell could I have mail?" asked CJ.

Sakura ran to the mailbox and opened it.

"Let's see," began Sakura, as she pulled out the letter, "I knew it! _Your current HRA score is 0. Lighten the place up a little, maybe fix the windows, install a new roof or something..._"

"Give me that," snapped CJ, taking the letter and crumpling it, "Man, nothing can stop these guys from sending me their crap. Come on, let's go!"

"Go where?" asked Lindsay, "There's nothing left!"

"Nookington's," replied CJ, "If we're lucky, there'll be some supplies that survived. We'll start scavenging."

The gang gathered up what few supplies they had left and packed them in a bag. They then began their trip to Nookington's. Along the way, they heard a noise. When they looked up to see who it was, they saw Blathers coming at them in a small plane resembling a Transavia Airtruk.

"Hoo-Hoo!" called Blathers, as he made a nose dive for the gang, "You're mine now!"

"AH!" screamed Sakura, "Duck!"

The gang hit the ground as Blathers flew right over their heads.

"Damn," said Blathers.

Blathers then flew up and spun around. He made another dive for the gang.

"Leave us alone!" snapped Curt.

As Blathers approached the gang again, he reached his arm out of the window and grabbed the bag of supplies from CJ's hand.

"Hoo-Hoo!" said Blathers, "So long!"

"Hey asshole!" yelled Sakura, "Give us back our shit or we'll bash your skull in, you dumb fucktard!"

"Too late," said CJ, "He got our shit. Let's just keep moving."

After walking through the deserted town for several minutes, the gang finally arrived at Nookington's. There, they saw Copper and Booker, digging through the ruins of the store. Instead of their usual police uniforms, they were wearing metal armour and helmets.

"Look, Copper," said Booker, "It's them...I think."

"Yeah, yeah," said Copper, "It's definitely them."

"Geez," said Curt, "All of all the people who had to survive this thing..."

"We need you to come with us," said Copper.

"I don't know if you noticed," began Sakura, "But the town is destroyed, so you dumb cops have no more authority! Ha!"

Copper and Booker pointed crossbows at the gang.

"You need to come with us," repeated Copper, "Aunty Cookie wants to see you."

"Aunty Cookie?" asked Sakura, "Oh dear Lord..."

* * *

The cops took the gang all the way to Town Hall. Most of the building was still intact. There were several tents and kiosks set up around the building functioning as a makeshift market. When the gang approached the large door of the town hall, the cops slowly opened it and pushed the gang inside.

"Easy there," said Curt, "Geez!"

"Aunty Cookie," began Copper, "We found them."

They were in the giant room where Tortimer usually held his town meetings. Except all the chairs in the center of the room were removed and instead of a podium, there was a large armchair on the stage, upon which Cookie sat. She wore a bizarre-looking dress and a fake tiara.

"Limberg," said Cookie.

Limberg walked up next to Cookie.

"Give me a shoulder rub," began Cookie, "I'm tense!"

"Hellz yeah!" said Limberg, who then began his massage.

"So," began Cookie, "You twerps survived, eh?"

"Cookie!" said Sakura, "I don't what the fuck is going on, but you better step off that chair and explain this shit!"

"It's _Aunty Cookie_ to you," said Cookie, "And I don't have to listen to you. I am the supreme ruler of Cookietown!"

"Who died and made you queen?" asked Curt.

"He did," replied Cookie, pointing up.

The gang then saw Tortimer's corpse, which had been stuffed and pinned to the wall above.

"Oh God!" said CJ, "Why the fuck do you keep that thing around?"

"Yeah," said Curt, "And how did you become queen?"

"Following the blast," began Cookie, "I offered my home to the surviving residents as shelter from the radiation that clouded the city. The lead-based paint provided excellent protection. The people were so grateful for my help, that once we all emerged, they named me queen! Construction of my new little kingdom has already begun!"

"Why hasn't anyone left the town yet?" asked Lindsay, "There's no reason to stay here!"

"The Animalese government sealed this whole county off," continued Cookie, "I guess they were afraid people infected by the radiation would spread it to other towns."

"And how do you plan on maintaining a fully functional society in these circumstances?" asked CJ.

"The mines," replied Cookie, "There are dozens of workers who spend their days underground digging out the materials needed to build and fuel this town. Efficient and self-sufficient! Ha!"

"You expect us to believe all this happened in a month?" asked CJ.

"What does it matter?" asked Cookie, "You guys have survived the apocalypse, and now I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you. Copper! Booker!"

Copper and Booker readied their crossbows.

"Wait!" said Sakura, "Look, I know we've never been on good terms, but I'm sure in this harsh and unforgiving environment, we can find time to put aside our petty differences and work together to help establish your new society?"

"Hmmm," said Cookie, "Limberg! I want a foot rub now! Chop, chop!"

Limberg nodded and ran to the floor, where he began to massage Cookie's bare feet.

"Tell you what," began Cookie, "I'll let you guys live if you do this one thing for me...The mines are run by a powerful figure named Mr. Blister. He is the only survivor in this whole town who knows how to operate the machines down there. Of course, that means he has a monopoly over all the supplies that come into Cookietown."

"So," began CJ, "He's a threat to your newfound power?"

"He's insane," said Cookie, "But I'm sure one of you can talk some sense into him. Remind him who the real queen is!"

"Yeah," said Limberg.

"Less talkie," said Cookie, "And more rubbie!"

"I'll go," said CJ, "I think I can do it..."

"Alright," said Cookie, "If you can convince Mr. Blister to turn over some of his power, then I'll let you guys live. But if you fail, prepare to suffer..."

"Good luck," whispered Curt.

"Bring up something nice for us," said Sakura.

CJ prepared himself for the trip down. The hatch that led to the underground mines was in a back room in the town hall. Limberg opened the hatch and CJ began his descent.

* * *

The mines were large and filthy. There were large machines and several villagers trapped in cages. CJ slowly wandered through the disgusting cavern and approached a small cage.

"Hugh?" said CJ.

"Help me," said Hugh the pig, who was trapped inside the cage, "You don't know what they do to me down here! They collect my feces to power the machines! My feces, for God's sake!"

"Silence!" snapped a guard, who then smacked the cage.

"Excuse me," began CJ, "Can you take me to Mr. Blister?"

"Did Aunty Cookie send you?" asked the guard.

CJ nodded. The guard led CJ through the mines until they arrived at a high-up catwalk where a large orange gorilla stood. He wore a pair of black pants with suspenders and thick boots. A large gauntlet covered most of his right arm. He also wore a giant black helmet that completely covered his face. The gorilla was nearly seven feet tall, and very muscular.

"Are you Mr. Blister?" asked CJ.

"_We _are Mr. Blister," said a voice.

Just then, Mr. Resetti popped up from behind the gorilla's back, apparently harnessed to him. Resetti wore thick body armour and large shoulder pads. Instead of his usual mining helmet, he wore a hat that resembled a samurai helmet.

"Resetti?" asked CJ.

"I don't go by that name anymore," he said, "I am now known only as 'Mister'. My friend here is Blister. Together, we are Mister Blister!"

"Right," said CJ, rolling his eyes, "Listen, Aunty Cookie has my friends captured and she's threatening to kill them, so if possible, maybe you could ease up a little on the power struggle here?"

"Hmmm..." said Mister, "NO! All my life I've been treated like crap. Well, no more! I'm top man down here, and if you don't like it, then tough!"

"Duh," said the dim-witted Blister.

"Please," said CJ, "You don't understand! Look, I hate Cookie too. I'm just doing my part to survive!"

"Boo-hoo," said Mister, "I don't care about you or your friends, and that self-righteous bitch can kiss my ass!"

Just then, Mister snapped his fingers and three hostile workers approached CJ.

"Kill him!" ordered Mister.

"Duh!" said Blister.

The men charged at CJ, who quickly jumped out of the way, causing them to bash into each other. While they were dazed, CJ ran up to a large metal railing, which was so old and rusted that he was able to easily yank it off. As the men charged again for CJ, CJ swung the railing knocking one man in the head. The other man ducked to avoid the metal bar, but CJ simply slammed it down onto his head, knocking him out. The third man tried to punch CJ, but CJ blocked the move with the bar before swinging it into his head.

As CJ stood above the unconscious guys, the workers in the background stopped working and cheered CJ.

"Damn," said Mister, "You're good. Real good. Maybe I should give you a chance!"

"Really?" said CJ, "So you'll talk to Aunty Cookie?"

"Yes," said Mister, "Right after we settle things in the Dome!"

"THE DOME!" chanted the workers, "THE DOME!"

"Uh-oh..." said CJ.

**To be continued...**


	18. Mad CJ: Beyond Animaldome Part II

**Mad CJ: Beyond Animaldome (Part II)**

"The Dome?" said Aunty Cookie, "Are you serious?"

"Yes," said Mister, "That's the only way I'd consider giving into your demands!"

Mister Blister and CJ were now above ground and back in the town hall.

"Why can't things just be simple?" asked Cookie, "I thought when I became queen life would be easy! Limberg, help me out here!"

"He's got his rights," said Limberg, "If there is a problem that can't be solved through civil discussion, then we duke it out in the Dome!"

"Who wrote these stupid laws?" asked Cookie.

"You did," replied Limberg.

Cookie sighed.

"Excuse me," said CJ, "But what's the Dome?"

"A gladiator-style arena where two combatants fight to the death," replied Cookie, "The rules are simple: Two go in, one comes out."

"Good," said Mister, "I'll send Blister in. Make your pick!"

"I'll go," said CJ.

"Make Curt go," said Sakura, "He's the one that caused this stupid apocalypse!"

"HEY!" said Curt.

"No," said CJ, "I'll do it. I'll be fine. I'm sure of it."

"Please," said Lindsay, "Be careful!"

"Aim for the cahonies," said Sakura, "Don't be afraid to fight dirty!"

"I'll remember that," said CJ.

* * *

That night, the fight began. The combatants stood at opposite sides of the dome-shaped cage located in what used to be the town square. Several spectators clung onto the cage like bees on a beehive. Many were holding weapons, such as axes and maces.

"These 'seats' aren't exactly comfortable," said Lindsay, struggling to hold onto the metal cage.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "But at least we get a great view!"

"Popcorn," boomed Buzz, who climbed his way to the gang with bags of popcorn in his hand, "Get your popcorn!"

"Yo Buzz," said Curt, "Over here!"

"50 bells," said Buzz.

"Reach into my back pocket," said Curt, "I might have something in there."

Buzz then climbed over to Curt and yanked the money out of his pants while passing him the popcorn. He then climbed elsewhere.

"Rule #1," said Aunty Cookie, who had her own special seat, "There are no rules! But if any of you get blood splatter on me, so help you!"

Both combatants were tied to large rubber bands that were attached to the ceiling. The bands allowed them to jump great heights and perform various acrobatic feats. The two pulled themselves as far back as possible.

"GO!" boomed Cookie.

The combatants lifted their feet off the floor and flew into each other. Blister immediately grabbed CJ and began to pound on him.

"Come on, CJ!" yelled Sakura, "Free yourself! You can do it!"

Blister prepared a mighty swing, but CJ managed to avoid it, sending Blister spinning. CJ attempted to punch Blister in the back, but only ended up hurting his fist.

"Dang!" said CJ, "Uh-oh!"

Blister then grabbed CJ and lifted him off the ground. He pulled CJ as far back as possible and let go, catapulting him into the other side of the cage. Meanwhile, Blister grabbed a large spear from one of the audience members and held it triumphantly over his head.

"I'm fucked now," said a dizzy CJ.

Blister charged full speed at CJ. CJ jumped into the air to dodge the attack, causing the spear to go through the cage wall and impale a random spectator. CJ landed on Blister's back, where he managed to untie the rubber bands that held him up. However, as CJ jumped off of Blister's back, Blister successfully swung his spear and chopped the rubber bands that held up CJ.

"What are you waiting for?" yelled Mister, "Hurry up and kill the bastard! KILL HIM!"

Blister turned around and prepared to charge CJ again, only this time, CJ rolled out of the way.

"CJ!" yelled Lindsay, "We found this! Use it to defend yourself!"

The gang then tossed a large hammer into the dome. CJ picked it up and immediately began blocking Blister's blows.

"He's good," said Cookie, "I was smart to depend on him..."

Eventually, CJ gained the upper hand. He managed to knock the spear out of Blister's hands before delivering several blows to Blister's head and body. As Blister fell to his knees, CJ approached him and delivered one last blow that knocked his large helmet right off and sent him flying backwards to the floor.

"WHAT?" said Mister.

"Now," said Cookie, "Finish him off."

CJ nodded and picked up the fallen spear. However, as CJ approached Blister, he stared into his big, dumb smiling ape face. CJ could not bring himself to kill him.

"Awww," said Sakura, "He's adorable. He's like a child!"

"I don't even think he realizes he's about to die," said Lindsay.

"Well?" asked Cookie, impatiently.

"I can't do it," said CJ, "Look at him! He's not a monster. He's just a really dumb guy who does everything Mister tells him to do. He's innocent!"

"Doesn't matter," said Cookie, "You technically won this fight so I get what I want. Your friends live and I finally have Blister out of the way. GUARDS!"

Copper and Booker pointed their crossbows at Blister and fired, killing the ape instantly.

"NOOOO!" said Mister, "HOW COULD YOU?"

Limberg then walked up to the four-foot tall Mister and picked him up.

"Gaaah!" said Mister, "Put me down!"

"I don't have to listen to you anymore," said Cookie, "With your bodyguard gone, you have to do everything I say, got it?"

"Bitch..." muttered Mister.

"What happens to me?" demanded CJ.

"You broke our deal," said Cookie, "You were supposed to kill Blister and you didn't. We have a law here; Break the deal, face the wheel! Limberg, spin the wheel!"

"Yes, ma'am!" said Limberg.

Limberg then wheeled in a _Wheel of Fortune _style wheel on which several "punishments" were written. Limberg grabbed the wheel and spun as hard as he could. He spun it so hard that it broke off its stand and flew right into Cookie's face.

"OW!" snapped Cookie, "Fucking piece of shit! Whatever, just cast him out into the wasteland!"

"You can't do this!" said Curt.

"You guys," began Cookie, "Will get to live as promised, but you must stay here and be my slaves! I need more cleaning people! Chop, chop!"

Copper and Booker forced the gang into the town hall.

"NO!" yelled CJ.

Limberg snuck into the dome and struck CJ on the head, knocking him out.

* * *

CJ was awoken by the morning sun. He found himself lying in the middle of the deserted wasteland with no one in sight. CJ sighed and stood up, before beginning his long and painful walk across the desert. Normally, CJ was good at finding his way around, but in this case, CJ was exhausted and hungry, as he had not eaten in a while, and found himself mindlessly walking in circles. Worse, CJ could no longer recognize any of the landmarks since everything just looked like a desert.

Every building CJ walked into was too damaged to provide any real shelter. After a number of hours, CJ stumbled across the post office, which to his surprise, was still in good shape. CJ quickly ran inside, hoping to find something to eat, or at least a place to relax.

"Hello?" said CJ, "Anyone here?"

CJ heard a noise coming from the back room. When he went to investigate, he saw two small tanukis sitting on the floor.

"Jesus Christ!" said CJ, clutching his chest, "You nearly gave me a heart attack! You're Nook's kids right?"

"Sorry...Sorry," the Nooklings said in unison, "Yes, yes we are...are!"

"What are you doing here?" asked CJ.

"Our father took us here after the blast," replied Tommy, "Then he left to look for supplies, but he told us to stay here!"

"It's been weeks now," added Timmy, "And he never came back."

"That's terrible!" said CJ.

"It's okay" added Timmy, "Before he left, he promised that if he didn't come back, someone named **C**aptain **J**ack would come and take us to Yester-Yesterdayland!"

"Yester-Yesterdayland?" asked CJ.

"A place where things are just like they were before the blast!" replied Tommy, "Where things are like they were yesterday!"

Timmy gasped.

"Are you Captain Jack?" he asked.

"Me?" asked CJ, "My name is CJ, but that's just my name. Frankly, I don't think this Captain Jack is real. Sorry…"

"But," said Tommy, "Who will take us to Yester-Yesterdayland?"

"I don't know," said CJ, "If you're looking for civilization, there's Aunty Cookie's fucked-up little town, but I can't go there. Otherwise we're trapped in Hell by a large wall."

"So there's no way out…out?" asked the twins.

"Not unless we could fly or something…"

Suddenly, it hit CJ.

"Gather your supplies, guys," said CJ, "And hand me that map on the wall. I think I know where to go..."

CJ and the Nooklings gathered the small amount of food they had left. CJ searched the drawer behind the front desk.

"I knew it," said CJ, holding up Pelly's shotgun, "Let's go!"

* * *

The trio ran across town to the Museum, which, like the post office, was still in decent shape. CJ burst through the front entrance and pointed the shotgun at Blathers, who was standing in the main room.

"I say!" said Blathers, "Who's there? My word, it's you again! I'm sorry I took your supplies! Please don't kill me!"

"You bastard!" said CJ, "You have a way out of this town and we want it now!"

"What the devil are you talking about?" asked Blathers.

"Your plane," said CJ, "You're flying us out of this hellhole!"

"My plane is for personal use only!" snapped Blathers.

CJ coked his shotgun.

"Hoo!" said Blathers, "Alright, I'll fly us out of here!"

"First," said CJ, "We need to rescue my friends. They're trapped in Cookietown!"

"Cookie?" said Blathers, "Why, her and those gang of brutes broke into my Museum following the blast. They stole many of the weapons from the World War II display! They are extremely well-armed and dangerous!"

"Well," said CJ, "Then we gotta be careful. All you have to do is wait outside with your plane. When we're ready, we'll come for you and you can fly us out. If you get stuck, at least make sure the Nooklings get out alive. Got it?"

"Hoo-hoo," said Blathers, "I hope you know what you're getting us into."

"Just a question," said CJ, "If you had a plane, how come you've never attempted to fly out of town before?"

"I have," said Blathers, "I bought supplies in Mallsville last week!"

"And it never occurred to you that you were free?" asked CJ.

"My, yes," said Blathers, "But I've worked so hard to help put together this Museum. There's no way I could ever abandon it!"

CJ rubbed his head in frustration.

"Idiot," muttered CJ.

* * *

Blathers flew CJ and the twins to Cookietown. When Blathers got close, he decreased his altitude and CJ leapt out of the plane.

"I'll be waiting," said Blathers, "Do hurry up!"

CJ nodded. Shotgun in hand, he ran through tent city that surrounded the town hall. From where he was, he could see Aunty Cookie strolling around surrounded by bodyguards and carefully snuck by her. CJ approached town hall and slowly opened the door.

"Hey, you!" said Copper, "Stop!"

CJ ran up to Copper and rammed him into a wall. Not wanting to fire his very loud shotgun, which of course would attract attention, CJ instead slowly strangled Copper to death by pressing the weapon up against his neck.

"What's going on?" demanded Booker, who came running in.

CJ picked up Copper's fallen crossbow and fired it at Booker, killing him instantly. CJ then continued his search through town hall until he arrived at a room marked "Aunty Cookie's Chambers". CJ entered.

"Pssst," whispered CJ, "Anyone here? Guys?"

"Hold it," said a familiar voice.

CJ turned around and saw Snake and Poncho holding submachine guns to his face.

"Aunty Cookie had you thrown out," said Snake, "We are under orders to kill you if you ever came back!"

"Where's Alfonso?" asked CJ.

"That poor son of a bitch," said Poncho.

"That poor _delicious _son of a bitch!" added Snake.

CJ just stared at them.

"Food is scarce," said Snake, "Don't judge!"

"Listen, guys," began CJ, "You don't need to listen to Cookie anymore. I have a way out! We can all leave and be free!"

"For real?" said Poncho, "Sounds sweet!"

"Perhaps we should go with CJ..." suggested Snake.

All of a sudden, Sakura appeared behind Snake and Poncho and stabbed them both to death.

"Sakura!" snapped CJ, "I was just about to convince them to come with us!"

"Oh," said Sakura, "Well, too late! Have you come to rescue us?"

"Yup," replied CJ, "Come on, there's no time to waste!"

Sakura and CJ met up with Curt and Lindsay and the now-reunited gang made their way out of the town hall. However, as they bolted through the tent city, they were spotted by a guard.

"Look!" he pointed, "They're getting away!"

The guards began firing their weapons at the gang. They immediately took cover behind a stand. CJ returned fire with his shotgun, but missed.

"There!" said CJ, "Into that truck!"

There was a large truck marked _Nookway Deliveries _right at the edge of town. CJ and the gang made a dash for it.

"Hold it!" said a voice.

CJ turned and saw Mister approaching him.

"Look," said CJ, "I'm sorry about what happened to Blister, but please just let us go! We don't wanna stay here!"

"Neither do I," said Mister, "Please take me with you! It's hell over here! You don't wanna know what Cookie does to me!"

"Alright," said CJ, "You can escape with us."

"Yaaay!" said Mr. Resetti, who immediately jumped onto CJ's back.

"Let's go!" said Mr. Resetti, "Andalay!"

"You're really pushing it, pal..." warned CJ.

Once the gang was inside the truck, CJ quickly started it (Using keys given to them by Mr. Resetti) and drove off.

"NO! NO! NO!" screamed Cookie, "I can't let them escape! STOP THEM! NOW!"

"I'm on it," said Limberg, holding a radio, "I called up Wolfgang and Octavian and they're forming a roadblock as we speak..."

"Good," said Cookie, "Let's go!"

Cookie and her cronies hopped onto several dune buggy-like vehicles and began to chase after the gang.

* * *

The gang drove down the desert until they saw Blathers' plane, which was parked in the middle of nowhere.

"Blathers!" called CJ, "Start it up! We're outta here!"

Blathers started the plane as CJ parked the truck next to it. One by one, the gang got out.

"Hoo-hoo," said Blathers, looking through a pair of binoculars, "Up ahead! Roadblock!"

"So?" asked CJ.

"Without proper runway space, this plane won't be able to take off!"

CJ then looked behind and saw Cookie's convoy fast approaching. They were trapped.

"Then I have no choice," muttered CJ.

CJ got back into the truck and slammed on the accelerator.

"CJ!" yelled Sakura, "What are you doing?"

"He's sacrificing himself," said Lindsay, "So we can escape!"

"What a brave soul," said Curt, wiping his eye, "I call shotgun!"

The gang squeezed into the cockpit as Blathers began to drive the plane down the long desert path.

"GET READY, BITCHES!" yelled CJ, "HERE COMES CAPTAIN JACK!"

Meanwhile, up ahead, Wolfgang and Octavian, as well as several other guards, watched as CJ's truck quickly approached them.

"Uh," said Wolfgang, "He's coming awfully fast...Do we shoot, or should we try to get out of the way?"

"Damnit," said Octavian, "There's no time to do either! We're dead! I knew this roadblock was a bad..."

Just then, CJ leapt out of the truck, which crashed straight into the line of cars that blocked the runway. The massive explosion obliterated the roadblock and killed the guards. With the runway clear, Blathers was able to take off.

"Hold on tight!" said Blathers.

From the ground, an injured CJ watched as the plane took off and disappeared into the horizon. Suddenly, Cookie's convoy arrived and stopped right in front of CJ. Cookie climbed out of her car and approached CJ with a pistol in hand.

"You bastard," muttered Cookie, pointing the pistol at CJ's face, "You ruined everything!"

"Do whatever you want," said CJ, "At least my friends are okay..."

Cookie prepared to pull the trigger but hesitated.

"What gives?" asked Limberg.

"He's right," said Cookie, "His friends are gone...Forever! And he's trapped here without them. Why should I put him out of his misery when I can just leave him here to rot by himself?"

Cookie holstered her pistol. She and Limberg then laughed maniacally as they left the scene, leaving CJ lying all by himself in the sand.

"God speed, guys," whispered CJ.

* * *

"I can't believe what CJ did for us!" said Lindsay.

"He's our hero!" said Sakura, "I'm gonna miss him!"

"His back was the most comfortable back I have ever ridden!" sobbed Mr. Resetti.

"Is anyone else constipated from eating Alfonso?" asked Curt.

"Curt," said Sakura.

"Yeah?" asked Curt.

"Curt..." repeated Sakura.

"What?"

* * *

"CURT!" yelled Sakura.

Curt snapped out of it. He was still sitting on top of the large bomb that was lodged into the mountainside. Sakura had just finished taking his picture with her cell phone.

"Woah," said Curt, "Sorry, I must have tuned out for a second."

"You look exhausted," said CJ, "Have you been staying up late?"

"Yup," yawned Curt, "Stayed up last night watching that _Mad Max _marathon with the guys."

"Figures," said CJ, "Get down from there! The man needs his bomb back!"

Behind CJ was a blue bear named Kody who was wearing a cap that read "Director."

"Yo," said Kody, "I need that bomb. It's part of my set!"

"Set?" asked Curt, as he began to climb down the rocks.

"We're filming a movie here," replied Kody, "It's a low-budget mockumentary about a nuclear war. It'll be debuting at this year's film festival!"

"So the bomb is fake?" asked Curt.

"It's made of paper maché," replied Kody, "Though my buddy and I did a hell of a job, if I do say so myself."

"Could've fooled me," said Curt.

"Can we have bit parts in this film?" asked Sakura.

"Sure," replied Kody, "But I ain't payin' ya! Now get off of my set. I have filming to do!"

The gang walked away from the movie set and headed back to their homes.

"Now what?" asked CJ.

"Let's continue playing video games," suggested Lindsay, "I got nothing else planned."

"Sounds good."

As the gang headed off, Curt received a call on his cell. He stopped to answer it.

"Yello?" asked Curt.

"Dude!" said Snake, on the other line, "There's this _Die Hard _marathon on tonight. Me, Poncho and Alfonso are coming to my place to watch it. You coming?"

"Sounds fun," said Curt, "I'm in!"

Curt then shut his phone and happily ran over to Snake's house...

That's the end for now! See you next week!


	19. Election Day

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 10: Election Day**

"From the _Channel 6 _news desk," boomed the announcer, "This is _Channel 6 News _with your anchor, Bob the Cat!"

The camera then panned over a news studio before stopping in front of a purple cat.

"Good afternoon," said Bob, "Here are today's top stories. Hell's mayoral elections are fast approaching and once again, it appears once again that no one will be running against incumbent mayor, Tortimer von Tortimer III, who has been in the office for the last 10 terms. Tortimer has already announced plans to celebrate his victory..."

* * *

It was a peaceful Friday afternoon, and the gang headed to Nookington's for a little shopping...

"HA!" said Curt, "Take that, fucker! Ima kick yo ass!"

"Not today, douchebag!" said CJ.

Curt and CJ were playing with the display Playstation 3 that hung from the wall in the electronics department. Nook suddenly appeared behind them.

"Ahem," said Nook, "Are you done?"

"The fuck you want?" asked Curt, still focused on the screen.

"I know this machine is free for you to try," began Nook, "But there are others who are waiting to use it."

"So?" asked CJ.

"Besides," continued Nook, "Don't you have video games at home?"

"But I don't own this game yet," said Curt, "Plus, I'm just about to achieve a high score!"

Nook rubbed his forehead. Suddenly, Lindsay approached him, holding two different shampoo bottles.

"Excuse me, Mr. Nook," she began, "I usually buy this brand, but I was thinking of switching to this one because my scalp is getting irritated but I'm not sure if this one will give me that silky smooth feeling. Do you give out free samples?"

"Why are you asking me?" demanded Nook, "Talk to someone in the bathroom supplies department!"

"Ew," said Lindsay, "They're weird...They don't know anything, and this one guy keeps hitting on me!"

Nook sighed and turned around.

"Hey!" said Nook, "No eating in my store!"

"Why the hell not?" asked Sakura, whose mouth was full of banana, "Free country."

She then took another bite of her banana.

"Is that from the food section?" asked Nook, "If it is, then you'll have to pay for it, hm?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "How much?"

"50 bells a pop!"

"Nevermind then. I came in with this banana!"

Sakura then took another bite and walked off. Before Nook could say anything, he heard a loud "Bang!"

"What was that?" demanded Nook.

Curt, in his frustration, slammed his PS3 controller to the floor, breaking it.

"You break it," began Nook, "You bought it!"

"Damn," said Curt, "Put it on my tab!"

"Your tab is due," said Nook, "It's the end of the month. You owe me 5000 bells!"

"The end of the month?" asked CJ, "Sweet! Can I cash in my raffle tickets?"

CJ pulled out several raffle tickets and showed them to Nook.

"Dumbass," said Nook, "They're expired!"

"Fuck this raffle shit!" said CJ, "These tickets have to be worth something!"

"No!" snapped Nook, "Now, stop bugging me!"

Nook bit his lip in anger. Lindsay approached Nook again, this time holding a tampon bag.

"Nook," she said, "My preferred brand is sold out. Do you know if these are any good?"

"GAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Nook, finally losing it, "I've had enough of you people!"

"What do mean you people?" asked Sakura, taking a bite out of a chocolate bar, "As a human minority, I take offence to that!"

"You know damn well what I mean!" snapped Nook, "Every day you come in here and drive me insane with your bullshit! I'm fed up!"

"Yeah," said Curt, "Well, what are you gonna do about it? You're the only major store in town, so you can't ban us! It's the law!"

"No," said Nook, "But I swear I will get my revenge on you little pests! Mark my words..."

The gang instantly broke out into laughter and walked out of the store.

* * *

The following day, the gang headed to the post office to hang out by their usual spot. In front they noticed a signboard that read _Vote Nook for Mayor_.

"What's that?" asked Curt.

"Hmmm..." said CJ, reading the sign, "Uh-oh!"

"This isn't good," said Sakura, "Do you know what he'll do to us if he's elected mayor?"

"Oh, man!" said Curt, "All those times we made fun of him and called him 'stinky' and 'needle nose' and erroneously referred to him as a raccoon instead of as a tanuki...We're fucked!"

"I told you we should've been nicer to him," said Lindsay.

"No one would vote for Nook," said CJ, "Right?"

"Hopefully not," said Sakura, "I mean, who would be interested?"

* * *

"Good afternoon," said Bob, "This is _Channel 6 News_."

A small picture of Tom Nook appeared in the top right corner of the screen.

"Smelly, bizarre, annoying, a freak of nature..." began Bob, "These are just some of the many terms used to describe department store owner and entrepreneur, Thomas Edward Nooklittle, who yesterday announced his candidacy for the upcoming elections. Nook held a conference yesterday, discussing his plans."

The news then cut to a clip of Nook holding a press conference in front of his store.

"Yes," said Nook, "I am indeed running for mayor. I feel that this town is in need of change and that I can help bring this town to new levels of prosperity."

A man in the audience raised his hand.

"Yes?" said Nook pointing at the man.

"Do you have any previous experience in politics?" he asked.

"I briefly studied political science in college," replied Nook, "But that is irrelevant because I am a man of the people and will do all I can to improve this place!"

The audience applauded.

"How will you appeal to the younger crowd?" asked another member of the audience.

"As a storeowner I encounter young people all the time," replied Nook, "That should not be a problem."

The audience applauded again.

The story then cut back to Bob.

"Although some are questioning Nook's ability as a politician," began Bob, "Many are welcoming Nook as a candidate."

The news then cut to a series of interviews conducted on the streets of Hell:

**Wolfgang: **A little change wouldn't hurt anyone, I guess.

**Octavian: **Look ma! I'm on T.V.! WOOOO!

**Kapp'n: **Aaargh, I'm not too fond of this Nook feller, but if he can stop those blasted teenagers from vandalisn' the docs, then he's got me vote!

**Cupcake: **Sure, I'd vote for him! He's a fresh face in politics...Even if his face isn't so fresh!

**Alfonso: **Oh, dear. Please tell me you sterilized that microphone...I'm not comfortable putting my mouth near it unless I know where it's been.

"The candidates are currently preparing for their first debate," added Bob, "We'll have more on this story later on."

* * *

"As a business owner," began Nook, "I know how hard it is to earn a living. This is why I propose reducing municipal taxes."

Everyone cheered. Tortimer and Nook were having their first major debate, and already, the crowd was in Nook's favour. The gang were also there, but to support Tortimer.

"For too long," continued Nook, "We have endured high taxes and inappropriate spending by our current government, hm?"

"Like?" asked Tortimer.

"You spend millions every year building bridges as 'shortcuts' for the people of Hell," said Nook, "Despite the fact that are town is expanding and more and more people are buying automobiles every year. Time and time again you fail to look at the statistics!"

"Tortimer," asked a reporter, "What is your response to Nook's accusations?"

"If people are really driving more of these automathingies every year," said Tortimer, "Then I guess I need to reallocate money into road maintenance! Right? Is that favourable?"

"This is what I'm talking about," said Nook, "This man is completely out of touch with needs and wants of the people!"

"Hey!" snapped Tortimer, "Don't get personal, young man!"

"He is far too lenient with his laws and has allowed all kinds of delinquent behaviour to go unpunished. As your mayor, I would ensure the police station would get the funding it needs!"

The gang gulped.

"Dagnabbit," said Tortimer, "I give you those tax cuts and this is how you repay me?"

Everyone gasped.

"Um," said Tortimer, "I mean...Uh..."

Everyone booed Tortimer. Tortimer pulled out a handkerchief and began wiping his sweaty forehead.

"40 years..." said Nook, "It's time for a change! Can we achieve this change?"

"Yes we can!" chanted the audience, "Yes we can!"

"Mayor Tortimer," asked a reporter, "Do _you _think you can achieve this same level of change?"

"You betcha!" said Tortimer, winking and giving a thumbs up.

The audience just sat there, quietly.

"Oh, boy!" said Sakura, "Tortimer's screwed. And if Tortimer's screwed, we're screwed!"

"Not yet," said CJ, "We need to convince this town. I have an idea!"

* * *

"This is Channel 6 News," said the announcer, "Now, here's your anchor, Bob!"

"Good afternoon," said Bob, "With voting day fast approaching, it seems Nook is beating Tortimer in the polls by over 45 percent. The candidates each made public appearances today in their respective campaigns."

The news then cut to a clip of Nook walking past a crowd of people. He waved to them as they cheered him on. Several women in the audience held up babies that Nook kissed on the forehead.

Meanwhile, Tortimer, in an attempt to appeal to the younger voters, headed to the Hell's skate park, where he prepared to perform an ollie on a large half-pipe.

"Hey, everybody!" said Tortimer, from the top of the ramp, "Ain't I the most hip mayor you have ever seen?"

Tortimer slowly stepped onto a skateboard and pushed off the edge of the ramp, causing him to slide down at incredible speeds.

"Cowabunga!" yelled Tortimer.

Suddenly, Tortimer lost control and rode off the side of the ramp. The skateboard then flew out from underneath Tortimer causing him to fall on his back. Tortimer kicked his legs and flailed his arms.

"Help!" said Tortimer, "I've fallen...And I can't get up!"

"We'll have more on this story later," said Bob, "I'm Bob the Cat. Goodbye."

* * *

The gang spent the next few days posting fliers and sign boards around town. The gang headed wherever they could and handed out buttons.

"Vote Tortimer for mayor!" yelled CJ, who was standing outside the post office, "Vote Tortimer!"

CJ passed fliers out to anyone who passed by. Suddenly, Pelly opened the door.

"Young man," said Pelly, calmly, "How many times must I tell you not to loiter in front of my office?"

"I need to spread the word," said CJ, "Nook is corrupt and only seeks power! Vote for Tortimer!"

"Nook is promising less hours and more vacation time for us postal workers," said Pelly, "So...NO!"

Pelly then pulled out her shotgun and pointed it at CJ.

"Now," began Pelly, "GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I TURN YOUR FACE INTO A MEAT STEW!"

"But I was going to go inside after and make a withdrawal," said CJ.

"GET OUT!" snapped Pelly.

CJ ran as she began firing.

* * *

Curt stood outside the town park, handing out bumper stickers and pins.

"Don't vote for Nook," said Curt, "Vote for the other guy! What's his face? The turtle!"

People simply walked by and ignored him. Suddenly, Octavian and Wolfgang approached him.

"Well, well, well," said Wolfgang, "It's one of the twerps!"

"What's all this shit?" asked Octavian, "_Vote for Tortimer_? Who'd wanna vote for that old fart?"

"Heh, heh," chuckled Wolfgang, "Fart..."

"Listen," said Curt, "Nook is evil! He has stashes of nuclear weapons and drugs hidden in the basement of his store. Oh, and stockpiles of _Vanilla Ice _CD's! _Vanilla Ice, _for God's sake!"

"Dude," said Wolfgang, "What you smokin'? I want some of that!"

"You're not listening, damnit!" snapped Curt, "You dunderheads better vote for Tortimer or I'll...I'll..."

Wolfgang and Octavian then sized up Curt, causing him to quiver in fear.

"Or you'll what?" asked Octavian.

"Hey," said Wolfgang, "You know what this is? Voter intimidation!"

"Yeah," said Octavian, "I don't like being pushed around...Especially by you!"

"Um," said Curt, "I best be on my way now..."

Curt then ran, screaming for his life, as Octavian and Wolfgang chased him down.

* * *

Sakura and Lindsay posted sign boards wherever they could, even in front of Nook's store, which was already filled with _Vote for Nook _signs.

"Vote for Tortimer," said Sakura to a customer that was walking into the store, "Nook is a corrupt bastard who doesn't care about the people! He just wants revenge on us!"

The customer simply ignored Sakura and headed inside.

"This isn't working," said Lindsay, "No one's listening!"

Nook stepped out of his store.

"Hey!" he said, "What are you doing here?"

"It's public property!" snapped Sakura, "You can't tell us where to go!"

"What's this?" asked Nook, "_Vote for Tortimer_? HA! You should know that Tortimer doesn't stand a chance. His time as mayor will soon be over!"

"Mr. Nook," said Lindsay, "We know you're running because you're a miserable and lonely man and that society has turned its back on you time and time again. We just want you to know that there are people in this town who care for you, and you don't need to run for mayor to earn their love. If you drop out, my friends and I promise we will never pester you again."

"That's very sweet," said Nook.

"So you'll drop out?" asked Sakura.

"Hell, no!" said Nook, "See you at the polls, bitches!"

Nook then walked back into his store, laughing. Just then, CJ appeared, out of breath.

"Damn Pelly," said CJ.

"Well?" asked Sakura, "Did you hand out fliers?"

"Yeah," said CJ, "But things didn't go too smoothly."

"There has to be a way for Tortimer to win," said Lindsay.

Just then, Curt showed up, covered in bumper stickers.

"What happened to you?" asked CJ.

"The two meatbags," replied Curt, "They stole all my crap and tried to turn me into a mummy. God knows what they're doing with the shit they stole."

"Well then," said Sakura, "We're fucked. We need to regroup. Wanna head to the café?"

The gang nodded and began to walk there. Suddenly, Curt got a call on his cell phone. The number was unknown.

"Hello?" said Curt.

"Hello, Curt," said an electronically altered voice, "I have some information regarding the election that you may or may not choose to use."

"Who is this?" asked Curt, "How do you know my name?"

"Doesn't matter," replied the voice, "If you really want Nook to lose this election, then it's time you and I talked. Meet me in the parking lot of the _Pork & Cheese's _at midnight. No earlier, no later. Got it?"

"Yeah," said Curt, "I'll be there..."

**To be continued…**


	20. Election Day Part II

**Election Day (Part II)**

As agreed, Curt showed up at _Pork & Cheese's _in the middle of the night. He looked around the parking lot for the mysterious "Deep Throat" he was supposed to meet. The place was very dark and quiet.

"Hello?" said Curt, "Anyone here?"

"You came," said a strained-sounding voice, "Good."

Curt looked ahead and saw a silhouette standing near the building. Curt approached him.

"Stop!" said the figure, "That's close enough!"

Curt stopped moving.

"Now," said the figure, "My sources have provided me with some valuable information regarding Nook's plans as future mayor of this town."

"Like?" said Curt.

"Rumor has it that an out-of-town developper plans to build high-end condos here in Hell. As mayor, Nook will both approve and even partially fund this project."

"Why would he do that?"

"Not sure...Possibly to secure upper-class votes. But what's more startling is the location they're being built...Acre D-7; Right in the middle of town park. In fact, the wishing well will have to be demolished to make room for them."

"There's no way anyone would be okay with that! There's gonna be outrage!"

"Exactly. That's why you..."

Just then, a cell phone went off. The ring tone was _Go K.K. Rider!_.

"Buzz?" said Curt, "Is that you?"

"Crap," said Buzz, restoring his voice to normal, "Yeah, I should have probably shut that off."

"What's with the secrecy?" asked Curt.

"No reason," said Buzz, "But that's not important...If you really don't want Nook to win the election, you'll need to find the evidence to back up my info. You can start by seeking out Nook's contacts."

"Like?" said Curt.

"I don't know," said Buzz, "I didn't get that far. You're gonna have to find that out for yourself!"

Curt nodded.

* * *

"So what are we doing here again?" asked CJ.

"Looking for clues," replied Curt, "Clues that will destroy Nook's chances of being elected!"

It was now the following day and CJ and Curt lay down on a large hilltop overlooking Nook's house. As a store owner, Nook was one of the wealthier animals in town, and his house was quite large. Curt and CJ stared through binoculars.

"Wait!" said Curt, "I see something!"

A small car pulled up in front of Nook's front steps. A man came out carrying pizza boxes and knocked on the door.

"Dude," said CJ, "It's just the pizza guy. I don't think the fact that a single guy like Nook eats pizza on a Sunday afternoon will sway the voters."

"There's probably some documents inside those boxes!" said Curt, "How much you wanna bet? Nook doesn't want the truth to get out"

"This isn't some conspiracy shit! It's just a municipal election. Now, let's go. We've been here for hours and there are all kinds of bugs crawling into my shirt."

"Fine, fine."

Curt and CJ stood up and prepared to leave. Just then, CJ turned around again.

"Curt look!" said CJ.

"I thought you said there was nothing to see here," said Curt.

"Just look, you dumbass!"

Curt turned his head and saw a small mound of earth moving along the ground. It stopped right in front of Nook's front steps. Nook opened the door again and looked outside. The small mound of earth burst open, revealing Mr. Resetti.

"Isn't that your old boss?" asked CJ.

"Yeah," replied Curt, "What's going on here?"

Nook and Resetti began speaking, but Curt and CJ could not understand a word they were saying.

"Quick," said Curt, "Look into the binoculars and tell me what they're saying!"

"I can't read lips!" said CJ.

"Then press the binocular against your ear!"

"What are you, stupid? Binoculars don't magnify sound!"

"They don't? But the package said _All Purpose_. I spent 650 bells for nothing!"

CJ slapped his head. Meanwhile, in the distance, Resetti and Nook finished their dialogue and Resetti dug back into the ground and took off.

"I know where he lives," said Curt, "Follow me! I have a plan!"

* * *

CJ and Curt headed to Resetti's house. CJ knocked on the door and the grumpy mole quickly answered.

"Whaddya want?" he asked.

"Give it up, Resetti," said Curt, "We know all about your little plans with Nook!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Resetti.

"The wishing well?" said Curt, "The condos? Does that all ring a bell?"

Resetti began to sweat.

"I don't know nothing. You can't pin anything on me!"

"We saw you with Nook!" said CJ, "You're involved in that little condo project, aren't you?"

Curt then held up his cellphone to Mr. Resetti's face. On it was a photo of Resetti speaking to Nook.

"Alright, alright!" said Resetti, pushing the cellphone out of his face, "Nook approached me and asked if I was interested in buying one in exchange for voting for him. Frankly I think they're hideous, but whatever."

"Good," said Curt, "That's what we wanted to hear."

"You must have a copy of the plans or something," said CJ.

"Why the hell should I give them to you?" demanded Resetti, "For keeping my mouth shut, I get a condo. What do I get for talking?"

Curt then held up his cellphone again, only this time, there was a photo of a very drunk Resetti digging around the flower patch near the town train station.

"I'm sure Copper and Booker will be happy to finally find out who was responsible for that little act of vandalism!" laughed Curt.

"GAAAAAH!" screamed Resetti, "HOW DID YOU GET THAT? I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE THAT NIGHT!"

"I just happened to be in the neighbourhood," said Curt, "I made sure to take plenty of photos that night in case I ever needed to ask for a raise. Of course now that I'm laid off…"

"Whatever," said Resetti, "I'll give you the plans if you destroy that damn photo!"

"Atta boy," said Curt, "Now, make with the stuff!"

Resetti grabbed a folder filled with papers and handed them to Curt, who promptly deleted the image off his phone.

"Who's building these condos anyway?" asked CJ.

"Beats me," replied Resetti, "Some hotshots from out of town. Not that it matters now, huh?"

"It's alright," said Curt, as he searched through the folder, "This is more than enough!"

"So, you what you need?" asked Resetti, "Good. NOW SCRAM!"

Resetti slammed the door.

"That was smooth dude," said CJ.

"Thanks," said Curt, "I have that picture saved on my computer at home in case we ever need it again."

"Come on," said CJ, "We better get to town hall!"

* * *

At town hall, Tortimer and Nook were having their last debate before going to the polls. As usual, the crowd was in Nook's favour.

"And that is why," began Nook, "I believe we do not need so many school buses in our small town. It will cut back on pollution and help our children stay healthy by encouraging them to walk!"

Everyone in the crowd cheered.

"MISTRIAL!" yelled Curt, bursting through the main doors, "New evidence has been brought to light! Declare a mistrial!"

"Dude," said CJ, following close behind, "This is an election, not a trial!"

"Oh..." said Curt.

Suddenly, two bodyguards pounced on CJ and Curt.

"What's with all the got-dang hullabaloo?" demanded Tortimer.

After struggling for a few seconds, Curt broke free from the bodyguard and held up the documents.

"In my hands," began Curt, "Is evidence that Nook is willing to approve a plan that will destroy our town wishing well in favour of some fancy condos!"

Everyone gasped. Nook began to sweat and fidget behind his podium.

"Now why would I do that?" asked Nook, nervously.

"To secure votes from upper class citizens," replied Curt.

Everyone gasped again. The bodyguard swiped the folder from Curt's hand and began reading through it.

"It's true!" he said.

Everyone began to boo Nook.

"It's a set-up," he said, "None of it is true!"

The crowd continued to boo Nook.

"Screw you all!" said Nook, "Who doesn't want to live in a nice, big beautiful condo?"

"The wishing well is a town landmark, you dick!" said Poncho from the audience.

"You're not a man of the people!" snapped Penny, "You're just another corporate douchebag!"

"At least Tortimer never lied to us," added Cheri.

"What in tarnation is going on here?" demanded Tortimer, "Who's building condos? I'd like to live in one!"

"Tor-ti-mer!" chanted the audience, "Tor-ti-mer! Tor-ti-mer..."

Nook then flipped off the audience before walking off the stage.

"We did it!" said Curt.

"Time to go," said the bodyguard.

The two bodyguards then picked CJ and Curt up and tossed them out of the town hall. As the two stood up, Sakura and Lindsay approached them.

"We saw the whole thing," said Sakura, "Nicely done, boys."

"Thanks," said CJ.

"Yeah," said Curt, "We were pretty awesome, huh? I guess Tortimer will win this election now!"

"How did you guys do it?" asked Lindsay.

"It's a long story," began Curt, "Full of conspiracy and espionage and blackmail! Oh, and there was even some torture involved!"

Curt continued to tell his outrageous story as the gang headed home.

* * *

"Good evening," said Lloid, "This is Channel 6 News. In today's top stories, incumbent mayor Tortimer von Tortimer III has won the Hell municipal election by a landslide. Despite originally being the popular candidate, Tom Nook's recently revealed plans to demolish the town wishing well put him out of favour with the general public and ultimately cost him the election. Mayor Tortimer celebrated his victory last night at town hall. He had this to say:"

The show then cut to Tortimer holding a press conference at town hall.

"Look at you, young people," said Tortimer, "With your telemajiggies and your IPodoodles! Kids these days are too distracted to vote! Back in my day, we used to walk twenty miles to the nearest polling station to vote and that wasn't because…"

Tortimer's bodyguard whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"Thank the people?" asked Tortimer, "What for?"

The bodyguard whispered something else into Tortimer's ear.

"What the?" said Tortimer, "I won the election? Hot diggity!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Nookington's, the gang were up to their usual antics:

"This is all your fault," said Nook, "You cost me the election."

"Uh-huh," said Curt, who was preoccupied with the display PS3.

"I won't let you get away with this!" said Nook.

"Whatever you say, old man," said CJ.

Nook suddenly turned around.

"Damnit, Sakura!" snapped Nook, "I said you can't use that phone!"

Sakura was using the phone on Nook's counter to make prank calls.

"Hello?" asked Sakura, "Is this _Kid's Help Phone_? Yeah, I'm having problems...I can't make it past the second level in _Donkey Kong _for the NES...What do you mean you don't help with these kinds of problems? Screw you!"

Nook grabbed the phone and hung up.

"You're driving me nuts," said Nook, "I'm gonna throw you all out!"

"Ooooh," said Sakura, "I'm so scared!"

"Mark my words," said Nook, "I will have my revenge..."

Lindsay suddenly approached Nook holding a bottle.

"Mr. Nook," she said, "I want to return the shampoo I bought. I'm not satisfied! Will you give me half my money for half a bottle?"

"GAAAAAAH!" screamed Nook, "REVEEEEEEENGE!"

The end for now! Tune in next week for more _Animal Crossing _goodness!


	21. Extreme Road Trip

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 11: Extreme Road Trip**

It was the beginning of summer in Hell, and the gang decided to take some time off work for some much needed relaxation. To kick off the two week-long break, Snake had invited CJ, Curt, Poncho and Alfonso up north to spend the night in an old cabin he inherited from his late uncle. Naturally, CJ was chosen to be the driver.

"It's a shame the girls couldn't come," said Curt, loading some bags into the trunk of CJ's car, "It would have been nice to have a little female company you know?"

"It's alright," said CJ, loading a duffel bag, "If the girls were here, we would have to take a second car. We can all travel together this way!"

"5 guys," began Poncho, "Cooped up in this small car for two hours and then spending the night together in some cabin? Sounds pretty gay!"

"Why'd you come then?" asked CJ.

"Can't pass up a good road trip," said Poncho, "Besides, wherever there's booze, I'm never far behind!"

"Speaking of which," said Curt, "You did pack the booze, right? There should be enough for everyone."

"Yeah, yeah," said Poncho, "Not like this guy's gonna be doing any drinking!"

Poncho pointed at Alfonso.

"I certainly won't," said Alfonso, "Alcohol doesn't sit very well with me and it clouds my judgment."

"Whatevs," said Snake, "More for me then. Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah," said CJ, "Let me just warm the car up."

"What is this?" asked Poncho, "A KIA? Did you know that every KIA you purchase sponsors Kim-Jong Ill and his evil activities? You are no better than a terrorist!"

"Dude," said CJ, "KIA's are made in South Korea, not North."

"Same shit," said Poncho, "Either way our enemies profit!"

"Yeah, well I don't care," said CJ, "It's reliable and I saved a hell of a lot money buying it used. Are you getting in or not?"

"Alright," said Poncho.

"I call Shotgun!" said Curt, who then ran up to the passenger side door.

"Yeah, yeah," said Snake, getting in the back, "But I'm riding shotgun on the way back!"

"In your dreams," said Poncho, "That seat is mine!"

Alfonso got in followed by Poncho. Alfonso found himself wedged in the middle.

"Um, CJ," said Alfonso, "Where's the seatbelt?"

"I don't know," said CJ, "Probably tucked under the seat somewhere. You won't need it!"

"Oh," said Alfonso, "But I do. Did you know that seatbelts saved more than 300 lives last year alone? If you crash, I run the risk of flying out the front window and suffering from potentially life-threatening brain damage, or broken bones, or other grotesque medical horrors I dare not think of!"

"I won't crash," said CJ, "I know what I'm doing!"

"Even good drivers crash," said Alfonso, "There are all kinds of external factors: The weather, impaired drivers, a wild animal crossing the street..."

"Poncho," said CJ, "Switch places with Alfonso...Please."

Poncho and Alfonso swapped places.

"Ready to go?" asked CJ.

"Hellz yeah!" the guys said in unison.

CJ stepped on the gas and quickly drove onto the road that lead out of town.

"Just a friendly warning," said Alfonso, "I tend to get very car sick at times, so please don't go too fast or put the radio on so loud."

CJ sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay were planning a special day of their own. While the men headed to the cabin, the girls decided to drive up to Sumware to shop at their famous outlets.

Lindsay had just stopped in front of Sakura's house to pick her up. A few seconds later, Sakura emerged from her house and ran up to Lindsay's car.

"Do you ever plan on getting your driver's license?" asked Lindsay.

"Why?" asked Sakura, as she entered the car, "You tired of driving me around?"

"No," replied Lindsay, "It's just...You're twenty-two years old and you still don't know how to drive. You gotta learn some time, no?"

"I'm Asian," said Sakura, "I'm a road hazard."

"Don't let that silly stereotype stop you from learning how to drive."

"I'm kidding...Look I have my moped and I'm fine with that. Why would I need to drive a car in this town anyways?"

"You never know," said Lindsay, "What if I get violently ill while on the road and only you can drive me to the nearest hospital?"

"In that case, I'd carry you."

"Thanks, I guess. You're a good friend."

Lindsay then started the car and drove off.

"Man," began Sakura, "I can't wait to check out those outlets! There are so many things I wanna buy. I won't know where to start!"

"There's just one thing that I absolutely want," said Lindsay.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Those _Lenta _sandals you kept harping about last week. Aren't they expensive?"

"Yeah, but I've been saving up! Today is the day I finally get my hands on them!"

"Well then, Sumware, here we come!"

* * *

"How much longer?" asked Curt.

"A lot longer," said CJ, "And don't start with that shit. You've been bugging me the whole trip."

"Geez," said Curt, "Can't ask a simple question anymore!"

"Why can't you be like Snake?" asked CJ.

Curt turned to look at Snake, who was fast asleep with his mouth wide open. Snake then began snoring and wheezing.

"Ugh," said CJ, "Nevermind."

"Are there any rest stops nearby?" asked Alfonso, "I really need to use the facilities!"

"We were stopped before," said CJ, "Why didn't you go then?"

"Because," said Alfonso, "I didn't have to go then. I have a very uncontrollable bladder."

"Just hold it in," said Poncho, "We'll be there in like another hour."

"It's dangerous to hold urine in that long," said Alfonso, "All that urea in your system is toxic! Your kidneys can shut down and you die a slow, painful death. Oh, I get sick just thinking about what I would have to endure!"

"Alright," said CJ, "Just hold onto your kidneys for a few minutes longer. There's a stop coming up!"

"Good," said Poncho, "Maybe I can pick something up to eat!"

"We got food in the trunk!" snapped CJ.

"You mean those granola bars?" asked Poncho, "Blech! I need a hot meal!"

"No," said CJ, "We're stopping so that Alfonso and anyone else who has to pee can go. Otherwise, we're not wasting any more time!"

"Gee," said Curt, "Who made you king of the road?"

"I'm just tired," said CJ, "Next time we go on a trip, you're driving!"

"Sure," said Curt, "But just know that my car is a death-trap! I thought American cars were bad, but Animalese cars just take the cake! No offense."

"No," said Poncho, "None taken. There _is_ a reason why they're so cheap!"

"I see a stop coming up," said CJ, "Make it quick, Alfonso!"

"Yup!" said Alfonso.

CJ parked the car at a gas station. Alfonso quickly stepped out and ran towards to bathroom, which was a small shed-like building behind the store.

"Oh dear," said Alfonso, "This place doesn't look sanitary. Ew..."

Alfonso stared into the small, rusted toilet bowl, which was full of balled up paper towel, food, and other nasties. Alfonso hastily unzipped his pants and began to pee, while humming a tune to himself. As he began to zip up his pants back up, a small spider suddenly jumped onto Alfonso's shoulder.

"EEK!"

The alligator bolted out of the bathroom and ran back into CJ's car. CJ left the gas station and began driving.

"What happened to you?" asked Poncho.

"I need sanitizer," said Alfonso, anxiously, "Do you have any?"

"Sure, replied CJ, handing a bottle of hand sanitizer to Alfonso.

Alfonso took the bottle and squeezed it as tight as possible, causing a ludicrous amount of gel to pour onto his hands.

"Sweet," said Curt, "I think we scared him out of bathroom breaks for good!"

"Not funny," said Alfonso, "All those germs...It was like a deathtrap in there!"

"Whatever you say," said Curt.

Just then, Snake woke up and yawned.

"Hey guys," said Snake, "Man, I really need to use the bathroom. Can we stop for a sec?"

"AAAARRRGH!" screamed CJ.

* * *

After a few hours of driving, the girls found themselves on a long stretch of highway.

"Do you think maybe we can stop at the next town?" asked Sakura, "If I don't go to a bathroom soon, I'm gonna explode!"

"Oh, Sakura," said Lindsay, "You're being melodramatic."

"Maybe," said Sakura, "But I gotta pee. And I'm sure you wouldn't mind stretching your legs a bit."

"Fine," said Lindsay, as she took the next exit, "There's a town up ahead. We'll stop there."

* * *

Meanwhile, the gang final arrived at the cabin. It was virtually in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees, and a small patch of land.

"Damn," said CJ, "It's a little smaller than I thought."

"Yeah," said Snake, "But it's cozy. Don't worry."

The men worked together to unload the trunk of CJ's car. They carried all the stuff into the cabin and dropped in front of the entrance.

"Well," said CJ, "It's pretty nice…I guess."

The walls and floor were made of a thick, maroon coloured wood and an ugly rectangular carpet covered the floor of the main room. There were pieces of furniture from the cabin series all over the house. The living room consisted of two couches, a coffee table, a fireplace and an old TV. The kitchen was literally attached to the living room, featuring a single small table, a counter top, a stove and an old fridge. There was a small hallway that lead to a bathroom and two bedrooms.

"Where do we sleep?" asked Poncho.

"I'm sleeping on the couch," replied Snake, "The other two bedrooms have bunk beds, so we should all be fine!"

"Sweet Jesus!" said Curt, excitedly, "Bunk beds? I'm getting top for sure!"

"Good," said Alfonso, "I would like to take top as well, since I am paranoid that if I take bottom, I will be crushed to death should the top break off and fall."

"That won't happen!" assured Snake, "The beds may be old, but they're perfectly safe!"

"Whatever," said CJ, "I'll take bottom or top. I don't care! Now, what do we say we all have a bite?"

"Sure!" said Poncho, "Just…What the?"

"Oh God!" yelled Alfonso, "Is that what I think it is?"

"A cockroach!" said Curt, "Ewww! Somebody squish it!"

"Holy crap!" said CJ, "There's more of 'em!"

"AAAAAH!" yelled Alfonso, "WE'RE SWARMED!"

"I guess that's what happens when you leave a house unattended for too long" said Snake, "Oh, well. Time to squish some bugs, boys!"

The men ran around the house, stomping any roach they found. Snake pulled back his couch, revealing two of the little fuckers. He immediately stomped one of them. The other one, however, managed to get away, forcing Snake to chase him around the living room.

Meanwhile, Alfonso lifted the lamp off the dresser revealing more roaches.

"EEEEEEK!" he screamed.

Alfonso pulled off his shoe and used it to squish them. He then wiped his dirty shoe against the dresser.

Curt and CJ worked together to squish all the roaches hiding in the kitchen, while Poncho moved the beds around and killed the roaches hiding under them.

After several minutes of frantically running about, all of the roaches were dead. The gang slumped onto the couches in the living room, completely exhausted.

"Damn," gasped CJ, "That was intense."

"We did great though," said Curt, "I guess we don't need any stupid repellant! Ha!"

"Sorry about this, guys," said Snake, "I guess I should've taken better care of this old place. I promise that this trip will get better from here on out, though!"

"How about we watch some television?" asked Alfonso.

"Good idea," said Snake, as he turned on the television set, "Let's see what's on…"

As Snake changed channels, all he could see was static.

"It needs to be on channel 3!" yelled Poncho.

"Fix the antennae!" said Curt.

"Baaah!" said Snake, angrily, "It's hopeless! There's just no signal!"

"We could still watch some movies," said Curt, "I brought some DVD's!"

"Yeah," said Snake, "That's perfect! We'll all just sit around, get drunk, and enjoy whatever entertainment Curt brought!"

"Speaking of which," said Poncho, "Where is the booze? I didn't carry it in, so I assumed one of you did."

"I didn't bring it in," said Curt, "I thought CJ had it!"

"I didn't…" said CJ.

The guys all stared at each other. They then ran outside to CJ's car.

"It's not in the trunk!" said CJ.

"So that means," began Curt, "We…Forgot the booze?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Poncho as he fell to his knees.

* * *

"There is something seriously wrong with this place," said Sakura as she looked around.

Lindsay and Sakura had just entered a very dirty and dilapidated town. It much larger than Hell, but every structure seemed to be falling apart. The streets were riddled with potholes and garbage filled the sidewalks. Several shady-looking people stared at Lindsay and Sakura as they drove by.

"According to the GPS," said Lindsay, "We're in a town called Boondox…I've never been here before though."

"I don't like the look of this place," said Sakura, "We better get out here fast."

While stopped at a red light, a shaggy-looking dog wearing a long, tattered trench coat approached them with a squeegee in his hand.

"It's okay," said Lindsay, "My window's clean…You don't have to!"

"Please?" said the man, "I needs some change to buy some lunch!"

The man began cleaning her window anyways.

"Ew!" said Lindsay.

"Buzz, off asshole!" snapped Sakura.

Once the man was done, he stepped aside, expecting to be paid. However, when the light turned green, Lindsay stepped on the gas and left the man behind.

"I swear," said Sakura, "You have to pay those guys _not_ to pay your windows!"

After a few minutes of driving, Lindsay stopped in front of a café.

"Here," said Lindsay, "You said you needed to use the bathroom?"

"Sure," said Sakura, "I promise I'll hurry up!"

"I actually have to go too," said Lindsay

"Good," said Sakura, "I was kinda scared going in that place alone!"

The two girls walked inside the café, which was, predictably, very run-down and dirty. The windows were cracked and broken as if people had thrown rocks at them. There were a few patrons inside and they stared at the girls as they made their way to the back room. One man even slapped Sakura's ass on the way to the bathroom. Sakura angrily turned and saw the man smiling at her.

"Let it go," whispered Lindsay.

A few minutes later, the girls were done and they quickly left the café.

"Glad to be out," said Lindsay.

"I know," said Sakura, "Now, let's…"

Sakura and Lindsay stared in shock. Lindsay's car had been stripped of all of its tires, and the front window had been broken and the GPS stolen.

"My…My car," sobbed Lindsay, "Who did this?"

"Now, I really don't like this place..." muttered Sakura.

**To be Continued...**


	22. Extreme Road Trip Part II

**Extreme Road Trip (Part II)**

Poncho, Snake, Alfonso, Curt and CJ sat on the two couches in the living room, watching the movie that Curt brought. Poncho and Snake looked very bored, Alfonso was falling asleep and CJ looked angry. Curt, however, was very moved by the movie. Every now and then, Curt brought a handkerchief to his eye and sniffed.

"Curt," began CJ, "This sucks. What the fuck kind of movie did you bring?"

"Shhh…" said Curt, "This is the best part."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Seriously," said Snake, "If you're gonna bring a sappy romance movie, at least bring some action movies to balance it out!"

"Next time," began Curt, "You bring your own movies instead of relying solely on me!"

"He's got a point," said Alfonso.

Just then, there was a flash of lightning followed by a roar of thunder. Within seconds, the power was out.

"EEEK!" screamed Alfonso, "It's dark! We're doomed!"

"Relax, will ya?" said Snake, fumbling about, "I keep a flashlight nearby in case of things like this!"

Snake found the flashlight in a cupboard in the kitchen and turned it on.

"Mwahahaha," said Snake, shining the light under his face, "Fear me!"

"I'm scared enough of the dark as it is without all of your tomfoolery," said Alfonso.

CJ approached the window and looked outside.

"It's raining very hard, guys," said CJ, "I don't think the power will be back on again for a while."

"At least we don't have to watch that gay movie anymore," said Poncho.

"Hey!" snapped Curt, "It was just getting to the good stuff!"

"Oh," said Alfonso, "I don't know about you guys, but I love the rain. Back when I was a kid I would stay in on rainy days and my nana would prepare me a pudding dish with chunks of fruit cut up into it…Oh dear, I'm making myself hungry!"

"We can light up a few candles," said Curt, "And roast some marshmallows…"

"Except no one has marshmallows," said CJ, "I suggest we go to bed!"

"It's only 9 o'clock!" said Poncho.

"What choice do we have?" said CJ, "There's no booze, no T.V., no electricity, and we can't go outside!"

"True," said Poncho, "I hate to say this man, but this is the worst trip ever!"

"You're right," sighed Snake, "Let's just call it a night. We'll leave tomorrow morning and try again some other time."

And with that, the guys headed for bed.

* * *

After hours of walking around the dilapidated city, the girls finally found a bus station.

"Sorry," said the man behind the counter, "There aren't any more buses going out at this time!"

"But we need to get home," said Lindsay, "My car was vandalized and we're stuck here!"

"There's a bus leaving at 6 tomorrow morning," said the man, "If you can't wait that long, then I'll give you the name of a mechanic."

"Nevermind," said Lindsay.

The two girls walked away from the counter.

"Maybe we should go talk to a mechanic," suggested Sakura.

"It'll take too long to repair the whole thing," said Lindsay, "And it will be way too expensive!"

"True," said Sakura, "I wish the police in this town were a little more helpful."

"As you can see," began Lindsay, "They already have a lot to deal with in this place to worry about one stupid car."

"Well then," said Sakura, "Let's just find a motel so we can spend the night!"

The two girls walked down the street. On the way to the hotel, which was a block away, they passed by numerous prostitutes, beggars, and drug dealers, all hanging out on the sidewalk trying to earn their living.

Just then, a small puppy approached the gang. He was very dirty and wore a small torn up coat and a cap. He walked with crutches.

"Hello," said the boy, "My name is Tiny Tommy Hicks and I'm so very hungry. All I had to eat for supper was some fried dirt...And we didn't even have ketchup for it! Can you please spare a few bells?"

"Awww," said Sakura, "You poor little boy."

Sakura dug into her purse and pulled out her wallet. She then bent down and placed some bills in his hand.

"There ya go," she said, cheerfully, "Enjoy!"

"Oh," said Tommy, "I will!"

Tommy then ran off, excitedly, dropping his crutches to the floor. As Sakura stood back up, she looked inside her purse.

"Hey," she said, "Where's my wall…NO!"

In the distance, Sakura and Lindsay could see Tommy snickering as he ran off with Sakura's wallet in his hand.

"That little bastard!" snapped Sakura, "Let's go!"

Lindsay and Sakura chased after Tiny Tommy Hicks down the block. Suddenly, the little boy turned the corner and ran inside an alley.

"Gotcha now, ya little creep!" said Sakura.

The two girls entered the alley, but quickly stopped dead in their tracks. Tommy was hiding behind a much older and bigger dog dressed in street clothing. Standing on either side of the dog were two lizards, both heavily pierced and tattooed and also dressed up like gangstas.

"So," said the dog, "I hear ya been messin' wit my nephew. Is that right?"

"Um," began Sakura, "Well, um…"

"Can my friend please have her wallet back?" asked Lindsay, "I promise we won't bother you or your nephew again…"

"Shaddup!" snapped the dog, "Gimme your shit…All of it. I wanna see them pockets empty. You ladies picked the wrong day to fuck with The Hound Dogz!"

"That's the name of your gang?" asked Sakura.

"Yup," replied the dog, "My name's Spud. These two clowns are Zit and Zot."

The two lizards hissed.

Once Sakura emptied her purse, Spud examined her belongings. Among them were several pills.

"Sakura!" snapped Lindsay, "You brought Ecstasy? What is wrong with you?"

"I figured once we got back home, you and I could chill and…"

"These are mine," said Spud, as he examined the pills.

"Actually," said Sakura, "We bought them off a dealer from our hometown of Hell."

"Hell?" Spud's face suddenly lit up, "That means you ladies know Buzz?"

"Yeah," replied Lindsay and Sakura.

"Dang!" chuckled Spud, "Whaddya know? Buzz is one of my best partners! He and I trade a lot of our shit, right boys?"

The two lizards hissed in agreement.

"Hell is such a beautiful place," said Spud, "Well, besides the name and all. I actually tried to move there a year ago. Of course, I couldn't afford to buy a house and then this creepy raccoon guy forced me to work in his store, so I said 'fuck it' and left. Anyways, sorry 'bout the whole ordeal!"

"So," began Sakura, "We're cool?"

"A friend of Buzz is a friend of ours," said Spud, "Say, why don't you come to our hang out and chill with us for the night?"

"We really should get going…" began Lindsay.

"I insist," said Spud.

The girls decided followed the trio to their hangout, which happened to be a run-down abandoned warehouse.

"What do we do now?" asked Lindsay.

"For now," began Sakura, "Be glad we're still alive. We'll just chill for an hour or so, and then we'll head for the hotel again, kay?"

"I hope you know what you're doing," said Lindsay, "Friendly or not, these guys give me the creeps!"

* * *

Curt tossed and turned in his bunk bed. The sound of the storm outside, plus the uncomfortable mattress made it very difficult to sleep.

"Yo," whispered Curt, "Are you awake?"

"I am now," muttered CJ, from the bottom bunk, "What are you doing up there?

"Trying to sleep," replied Curt, "You wanna switch or something?"

"What?" asked CJ, "You were the one who wanted top bunk!"

"I know but…" Curt's sentence was cut short by a strange sound that came from outside.

"What was that?" asked CJ.

"A ghost?" suggested Curt.

"Get real!" said CJ, "Maybe it's an animal or something. I'll go check it out!"

"I'll come with," said Curt.

The two got out of their beds and slowly walked outside their bedrooms. Not wanting to make too much noise, they tip-toed their way to the front door, where they saw a figure standing.

"HOLY SHIT!" yelled Curt.

"WHAT THE?" screamed CJ.

"What?" said Snake, "Guys? Relax, it's just me!"

"Jesus Christ!" snapped CJ, "Snake? You almost gave us a heart attack! What are you doing up?"

"I was sleeping on the couch," replied Snake, "But I kept hearing this noise. I thought I'd go investigate!"

"Count us in," said Curt, "But I'm not going unprepared. It could be a robber trying to break in!"

"Okay," said Snake, pulling out the flashlight.

CJ grabbed a nearby baseball bat, while Curt grabbed a poker from the fireplace. The trio headed outside in the rain. The surrounding area was pitch black and extremely creepy.

"Hello?" said Snake, pointing his flashlight, "Anybody here?"

"False alarm," said Curt, "Let's go back inside. I'm getting soaked."

"Shhh," said Snake, "I think I hear something…"

"Be careful…" warned CJ.

The trio headed towards the back of the cabin. There they saw two figures.

"Oh God," said Curt, "I was right…Robbers!"

"Time to take action," whispered Snake, "CHARGE!"

The trio ran towards the two figures, ready to strike them down. However, as they got close, they realized it was actually just Poncho and Alfonso.

"EEP!" said Alfonso, "Please don't kill me! I'm far too young to die! I haven't gotten a chance to see the Great Pyramids yet! Waaaaah!"

"Poncho?" asked Snake, "Alfonso? The fuck?"

"Alfonso needed to use the bathroom," said Poncho, "But I clogged the toilet beforehand, so he forced me to escort him outside so he can take a piss."

"My bladder is very exciteable during rainstorms," said Alfonso.

"The toilet's clogged?" asked Snake, "Aw man!"

Just then, there was a noise coming from some nearby bushes. The men turned to see what it was.

"I think," whispered Alfonso, "There's something in there…"

The men slowly made their way over to the bushes. Just then, they noticed the bushes were rustling, as if something was inside, moving. When they got really close, a small raccoon jumped out and ran off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!: screamed the men, who began running around the yard.

The guys bolted to the front of the house, with Alfonso and Poncho taking the left side, and Snake, CJ, and Curt taking the right. Not paying attention to where they were going, they all met up and the front and crashed into each other before falling on their asses on the cold, muddy floor.

"Damn," said CJ, "Look at us…Getting all worked up over nothing."

"Yeah…" said Snake.

Suddenly, the five guys stared at each other and quickly broke out into laughter. They laughed for nearly a minute.

"I don't get it," said Alfonso, "What exactly are we laughing about? We're wet, dirty, tired and scared out of our minds for Pete's sake!"

"Exactly!" said Curt, "Don't you see? This kind of shit wouldn't have happened to us if we stayed home. It's all the bullshit that happened to us that's gonna make our trip so memorable!"

"Yeah," said Poncho, "Plus, it's brought us closer together…Quite literally!"

The gang laughed some more.

"Let's head back inside and get some sleep," suggested Snake, "I can't wait until we get home and tell everyone how we survived the worst trip ever!"

"Amen," said CJ, "Good night!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Boondox, it was now the middle of the night, and Sakura and Lindsay were trapped at the abandonned warehouse. The girls sat on a small couch in the west side of the room. Tiny Tommy had just opened the front door and entered the building carrying a wallet.

"Look Uncle Spud!" he exclaimed, "Look what I just stole!"

"Good boy," said Spud, tussling his nephew's hair, "Now hurry on home! It's gettin' late and I don't want your old man yellin' at me again, ya hear?"

Tommy nodded and ran for the back exit of the warehouse. From the couch, the two girls watched as Zit and Zot rummaged through their purses.

"I don't mean to be rude," began Lindsay, "But my private stuff is in there! Do you mind not touching it?"

The lizard simply hissed at Lindsay, causing her to cower in fear.

"Ya heard the lady, Zot," said Spud, "We're gonna treat our guests with respect! Got it?"

Zot backed off and placed Lindsay's purse back on the couch next to her. Zit did the same.

"Listen," said Sakura, "These past few hours have been great, but we really need to get going!"

"What's the rush?" asked Spud, "You didn't even get a chance to try some of our 'stuff'."

"I know," said Sakura, "But it's quite urgent. You see…"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. A random Hound Dogz member opened it. Standing at the doorway were three cats.

"The Felinez," muttered Spud.

"The Felinez?" asked Lindsay.

"Rival gang," replied Sakura, "At least I think so…"

"I told you," began Spud, "I never want to see your slimey faces 'round here again! This is our part of town!"

"You owe us big," began their leader, a cat with a large bandanna around his mouth and a huge scar on his right eye, "That stash you gave us? It wasn't pure!"

"You'll take whatever we give you," said Spud, "And that's that. Now, get the fuck out…"

"Oh God," whispered Lindsay, "I'm scared! What's gonna happen?"

"Relax," assured Sakura, "I grew up in a rough neighbourhood…Not this bad, but still…The gangs nearby always had these 'meetings'. They always ended peacefully and everybody went home happy. I'm sure…"

Just then, Spud whipped out an Uzi and held it sideways at the cats. Zit and Zot, who were at Spud's sides, did the same, but with handguns.

"I ain't gonna ask you again…" warned Spud.

"Okay," began Sakura, "Now even I'm scared…"

"Dude," said the leader cat, "You just made the biggest mistake of your life!"

Just then, several Felinez came pouring into the warehouse armed with handguns and submachine guns and opened fire, forcing Spud and the lizards to take cover behind some old crates. Sakura and Lindsay did the same, as dozens of heavily armed Hound Dogz showed up to defend their hideout.

"I guess none of those 'meetings' ever ended like this, huh?" asked Lindsay, who covered her ears with her hands.

"No," said Sakura, "Oh God! Where do we go? What do we do?"

"There has to be a back exit somewhere!" yelled Lindsay over the loud gunfire.

The two girls counted to three and emerged from behind their cover. Placing their hands on their heads and crouching over, they made a mad dash for the other end of the warehouse as the firefight grew even more intense.

"EAT LEAD BITCHES!" yelled Spud as he emptied another submachine gun clip into some Felinez.

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay managed to escape the warehouse through the back door. They ran down the street until they were back at the bus shelter.

"I don't care if we have to sleep on the floor," said Sakura, "All I know is I'm not leaving this building for anything!"

"I'm with you," said Lindsay, rummaging through her purse "Oh dear…"

"What is it?"

"I think those lizard guys stole my tampons…"

* * *

The two girls awoke the following morning. They were so exhausted that they overslept and missed the 6 o'clock bus to Hell. Thankfully, there was another bus coming at 10 o'clock. To kill some time, the girls walked around the bus station, checking out some of the shops they had. Some had just opened.

"You know," said Lindsay, "All I wanted was a pair of _Lenta_ sandals."

"I hear ya," said Sakura.

"It was supposed to be a nice, fun shopping trip…And instead we ended up here and almost killed! All for some stupid Italian designer shoes that cost nothing compared to what I'm gonna have to pay the tow truck company to come here and get my car. I'm so…Angry!"

"It's not your fault. Shit happens. Sometimes on a much bigger scale than we would like, unfortunately. But at least we're still here."

Lindsay smiled and the two girls hugged. Suddenly, Lindsay noticed something.

"Come!" she said, grabbing Sakura by the hand.

The two girls ran into a small shoe store.

"I don't believe it," said Lindsay, awestruck, "_Lentas_!"

"Yes," said the salesman, as he approached the girls, "50 percent off."

"50 percent?" asked Lindsay.

"Yeah," said the salesman, "No one in this town could afford this stuff, so we had to keep marking down our prices…Would you like to buy those?"

"Like to?" said Lindsay, "I'd love to!"

"Say," began Sakura, "What are these boots over here?"

"Those," began the salesman, "Are _Maire Noire_ French designer boots…Only 200 bells!"

"What a deal!" said Sakura.

And so, when the bus finally came, the two girls boarded it, carrying bags filled with shoes.

"This trip didn't turn out so bad after all," said Sakura, as she took her seat.

"Nope," said Lindsay, "I can't wait to tell the guys how awesome our shopping experience was!"

* * *

Later that day, Sakura and Lindsay arrived home. As Sakura unlocked the front door, CJ emerged from his house.

"CJ?" asked Sakura, "Where were you this morning?"

"Sleeping," yawned CJ, "We got home at around 10 this morning, but I decided to hit the hay since I was tired from all that driving."

"Cool," said Sakura, "How was your trip?"

CJ thought for a moment and smiled.

"Best trip ever," he replied, "You?"

The two girls looked at each other for a few seconds and smiled.

"Best trip ever," they said in unison.

It may have been their best trip ever, but it certainly won't be their last. Next week, the gang go on a treasure hunt. Find out how that one turns out! Goodnight, foos!


	23. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Town!

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 12: It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Town!**

It was a warm, sunny day in Hell, and the gang decided to head to the beach for some much needed R&R. Sakura and Lindsay were sunbathing on the sand, while CJ went for a swim. Curt paced around the beach with a metal detector looking for treasure (To no avail). The beach was pretty much empty, mostly because it was the middle of a weekday. The gang, of course, were still all on vacation (Except for Curt, who was still unemployed).

"Curt," said Sakura, lifting her sunglasses over her head and sitting up, "What are you doing? Come and relax!"

"Nah," said Curt, "I borrowed this thing off of Buzz and I'm gonna spend every minute at the beach making the most of it! I needs me some quick cash!"

"Well, well, well," said a very annoying voice, "Could it be?"

"It is," said an equally annoying voice, "The twerps!"

Octavian and Wolfgang, who were both carrying bunched-up towels and wearing nothing but tight little speedos approached the gang. At the same time, CJ finished his swim and stepped onto the beach.

"The fuck do you guys want?" snapped CJ.

"This here's our part of the beach," said Octavian, "So you better scurry along!"

"I don't see your names on it!" said Curt.

"Yeah," said Wolfgang, "Right over...Damn! The tide washed them away!"

Curt snickered.

"That's it!" said Octavian, "We're gonna give you a pounding!"

"Bring it on!" said CJ.

"Boys," said Sakura, stepping between the two groups, "We're just trying to relax. No need to start fighting!"

Wolfgang whistled.

"Looking good, Sakura," he said, "Rockin' the two-piece. What say you and I ditch this place and head for my house?"

"Gross," said Sakura.

"Um, guys," said Lindsay, who was staring out into the ocean, "There's someone floating in the water!"

Everyone turned to look and saw a figure floating towards the shore. CJ quickly jumped back into the water to help the person safely to the shore. The person in question was a seagull wearing a sailor outfit. CJ quickly laid him flat on the sand.

"I think he needs CPR," said Curt.

"Allow me!" said Octavian.

Octavian pounded his tentacle onto the seagull's chest, causing him to cough up some water and slowly come to.

"Huh?" said the seagull, "Where am I?"

"You're safe," said Lindsay, "We found you floating in the ocean."

"Damn," said the seagull, "I must have fallen off...Um, I mean was thrown off the boat again. Oh, cruel world! Can't a sailor find respect from even his own shipmates anymore?"

"Um," said CJ, "At least you're safe!"

"True," said the seagull, "I guess I owe you for that. My name's Gulliver, and I'm a sailor (Not a very good one though)!"

Gulliver then searched his pockets.

"Listen," he said, "I don't have any cash..."

"Shit," muttered Curt.

"But," he continued, "I do have these!"

Gulliver pulled some shiny, white pearls from his pocket and showed them to the gang.

"I found these on one of my voyages," said Gulliver, "Aren't they beautiful?"

"Sure are," said Lindsay, grabbing a handful, "Are they worth a lot?"

"I'm not sure," said Gulliver, "Never had them appraised. But I find all kinds of stuff on my voyages around the world. Because of my job, I do a lot of exploring."

"Really?" asked Sakura, "Any of that stuff valuable?"

"Hell yeah!" said Gulliver, "Statues, golden coins, vases, you name it! It must be worth thousands of bells!"

The gang's face lit up.

"I couldn't take it all though," replied the seagull, "I'll let you in on a secret. I abandoned most of it in this one place...St. Rosa, I believe it's called. I buried it all under a giant 'X'. I wonder of it's still there...It'd be a shame if all those valuables went to waste."

"A big 'X', huh?" said Sakura, "You don't say..."

"Um," said Octavian, "Listen, we gotta go!"

"Huh?" said Wolfgang, "We do?"

Octavian then grabbed Wolfgang and pulled him away from the gang.

"Treasure, dude!" said Octavian, "And it could be all ours!"

"Wait!" said Wolfgang, "You actually wanna go look for it?"

"Sure," said Octavian.

Wolfgang thought for a second before nodding. The two then high-fived.

"Hold on," said Wolfgang, "Where the hell is this St. Rosa, anyways?"

"To Limberg's house!" announced Octavian, "I'm sure he knows!"

* * *

Sometime after he was rescued from his unfortunate situation, Gulliver found himself wandering through town. As he looked around for a place to go, he stumbled upon the Able Sisters shop.

"Tailors, eh?" he said, "I guess I should get myself some new clothes if I wanna fit in."

Gulliver entered.

"Welcome to the Able Sisters!" announced Mabel Able, "Where _you _get to be a famous fashion designer!"

"Not as fun as it sounds," said Sable, from behind her sewing machine.

"I just need a new shirt or something," said Gulliver.

"You silly goose," said Mable, "You're soaking wet! Don't tell me you went swimming with your clothes on!"

"Um," began Gulliver, "Kinda. I just want the cheapest shirt in the store for now."

"Okay," said Mabel, "I have just the thing for you."

Mabel then went to go grab a t-shirt.

"What's with the get-up anyways?" asked Mabel, "Are you a sailor or something?"

"I'm so glad you asked," said Gulliver, "I am indeed a sailor. In fact, I just came back from an epic voyage. I found tons of buried treasure on this island in the pacific."

"Cool," said Mabel.

"Yes," said Gulliver, "The most beautiful treasure you have ever seen. Worth thousands...No, millions of bells!"

Sable suddenly perked up from behind the sewing machine.

"Of course," continued Gulliver, who was clearly enjoying the attention, "I had to hide the stuff from my enemies. I did not trust my shipmates, so I buried it all in a little island called St. Rosa under a big 'X'."

"How exciting," said Mabel.

Suddenly, Sable approached Gulliver.

"My apologies," said Sable, "But we're closed for today. Would you kindly return tomorrow? Thanks."

"But I..." began Gulliver.

"I said 'good day'!" said Sable.

Sable then escorted Gulliver out and locked the door.

"What's going on, sis?" asked Mabel.

"Treasure, Mabel," said Sable, "That's what! Do you know how long I have wanted to close this crummy place down and take a much needed vacation? We need to find that treasure, so we can be rich!"

"But I don't wanna be rich," said Mabel, "I'm happy here! Besides, we'd be stealing if we took his treasure!"

Sable put a hand on Mabel's shoulder.

"You poor girl," said Sable, "You're still so young and naive. Money is tight nowadays. We need more than this shop to get by."

"Um," said Mabel, "Alright."

"Pack your things, sis..."

* * *

"Hmmmm..." said Nook, who was analyzing a pearl through a telescopic monocle, "It's a beautiful pearl, but I can't be too sure if it's real or not. It could be worth a lot if it is, though. I can give you the contact information of a professional appraiser I know."

"Sweet," said Curt, "So we could be rich?"

"Well," said Nook, "Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, hm? Where did you find these anyways?"

"Some kind of sailor dude," said Sakura, "His name is Gulliver. He said he found all kinds of treasure on his travels."

"Did he now?" asked Nook.

"Yeah," added CJ, "Apparently, this guy finds stuff like this all the time."

"And," said Curt, "He claims he buried it all in St. Rosa, under some giant 'X'. Can you believe this guy? He's a real clown! You should meet him."

"Yes," said Nook, "Perhaps I should."

"Anyways, we gotta go," said CJ, "Later, Nookster!"

The gang walked out. Nook smiled.

"Daddy!" said Tommy, as he and Timmy walked up to Nook, "Timmy and I were playing with the toy dinosaurs upstairs and Timmy swallowed a Spinosaurus!"

"Nuh-uh!" said Timmy, "It was a stegosaurus. I know more about dinosaurs than you!"

"No you don't," said Tommy, "Daddy! Timmy's a liar!"

"Hey, kids," said Nook, "How would you like to go on a trip with me, hm?"

"Mommy says you're not allowed to take us out of town," began Tommy, "Especially after..."

"Yes, yes," said Nook, "I know. This will be our little secret. We're going on a treasure hunt!"

"Yaaaaaaay!" said the twins.

"We're leaving soon, so get ready!"

* * *

Gulliver found himself at the Roost after several minutes of more walking around.

"What happened to you?" asked Brewster, observing Gulliver's damp sailor clothes.

"Fell overboard," said Gulliver, "And washed up here."

"Damn," said Brewster, "That's rough. Have one on the house."

Brewster placed a steaming hot mug on the counter.

"Thanks," said Gulliver.

"So," began Brewster, as he wiped a glass, "You're a fisherman or something?"

"Actually, I'm a treasure hunter. My crew and I sail across the world, looking for ancient artifacts and exotic treasures."

"Find anything valuable?"

"Oh yeah! I would be filthy stinkin' rich...If I trusted my crew that is!"

As Gulliver spoke, several patrons listened in. They included Poncho and Snake, Mr. Resetti and other random people.

"I had to hide the treasure," continued Gulliver, "My crew tried to torture me but I refused to give any of it up! They threw me off as punishment, but I'm still alive, ha!"

"And where did you put all the stuff?" asked Brewster, "Just curious."

"On St. Rosa Island," replied Gulliver, "Under a big 'X'!"

"Fascinating," said Brewster.

Just then, every customer bolted from the café.

"Where did everyone go?" asked Gulliver.

"The café just closed," said Brewster, "Time to go!"

"But I didn't even..."

Too late. Brewster was already on his way to the front door. However, Blathers stepped in his way.

"Hoo-hoo!" said Blathers, "Where do you think you're going, sir?"

"I gotta go," said Brewster, "Family emergency!"

"I don't think so," said Blathers, "I must depart as well. In my absence, you'll have to run the museum! Ta-ta!"

Blathers then ran out the door. From a window, Brewster watched as Blathers flew off in a WWI style bi-plane.

"That rat bastard!" snapped Brewster, "He must have overheard that seagull! Well, I'll show him!"

Brewster then pulled the nearest fire alarm.

"Emergency!" yelled Brewster, "Everyone, evacuate! NOW!"

Amidst the chaos, Brewster snuck into the parking lot and entered his car. He took off for St. Rosa as fast as he could.

* * *

"Oh, Limberg!" said Cookie, "Oh...oh...OOOOH!"

"Yeah, baby," said Limberg, "I know that's what you like!"

As Cookie and Limberg engaged in coitus on the bed, Octavian and Wolfgang suddenly burst through the door.

"Dude!" said Octavian, "We...OH GOD!"

"EEEK!" screamed Cookie.

"Damnit," snapped Limberg, "Can't you knock, you fucktards?"

"Sorry," said Wolfgang, shielding his eyes from the horror that was Limberg naked, "But we have big news!"

"What?" demanded Cookie.

"We found this seagull dude," began Octavian, "He's some kind of sailor or something. And he told us about this treasure he found!"

"He buried it all in St. Rosa!" added Wolfgang, "But that's not all...Those twerps were at the beach and they also know about it too! I think they're gonna go looking for it!"

"So you want us all to go find the treasure before they do?" asked Cookie.

"Sounds great," said Limberg, "I'm game. How much are we talkin' here?"

"A lot," said Octavian, "Like _Indianna Jones_, Arc of the Covenant shit!"

"Limberg," ordered Cookie, "Get your clothes on! This treasure's ours..."

* * *

"Dude!" said Curt, "You popped my balloon! Can you be more careful?"

"Sorry, bro," said CJ, "But those fucking birds are trying to kill me! There's no space to move!"

"We need to work together!" said Curt, "Or we'll never win!"

"Says the guy who kept taking all my balloons during the bonus round..."

The gang were all hanging out at CJ's house, like they normally did. As the guys played NES, Sakura walked into the room with her iPhone out.

"You know," began Sakura, "St. Rosa isn't very far...About a couple hours of driving. And there's a bridge that connects to the island, so we don't need to take a ferry or anything."

"For the last time," began Lindsay, "There's no way we're going after that treasure! Even if it's real (which we're not sure it is) it belongs to Gulliver!"

"Pfffft," said Curt, "In this country, anytime you bury something, it's not yours anymore! It's like the law or something!"

"Well," said CJ, "I think it's worth a look. You got a map of that place on your phone?"

"Yup," said Sakura, "I'm looking at it now. Except I don't know what a big 'X' is...I'm sure we'll find it though."

"But guys..." began Lindsay.

"Relax," said Curt, putting down his controller, "You don't have to come if you don't want. But the rest of us are definitely going! I've spent all weekend trying to make a quick buck, and I ain't passing this opportunity up! "

"Alright, alright," began Lindsay, "I'll tag along."

"Good girl," said Sakura, as she playfully patted Lindsay on the head, "Now, let's go!"

* * *

The gang quickly entered CJ's car and sped out of the neighbourhood. CJ drove through the town gate and down a long stretch of road which then became a highway. The highway was long and narrow and was suspended hundreds of feet up. The only thing stopping cars from plunging into the ocean below was a thin metal handrail.

"Alright!" said Sakura, "Treasure, here we...What the?"

The gang opened their mouths in shock. As they drove down the road, a large mass of cars and other vehicles materialized in the distance.

"Where the fuck did all this traffic come from?" asked Curt.

Among the mass of vehicles, there was Nook's beat up old Passat, the Able Sisters' delivery van, Limberg's Prius, Brewster's mini-van, and Resetti's car.

"Something tells me," began CJ, "We're not the only ones looking for this treasure..."

**To be continued...**


	24. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Town! Part II

**Author's Note: **This chapter's going up a little earlier than usual because I'm going on vacation for two weeks. This means there won't be any updates the next two Mondays, but once I'm back, the story will resume as normal. Happy reading!

**It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Town! (Part II)**

Poncho, Snake, and Alfonso decided to head to St. Rosa by boat in order to beat the traffic. They walked to Hell's docs to speak to the local sea captain, Kapp'n, and use his yacht as transportation.

"Kapp'n!" said Snake, "How are ya, man?"

"Aaaaargh," said Kapp'n, "What can I do for ye gentlemen today?"

"I'm gonna cut to the chase," said Snake, "We need a lift. Do you know St. Rosa?"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "Legend has it that that island is haunted. No soul has stepped foot on that place in ages!"

"Haunted?" asked Poncho, "Really?"

"Nay," laughed Kapp'n, "I only be screwin' wit ya! I'll give ye three a ride to St. Rosa if you want, no questions asked! It's quite beautiful this time o' the year!"

"Thanks man," said Snake, "We'll pay you once we get there."

The four climbed on board Kapp'n's boat and immediately set sail.

* * *

"Daddy...Daddy!" shouted the Nooklings, "We're bored...bored!"

"Play a game," suggested Nook, "Play_ Eye Spy _or something."

"No!" snapped Timmy, "I hate that game!"

"I hate it more!" said Tommy.

"If I play some _Mr. K.K._," began Nook, "Will you two shut up?"

"Yaaaaaay!" shouted the twins.

Nook sighed and popped in a tape into the cassette player. Suddenly, Nook saw the Able Sisters' delivery van fast approaching in his rear-view mirror.

"Shit," said Nook, "They must be after the treasure too! I don't know how they found out, but I can't let them have it!"

Nook then changed lanes, forcing Sable, who was driving the van, to slam on the brakes.

"Grrrr..." said Sable.

"Sis," began Mabel, "Don't do anything stupid now…"

"Too late," said Sable.

Sable then accelerated, hitting Nook's rear bumper.

"Wheeee!" said Tommy and Timmy.

"Oh," said Nook, "It's personal now!"

Sable then changed lanes and passed Nook.

"Eat my dust, you corporate scum!" yelled Sable through the window.

"Go to hell!" Nook yelled back.

Nook then sped up in an attempt to catch up to the Able Sisters' van, but all of a sudden, the Mr. Resetti got in his way.

"Get out!" screamed Nook, as he furiously honked on his horn "MOVE!"

"What the fuck is all that racket?" demanded Resetti, "HOLY CRAP!"

Resetti looked in the rear view mirror and saw that a collision was imminent. Panicking, the mole quickly swerved out of the way, and in turn, lost control, sending the car through the barrier and plummeting hundreds of feet into the ocean below.

"Damn," said Nook, continuing to drive, "I think I killed Resetti…Oh well."

Miraculously, however, Resetti's car floated. The mole stuck the top half of his body through the car's sun roof and began to yell obscenities at the highway above.

"I swear," he began, "If I ever get out of here, I'm gonna kill ya! You ain't heard the last of ol' Resetti, oh no! I'm getting' that treasure one way or another…"

* * *

Elsewhere, the gang waited impatiently amongst the traffic. Sakura kept her eye out for an opening.

"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea," said CJ.

"Nonsense!" said Sakura, "We don't know for sure if all these people are after the treasure. We have to keep going!"

"How?" asked Curt, "We're stuck!"

"Take the next exit," said Sakura, examining her iPhone, "It's a bit of a long cut, but we should be able to reach the island, traffic-free!"

"I hope you know what you're doing," said CJ, as he heeded Sakura's advice.

As CJ drove off the highway and onto the exit ramp, another car followed closely behind. The path that CJ took lead the gang onto a long stretch of road that was surrounded by forest and farmlands. The car that was following the gang suddenly pulled up beside them.

"Well well well," said Cookie, as she rolled down the passenger seat window, "If it isn't our friends!

"The hell do you guys want?" demanded CJ.

"Just letting you know that the treasure is ours!" laughed Cookie, "So you might as well buzz off before you clowns get hurt!"

"Yeah," said Octavian, from the backseat, "Buzz off!"

"You douchebags!" yelled Curt, as he rolled down the backseat window, "Everyone must have found out because of you two!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Wolfgang, who was also sitting in the backseat, "But we only told Cookie and Limberg!"

"Enough of this," said Cookie, "Limberg, can you find some way to shake these assholes?"

Limberg suddenly rammed into the side of CJ's car.

"My poor KIA!" yelled CJ, "If it's a fight you want…"

CJ then did the same to Limberg. The passengers in both cars yelled very loudly as CJ and Limberg's car duel intensified. Both increased their speed and they soon found themselves racing down the road literally side-by-side.

"Give up!" ordered Limberg.

"Fuck you!" snapped CJ.

"Aaaah!" screamed Cookie, "Limberg! LOOK OUT!"

A large truck was fast approaching in the oncoming lane. With the two cars taking up both lanes, the truck had no way to avoid them.

"Holy shit!" said Sakura, "Forget about them, CJ! We got bigger problems!"

The truck honked its horn loudly as CJ and Limberg tried to push each other's car off the road to clear the way. Eventually, however, the two gave up and drove off into separate directions. Limberg stopped safely at the side of the road, while CJ lost control and landed in a ditch.

"We beat 'em!" cheered Limberg.

"Yeah," said Wolfgang, "Looks like that treasure is ours!"

Limberg drove off, leaving the gang alone with a damaged car off the side of the road.

"Well," said Curt, "That was fun..."

"Shove it, Curt," said CJ, "My beautiful car is ruined."

"Fuck that," said Sakura, "Did you see what happened? Those retards are gonna beat us!"

"This is my baby we're talking about here!" snapped CJ.

"STOP IT!" yelled Lindsay, "Look at what this whole treasure nonsense has done to us! The need to make quick and easy money has pitted the entire town against each other. Now, even we, as friends, can't even get along anymore! I've had enough! Count me out!"

"Lindsay," said Sakura, approaching her friend, "You should have told us you didn't wanna come find the treasure!"

"But I DID," said Lindsay, "You people can't get anything through your thick skulls because all you can think about is some fantasy treasure! We almost died back there!"

"You're right," sighed CJ, "We were acting pretty boneheaded. I'm sorry."

"We all are," said Curt, "Now, what do you say we all hitch a ride back home?"

"That's more like it," said Lindsay.

The gang then began to walk back towards Hell.

* * *

Snake emerged from below deck, holding a bottle of champagne, as Kapp'n's ship sailed ever closer to the treasure.

"Boys," began Snake, "Let us have a toast. To wealth!"

"To wealth!" said Poncho.

"I hate champagne," said Alfonso, "The bubbles tickle my throat and alcohol is bad for your liver!"

As Kapp'n piloted the ship, however, a mischievous grin appeared on his face.

"Hey Kapp'n," called Snake, "It's okay if we drink this stuff right? I mean you weren't saving it or anything were you?"

"No," said Kapp'n, "I don't mind if ye drink. Just make sure ye don't spill nothin'! I just had the deck swabbed!"

"Sweet," said Poncho, "Bottoms up, baby!"

As the gang drank, Kapp'n suddenly started ringing the bell next to the ship's steering wheel.

"Arrrrgh," said Kapp'n, "Leak! We sprung a leak! We're goin' down fast!"

"We're sinking?" asked Alfonso, "But how?"

"Aye," began Kapp'n, "It'd be one of them underwater icebergs! The ship cannot handle all this water flowin' in! We must evacuate 'fore we hit the bottom of ol' Davy Jones' Lockerrrrr!"

"Eeek!" screamed Alfonso, "We're gonna die!"

"Shut up," said Snake, "We're not gonna die! Poncho, Alfonso, get in the lifeboat!"

The three jumped inside one of the lifeboats.

"What about Kapp'n?" asked Poncho.

"Arrrgh," said Kapp'n suddenly appearing, "There be no room for me in there. Go on, lads!"

"But there's plenty…" began Snake.

Suddenly, Kapp'n released the boat, causing it to fall into the ocean. The three simply sat in the drifting boat and watched as Kapp'n's yacht sailed away in the distance.

"You know," said Snake, "I think we've been had."

"That bastard must've overheard us!" snapped Poncho, "He wanted the treasure all for himself!"

"This day can't get any worse," moaned Alfonso.

Suddenly, Mr. Resetti, who was still sticking out of the sunroof of his car, sailed right next to the three guys.

"Mr. Resetti?" said Poncho, "What are you doing here?"

"Got room for one more?" asked Mr. Resetti.

* * *

After several minutes of flying, Blathers landed his plane in the center of St. Rosa and hopped out of the plane. He was the first to arrive.

"Alright," said Blathers, "I assume this big 'X' is underground as in 'X marks the spot'! Thank goodness I brought a shovel!"

Blathers spent hours running around the island, looking for a big 'X'. Many of the islanders stared at him like he was some kind of weirdo and wondered what he was up to. Eventually, other townspeople began to arrive as well, and the treasure hunt turned into a full-fledged search party.

The townspeople split up and combed the island searching high and low for the treasure they were convinced was real. After some time, they all regrouped at the center at of the island.

"Where the hell is it?" demanded Limberg.

"There is no big 'X'!" yelled Nook.

"That Gulliver lied to us!" snapped Sable.

"Or maybe," began Brewster, pointing at Blathers, "That bastard already took it! Here was here first after all!"

"Me?" said Blathers, "If I took it, I would have already been long gone! I'm beginning to think there is no treasure!"

"That's exactly what someone who found the treasure would want everyone else to think!" snapped Nook.

The crowd began arguing amongst themselves. Suddenly, Mabel spoke out.

"GUYS!" she screamed.

Everyone stopped and stared at her.

"Look at us," she said, "Don't you see what this treasure has done to us? We allowed ourselves to believe in some stupid fairy tale and get all worked up about it. We should all be ashamed!"

Everyone lowered their heads in shame.

"All this treasure has done is tear us apart," said Mabel, "I don't care if it's real or not. I refuse to be a part of it anymore!"

"She's right," said Sable, "Why did I even listen to that seagull?"

"I also agree," said Nook, "I have two more important treasures right here…"

Nook then frantically looked around.

"Damn!" he said, "Where did my kids go? Tommy? Timmy?"

"And I have a museum to look after," added Blathers, "I need to return as quickly as possible!"

And with that, the townspeople apologized to each other for their actions. Shortly afterwards, everyone left the island and headed home. Sometime after everyone left, however, Gulliver showed up at the island, holding a shovel.

"Damn," said Gulliver, "How can I be so stupid? I should have never opened my mouth!"

Gulliver approached two large palm trees that were both bent over each other, forming a large "X".

"My treasure better still be here," muttered Gulliver, as he dug in the spot underneath the palm trees.

The hole Gulliver dug revealed a stash of gyroids. Plinkoids, tootoids, lullaboids…You name it. Gulliver bent down and picked a mini-howloid up.

"Oh, my precious," said Gulliver, "You guys are all still here! Thank God! One day, when I'm rich, I'm gonna buy a huge house and decorate my basement with you guys! It'll be sweet!"

Gulliver put the gyroid back and sealed up the hole he dug. Just then, Kapp'n arrived.

"Aaaaargh," he said, "Do ye know where I can find a large 'X'?"

"You looking for the treasure?" asked Gulliver.

"Aye," replied Kapp'n, "I'm not too late, am I?"

"I'm afraid so," lied Gulliver, "All gone!"

"Why, that be a shame. Oh well…Say, are ye a sailor or somethin'?"

"Yeah…Well, used to be. I'm just looking to settle down now. Why do you ask?"

"I could use a helpin' hand 'round the docs. How 'bout I give ya a job?"

"Sweet!"

* * *

Though there may not have been any actual treasure, everyone instead went home with something far better: Enlightenment.

The gang learned that their friendship is far more important than material goods. Likewise, Nook learned that the safety of his children means more to him than any treasure could…Especially when you got your ex-wife breathing down your neck!

Mabel and Sable learned that running the store is a far more rewarding experience than being rich.

"Somebody, please kill me," muttered Sable.

Blathers and Brewster discovered that they have a duty…To keep the museum running and educate the people. As for Limberg, Cookie, Octavian, Wolfgang…Well, they didn't really learn anything. But then again, what did you expect?

And of course, Gulliver promised never to tell outrageous stories to get attention ever again. I guess that's it for now…Oh wait! I think we're forgetting someone!

* * *

Meanwhile, Alfonso, Poncho, Snake, and Mr. Resetti continued to float around in the lifeboat well into sunset.

"Well," said Snake, "At least we got to ride a yacht."

"I knew this was a terrible idea," said Alfonso, "I should've stayed home. Now, we're gonna die out here! Oh no!"

"Put a sock in it, will ya?" snapped Resetti, "Back in the day, when I was a miner, we used to get in these situations all the time. Once we were trapped for five whole days underground! We'll be fine!"

"Hey!" said Poncho, "I got an idea! Let's play _Eye Spy_. I spy with my little eye…Something that is blue!"

"Your fur?" said Snake.

"No you idiot!" snapped Poncho, "The water!"

"Don't call me an idiot, idiot!" said Snake, angrily.

"Wanna piece of me?"

Snake and Poncho began fighting, which caused the boat to rock. Alfonso tried to break them up while Resetti simply sighed.

Now, wasn't that fun? Be sure to see what's in store for the gang next episode. See you in 2 weeks!


	25. Flu Bear

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Author's Note: **I'm back! Hope you enjoy this episode!

**Episode 13: Flu Bear**

"_From The Marquee in downtown Mallsville_,_"_ announced the Emcee, _"It's the Dr. Shrunk Show! Give a big hand for your host, Dr. Shrunk!"_

The camera panned over a studio audience that was applauding and cheering before stopping to focus on a large stage. A pink axolotl wearing a polka dot suit and a large blue bow tie stepped onto the stage and walked towards a pair of couches in center. He bowed and waved at the Audience.

"Welcome to the show, everyone," said Dr. Shrunk, "The doctor is in! I thought for sure I would have to cancel today's show because I thought I left my notebook on the bus! Thankfully, it was right here, in my pocket, the whole…"

Shrunk began frantically searching his pockets.

"Uh-oh!" said Shrunk, "Where did I put it?"

After searching his pockets for a while, Dr. Shrunk began to laugh.

"Just kidding, folks!" said Shrunk, "It's at home, in my desk drawer."

Shrunk then sat down on one of the couches.

"My first guests," began Shrunk, "Are a couple who have been experiencing some problems in their relationship. Please welcome Whitney and Apollo!"

Just then, an eagle and a white wolf walked onto the stage and sat on the adjacent couch.

"Welcome," said Shrunk, "Now, Apollo, you think that Whitney is having an affair, correct?"

"I sure do," said Apollo, "She keeps going out late, she hardly ever looks me in the eye, and the other day, I found a condom under our bed. How did that get there?"

"That's bull(_bleep_!)" snapped Whitney, "If anyone's having an affair it's you!"

"Language, please," said Dr. Shrunk.

"You don't satisfy me as much as you used to," continued Whitney, "It's like you don't have time for me anymore!"

"Not true," said Apollo.

"The closest I've gotten to being intimate with a guy in the last three weeks is hugging my brother!"

The audience booed.

"How do you explain the condom?" asked Apollo.

"It's ours!" said Whitney, "From whenever it was we last had sex, which I can't remember because it was so (_bleep!) _long ago!"

Whitney then shoved her face into her hands and began sobbing as the audience said "Awwww…"

"Well," said Shrunk, "It seems we have a problem here. Apollo, you need to stop putting all your eggs in one basket, unless you're planning on making an omelet!"

"Huh?" asked Apollo.

"And Whitney," continued Shrunk, "Don't go searching for that needle in the haystack, because you'll only get pricked!"

"What?" asked Whitney, "That doesn't make any sense!"

"Glad I could be of service!" said Shrunk, "When we come back, my friends and I will be holding an intervention for a five year-old who's addicted to bubblegum! Stay tuned!"

* * *

CJ grabbed the remote and changed the channel. CJ, who was still on vacation, was at home watching television on his couch. It was a weekday afternoon and there was not much on. Suddenly, Curt entered the front door and walked up to CJ..

"Curt," said CJ, "Can't you at least knock?"

"What's the point of us having the keys to each other's houses if we can't fuckin' use them?" asked Curt.

"I'm just saying," said CJ, "Give me a warning before you come in."

"Why?" asked Curt, "You watching porn or something?"

CJ sighed and stood up. He headed for the kitchen.

"Want something?" asked CJ, "Soda? Beer?"

"Nah," said Curt, "I'm good."

"So, what have you been up to lately?" asked CJ.

"Training," said Curt, "It's June and I need to prepare for this year's fishing tourney. They do them every Sunday in June and this Sunday is the last one for this year! Poncho and I are entering. It'll be our first ever! I'm so excited!"

"Training for what? To catch fish? Please! You train for an actual sport like soccer or tennis…Not fishing!"

"Fishing is a legitimate sport. They play it on _ESPN_!"

"You know what else they play on _ESPN_? Darts, billiards…Oh, and Spelling Bees."

CJ grabbed himself a bottle of water from the fridge and drank from it.

"I should invite Poncho over here," said Curt, "Maybe him and I could use your weight set in the basement! We need to toughen up our arms to catch the really big bass!"

"Don't think so," said CJ, "Unless you want to hurt yourself."

Curt pulled out his phone and called up Poncho.

"Yo," said Curt, "I…Dude, are you okay? You don't sound too hot."

"What are you talking about?" said Poncho, over the phone, "Of course I'm hot! I'm boiling! And my nose is stuffed and I have a headache! I think I might be sick!"

"That sucks man," said Curt, "Want us to call a doctor for you?"

"Sure," said Poncho, who was lying in bed with balled-up tissues everywhere, "I hope it's nothing. I don't wanna miss my first ever fishing tourney!"

"Don't worry, man," said Curt, "A fishing tourney is nowhere near as important as my friend's health!"

"Aw, thanks man," said Poncho, "When are you gonna call the doctor?"

"Soon," replied Curt, "Right after I head home to clean my fishing rod! Ciao!"

CJ rolled his eyes as Curt hung up the phone.

* * *

Later, the duo headed to Poncho's house to check on their sick buddy. There, Dr. Aly Gator, the town physician, was in Poncho's room performing a check-up.

"Now breathe," said Dr. Gator, holding a stethoscope to Poncho's chest, "Deep breaths…Deep breaths…Breathe…Hee-hee, I like that sound!"

"Is he gonna be okay, Doc?" asked Curt.

"I'm afraid he's got the flu," replied Dr. Gator, "He may need to rest for a few days and take some medication. Have you received all your flu shots?"

"Let's see," said Poncho, "I've received the swine flu shot, the bird flu shot, the cow flu shot…Is there an antelope flu shot?"

"No," replied Dr. Gator, "But there is a deer flu shot."

"Ah," said Poncho, "Then I'm missing that one."

"Doc," began Curt, "Will my friend be fine in time for this Sunday?"

"I'm afraid not," replied Dr. Gator, "Unless you believe in miracles. Hey, shit happens sometimes. There was this one patient…"

"Thanks Doc," interrupted Poncho.

"Hmph," said Dr. Aly Gator, as he left Poncho's house.

"Fuck," sighed Poncho, "I feel like I let you down!"

"It's not your fault," assured CJ, "Besides, with less people, Curt here has a better chance of winning! Ha!"

"Very funny," said Poncho, "God, I feel terrible."

"I'll manage without you," assured Curt, "Don't worry. For now, I'm gonna head to Nook's to buy some gear. Is there anything you would like from there?"

"I'd like an ice cold beer," said Poncho.

"Um," said CJ, "We'll be back with some tea and juice."

"Aww," said Poncho, "Hey, can you buy me one of those hospital pans so I don't have to leave my bedroom when I wanna take a leak?"

"Just use a bucket," said Curt.

The two left. Poncho grabbed the remote and turned on his bedroom television.

* * *

"Hey everybody," said the very enthusiastic cabbie, "It's time again for the Animalese version of _Ca$h Cab!_"

The cabbie then got into his taxi and began driving around the city.

"For those of you just tuning in," began the cabbie, "Our job on _Ca$h Cab _is to drive around Mallsville, picking up random strangers. However, unlike a regular taxi, you don't pay a fare…Instead, we pay you! Of course, only if you answer all questions correctly."

The cabbie drove around the city for a while. Eventually, he spotted a couple waving him down at an intersection. They were both kangaroos and the woman appeared heavily pregnant.

"Thank God!" said the man, "My wife is going into labour and we need to get to a hospital fast!"

"AARRRGH!" screamed the woman as she clutched her swollen belly.

"Surprise!" shouted the cabbie, "You're in the _Ca$h Cab_!"

"The what?" asked the man.

"The _Ca$h Cab_," repeated the cabbie, "I will be giving you a series of questions and you gotta answer them correctly to win some money!"

"What?" said the man, "We don't have time for this! This woman is about to give birth!"

"First question," began the cabbie, "Who was Animalia's first president?"

"Deep breaths, honey," said the man, "Deep breaths!"

"OH GOD!" yelled the woman, "THE PAIN! THE PAAAAIN!"

"Wrong answer, I'm afraid," said the cabbie, "You have earned 0 dollars so far!"

"I'm not playing your stupid game!" snapped the man.

"Next question," said the man, "Who won the World Series in 1942?"

"How the hell should I know?" said the man, "And this isn't even the way to the hospital! Where are you taking us?"

"Wrong again!" said the cabbie, "Would you like to use one of your life-lines? We can stop to ask random passerby's!"

"Just take us to the goddamn hospital!" yelled the man.

"Not until you finish the quiz," said the cabbie.

"AAAARRRGH!"

"Oh, God!" said the man, "I think it's crowning!"

* * *

"You want me to do what?" asked CJ.

"Well," said Curt, "Since Poncho is ill, I figured you can fill in for him."

"I told you, I hate fishing!"

Curt and CJ were at Nook's, searching for a tacklebox.

"You don't actually have to fish," said Curt, "Just keep the other competitors distracted so I can catch the big stuff myself."

"That's cheating," said CJ.

"Just think about it," said Curt, "Now, let's see…Ah!"

Curt grabbed a tackle box from the supplies section and brought it to the cash.

"Good afternoon," muttered Nook, "This month we're having a huge sale on…"

"Yeah, yeah," said Curt, "Can it, Nook! I need to know if this brand is any good."

"Do I look like a fishing expert to you, hm?" asked Nook, "Ask someone from the supplies section. Or better yet, go online and look it up!"

"That was helpful," said Curt sarcastically.

"Fine," said Nook, "If you want a good fishing supplies, I suggest _Requin_ brand hooks, lines, sinkers, lures, tackleboxes…You name it! It's what Pascal apparently uses."

"Who's Pascal?" asked Curt.

"Only one of the greatest outdoorsmen the western county has ever seen!"

Nook then pulled a sports magazine from under the counter. On the cover was a red otter with a knit cap and seashell around his neck holding a fishing rod.

"He's won the fishing tournament five years in a row," added Nook, "He's got quite a talent, yes? I believe he will be entering this year's tourney."

"Damn," said Curt, "Now I really need to practice! I'll come back for the shit later!"

"I know you're excited about participating," began CJ, "But I'm not gonna enter some boring fishing tourney just because you don't wanna go alone!"

"Some friend you are," said Curt.

"You're accusing me of being a bad friend? Ha! You're the one who's more concerned about winning a dumb tournament than of your buddy's well-being!"

"Not true!"

"Poncho is sick and all you can think about is who can replace him!"

"So?" said Curt, "Fishing is a ruthless, competitive sport. I won't let anything get in the way of winning! You couldn't possibly understand!"

"You just started fishing yesterday!"

"Whatever! I gotta go practice my technique. Give Poncho the stuff we bought. I'll go check on him later!"

* * *

That night, Curt tossed and turned in his bed.

"Ugh," he moaned, "Must…win…trophy! Stupid…flu…"

Curt then dreamt that he was at the tournament, fishing.

"Nyuk, Nyuk!" laughed Chip, the host, "Only 10 more minutes, guys, until we declare the winner!"

From his spot near the river, Curt watched as Pascal the Otter approached Chip and handed him a huge bass and smiled. Curt gave Pascal the evil eye and focused on the water below him.

"Come on," said Curt, "Bite already!"

Just then, Curt saw a shadow approaching his bait. It was huge! Within seconds, there was tugging.

"I got one!" yelled Curt, "And it's a big one!"

Curt pulled tirelessly on the line as the fish tried desperately to swim away with bait. Curt stood up and planted both feet into the ground as he continued to pull the line. As the fish began to wear out, Curt reeled it in. Everyone in the background cheered as Curt held up the monstrous bass.

"Woah-oh!" yelled Chip, as he measured the beast, "A whopping 28 ½ inches! No contest here, people! The winner is Curt Townshend!"

"YEAH!" yelled Curt in excitement, "In yo face, fuckas!"

Chip then handed Curt a large trophy. Curt held the trophy high over his head as several local reporters took photos.

Just then, Poncho's physician, Dr. Aly Gator, came running up from behind the crowd.

"Mr. Townshend," said Dr. Gator, "I've been looking all over town for you! Your friend is gone!"

"Gone?" asked Curt, "As in 'missing'?"

"No," replied the doctor, "He passed away three hours ago! His symptoms were too severe!"

"I had no idea!" said Curt, horror-stricken, "I was here all day…Fishing."

Curt then stared at his trophy in disappointment. It no longer meant anything to him knowing that his good friend was dead.

"I should have been there," said Curt, "Those were his final moments and I missed them! WHYYYYYY?"

Curt suddenly woke up, covered in sweat. It was 4 o'clock in the morning.

"Just a dream," said Curt, breathing heavily.

Curt then lay back down and stared up at the ceiling.

**To be Continued...**


	26. Flu Bear Part II

**Flu-Bear (Part II)**

The following day:

"Thank you so much," said Poncho, "I appreciate all the company I've been getting!"

"You're welcome," said Lindsay, "When Curt told us you were sick, we felt so bad, that we just had to do anything to make you feel even a little better!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "And we're sorry you're missing the tournament. If it makes you feel any better, you had no chance of winning that thing anyways."

"Sakura!" snapped Lindsay.

"It's true," said Sakura, "Everyone knows what a biased bastard Chip is!"

"Thanks," said Poncho, "I guess you're right. If I could give you girls a hug I would, but I'm scared I'm contagious."

"Oh!" said Sakura, grabbing the remote off of Poncho's bed and raising the volume on the T.V., "_Pointed Love _is on!"

"Why do you watch that stuff?" asked Lindsay.

"Since I don't have a day job for the time being," began Sakura, "I started watching some of those day-time soaps and found that they are actually quite addictive!"

Lindsay sighed.

* * *

In the small hospital room, three porcupines hovered around the bed upon which an unconscious porcupine lay. One of the porcupines was a doctor.

"So," began the female porcupine, "How's my Reginald? Will he be alright?"

"I'm afraid," began the doctor, "That your fiancée will need to undergo de-quilling. It is an extremely risky procedure and there is a slim chance for survival, but it may be the only way we can properly treat his injuries."

Upon hearing the news, the female porcupine hugged the male porcupine she was with and began crying uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry," said the doctor, "That is all we can do. I'll leave you two alone for now."

As the doctor walked out, the woman continued sobbing.

"Oh, Reginald!" she yelled, "Why did you have to ride that motorcycle down the interstate without a helmet? Why?"

"My brother," began the male porcupine, "He's always been reckless. I knew one day it would get the best of him."

"I just want him to be okay!" sobbed the woman.

"Don't worry, Lana," whispered the man, "I promise you, everything will be alright…"

The man began to slowly caress the woman, which caused her to stop crying momentarily. The two stared at each other for a few seconds before they began kissing.

"Oh, John," groaned Lana, "You know just how to make a woman feel better!"

Just then, the door swung open and another female porcupine entered.

"Esther?" said Lana, "You're back already?"

"Lana?" said Esther, "How could you?"

"I…It's not what it looks like!" pleaded Lana.

"What?" demanded Esther, "How dare you make out with the man I love! Mark my words: If I ever see you near my Johnathan again, I will tell Reginald exactly what I saw here when he wakes up…"

"You bitch!" snapped Lana.

* * *

"Rerun," said Sakura, as she prepared to change the channel.

"No!" yelled Poncho, "Wait! I wanna see what happens next!"

"See?" said Sakura to Lindsay, "Told ya this shit's addictive!"

Just then, Curt showed up.

"Curt?" asked Sakura, "What's up?"

"Poncho," began Curt, "I've made a crucial decision! I am no longer entering the tourney!"

"What?" asked Poncho, "What's gotten into you?"

"I can't enter knowing my friend is sick!" said Curt, "I will instead remain here, by your bedside, tending to your every need!"

"What?" said Poncho, "I don't know what to say!"

"Say whatever you want," said Curt, "And I'll do it!"

"If only you paid that much attention to me when I got sick last year!" said Sakura.

"Shaddup," said Curt.

"Listen," said Poncho, "You don't have to do this!"

"But I have to," said Curt, "I had a revelation! Let me start by fluffing your pillows…Or better yet, I'll buy you new ones. Those ones look hot and uncomfortable."

"Ugh," said Sakura, "Let's go, Linds! Curt's starting to creep me the fuck out!"

"Take care, guys," said Lindsay, as she followed Sakura out.

"Good," said Curt, "They're gone. Now, you must have some kind of errand you want me to run!"

"Well," said Poncho, "Since you're so keen on helping me, I guess you can go visit Ava and ask her for Pango's shirt back. I was supposed to do it, but then I got sick…"

"Done and done," said Curt, who then ran out of the house.

* * *

"Welcome back," boomed the T.V. host, "Before the break, we were speaking with the one and only, K.K. Slider!"

K.K. pointed to the audience and winked, causing several female members to scream and cry.

"Now, K.K.," began the host, "Can you tell us more about your upcoming tour?"

"Nah," said K.K., "I'm keepin' it all under wraps, ya know? It's gonna be a big surprise."

"How exciting," said the host, "But can't you at least give a tiny sneak preview?"

"A'ight," said K.K., "I'll say this: It's gonna be tight, real tight. It's got a little somethin' for everyone; adults, kids…But especially the ladies."

K.K. smiled at the audience. Several women melted in their seats.

"Cool," said the host, "I'm looking forward to the show. Do you mind giving us a quick performance?"

"No," replied K.K., pulling out an acoustic guitar, "Not at all. But I ain't got my band with me, so this gig's gonna be a little stripped down if y'all don't mind."

K.K. then began playing an acoustic version of _Two Days Ago_.

* * *

"Sakura told me he's an arrogant dick," said Snake, who was sitting at the foot of Poncho's bed, watching T.V., "I wonder if it's true."

"I don't give a shit," said Poncho, "All I know is that once this flu is gone, I'm buying my tickets for his Salzburg show. I hope he picks an outdoor venue!"

"Last time you went to an outdoor concert," began Snake, "You bought those brownies off those cats and well…"

"Yeah," said Poncho, "Good times, eh? Speaking of which, where's Alfonso?"

Just then, Alfonso entered the bedroom wearing a full-body haz-mat suit.

"The fuck, man?" asked Snake.

"I refuse to allow myself to be contaminated by all the germs circulating in this bedroom," replied Alfonso, "Thousands succumb to the flu every year, and it is easily preventable!"

"Relax man," said Snake, "As long as you don't take a sip from Poncho's straw and wash your hands often, you'll be fine."

"You never know," said Alfonso, "In these crazy, disease-ridden times, you can never be too safe!"

Snake and Poncho rolled their eyes.

"So," began Snake, "Is it true Curt's been doing all this shit for you?"

"Yeah." Replied Poncho, "He ran a few errands, then he bought me lunch, and now he's out buying new curtains to match the new pillows he bought. I feel awful but…"

"But what?" asked Snake, "It's his problem if he wants to do all of this for you. I wish I was sick so that I can have my own slave!"

"But he's not entering the tourney anymore because he feels bad for me," said Poncho, "I want him to lead his own life too!"

"Well," said Snake, "The tourney's in two days, so Curt still has time to change his mind."

Just then, Curt entered, holding a few bags.

"They were having a sale at Able's," said Curt, "I got all kinds of patterns, because I wasn't sure which one you would like best…Oh, and I got you a sweater. Try it on!"

Curt tossed the sweater at Poncho, who slowly put it on. It had a picture of a blue bear and a stick man holding hands. At the top it said "Budies" (As opposed to "Buddies").

"Made it myself," said Curt, "Like it?"

"This getting gay," said Snake.

"I need you two to leave," ordered Curt.

"Huh?" asked Alfonso, "Why?"

"Poncho needs to sleep," replied Curt, "He only got 7 and a half hours last night. That's not healthy!"

"But I'm not tired," said Poncho.

"But you need to rest," said Curt, "Your body's fighting off all those infections. Now go!"

Curt pushed Alfonso and Snake out of the room.

"Bye!" called Alfonso.

"We'll talk later, man!" called Snake.

"There," said Curt, "Now, I'll be going out for a smoke, and then to Nook's for some more goodies. Is there anything you need before I leave?"

"Just fix the temperature in my room," said Poncho, "It's too damn hot."

"No problem," said Curt as he approached the thermostat.

"How does this thing work?" he mumbled.

Curt played around with the knob for a while.

"Do you know what you're doing?" asked Poncho.

"Yeah, yeah," replied Curt, "I got it. Be back later!"

Curt then shut the light and the T.V. before running out of the room and leaving Poncho all alone.

* * *

"Ugh," said Sakura, "I still can't believe that all you get for having 70 000 HRA score is a lousy House Model. Kinda takes away the motivation, you know?"

"Well, technically," began CJ, "You aren't supposed to know the prize until you actually win it."

"Pffft," said Sakura, "Thanks to the internet, nothing's a secret anymore."

"Hey, guys," said Lindsay, "Look! It's Curt!"

As the gang stood outside Nookington's, they saw Curt emerge, holding several bags.

"Hey guys," said Curt, "No time to talk. Gotta get these to Poncho's house!"

"I thought he was sleeping," said CJ, "Why don't you join us for a smoke?"

"I don't know," said Curt, "I have to check on him…Make sure he's okay and all."

"You've done a lot for him," said Lindsay, "He'll be fine. Just hang with us for 10 minutes or so."

"Okay," said Curt.

Curt placed his bags on the ground and pulled out a cigarette, which he lit.

* * *

One hour later:

"And I said 'Two? Make that two-thousand'! Ha!" said Curt.

"Dude," said CJ, "I am so fed up of that story."

"Whatever," said Curt, "I really better get going. I'll talk to you guys later!"

"Ciao," said CJ.

Curt ran all the way to Poncho's house. As he approached, he noticed an ambulance parked outside and two paramedics wheeling Poncho into it. He appeared unconscious.

"Poncho?" said Curt, "Oh God! Poncho!"

Curt ran up to the paramedics .

"What's going on?" asked Curt.

"Someone messed around with the thermostat," began the paramedic, "It's like a damn sauna up there. This poor guy passed out from the heat!"

"This can't be," said Curt, "I…I…"

"You can talk to him at the hospital," said the other paramedic, who then climbed into the ambulance and closed the door.

Curt stared at the ambulance in shock as it took off. Suddenly, Alfonso and Snake approached Curt.

"Alfonso thought he forgot something at the house," began Snake, "When we entered the room, we saw Poncho unconscious. It was like, forty degrees in there!"

"I hope he's okay," said Alfonso, "His heatstroke could easily exacerbate his flu!"

"Come on," said Curt, "Let's go to the hospital."

* * *

And so, Curt, CJ, Sakura, Lindsay, Alfonso and Snake all headed to the hospital.

"Yeah," said Poncho, placing a piece of meatloaf in his mouth, "And now the doctor says I gotta stay here for a while. But I'm not complaining! The food here is great and the bed is comfy. Not to mention I have a T.V.!"

"I'm just glad to know you're okay," said Curt, "I thought I knew what I was doing. I shouldn't have played with your thermostat like that! I'm sorry."

"It's alright," said Poncho, munching on some carrots, "When I get better, the first thing I'm gonna is buy a brand new air conditioning unit. That thing in my room is too confusing anyways."

"Is there anything I can do to help while you're here?" asked Curt.

"Nah," replied Poncho, "I think you've done enough. Look, you and I have both had the flu before. You know I'll come out of it fine. I appreciate the help you've given me, but you need to carry on with your own life, too!"

"True," said Curt, "I guess, in the end, my help did more damage than good."

"I wouldn't say that," said Poncho, holding a nudie magazine, "Thanks for smuggling these in, bro!"

Everyone in the room chuckled.

"So," began Poncho, putting his lunch tray aside, "Still not entering the tourney?"

"I guess not…" began Curt.

"I don't mind if you go," said Poncho, "In fact, I want you to go. If any of us is gonna beat that douche, Pascal, let it be you! Besides I would feel bad if you missed just because of me!"

"You're right," said Curt, "Damn, I better get going! I gotta buy my supplies if I'm gonna win!"

"Good luck, man!" said Poncho.

Curt then excitedly ran out of the hospital.

"You know what, guys?" said Poncho, "I think I'm gonna sleep a bit. I'm exhausted!"

"No problem," said CJ, "Take care!"

Everyone left the hospital. When the room was clear, Poncho grabbed the remote and turned on the T.V. that was hanging from the corner of the room.

"I have to see if Reginald survived the surgery," said Poncho.

* * *

"Reginald," said Lana, who was standing at Reginald's bedside, "I'm so glad this is all over! Now we can go home and…"

"Lana," said Reginald, "I'm afraid I can't. The other day, I heard you talking to my brother. I know you've been having an affair!"

"You..." began Lana, "You were awake? Oh God! This can't be!"

"How can you betray me like this?"

"Listen, Reginald…I wasn't having an affair! It was just that one time. Please! You have to forgive me!"

"Go, now. I don't want to see you anymore, Lana. I hope you're happy I survived the de-quilling, because I sure am not! A broken heart is far more painful than a motorcycle accident!"

Lana sobbed and ran out of the hospital room.

* * *

"Why Reginald?" sobbed Poncho, as he brought a handkerchief to his eye, "She cares so much about you! WHYYYY?"

Poncho then blew his nose.

That's it for now! Will Curt succeed in the fishing tourney? Find out in the next episode, _Off the Hook_! So long!


	27. Off the Hook

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 14: Off the Hook:**

Curt ran to Nookington's as fast as he could. When he entered, he immediately approached the cash.

"Ho, ho, ho," chuckled Nook, "In a hurry, I see. How may I help you?"

"Where's that _Requin _shit you told me about?" asked Curt, "The fishing stuff?"

"Ah, yes," replied Nook, "You finally came back for it, hm? Here it is."

Nook placed a very fancy and very hi-tech looking tacklebox onto the counter. Curt tried to pry it open.

"Um," began Curt, "How does this…"

"Observe," said Nook.

He then pushed a button on the side of the box. Like magic, the box opened, and several trays holding lures hooks, and sinkers emerged from inside and unfolded themselves.

"Not bad," said Curt, "Aw, man! With this baby, I'll have a fighting chance against the pros! How much for the whole thing?"

"2000 bells," replied Nook.

"2000?" demanded Curt, "Are you shitting me?"

"No, my boy," replied Nook, "I am not shitting you. If you want to play like a pro, you must be ready to pay like a pro, hm?"

"Maybe I'll just take one lure," thought Curt.

"Aaaaaargh," said Kapp'n, as he approached Curt from behind, "Do ye really believe all this fancy hoo-ha will help ye win the tournament? Har, har, har, har!"

"And who are you?" asked Curt.

"They call me Kapp'n," replied Kapp'n, "Nowadays, I mainly transport people, but back in the day, I was a real fine fisherman!"

"Uh-huh," said Curt, uninterested.

"Fishin' ain't about what's in your tacklebox," continued Kapp'n, "It's about what's in your heart. Let me teach ye know what I know about fishin'. Maybe ye will stand a chance against the other competitors!"

"I'm flattered you want to help me," said Curt, "But why?"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "Ye see, for several years, I participated in at least one fishing tourney every June, and thanks to me previous career, I never went home empty-handed…"

**-Flashback-**

_But there was this one incident 5 years ago…It was Pascal's first tourney here._

Kapp'n sat at the edge of the river focusing on the water below him.

"Aw maaaan, not again!" said the otter sitting near Kapp'n.

"Aye," began Kapp'n, "What be the problem, sir?"

"It's my lure, maaaan!" said the otter, "I lost my favourite lure to a really hungry bass! What am I gonna do now?"

"Tough luck, I suppose," replied Kapp'n, "Say, I've never seen yer face 'round here before…Are ye new to the village?"

"Naw, man," replied the otter, "I'm Pascal, and I'm from the nearby town of Otterston. It's a great town, but there ain't any fun activities to do there like the fishing tourney and stuff. Like my ol' man always used to say: 'Inactivity rots the mind…And the soul'!"

"Why, that be deeper than the bluest of oceans," said Kapp'n, "Here, take me lucky lure. I feel bad for ye!"

"Thanks, maaaan!" said Pascal, taking the lure from Kapp'n, "The people are here are too kind. You know, kindness is like a disease…It spreads, maaaan! I gotta catch me some fish now. Laters!"

_I fell for his philosophical mumbo-jumbo, and just like that, I gave up my luckiest lure to some stranger, aaaaargh!_

"Nyuk, nyuk," laughed Chip, "Time's almost up. We are currently accepting the last few fish!"

Kapp'n proudly approached Chip holding a huge bass. Chip grabbed the fish and measured it.

"Hot-dang!" said Chip, "A 21-incher! Can anyone beat that?"

"How 'bout mine, maaaan?" asked Pascal, who approached Chip's tent, holding an ever bigger bass.

Kapp'n's jaw dropped.

"25 inches?" said Chip, "Looks like we have a winner, nyuk nyuk! See ya'll next year!"

"But…But…" began Kapp'n.

Pascal approached Kapp'n.

"Thanks a bunch, maaaan," said Pascal, "That lure you gave me really helped out and junk! I won't forget what you did for me. In fact, from now on, I'll be participating here every year!"

_Aye, I brought a great curse to this village that day! _

**-End Flashback-**

"I've never entered a tournament since then," said Kapp'n.

"Because you were too distraught by the loss?" asked Curt.

"Nay," replied Kapp'n, "I'm working two jobs at the moment, and I just don't have much time for meself anymore! I would actually like to comete again, though."

"Oh."

"When I look into yer eyes, I see a fire burning; it's your desire to win. Ye remind me of meself when I was a lad! That's why I want ta help ya!"

"Alright," said Curt, "If you can teach me how to beat Pascal, then I'm down."

"Aaaargh," said Kapp'n, "Meet me at the docs, tomorrow at noon!"

"Sure," said Curt, "I don't have to pay you or anything, right?"

"Nay," said Kapp'n, "Now, I forgot why I came to Nookington's…"

* * *

The next day, Curt found himself sitting at the edge of the docs, with a blindfold over his eyes. Kapp'n and his assistant, Gulliver, stood nearby.

"Aaaargh," began Kapp'n, "In order to learn to fish, you must develop a sixth sense. Right now, you can't see a thing, but you can feel the waves hitting the shore beneath us, no?"

"Kinda," said Curt, "I'm feeling a little dizzy. I think there was something in that shrimp I just ate."

"Nonsense!" said Kapp'n, "Now, take a deep breath and get a feel for the ocean!"

"It smells damp and fishy," said Curt, as he breathed in the air.

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "The ocean has had quite a few men on top of her as you can imagine. I have ridden her quite a few times meself."

"What?" said Curt, "Oh. I get it. Funny..."

Kapp'n then handed Curt a fishing rod.

"Now," said Kapp'n, "I want to see you catch a fish with the blindfold on!"

As he prepared to cast the line, Curt yanked the rod back as far as possible. This caused the hook to go flying behind him and lodge itself into the mouth of Gulliver, who was standing behind Curt. As Curt cast the line, Gulliver was thrown into the water.

"Hey," said Curt, "I think I already caught something!"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "I think we should move on."

"Blech!" said Gulliver, as he dislodged the hook from his beak, "If only I knew this new job would be as rough as my old one…"

* * *

Curt, Kapp'n and Gulliver now stood in front of a small pond.

"Now," began Kapp'n, "We must test yer reflexes! When the fish takes the bait, ye must be ready to reel it in, or it will get away!"

"Right," said Curt, "So what are we doing here?"

"Aaaargh," said Kapp'n, "Yer goin' to catch a frog with this net."

Kapp'n handed Curt a net.

"But they're too fast!" whined Curt.

"That's the point, me boy!" said Kapp'n, "Now go!"

Curt eyed the pond for a few seconds, looking for frogs. He spotted at least two. As one attempted jump out, Curt swung his net, nearly catching it.

"Fuck!" snapped Curt, "It's too damn fast!"

"Keep tryin', lad!" urged Kapp'n.

The frog leapt out of the pond and began hopping down the grass. Curt chased it.

"Nevermind that one!" yelled Kapp'n, "Get the other one! And move faster!"

Curt returned to the pond and attempted to catch the other frog with the net. However, this frog was even faster. It immediately left the pond and hopped all the way towards Gulliver before taking one giant leap into the opening of Gulliver's sailor suit.

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Gulliver, who began running in circles, "I hate slimy things! Get it out! GET IT OUT!"

"Hold still, lad!" said Kapp'n, who attempted to wrestle the amphibian out of Gulliver's shirt.

"Waaaah!" cried Gulliver, "It's gonna give me warts!"

"It's toads that give ye warts, sonny!" said Kapp'n, "Now stop squirmin'!"

"Ya know," thought Curt, "Frog catching is actually a lot more fun than fishing!"

* * *

"Now," began Kapp'n, "I don't want ye movin' from that spot until ye caught a fish! Understand?"

"What if I have to pee?" asked Curt.

"Aaaargh!" said Kapp'n, "I'll be back with a bucket!"

Kapp'n left Curt alone sitting near the edge of the small river that ran through Hell. Nearby, there were some other animals fishing, and they too were having little luck. Curt sighed. Suddenly, he felt a tugging on his line. Excitedly, Curt began to reel it in. It was just an old tin can.

"Blech!" said Curt, "And I can't even throw it back in! Aw fuck it, who cares?"

Curt tossed the can back in.

"Sup, man?" asked CJ, who passed by, "Thought I'd check in on you and see how this whole fishing thing was going."

"Terrible," replied Curt, "I don't know anything about fishing and Kapp'n's training sucks! I can't compete knowing that I can't catch anything! It's embarrassing!"

"Cheer up," assured CJ, "I know you'll get the hang of it!"

"The tourney's tomorrow," said Curt, "If I ain't good now, I certainly won't improve by then!"

"There is one last shot," said CJ, "You know Serena, right?"

"You mean the crazy homeless lady who thinks she's a fairy and lives behind the town fountain?" asked Curt, "Yeah…Why?"

"Well you know how she randomly gives out axes to people? I've been hearing a rumor that she's started handing out golden fishing rods as well!"

"Golden rods? How are those supposed to help?"

"They apparently improve your chances of catching big fish!"

"Sounds like total bullshit…But then again, I'm desperate for anything. Let's go."

* * *

Serena, who was known to the residents of Hell as the "Fountain Fairy", was a creepy lady who has taken up residence behind the fountain for many years. Her foul body odor and psychotic rambling regularly scares off many of the people who visit the fountain, though some villagers have made a pastime out of stopping by the fountain to throw stuff at Serena, often axes.

When not threatening random passerby's with the many axes she has hoarded over the years, she also hands them out as gifts to those few she deems "worthy". If you're _really _nice, she may even spray paint…Er, enchant the axe with her mystical powers and turn it gold.

"Who dares disturb the chamber of Serena, Queen of the Fairies?" demanded Serena.

"It is I," began Curt, "Curtis Townshend, and I have a request!"

"Dude," said CJ, "Cut that out."

"A request?" asked Serena, "Only those with the purest of hearts may demand something from the Queen of Fairies!"

"Listen," said Curt, "I know you're upset because people are always throwing shit at you, and I really feel for you, I do. I will do whatever it takes to earn your respect, but I really need a golden fishing rod. Do you have one?"

"Perhaps," replied Serena, "Do you have a regular rod with you?"

Curt held up his current fishing rod, which Serena quickly grabbed.

"Hmmm," said Serena, "Nice. Very nice…I will consider your request, mortal!"

Serena then prepared to hand Curt the golden fishing rod.

"It's beautiful," said Curt, "I'm sure…"

Serena suddenly pulled the rod back right before Curt could take it.

"Only if you promise to plant flowers near the fountain," said Serena, "I am the Queen of Fairies, after all! I need my palace to look pretty!"

"Fine," said Curt, taking the rod, "I promise."

"Excellent," said Serena, "If you do not make good on that promise, I will send my fairy minions after you! Now, leave me be!"

Serena then scurried behind the fountain and disappeared.

"She seems like a nice lady," said Curt.

* * *

That evening, Curt returned to the spot where he was fishing before CJ took him to see Serena. Curt cast the line and waited patiently for a fish to bite. For several minutes, Curt watched his sinker bobbing around on the surface of the water, though he still didn't have much luck, even with the golden rod.

"So," began Curt, who was talking on his cellphone while he fished, "How much longer will you be in there?"

"Two days at the latest," replied Poncho, "By the way, I'm glad you didn't give up on the tourney. Is the training going well?"

"Oh yeah," said Curt, "But training means nothing now that I have the ultimate key to victory!"

"What is it?" asked Poncho.

"The golden fishing rod," repeated Curt, "It's a fishing rod made of solid gold. It supposedly increases your chances of catching big fish!"

"Have you tried it out yet?" asked Poncho, "Does it work?"

"Well," said Curt, "I'm kinda using it right now but so far still nothing. I shouldn't have…"

Just then, Curt noticed a shadow in the water. It stared at the bait for a few seconds before slowly making its way toward it. Curt dropped his phone in excitement.

"Come on, fishy!" said Curt, "Come on! Take it…"

Suddenly, the sinker began bouncing up and down. It took the bait! Curt began reeling in the fish. He pulled as hard as he could, but not too hard as to avoid losing his bait. The fish was strong, but Curt was in control. Soon enough, the fish gave up, and Curt was able to reel it in.

"Holy crap!" said Curt, "I caught a fish! I caught a fish!"

"Awesome, dude," said Poncho, over Curt's fallen phone, "What kind is it?"

"Ima call you back," said Curt, as he hung up his phone and placed it into his pocket.

Holding the fish in hand, Curt ran through the town as fast as he could. Random villagers on the street stared at him as he yelled and jumped for joy.

"I caught a fish!" screamed Curt, "I caught a fish!"

Curt ran all the way to the docs, where Kapp'n, was sitting outside, smoking a pipe.

"Kapp'n!" called Curt, "I caught a fish!"

"Good work, lad!" said Kapp'n, "Let me take a look!

Curt handed Kapp'n the large fish, which he quickly examined.

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "It's a big one, alright! Unfortunately, it be a Cat Fish, which isn't accepted in the tourney, but nevertheless…I'm proud of ye! I can see the fire in yer eyes again, har, har, har!"

"Get ready, Pascal," said Curt, "'Cause tomorrow, You won't stand a chance!"

**To be Continued…**


	28. Off the Hook Part II

**Off the Hook (Part II)**

"Good day, everyone!" said Bob, "I'm Bob the Cat."

"And I'm Caesar the Ape," said Caesar, "And we're here live at the final day of this year's fishing tournament!"

"Many of the competitors are arriving as we speak," continued Bob, "There are many newcomers this time around, though there are still some familiar faces, such as Pascal, five-time winner of this popular event!"

"And speaking of which," said Caesar, "Here he comes!"

* * *

As Pascal arrived at the scene, several villagers, mostly female, crowded around him.

"Pascal!" said Opal, "Can I have your autograph?"

"Sure thing, maaaaan," said Pascal, as he scribbled his autograph into her notebook, "I appreciate all the love here! Love is like sugar…Without it, life would be too bitter!"

"You're so wise," said Savannah, "How is it even possible?"

"Anything is possible," said Pascal, "You just gotta believe, maaaan!"

Meanwhile, CJ and Curt watched from afar.

"Blech!" said Curt, "Look at that fucking loser! I can't believe the girls are falling for that shit! Wait 'til they see me kick me his ass!"

"Speaking of girls," began CJ, "Where are Sakura and Lindsay? They said they'd be here!"

"Oh God," sighed Curt, "Look!"

Curt pointed at the crowd that surrounded Pascal. Among them were Sakura and Lindsay.

"Tell us more of your philosophy," said Lindsay, "Pretty pleeeease?"

"No prob," said Pascal, "A wise man once said: 'Life is just what you dream when you're dreamin'.'"

"So true," said Sakura, "So true."

"Now," said Pascal, "How 'bout hookin' an otter up with some shells?"

Sakura and Lindsay both pulled seashells from their pockets and handed them over to the otter.

"Right on," said Pascal, as he took the shells, "I hope to see you girls later. Right now, I got some fishin' to do!"

Pascal walked off.

"Oh my God," said Lindsay, "Have you ever met anyone so smart _and_ handsome before?"

"I know," said Sakura, "Did you see when he took our seashells? He totally touched my hand!"

"He touched mine, too!"

"EEEEEEEEEEE!"

* * *

As Sakura and Lindsay screamed like little school girls, Curt continued to watch.

"I can't believe he even has them under his spell," said Curt, "Well, no more. Where's Chip? I gotta go get my vest!"

"CJ?" said a voice, "Hey CJ! Over here!"

"Huh?" asked CJ.

Just then, CJ's boss, Mr. Hopper, walked over to where CJ and Curt were standing. He was wearing a small sun hat, and a blue puffy vest.

"Sir?" said CJ, "What are you doing here?"

"What's it look like?" asked Mr. Hopper, "Fishing! I've entered the tourney this year! It's my first one!"

"Interesting," said CJ, "I didn't know you were into fishing."

"Normally I'm not," said Hopper, "But I've made a resolution to try new things and participate in as many village activities as I could. Life is short after all!"

"Uh-huh…"

"How's your vacation so far?"

"Actually, today's my last day. I start again tomorrow, remember?"

"Right, right…It'll sure be great to have ya back! Well, I gotta go! The fish await!"

Hopper ran off.

"Not looking forward to tomorrow," muttered CJ.

"Meh," said Curt, "He doesn't seem that bad!"

* * *

Later, as the fishing tourney began, all the contestants gathered around a small podium as Chip, the tournament host, made a small speech.

"Nyuk, nyuk," announced Chip, "Welcome to the fishing tourney everyone! The rules are pretty simple. Catch a fish before 6:00 tonightand submit it to me! Make sure it's a bass though, because that's all we accept here! You can come to me as many times as you want. I'll only keep the biggest fish you've caught. And this year, I expect the fish much bigger than last year (Thanks to all that toxic waste we dumped), nyuk!"

The audience simply sat there, quietly.

"Well?" said Chip, "Whattya waiting for? Get fishing, and good luck to everyone!"

Quickly, the contestants ran off to find spots by the edge of the large river that passed through town. Others took spots near the ocean shore. Curt had trouble finding a good place.

"Damn," said Curt, "I can't fish with all these people around."

"Try the ocean," suggested CJ.

"Nah man," said Curt, "Sea bass are large, but the largest ones swim upstream into the town's water supply to mate. I need to fish at a river!"

"Ah," said CJ, "I see you have been doing your research!"

"All here in the manual," said Curt, holding up a fishing magazine.

Unsurpisingly, the picture of Pascal on the front cover was vandalized by Curt.

"Er, yeah," said Curt, putting the magazine away, "Still helpful, though. Did you know that coelacanths are called 'living fossils' because of how long they've been around?"

"Yeah, yeah," said CJ.

"And did you know red snappers…"

"Focus, man! You got a tourney to win!"

"Right."

Curt eventually found a spot and settled down. He placed a beach blanket on the grass and sat on it, before casting his rod. Curt waited patiently for a fish to bite.

"Ugh," said Curt, "They better start biting soon!"

"What did you expect?" said CJ, "

"Your boss over there seems to be having better luck," Curt pointed at Hopper, who was fishing in a nearby spot.

"Oh, boy!" said Hopper, "A bite! I can't believe I already got one!"

Hopper reeled it in, only to discover it was actually an old tin can.

"Aw, man," said Hopper, as he tossed aside the tin can, "It's okay. It was just my first anyways."

"Heh," chuckled Curt, "That was probably my can from earlier."

"Listen," said CJ, "Since I don't feel like waiting around, I'm gonna find Sakura and Lindsay and head off for lunch. Want anything?"

"No thanks," said Curt.

"Good luck then," said CJ.

* * *

For the next couple of hours, Curt sat by the edge of the river, waiting for a fish to bite. Every now and then, CJ, Sakura or Lindsay would pass by and give Curt food, or other supplies. Eventually, Curt got a bite.

"Oh boy," said Curt excitedly, "Finally!"

Curt reeled it in. It was a bass, though it was quite small. Nevertheless, Curt took it to Chip.

"Sorry, buddy," said Chip, "But it's too small, nyuk! Only 9 inches. I think ya got yourself a baby or something!"

"Aw, come on, man!" said Curt, "I've been waiting for hours for this? Please, it's gotta be worth something!"

"Sorry," said Chip, "But only if you beat Pascal's current record, will you get a small prize, nyuk nyuk! You don't mind if keep this baby, though? It sure looks appetizing, nom, nom!"

Just then, Pascal approached Chip and handed him a large bass.

"Check it out, maaaaan," he said, "Another big one!"

"A big one indeed," said Chip, as he measured the fish, "You beat your previous best! I guess that means you get a small prize!"

"Far out," said Pascal, as he grabbed a bag from Chip, "I hope it's a dictionary. Ever read the dictionary before? It's got everything in it, maaaan!"

"No, but I look forward to it," said Chip, "Keep at it. You're well on the way to winning this thing."

Pascal walked off, whistling a tune. Curt gave him the evil eye and waved his fist at him. Just then, Lindsay and Sakura approached Curt, still ogling Pascal.

"Wow," sighed Lindsay, "Isn't he just awesome? I mean, he's so smart, and he's a great fisherman!"

"And look at those abs," said Sakura, "It certainly doesn't hurt that he's so rugged…Rrrrrr!"

"Seriously, girls," said Curt, "I need some support here!"

"Fine, fine," said Sakura, "How's it going so far?"

"Shitty," said Curt, "My fish was only 9 inches. I gotta try again."

"Well," said Lindsay, "Maybe you should try another spot. Some people dropped out and there's more free space now!"

"I'll check it out," said Curt.

Curt ran back to his spot and grabbed the beach blanket off the ground. Meanwhile, in the distance, Hopper was still fishing in his spot.

"This is it," said Hopper, anxiously, "I feel it this time, I…"

Hopper reeled in his line. It was a dirty boot. Hopper sighed and tossed the boot into the pile of crap he fished out in the last two hours.

* * *

Curt eventually found a new spot at the edge of the docks. Curt caught a few more bass, but none of them even came close to the ones he saw Pascal hand in, so he simply tossed them back.

"So boring…" whined Curt, "I thought this golden rod was supposed to help me! Maybe I should just quit."

As Curt continued to wait, his head began to droop and his eyes closed. All that excitement from this morning made Curt exhausted. It wasn't long before Curt was completely asleep.

"Curt," said a voice, "Cuuuurt…"

"Wha?" said Curt, "Who's there?"

"It's meeeee," said Poncho, "Your frieeeend!"

"Poncho?" said Curt, "Where am I?"

"You're having a dreeeeam," replied Poncho.

"Why are you talking like that?" asked Curt.

"I don't know," replied Poncho, "I'm supposed to be a ghost or some shit like that. Why are you so glum?"

"Fishing sucks," said Curt, "I haven't caught anything halfway decent!"

"I thought you didn't care about winning," said Poncho, "Remember when we were preparing to enter? All we cared about was having a good time at the tourney!"

"That's the problem! Without you here, this tourney's nothing! I'm alone and bored and sucking hard!"

"I feel ya. I wish I was there too. But now that you're here, I need you to try your best, or all of our effort is wasted! I don't care if you win or lose, and neither should you!"

"You're absolutely right, man. I gotta stick this shit out 'til the end!"

"That's my man!"

Poncho and Curt high-fived.

"Now," began Poncho, "Get back to the tourney so you can avenge me! Aveeeenge meeeee!"

"Avenge you?" asked Curt, "What for?"

"Bope," shrugged Poncho, "Since I'm a ghost in your dream I figured I'd take this opportunity to say something I've always wanted to say!"

"Nice."

And with that, Poncho vanished.

* * *

"Mmmmm," moaned Curt, who was slowly waking up, "What? Where am I…"

The rod began moving. A fish had taken the bait.

"Damn," said Curt, quickly snapping out of it, "Gotta reel!"

But it was too late. Whatever that fish was, it was not only gone, but it took Curt's lure.

"NOOOOO!" yelled Curt, "ARGH! My lure! I lost my fucking lure!"

Curt stood up and angrily threw his rod to the floor.

"You okay, maaaan?" asked a voice.

Curt turned to the source of the voice: Pascal.

"Y-You?" asked Curt.

"I was fishing nearby and I heard ya scream," said Pascal, "Need some help, there?"

"Nah," said Curt, "It's just some dumb fish ran off with my lure."

"Fish don't run, maaaan," chuckled Pascal, "They ain't got legs!"

"God," thought Curt, "I just wanna punch this pretentious fuck in the face."

"Here," said Pascal, handing over a lure, "Take this thing. I don't need it anymore."

"Huh?" said Curt, "You're giving me your lure? Just like that?"

"Long ago," began Pascal, "Some dude gave me this lure after I lost mine. I'm just payin' it forward. Like I always say: 'When you pay it forward, everybody profits'!"

"That," said Curt, wiping a tear from his eye, "Is so beautiful…I'll remember that!"

Curt grabbed the lure.

"No prob, maaaan," said Pascal, "I gotta get back to my spot. Later."

Curt watched as Pascal walked off and then stared at the lure he gave him. It seemed Pascal wasn't such a bad guy after all.

Then it hit him! The reason Curt wasn't having any fun is because he was treating the fishing tourney like some useless competition between him and a guy he never had a reason to hate. There was something Curt had to do.

* * *

Curt grabbed his stuff and ran back to his original spot. In the distance, Hopper was still in his spot, fishing. Next to him was a big pile of trash.

"Oh yeah!" shouted Hopper, as he tugged on his line, "Here we go! This one's gonna be big, I can feel it!"

This time, it was a tire.

"Awww," said Hopper, "Oh well, at least it's big!"

Curt suddenly ran up to Hopper's spot and cast his line.

"Hey!" snapped Hopper, "This is my spot! What are…"

"Chillax," said Curt, "I'm here to help! I'm gonna show you how it's done! You gotta pay attention to the shadows!"

"Oh," said Hopper, "Hey, there's one! And it looks big!"

The large shadow made its way towards the lure. With all their might, Hopper and Curt grabbed the fishing rod together and pulled it towards the shore. When it was close enough, Curt reeled it in.

"Hot damn!" said Hopper, "Now that is a big fish!"

"It must be like, 30 inches!" said Curt, "Here, go hand it in!"

"But," said Hopper, "You caught it, not me! You should take the prize!"

"Naw, man," said Curt, "It was your spot. I was just trying to help. Today, I learned that fishing isn't about competition, it's about having fun. And I've had my fun, now go have yours!"

"Awesome! Thanks!"

With that, Hopper ran to Chip's booth.

* * *

"Nyuk, nyuk!" announced Chip, "The last fish have been submitted and now, it's time to announce the winner!"

With the tourney over, everyone in the crowd waited anxiously for the results.

"With a 28-and-a-half incher, the winner of the final week of this year's Summer Fishing Tourney is...Pascal, once again! Your prize will be in the mail!"

"Far out, maaaan," said Pascal, "I can't wait!"

"Oh, well," said Hopper, "I guess my fish wasn't as big as I thought..."

"WHAT?" demanded Curt, "How the fuck does this guy do it? Augh!"

"Maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this," began CJ, "But that golden rod isn't actually real. It's just a regular rod spray painted gold and I asked Serena to give it to you."

"Why would you do that?" asked Curt.

"To lift your spirit," replied CJ, "To show you that you had the skills all along. I guess it kinda worked…Too bad you still couldn't win."

"Yeah, well," began Curt, "I kinda figured it was fake. It's chipping."

"Anyways, I'm heading home," said CJ, "I got a long day at work tomorrow. At least your little gesture put Mr. Hopper in a good mood so my first day back won't be so bad. I guess I owe you for that."

CJ left. The crowd was beginning to thin out.

"Hey, man," said Poncho, arriving in a wheelchair, "Looks like I got here just in time to hear the winner!"

"Poncho?" said Curt, "They let you go early?"

"They said I was looking a little better and that I'm not contagious or anything."

"Okay, but what's with the wheels?"

"I convinced the doctors that my legs went numb from all that lying down I did. Isn't it cool? I wanna go pop some wheelies after!"

Poncho did a spin in his chair.

"Sweet," said Curt.

"So Pascal won again, huh?" asked Poncho, "That sucks."

"I guess…" began Curt, "At least I had fun, and I learned an important lesson!"

"What?"

"Not sure, but I fell asleep at one point and I had this cool dream and you were in it. You were some kind of ghost and you were giving me advice and shit."

"Did I say, 'Aveeeeenge meeeee!'?"

"Hell yeah, you did! It was awesome!"

"Sweeeet. Hey, let me see your golden rod!"

"It's fake," said Curt.

"Really?" said Poncho, "Awww...Wanna go throw it at Serena?"

"Let's go!" said Curt.

As the two walked off, Curt took out the lure Pascal gave him and tossed it to the floor. Later, Kapp'n arrived and picked up the lure. As he held it in his hand, he watched Curt and Poncho walking away into the sunset.

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "The curse of Pascal lives on. But though the boy failed to beat the otter, he leaves with a far greater reward. Perhaps, there's more to fishin' than what I thought…"

"Yeah," said Chip, who was standing behind Kapp'n, eating one of the bass, "There's also gutting, cleaning, and of course, eating, nyuk, nyuk!"

Kapp'n shook his head at Chip before walking off.

"Nyuk, nyuk," said Chip, waving, "See you all again next week!"


	29. Hair of the Dog

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 15: Hair of the Dog**

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and CJ and Sakura were standing outside the former's house talking.

"I heard ya finally got 80 000 points from those bastards at the HRA," said CJ, "Nice job. Me, I'm stuck with 22 800 points."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Well don't fret on it. The points mean jack shit. I wouldn't even be involved in this points stupidity if it wasn't for Nook. I guess I gotta go pick up my house model or whatever shit they give out…"

Just then, Curt showed up.

"Yo," said CJ, "I've been looking for you all morning."

"I was at Buzz's place," replied Curt, "Apparently, he's throwing some kind of party this week!"

"Yeah, whatever," said CJ, "I popped into your house earlier. What the Hell, man? You put paper in your wardrobe? Come on!"

"First of all," said Curt, "I don't remember giving you permission to rummage through my stuff when I'm not around. Secondly, I have a lot of space in those things, and since these fucking animals all think that stationary is an appropriate reward for helping them out, I kinda needed a place to store it all."

"Still doing odd jobs for the villagers, huh?" asked CJ.

"I'm still jobless," replied Curt, "What choice do I have?"

"Back up," said Sakura, "Did you say Buzz is throwing a party? We should totally go!"

"You know I don't trust him," said CJ, "Besides, what kind of people are gonna be there?"

"People we know," said Curt, "Snake, Poncho, Elmer, that duck guy…"

"You mean Bill?" asked CJ, "I hate that guy! But whatever. I'll see..."

"Sweet," said Sakura, "I'm gonna talk to Lindsay, even though I know she'll say 'no'. She can be such a party-pooper sometimes."

"Where is she?" asked Curt, "I haven't seen her since Friday!"

"I know," said Sakura, "She's been busy all weekend."

"Speak of the devil," said CJ, as Lindsay approached.

Lindsay seemed incredibly happy, and as she skipped over to where her house is, she hummed a song to herself.

"Hey Linds," called Sakura, "What's up? I called you last night to go out. What happened?"

"Oh," said Lindsay, "I was…er, busy with errands last night. Sorry!"

"Well, what are you up to now?"

"They called me in to work today…I'm just gonna go get changed before I leave. Sorry."

"No problem, I'll talk to you later."

With that, Lindsay ran up to her house and unlocked the front door. She then entered, still smiling and humming that song.

"She seemed happy," said Curt, "Well, happier than usual. Anyways, CJ, what was it you wanted to see me about?"

"I have some stuff I was gonna take to the dump," replied CJ, "But first I was gonna show it to you. Maybe there's some stuff you would like?"

"Just because I'm jobless," began Curt, "Doesn't mean I'm some desperate beggar who's willing to accept other people's garbage."

"Fine, then. Go run errands for other villagers in exchange for fruit and stationary."

Curt sighed.

"Okay. Show me what you've got."

Curt and CJ then headed for CJ's house, leaving Sakura alone. She then eyed Lindsay's house suspiciously.

* * *

Elsewhere, Cupcake, the pink bear, approached Cookie's house and knocked on her door. Cupcake was Cookie's best friend for many years. She was not bad-looking, though she was a little pudgy, and had a high fashion sense. She was much kinder than Cookie, but made of for it by being incredibly snooty and obnoxious.

"Hello?" said Cookie, as she opened the door.

"Hello, darling," said Cupcake, as she double-kissed Cookie, "My, you look upset. What's the matter, dear?"

"Nothing," replied Cookie, "Come inside!"

Cupcake entered Cookie's house and immediately grabbed a seat on the couch.

"Want something to drink?" asked Cookie.

"A cup of tea would be nice," said Cupcake, as she removed her shoes, "Oh dear, these shoes were simply not designed for walking more than 10 meters!"

As Cupcake rubbed her bare feet, Cookie prepared some tea in her kitchen.

"So how's everything?" asked Cookie.

"Wonderful," replied Cupcake, "The other day, my boyfriend and I made PB&J sandwiches, and then we had a picnic in the park. It was quite romantic…Except for all the ants. Of course, that's why it pays to date anteaters!"

Cookie rolled her eyes. She hated it when Cupcake rambled on about her boyfriend.

"What about you, darling?" asked Cupcake, "Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," replied Cookie, "It's just my stupid cousin is coming to visit. She's going to be spending a few nights at my place."

"I assume you don't like your cousin?"

"I hate her! She's a filthy skank and she's proud of it! I mean, I'm no angel, but at least I settled down."

"She sounds awful."

"Even to this day, she acts like she's better than me, though she still pretends we're good friends. All my life, my parents kept comparing me to my 'precious cousin', Daisy, but I always knew the real her."

"Well, I'm sure she won't be too much of a problem."

"You're right, she won't be staying very long…Her job has her travelling a lot. But while she's here she's always gonna pester me to go out with her all the time, and I can't really say no, can I?"

Just then, the tea kettle whistled. Cookie poured herself and Cupcake a cup.

"That reminds me!" began Cupcake, as she took her cup, "Buzz is throwing this huge party in a couple of days. Are you coming?"

"I don't know," began Cookie, "Limberg is still out of town with the guys and…"

"It'll be fun," said Cupcake, "Maybe you can take your cousin and introduce her to some men. Get her to settle down!"

"I'll think about it," said Cookie.

* * *

Inside her house, Lindsay sat in front of the bathroom mirror, getting ready for work. As she ran the large hairbrush through her long, blonde hair, Lindsay smiled at her reflection in the mirror and continued to hum. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" said Lindsay, as she ran to unlock the door.

When she opened it, she saw Sakura, leaning against the doorway.

"What's his name?" she asked.

"Huh?" asked Lindsay.

"Your boyfriend," replied Sakura, "What's his name?"

"Don't be silly," said Lindsay, "I don't have a…"

"Come on. You were busy all weekend, and then all of a sudden, you show up, practically beaming!"

Lindsay sighed.

"Alright. I met a guy on Friday. His name's Buck. He's really cute."

"What is he? A dog? A cat? I want details, honey-pie!"

"He's a horse…On Friday during my lunch break, I stopped by the Roost to get something to eat and he was waiting in line before me, but he wasn't sure what to order, so I helped him. And then afterwards we ate together and we pretty much hit it off."

"Nice one, girl!" Sakura then raised her hand to give Lindsay a high-five.

"He's very nice," said Lindsay, "And funny."

"Cool!"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner. It's just I wanted to make sure I was absolutely comfortable about where the relationship was going first."

"It's okay," said Sakura, "I promise I won't tell the guys. But as for you and I…We're BFF's! No more secrets from now on, kay?"

"Alright," Lindsay chuckled

"Good," said Sakura, "I gotta go. Talk to you later, bizznatch!"

Sakura then ran out and Lindsay returned to getting ready.

* * *

The following day, Curt was on his way to Nookington's for some shopping. As he headed for the store, a small white bitch approached him.

"Um," said the dog, "Excuse me. I'm new in town and I'm kinda lost. Do you know where Acre C-5 is?"

"It's just down there," replied Curt, "If you want, I'll take you there."

"Thanks," said the dog, "You're too kind Mr…"

"Just call me Curt," said Curt, "What's your name?"

"Daisy," replied the dog, "I'm visiting my cousin here in Hell."

"That sounds awesome," said Curt, "Our town is so lovely. If you stay here too long, you may never want to leave!"

"Tee-hee," said Daisy, "You're sweet. I know it sounds weird, but I never actually met a human before. Here's my cell number if you ever want to get together or something."

"Um," said Curt, "Thanks!"

* * *

Lindsay was lying on her bed, speaking on the phone. Shortly after he then hung up, the doorbell rang.

"It's open," called Lindsay.

Sakura entered Lindsay's house.

"Hey, Linds," said Sakura, "What's up?"

"I was just on the phone with Buck," replied Lindsay.

"Cool…" said Sakura, "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Well," said Lindsay, "Me and Buck are going out tonight. It's nothing major, but you know…"

"Alright," said Sakura, sounding disappointed, "I was just wondering if you wanted to see a movie or something."

"Sorry…" said Lindsay, "Maybe you can tag along with us. Buck's been wanting to meet some of my friends anyways."

"It's kinda awkward," said Sakura, "Just me being there on your date and all."

"Not necessarily," said Lindsay, "Just call up a guy you know. We can make it like a double-date or something. It'll be fun!"

"I just hope someone's available tonight," thought Sakura.

* * *

Meanwhile, Daisy, who finally found Cookie's house, walked up to the front door and rang the bell.

"Cookie!" said Daisy, cheerfully, as Cookie opened the door.

"Hey, Daisy," said Cookie, forcing herself to sound excited, "How are you?"

"I'm great," replied Daisy, as she hugged Cookie, "I love your town, it's so beautiful."

Cookie then let Daisy in. Daisy placed her bags on the ground, and the two headed into Cookie's kitchen.

"Want something to drink?" asked Cookie.

"I'm good," said Daisy, "How's everything?"

"It's been great," said Cookie, "Life in Hell sure has been treating me wonderfully."

"I can see," said Daisy, "You've really lost a lot of weight since I last saw you! And you look so much happier!"

"That's 'cause I've been away from you this whole time," thought Cookie.

"How's your boyfriend?" asked Daisy.

"He's good," replied Cookie, "He's out of town with some friends."

"Wanna do something?" asked Daisy.

"Like?"

"I don't know…Anything. I just got here! I want to explore the town, meet the people, you know?"

"I'm sure you've met quite a few on the way here," muttered Cookie.

"Excuse me?" asked Daisy.

"Nothing," said Cookie, "There's not really much to do here. Maybe we can go to the beach after or something. At night, we'll go eat at this French restaurant I know. It's really good!"

"Sounds great! I love the beach. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to borrow one of your swimsuits 'cause I forgot mine."

Cookie mumbled under her breath.

* * *

Later that evening, Lindsay and Buck stood outside the French restaurant where the date was supposed to take place.

"Is that your friend?" asked Buck, pointing.

"Not sure," replied Lindsay, "Oh, wait! Yes, it is! Sakura!"

Sakura, along with Tank the Rhino, approached the two.

"Hi Linds," said Sakura, double-kissing her friend, "Sorry we're late. We were looking for parking."

"I'm not letting no stupid valet lay a finger on my Honda Civic," proclaimed Tank, "You must be Sakura's friend. I'm Tank!"

"I remember you," said Lindsay, "You're a lawyer, right?"

"Was," corrected Tank, "Nowadays, I'm into selling illegally downloaded movies. Does anyone want _The King's Speech_? 500 bells!"

"Tank!" snapped Sakura, "I thought we agreed…"

"Sorry," said Tank.

"And you must be Buck," said Sakura, "I'm so glad to final meet my best friend's boyfriend."

"Lindsay's told me a lot about you," said Buck as he shook Sakura's hand, "You sound like a great friend!"

"Well?" said Tank, "What are we waiting for? I'm starved. I purposefully did not eat lunch so I could totally pig out tonight!"

The gang entered the restaurant and after waiting a couple of minutes, they were brought to their seat.

"So," said Tank, with his mouth full of food, "I said to the guy: 'You want your money back? You can have it! kerPow'! Hahaha!"

"Interesting," said Buck, "So are you and Sakura a couple or something? How long have you known each other?"

"Couple?" asked Tank, "Nah, we used to be fuck-bud…"

Sakura instantly placed her hand over his mouth.

"We go waaay back," said Sakura, "He's a good friend. Nothing more."

"Uh-huh," said Buck, "Interesting…"

Just then Cookie and Daisy entered the restaurant.

"Oh no," muttered Sakura, "It's the bitch. She had to come here of all places."

"Who's that white dog she's with?" asked Lindsay.

Cookie and Daisy approached the table where the gang sat.

"Hello, children," said Cookie, "Having a nice night out, I see?"

"Listen," said Sakura, through her teeth, "We were having a nice quiet evening, and if you don't mind we would like to keep it that way."

"Fine, fine," said Cookie, "Enjoy your meal!"

"Hey, cuz," said Daisy, "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friends?"

Cookie rolled her eyes.

"This is my cousin, Daisy," said Cookie, "She's visiting from Salzburg and she's dying to meet all of my, er, friends."

"So nice to meet you all," said Daisy.

"Salzburg?" asked Buck, "Hey, that's where I'm from! You wouldn't happen to know a horse named Howie, would you?"

"Yup!" said Daisy, "He and I used to work together!"

"Sweet! He's my brother!"

"Well, it seems you and I have quite a bit in common, Mr…"

"Buck."

"Ahem," interrupted Cookie, "But we have to be getting to our seat now. _Bon appetit_, guys!"

Cookie and Daisy walked off. Before turning the corner, Daisy turned around and winked at Buck. Buck smiled back.

"You gonna eat that baked potato?" Tank asked Buck, "'Cause I loves me some baked potatoes! kerPOW!"

* * *

After the evening was done, Sakura and Lindsay stood outside the restaurant, talking.

"Listen," said Sakura, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come at all."

"Why not?" said Lindsay, "I had a great time."

"I know," said Sakura, "It's just Tank is…You know. I couldn't call CJ or Curt, and the other guys were all busy so…"

"It's okay," assured Lindsay, "Buck seems to like Tank, and besides, nothing bad happened. I know you wanted to hang out with me tonight, but I was busy with my date. I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow night. We'll go watch a movie, just you and I, okay?"

Sakura smiled. Just then, Buck drove his car in front of the restaurant. He stepped out and opened the passenger door for Lindsay.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Coming," said Lindsay, "Good night, Sakura."

She then hugged Sakura and entered the car. Shortly after Buck left, Tank arrived in his car.

"Enter, Milady," he said, as he swung open the passenger door.

Sakura rolled her eyes and got in.

"Where to?" asked Tank, "My place or yours?"

"Mine," said Sakura, "And you're NOT staying the night!"

"Aw, man!" said Tank, "Oh well,I guess it'll be just me and my collection of erotic films tonight, then!"

"Ew," muttered Sakura, angrily.

* * *

The following afternoon, Lindsay ran frantically around her house. She appeared to be looking for something.

"Damn," she muttered, "Where did I put my wallet? I was supposed to go shopping today…"

Sakura searched under her couch, under her bed, and in her purse, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Oh no," she muttered, "I must have left it at Buck's house when I spent the night there. I'll check and see if he found it."

Lindsay ran to her phone and dialed Buck's number. There was no answer. She tried again with his cell phone. Again, nothing.

"Maybe I'll pass by…" thought Lindsay.

She then ran out of her house and straight to Buck's. His car was in the driveway.

"Hello?" Lindsay said as she knocked on his door, "Buck, are you home? I think I left wallet at your house! Buck?"

She twisted the knob. To her surprise, the door was unlocked.

"Buck?"

Just then, Lindsay saw a terrible sight. Buck was lying on the couch, getting it on with Daisy.

"BUCK, HOW COULD YOU?" screamed Lindsay.

Surprised, Buck fell off the couch and quickly stood up. Daisy, who was still lying down, covered her nude body with her discarded clothes.

"I…" began Buck, "I can explain!"

"YOU EVIL BASTARD!" yelled Lindsay.

She then ran out of his house, crying.

"Lindsay, wait!" yelled Buck.

"Come back, big boy," said Daisy, "We were just getting started…"

"I can't," said Buck, "I have to go and…Aw fuck it. Who am I kidding? She'll never forgive me. Now, where were we?"

Buck jumped back on the couch and continued fucking Daisy.

**To be Continued...**


	30. Hair of the Dog Part II

**Hair of the Dog (Part II)**

"And then, when I opened the door," sobbed Lindsay, "He was on the couch with her and they were having sex! WAAAAH!"

"There, there," said Sakura, "I'm so sorry!"

Sakura patted Lindsay on the back. After catching Buck in the act, Lindsay had gone straight to her best friend's house.

"I know we've only been together for a short time," continued Lindsay, "But I really like him!"

"I know," said Sakura, "Unfortunately, guys can be creeps sometimes. Who did you say he was having sex with again?"

"That girl we met at the restaurant…Cookie's cousin!"

"Grrr…First Cookie makes CJ miserable, and now she sends her cousin to do the same to you? That bitch is gonna pay!"

Sakura then got up.

"Where are you going?" asked Lindsay.

"To have a little talk with Cookie," replied Sakura.

* * *

"BITCH!" yelled Sakura, as she furiously pounded on Cookie's door, "Open up! I know you're in there!"

"What the fuck do you want?" demanded Cookie, as she opened the door.

"It's your whore cousin!" snapped Sakura, "She slept with Lindsay's boyfriend!"

"So? It's not like it's my problem!"

"Hell yeah, it's your problem! She's living with you, so she's your responsibility! You better keep that white piece of shit on a leash, understand?"

"She's my cousin, not my pet!"

"Where is she now? 'Cause if she's here I…"

"She's not here. She's probably shopping!"

"Or maybe she's whoring up this town some more!"

"Listen," warned Cookie, "I don't like my cousin any more than you do, but she's still family, so you better watch what you say!"

"Whatever," said Sakura, "I just better not see you or fucking Daisy near me or Lindsay again, or I might just do something I'll regret."

"Whatever you say," said Cookie.

Sakura angrily walked away from the house. Cookie ran inside and picked up her phone.

"Daisy?" said Cookie, "Where are you?"

Daisy, who was lying naked, face up in a bed, answered her cell phone.

"Hey, cuz!" said Daisy, "I'm kinda busy at the moment..."

"What are you doing?" asked Cookie, "We really need to talk."

"Listen," said Daisy, "I'll be home soon…Bye!"

Daisy then hung up her phone.

"Who was that?" asked Curt, who was lying next to her, naked as well.

"My cousin," said Daisy, "Up for another round, big boy?"

"Hell yeah!"

The two then disappeared under the sheets.

* * *

Later that evening, Daisy returned home to Cookie's house.

"Where in the fuck have you been?" demanded Cookie.

"Shopping," replied Daisy, "Enjoying the sights and sounds of your lovely little town!"

"Without me?" asked Cookie.

"It's not hard to find your way around here," said Daisy, "You should know that, silly. You live here!"

Cookie shook her head in frustration.

"Listen," she began, "Sakura told me about what you did to Lindsay's boyfriend."

"I'm so sorry about that," said Daisy, sounding as innocent as possible, "I didn't realize they were a couple!"

Cookie rolled her eyes at Daisy's lame excuse.

"As much I appreciate your efforts at making those twerps miserable," said Cookie, "I don't want that bitch Sakura coming over here and accusing me of shit I'm not responsible for."

"Okay," said Daisy, "I'm sorry. By the way, I heard about this party tomorrow night. Are we going?"

"Er," said Cookie, remembering Cupcake's advice, "Fine. If you really wanna go, we'll go. Maybe I'll introduce you to some nice, single guys or something!"

"Nice," said Daisy, "Now, that's the way I wanted to spend my vacation here!"

"Yup," said Cookie, "And my boyfriend's coming back early, so you might actually get to meet him before you leave...I think he'll be at the party."

* * *

The following evening, Buzz's party began and he several townspeople showed up. There were tables filled with food and drinks and two very loud speakers blasting techno music. Everyone in the house was either dancing, getting wasted, or just hanging out on the front lawn, talking.

Sakura and Lindsay were inside, standing near one of the drink tables.

"Still bummed out about Buck, huh?" asked Sakura.

"Where did I go wrong?" sobbed Lindsay as she downed a cocktail, "He promised he would be with me forever!"

Lindsay then grabbed a vodka bottle off the table and poured herself a shot.

"In all fairness," began Sakura, "You were only with him for like three days. It's not like you got very far with him."

"I know," said Lindsay, "But I really thought he was the one, you know? He used to call me his little 'Pardner'…"

"Don't worry," said Sakura, "You'll find someone else. For now, let's just chill out, have a few drinks and have fun! You'll forget him in no time, I promise!"

Lindsay quickly took the shot and poured herself another one. Curt and CJ then showed up. Curt was holding a rum and coke.

"Is anyone else buzzed?" said Curt, "'Cause I sure am! WOO! Hey, what's wrong with Linds'?"

"She's going through a rough time," replied Sakura, "There was this guy she liked but Cookie's slutty cousin ruined it for her."

"Cookie's cousin?" asked CJ.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Her name's Daisy or some shit like that."

"She wouldn't happen to be a white dog, would she?" asked Curt nervously.

"Yeah," replied Sakura, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," said Curt.

He then took a sip of his drink and looked around nervously.

"Aw, man!" he thought, "I did it with Cookie's cousin! Sakura would kill me if she found out! This wouldn't suck so much if Daisy wasn't so goddamn good in bed!"

Just then, the doorbell rang. Buzz answered. It was Cookie and Daisy.

"Hey, Buzz!" said Cookie, "Sorry we're late."

"Party's just getting started," said Buzz, "Come on in!"

The two dogs entered and looked around.

"My boyfriend came with his friends," said Cookie, "I'm gonna go find him. Get yourself something to drink!"

"Okay!" said Daisy.

From the drink table, the gang watched as Daisy and Cookie entered.

"Oh God," said Sakura, "They're here."

"Eep!" thought Curt, "This is awkward!"

"That whore!" said a very drunk Lindsay, "If she comes anywhere near me I swear I'm gonna…"

Lindsay staggered backwards.

"Easy there, sweetie," said Sakura, helping her friend from falling backwards, "You can barely stand up. You should let me do the fighting!"

"No!" snapped Lindsay, "She…"

Suddenly, Lindsay placed her hand over mouth. She pushed Sakura out of the way and made a mad dash for the bathroom. Sakura sighed.

"I'll be right back," said Sakura as she followed Lindsay.

"Listen," said Curt, "I gotta go."

"Where?" asked CJ.

"Um…Outside! See ya!"

Curt then pushed past a group of people and ran for the front door. Along the way, he bumped into Daisy.

"Hey big boy," said Daisy, "Remember me? Why didn't you call me yesterday?"

"Um," began Curt, "Listen, I don't think we should see each other, or for that matter, fuck each other, anymore. Long story…"

"What's the matter?" asked Daisy, placing her hand on Curt's chest, "Don't you wanna 'experiment' some more?"

"Sorry!"

Curt then ran past Daisy and headed straight outside. Daisy shrugged and made her way to the drink table. Shortly afterward, Limberg approached the table to grab a drink.

"Hey," muttered Limberg, "Nice party, huh?"

"It's okay," said Daisy, "Say, you're really cute. Wanna head to the bedroom after and take some tequila shots off me?"

"Um," said Limberg, "Are you serious?"

"Maybe afterwards, we can…You know!"

Daisy winked.

"I'm kinda seeing someone," said Limberg, nervously.

"So what? It'll be our little secret tonight…"

Daisy moved in closer and prepared to kiss Limberg. Suddenly, Cookie showed up and grabbed Daisy.

"YOU SLUT!" yelled Cookie.

"What's your problem?" demanded Daisy.

"That's my boyfriend, you piece of shit!" snapped Cookie.

"Oh…" said Daisy, "Well the least could you do is tell me who he is!"

"There you go again," said Cookie, "Acting like it's not your fault! Well, guess what? It is your fault! It always was your fault!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Daisy.

At this point, everyone in the party stopped to stare at the two dogs argue. Even Sakura and Lindsay, who had just emerged from the bathroom.

"It's getting good," whispered CJ to Sakura.

"Shh," said Sakura, "She's gonna let Daisy have it!"

"Since we were kids," began Cookie, "You always acted like you were better than me! Your parents always bragged to my parents about how kind and loving their precious daughter was! But I knew the truth! Their daughter was nothing but a skank!"

"Maybe if you were a little more respectful," said Daisy, "Your parents would have loved you a little more!"

"Grrrr! Get out of my face!"

"Get out of mine, first!"

Daisy then shoved Cookie. Cookie responded by delivering a huge slap to Daisy's face. A chorus of "Oooooh's" could be heard in the crowd. Daisy then slapped Cookie back. Before long, the two women were on the floor, clawing and wrestling each other.

"Ladies!" said Buzz, as he separated the two, "Ladies!"

"Stay out of this, Buzz," warned Cookie.

"I will," said Buzz, "Don't worry. I'm just letting you know that if any of you get blood on my carpet, you'll both have to clean it. Carry on."

The two girls resumed fighting as the crowd cheered them on.

"It just isn't a party until a catfight breaks out!" said CJ, excitedly.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," began Sakura, "But GO COOKIE!"

After a while, sirens could be heard outside and flashing lights could be seen through the windows. Copper and Booker kicked down the door and made their way in.

"Alright, people!" announced Copper, "Party's over. Everyone go home! We received too many noise complaints from the neighbours!"

Copper and Booker then walked up to Cookie and Daisy and pulled them apart.

"It seems this party's gotten a little wild," said Booker, "I think…"

"ACK!" yelled Cookie, whose left eye was extremely swollen, "Look at what that bitch did to me! Arrest her! Arrest her!"

"Daisy?" said Copper.

"Copper?" said Daisy.

"You know each other?" asked Cookie.

"Yeah," said Copper, "She came by the station the other day and, er, asked for a map of the town…Nothing more!"

Cookie slapped her forehead and shook her head.

"We could arrest you two for assault," began Copper, "But my partner and I will let you off the hook…On the condition that Ms. Daisy to come to the station and, um, 'sign some forms'."

Copper and Daisy winked at each other. Afterwards, Copper approached Buzz.

"As for you," said Copper, "You're lucky we're letting you off easy. But one day, we'll come back and we'll find out what little operation you got going on down in your basement!"

"I know my rights," said Buzz, "You need a warrant to search my crap. Now, Buzz off, Copper!"

Copper glared at Buzz as he, Daisy and Booker headed for the front door.

"Alright," announced Copper, "Let's go, everyone! Outside…NOW!"

Everyone left the house. From the front lawn, Cookie watched as Daisy stepped into the police cruiser with the cops. She smiled deviously at Cookie through the backseat window.

"Hey," said Limberg, approaching her, "I found this in Buzz's freezer."

He then held up a bag of frozen peas, which Cookie grabbed and pressed against her swollen eye. Suddenly Sakura approached her.

"Hey," she began, "What happened in there tonight…That was pretty cool!"

"Thanks," said Cookie, "I really needed to stand up to that bitch once and for all. Too bad I took the worst damage, though."

"No worries," said Sakura, "I guess she'll be leaving town after tonight, huh?"

"Yup!" said Cookie, "Nobody messes with my man! But seriously, I'm really sorry Lindsay got hurt. I shouldn't have ignored you. I shouldn't even have let Daisy come to Hell in the first place. I don't why I try to put up with her."

"Yeah, well," said Sakura, "I'm sorry I yelled at you when it was clearly your cousin's fault…Friends?"

"Blech! Hell no!"

"Good."

Cookie and Limberg then left. Suddenly, Curt ran up to Sakura.

"Please don't tell me I missed the bitchfight of the century!" pleaded Curt.

"Sorry," said CJ, "You pretty much did."

"Damn!" said Curt, "Hey, where's Lindsay?"

Suddenly, Lindsay stepped out of the house and approached them. She looked very ill.

"Well," began Sakura, "Now that we're all here, what do you say we all just go home?"

"I don't know," said Curt, "The night is still young. Maybe we can…"

Suddenly, Lindsay barfed. Most of it went on Curt.

"AW, COME ON!" he yelled, "NOT AGAIN!"

Tune in next week for another episode of _Animal Crossing_! Goodbye!


	31. The Nook of Love

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 16: The Nook of Love**

Sakura headed to Nookington's for a little shopping. She waited patiently at the cash with a basket of goods.

"How may we serve you…you?" asked the Nooklings as they stepped behind the counter.

"Tee-hee," chuckled Sakura, "How adorable! I appreciate you helping your father at his work, but I would prefer to speak to him if you don't mind."

"He's in the back room…room!" they said, "He'll be out shortly…shortly!"

Just then, Nook stepped out from the back room along with a tall, slender and very attractive feline. She smiled at Nook and the Nooklings before walking out of the store.

"Ahem," began Nook, stepping behind the counter, "How may I help you?"

"Who was that?" asked Sakura.

"No one," replied Nook.

"New employee?" asked Sakura.

"No…"

"Oooooh…You fox, you!"

Sakura winked as she paid for her stuff.

* * *

Later, behind the post office:

"Yeah," began CJ, "So I'm the stall taking a dump, and all of a sudden, I see a quarter roll past my feet. And what does he do? He reaches under my stall and tries to grab the quarter! Thankfully, I knew it was Curt, or I would've beaten the shit outta him. But Curt didn't really know it was me in the stall next to his!"

"I did know," said Curt.

"So why didn't you just ask me to get your quarter?" asked CJ, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"You boys are so silly," laughed Lindsay.

Just then, Sakura joined the gang.

"Guess what?" she said, "Nook's got himself a girlfriend! He and this white cat chick came out of the back room together, and they looked pretty chummy!"

"Sweet," said CJ, "The old man finally put himself back on the market, eh?"

"But you should've seen how young she was," continued Sakura, "She can't be any older than we are, and Nook's nearly twice our age!"

"Love is ageless, I guess," said Lindsay.

"Yeah, well, it's kinda disturbing," said Sakura, "What could she possibly see in him?"

"I read this book on Japanese mythology," began Curt, "It said that Tanukis have the power to turn leaves into gold…And they have huge testicles."

"So?" asked CJ.

"Just saying," said Curt, "Those sound like qualities that can attract any woman!"

"I wouldn't find large testicles attractive," said Lindsay, "They might get in the way during sex."

"Can we please stop talking about Nook's balls?" asked Sakura, "It's just wrong!"

"I gotta meet this chick," said Curt, "Let me know if you see her again in the store or something"

"Fine," said Sakura, "But I'm not totally sure if she is his girlfriend. I guess we'll find out soon enough."

* * *

The following day, Curt, headed to Nook's to buy some stuff. In reality, he was hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious woman.

As Curt looked around, he saw Nook in one the aisles, placing stuff onto a shelf. Suddenly the white cat approached him.

"Hey there, Tommy baby," she said as she slowly wrapped her arms around him.

"Olivia," said Nook, "Listen, This isn't a good time…I don't want my kids…"

"They're upstairs," interrupted Olivia, "Playing. I was thinking for lunch we should head out or something."

"I don't know," said Nook, "I never close the store during the day. Plus, who will watch the children?"

"Don't be silly," said Olivia, moving in close to Nook's face, "We'll just ask someone to watch the store. There are plenty of stock boys who I know will be more than willing."

"Ok…"

"It's just," began Olivia, "I'm really into you, but you're always so busy between the store and your kids. Don't I deserve some attention too?"

"Well," said Nook, "I do suppose I need to find time for you, if I am to make this work, hm? Perhaps I'm just out of practice with the whole relationship thing, ho ho!"

Suddenly, Olivia brought her mouth to his and began to kiss. Curt appeared in the aisle.

"Oh baby," he thought, "That really is his girlfriend! And she's so smokin' hot, she's practically got him by the balls!"

Nook, having seen Curt in the aisle, pushed Olivia off of him.

"Um," said Nook, "Welcome to Nookington's, ho, ho, ho! How can I help you?"

"Who's she?" asked Curt.

"She's um…" began Nook.

"Just tell them," said Olivia, "I'm Olivia. Nook's girlfriend. So very nice to meet you, Mr…"

"Townshend," said Curt in his most suave voice, "Curtis Townshend. And don't you forget that name!"

"Don't worry," said Olivia, winking, "I won't…"

She shook hands with the Curt.

"So," said Curt, "How did you lovebirds meet?"

"I was shopping," said Olivia, "And I accidentally dropped a jar of pickles in the food aisle. I was so embarrassed, but then this kind, handsome man here came up to me and told me it was okay and that I didn't have to pay, right dear?"

"Yes," said Nook, "How can I let such a pretty girl pay for a silly mistake?"

"And when our eyes met," continued Olivia, "It was true love. We went out the next day. This was two weeks ago. Oh, how time flies!"

"My, yes," said Nook, "Now, if you'll excuse me, Olivia and I must head out for lunch. In the meantime, you may ask someone else if you need assistance, hm?"

"Let's go, dear," said Olivia, "I know a good place!"

She then lead Nook out of the store.

"Damn," said Curt, "She's fine."

Just then, the Nooklings approached him.

"Where's daddy…daddy?" asked the twins.

"He went out for lunch," replied Curt. "With Olivia."

"Daddy never goes out without us," said Timmy, "Unless he's buying us chicken nuggets!"

"Yeah," said Curt, "I know. He almost never leaves the store during operating hours. But this time, things are different. Your dad has a woman now. You kids might just have a new mommy, soon!"

"We're gonna have two mommies?" asked Timmy, "We'll be just like Billy Shephard from school!"

"Except his mommies like to kiss and hold hands" said Tommy, "Will our mommies do that, too?"

"Mmmm," fantasized Curt, "I hope so…"

Curt then walked out of the aisle, but the twins followed him.

"Mr. Curt…Curt," said the twins, "Will you buy us nuggets and then eat with us…us?"

"Look," began Curt, "I came here to shop. I don't really have time…"

The twins began whimpering.

"Sure," Curt sighed, "Whatever."

"Yaaaaay!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Lindsay headed out for lunch as well.

"Hi," said CJ, "Welcome to Greas-E Burger. How may I take your order?"

"It's just me, CJ!" said Lindsay.

"I know," said CJ, "I'm obligated to say that to all customers…So, what's up? On your lunch break?"

"Yeah," replied Lindsay, "I'll have a grilled chicken burger, please."

"Grilled chicken," said CJ into the microphone.

Suddenly, the door opened and Nook and his girlfriend stepped in.

"Hi," said CJ, "Welcome to Greas-E Burger, how may I take your order?"

Nook, recognizing CJ and Lindsay, chuckled nervously as he approached the counter. Olivia wrapped her arms around him as he prepared to order.

"Ahem," said Nook, as he cleared his throat, "A BLT please. And for the lady, er…What would you like, Olivia?"

"Hmmm," said Olivia, "I don't know…There are so many choices I'm not sure what to have. What do you suggest, my little Nookie-Wookie?"

CJ snickered.

"Um," began Nook, "A salad?"

"Mmmm," said Olivia, "You always know just what I like. I'll have a Caesar salad. And take it easy with the croutons, sweetie!"

"Coming right up," said CJ.

"So, um," began Lindsay, who was still standing at the counter, "Mr. Nook, how are you? Who is your friend?"

"Oh," replied Olivia, "I'm Olivia, but we're far more than friends, aren't we Nookie?"

"Why yes," said Nook, "We, er, have been dating for um, two weeks now…"

"Pffft!" snapped Olivia, "You say it like you're embarrassed or something. Yes, we are a couple, and he is by far the most handsome and smartest man I have ever known!"

"Well," said Nook, "I'm nowhere near as handsome as I was in my youth, ho, ho! Then again, dating you has certainly made me feel young again."

"That's really nice to hear," said Lindsay, as she grabbed her bag of food from CJ.

"That'll be 65 bells for the salad," said CJ, "And 50 bells for the sandwich."

"Oh poo," said Olivia, "Tommy, dear, I forgot my wallet again. Can you get this?"

Nook nodded and handed CJ 120 bells.

"Thank you, sweetie," said Olivia, "You're too kind. Toodle-loo!"

"Goodbye…" said Nook.

CJ and Lindsay watched as Nook and Olivia left the burger shop.

"She's kinda hot," said CJ.

"I guess," replied Lindsay, "But she's so young. I still can't believe she would go out with him."

"Money," replied CJ, "I think she's taking advantage him. You saw what she just did."

"That's not even what bugs me about her…You don't find she's a little creepy?"

"Creepy?"

"Yeah…I don't know. She just gives off this bad vibe. We didn't get much of a chance to talk to her, though. Maybe she really is nice."

"I just hope we don't start seeing her around at the store too often. Just having to deal with Nook is enough for me."

"I guess. Anyways, thanks for the food!"

And with that, Lindsay left as well.

* * *

Later, that afternoon, a female Tanuki entered Nookington's. She resembled Nook, except that she was wearing make-up and had a mop of blonde hair on her head. She was wearing high heels and standard business attire which included a blouse, a skirt and a jacket, which matched Nook's purple colour scheme.

As she entered the store, she looked around for a bit before approaching the cash. Instead of Nook, there was a nerdy weasel with freckles all over his face.

"Hello," he said in a squeaky voice, "Welcome to Nookington's. How may I help you?"

"Ugh," said the woman, visibly disgusted by the man, "Where is Thomas? And more importantly, where are my children?"

"MOMMY!" yelled the Nooklings, as they walked downstairs with Curt.

They immediately ran towards their mom and hugged her legs.

"Mommy!" said Timmy, "Mr. Curt bought us chicken nuggets and Tommy ate so much that he threw up all over the carpets upstairs!"

"And then we coloured in the catalogues," added Tommy, "'Cause we didn't have a colouring book!"

"That sounds, er, nice…" said the woman, "But where is your father? And who is 'Mr. Curt'?"

The woman then looked up and Curt.

"Um," said Curt, "Hi. I'm Curtis Townshend…You must be Nook's ex-wife, right?"

Curt held out his hand, but the woman ignored it.

"Where is he?" she demanded, "Why wasn't watching his store AND his children?"

"Oh," said Curt, "He went out for lunch his girlfriend. But don't worry, your children were in good hands, hehehe."

"His _girlfriend_?"

"Oh," said Curt, "You didn't know? I should have probably kept my mouth shut."

Just then, Nook entered the shop.

"There you are," said the woman, as she turned around to look at him, "And just where were you?"

"Hello, Tammy. Nice to see you too," said Nook, coldly, "You finished work early today?"

"I'm working the night shift tonight," replied Tammy, "Now, can you please explain why Tommy and Timmy were left unattended in your store?"

"I left the children in the care of my employees," replied Nook, "They were safe."

"Then why is that they were allowed to eat junk food, and leave with a stranger? And did you know Tommy vomited upstairs?"

"Look, I'm incredibly busy today. I know you came for the children, so take them. We'll discuss this another time."

"Busy, eh? With your new girlfriend, I bet."

"What? How did you…"

In the background, Curt whistled innocently to himself.

"What do you care, anyways?" demanded Nook, "It's my life and I'm in love now. You don't own me anymore. You made that perfectly clear when you filed those papers!"

"I don't care who you go out with," began Tammy, "Just don't put her between you and the kids, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Nook, "Whatever…Bitch."

"Come on, Timmy, Tommy," said Tammy, "Let's go back to Salzburg!"

"Bye Daddy…Daddy!" said the twins, as their mother lead them out of the store.

Meanwhile, Curt also sneaked his way towards the exit.

"You!" snapped Nook.

Curt stopped.

"You told my ex-wife I was dating Olivia?" he demanded.

"Um," said Curt, "It just slipped out…During the conversation. No big deal."

"That woman scrutinizes everything I do," continued Nook, "I wouldn't want her taking the kids away from me, hm?"

"Maybe you should introduce Tammy to Olivia," suggested Curt, "Show her that she's not a bad person and that she'll make an excellent mother."

"Maybe," began Nook, "You should get out of my store."

"But I need…"

Nook glared at Curt.

"Okay, okay!" said Curt leaving, "Damn, can't get any shopping done today!"

* * *

The following day, as Sakura and Lindsay walked into Nook's store, an alarm suddenly sounded. Within seconds, two security guards ran up to them.

"Spread 'em," said one of them.

"What?" demanded Sakura.

"Spread your arms and legs," said the other.

Sakura and Lindsay did as they were told. The guards immediately began frisking them.

"Ahem," said Nook, limping onto the scene, "It's okay. Let them go."

The guards backed off. Sakura gave a disgusted look at one of the guards as she walked up to Nook.

"What's the big idea?" asked Sakura, "What's this alarm bullshit?"

"My apologies," said Nook, "The alarm is only supposed to ring if you leave the store with one of my items. I'm afraid I still have some bugs to work out, hm?"

"I see," said Lindsay, "But why would you need an alarm? You've never really needed one before!"

"I've been having a minor issue with theft lately," said Nook, "Just yesterday some punks ran off with more than 4000 bells worth of clothing! I need to be better prepared!"

"I guess so," said Sakura, "But guards, an alarm…Isn't this all very expensive?"

"It's nothing compared to the money I'll save by preventing theft…At least I hope."

Suddenly Olivia appeared behind the girls.

"Hello, ladies," said Olivia, "You must shop here often. I'm Olivia, Nook's new girlfriend!"

"Um," said Sakura, "Nice to meet you."

"That is an absolutely cute dress," Olivia said to Lindsay, "Where'd you get it?"

"It's a gift from my mother back home," replied Lindsay, "You really like it?"

"I love it!" said Olivia, "Tommy, dear, why don't you ever buy me nice dresses like that?"

"I bought you that nice purse yesterday," said Nook, "And that scarf. Didn't you like them?

"I do," said Olivia, "But I want some clothes too, you know. And they have to be in style, or I will look like a loser!"

Nook sighed and limped over to the cash.

"I have work to do," said Nook, "Perhaps we'll go later, hm?"

"Hmph!" said Olivia, as she headed upstairs.

"Nook," began Sakura, "What's wrong with your leg?"

"Oh, nothing," said Nook, "It's just Olivia and I went bike-riding yesterday, and I pulled a hamstring. I'm afraid I'm no longer as nimble nor as flexible as I was when I was young. But it is still great to stay in shape, ho ho ho!"

"Bike-riding?" said Sakura, "Riiight. I bet it's 'cause you can't keep up in the sack!"

"Shut up!" snapped Nook, "You can make fun of me all you want, but I love my girlfriend and she loves me, and nothing can change that! I may not be as young as I once was, but damn it, I will be the best lover I can be!"

"Right, right," said Sakura, "Calm down, old man."

Just then, the alarm sounded again. When Nook, Lindsay and Sakura turned to see who it was, they saw Alfonso being frisked by the two guards.

"Oh dear," said Alfonso, "Oh dear…Can you please stay away from my 'Danger Zone'? I…Hee-hee, that tickles!"

* * *

There was a knock at Curt's door. Curt, who was sitting on the couch, lowered the volume on his T.V.

"It's open," he called.

CJ opened the door and entered. As usual, Curt's house was a dump.

"Fuck this shit," said CJ, "What? Did a hurricane pass through or something?"

"Ha, ha," said Curt sarcastically, "I've just been preoccupied lately…Couldn't clean all week."

"Preoccupied, huh?" asked CJ, "How's the job hunt coming along?"

"I'm, er, awaiting a response," lied Curt, "From this place…"

"Hey," CJ took a seat next to Curt, "Did you hear about the Nookerator? Apparently, someone's been stealing his shit lately."

"Ha! Serves him right."

"I hate Nook as much as the next villager, but I gotta admit, I feel bad for the ol' man. Besides, what if he starts blaming us for his stolen shit?"

"That bastard still doesn't know I'm the one who made all those crank calls! He's got nothing on us!"

"Still, this is really starting to hurt his business! He's even announced that he's giving out a 5000 bell reward for any hints that can help him catch this burglar!"

Curt's face lit up.

"5000 bells?" he thought, "Holy Christ! Free money just for catching the bozo who's been stealing from Nook? I gotta get in on this!"

**To be Continued...**


	32. The Nook of Love Part II

**The Nook of Love (Part II):**

"What?" demanded Limberg, "Me? A crook? What are you, insane?"

Limberg stood at his front entrance wearing nothing but a bedsheet.

"The jig is up, Limberg!" said Curt, "I know you're the one! Just confess already!"

"Bro," said Limberg, "I don't know if you're high or somethin' but I ain't ever stolen anything! Not since I was a kid, anyways…Me and my buds tried taking a pack of bubble gum from the convenience store where we grew up and we totally got busted. It was awesome!"

"Right," said Curt.

"Look," said Limberg, "Bottom line is: I don't steal. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go back inside. Cookie and I were getting intimate and it was about to get good!"

"Oh, Limberg!" called Cookie from the bedroom, "Hurry up! The stink is starting to go away!"

Limberg slammed the door and ran back inside. Curt shuddered at the thought of Cookie and Limberg fornicating.

* * *

"Me? Steal shit from Nook?" said Buzz, "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," said Curt, "Maybe business has been down lately…Or maybe you're secretly a kelpto or something!"

"I can assure you," began Buzz, "I'm not a klepto, and business is better than ever! Besides, when I need supplies to repair my, er, 'lab', I make sure to get them all from this dude I know in Boondox. I don't trust Nook's low quality crap!"

"Speaking of labs," began Curt, "How about hooking me up with some LSD tonight?"

"You still haven't payed me back for that Ex I sold ya last week."

"I'll get you the money. Just sell me the LSD for now and…"

"Get me the money by Thursday."

Buzz then slammed the door on Curt's face.

* * *

"Aaaaargh," said Kapp'n, "Steal? If anything, Nook's been stealin' from me this whole time! 100 bells for stationary? That's absuuurrrd!"

"I don't even know why I came to you," said Curt.

* * *

That night, Curt watched from a small plateau not too far from Nook's store. It was 11:00, well past closing time, and Curt was determined to catch the thief in the act.

"Let's see," said Curt, looking through his binoculars, "If there really is a thief, then he must act at night!"

Eventually, Curt saw two shadows approaching the entrance to the store. One of them managed to unlock the door and they both quickly entered and turned on the lights.

"Ah-ha!" said Curt, "Gotcha!"

Curt put down his binoculars and ran towards the store.

"Alright, scumbags!" announced Curt, as he bolted in, "There's no escape…"

Suddenly, the alarm rang.

"EEEEEK!" screamed Olivia, "HEEEELP!"

Nook, who was with Olivia, dove over the counter and whipped out his double-barreled shotgun, which he quickly pointed at Curt.

"AH!" screamed Curt, "Don't shoot! It's me!"

"Curtis?" said Nook, "What are you doing here?"

"I could be asking you the same thing," said Curt.

"Olivia left her purse here," replied Nook, "And I came to help her find it!"

"Oh," said Curt, "Well, you see, I thought you were robbers and…"

"Tommy!" said Olivia, "Do something! This creep nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Well, I, um…" began Nook, "It's not really…"

Just then, Copper and Booker showed up, holding their handguns.

"We got here as soon as we heard the alarm," said Copper, "What's going on?"

"It appears to be a break in," said Booker, "I think…"

"It's okay," began Nook, "Everything is…"

"Officers," said Olivia, "Arrest this scary man! He is a night-stalker and a thief!"

"What are you, insane?" said Curt, "Nook! You know I would never steal from here!"

"I…I…" but Nook did not know what to say - Not as long as his girlfriend wanted Curt arrested.

Copper slammed handcuffs on Curt's wrists.

"You have the right to remain silent," he said.

"Well, good sir," began Curt, "I wave that right! Ha! Now I can talk all I want!"

"Then whatever you say right now can be used as evidence against you!"

"Really? That's why the cops tell you to stay quiet? I thought it was because they didn't wanna hear you complain!"

"Whatever, let's just go!"

* * *

The following morning, the gang went to visit Curt at the police station where he was being held. They all stood in front of the iron bars that Curt was locked behind.

"We came as soon as we heard the news," said Sakura, "How did this happen?"

"I was spying on Nook's store to see if I could catch the robbers in the act and win the 5000 bell reward!" replied Curt.

"Figures," said Sakura, rolling her eyes, "You should have called us last night! You know you're entitled to a free phone call, right?"

"Oh, yeah," said Curt, "I used it to call Tank to tell him to cancel burning _The Source Code_ for me!"

"Really?" said CJ, "That's the first thing you thought of when you were arrested?"

"Don't worry," assured Lindsay, "This is all one big misunderstanding. I'm sure Nook will come to his sense and drop the B&E charge…"

"Actually," said Booker, who was on desk duty, "Nook isn't just filing charges against Curt for B&E…He's accusing Curt if being the guy who's been stealing his stuff the past few days...At least I think he is."

"What?" said Curt.

"I bet it's that girlfriend of his," said Sakura, "She probably talked him into this!"

"If it's any reassurance," began Booker, "The evidence against Curt is very slim…The person who did this managed to disable the cameras and alarm, so there's no footage of the actual crime. Perhaps if we could, um, prove that Curt doesn't have any of the stuff…"

"Yeah," said Curt, "If I did steal a bunch of shit, I would have it all stored in my house! Listen, I need you and Copper to search my house! I give you full permission to do so…Except the downstairs bathroom. The bathtub is still clogged and…"

"Curt!" snapped CJ, "We're trying to prove your innocence here!"

"Fine, fine."

"I'll call up Copper as soon as I can," said Booker, "Then we'll see what we can, uhh, do."

* * *

Glock in hand, Copper kicked down Curt's front door.

"Um, sir," began Booker, "I don't think that was necessary."

"In all my years on the force," began Copper, as he holstered his gun "The one thing I learned is that you can never be too safe! Let's go!"

The two cops searched the house as thoroughly as possible. They opened drawers and wardrobes and moved some furniture around.

"Ugh," said Copper, as he examined a wardrobe, "Smells like mothballs!"

"I found 10 rupees," said Booker, as he closed a dresser, "But I can't use them here…"

Eventually, there was just one last place left to look.

"Alright," said Copper, "We are one room away from proving Curt's innocence. Open 'er up, Booker!"

Booker opened up the garage door and to their surprise, the room was full of several of Nook's items, most of which was still in its original packaging.

"Hmmm," said Copper, picking up an item and sniffing it, "Definitely Nook's, alright!"

* * *

"But it can't be!" pleaded Curt from inside his cell, "I would never do anything like that!"

"Well," said Copper, "You are jobless and broke, so there's a motive!"

"I'm being framed or something," said Curt, "Someone planted that evidence in my house!"

"Please, Copper," pleaded Lindsay, "Hear him out!"

"That's what court is for," said Copper, "You better find yourself a good lawyer."

Copper and Booker then walked out of the station to resume their guard duty.

"Who could've done this?" asked CJ, "I mean, whoever stole the shit obviously knows where Curt lives…And he must be pretty good with technology to be able to shut down Nook's security system! Come on guys, think!"

"It had to be Olivia," said Sakura, "Think about it! The thefts only began after Nook started dating her."

"True," added Lindsay, "And we've all seen how she takes advantage of Nook. She's definitely after his money!"

"And she probably knows the codes and stuff to the alarm," said Curt, "Since she's so close to him!"

"That's good and all," began CJ, "But we need solid evidence! Can't you talk to Nook or something?"

"Right," said Sakura, "Lindsay and I will see what we can do! Let's go!"

"Hurry!" said Curt.

* * *

The two girls entered the shop and pretended to look for stuff. Nook was on the phone.

"Okay," said Sakura, "All you have to do is distract Nook long enough so I can search behind the counter. Hopefully he's got Olivia's full name or phone number or anything we can use to find out where she lives!"

"Right," said Lindsay.

Lindsay approached the counter.

"Yes…" said Nook, on the phone, "Yes…Don't worry, I will, ho, ho, ho! Okay, love you too. Bye!"

Nook hung up.

"What can I do for you, hm?" asked Nook.

"I'm looking to buy an axe," began Lindsay, "But I've never really used one before, so can you please help me make a decision?"

"An axe?" asked Nook, "Now, what would a young lady like yourself need an axe for, hm?"

"Well," she replied, "It's a gift for a friend. He owns an orchard up north and he needs to start thinning the place out."

"Why are you asking me? Ask one of the men in the hardware department, please."

"No offense, but those guys aren't as knowledgeable on that kind of stuff like you are! Please help me, Mr. Nook!"

"Alight, come with me."

Lindsay turned around and winked at Sakura, who snuck her way towards the counter.

"Come on, Nookie-Boy," muttered Sakura, "Give me something good…"

The counter was covered with loads of papers. Sakura rummaged through the papers in hopes of finding evidence.

"Why is there so much…" began Sakura, "Ah-ha!"

Sakura held up a sheet with a list of phone numbers on it. Among the numbers on it were those of the gang.

"This must be from when we used to work with Nook," muttered Sakura, "I bet this is how Olivia figured out where Curt lives! Now, I just need Olivia's info..."

"Ma'am," said the nerdy weasel, who was holding a mop and bucket, "Are you authorized to be back there?"

"Um," said Sakura, looking around, "Yes…Yes I am."

"Okay," said the weasel, "It's just I've never seen you before and I don't think you work here…Do you have ID?"

"You're right, I don't work here. This is a routine inspection. I'm the health inspector and I'm, er, checking for bugs and filth!"

"Well, in that case, may I see your badge?"

"What are you stupid? I can't just flash my badge around like some tough guy cop. I'm on the DL right now, so bear with me until I'm done my search, okay?"

"Oh…Alright."

"Now, Nook wouldn't happen to have received any calls lately on his phone…This is part of the routine, by the way."

"Nook's been on the phone a lot lately…I think it's because of his new girlfriend. She called recently! Are you sure all of this is necessary for a routine health inspection?"

"Yes, yes. Now leave me be, for I will be busy for the next 15 minutes or so.

And with that, the weasel left. Sakura immediately dialed _Star 69 _on Nook's phone.

"Gotcha, bitch!" laughed Sakura, as she wrote down the number. Within seconds, Lindsay and Nook were on their way back to the cash.

"Shit!" said Sakura, "Gotta jet!"

"And that's why my friend's apples are redder than usual this year!" said Lindsay, "Exciting, no?"

"Yes," said Nook sarcastically, "Now, I must go help my other customers, if you don't mind, hm?"

In the background, Lindsay could see Sakura preparing to sneak out the door.

"Wait!" said Lindsay, "Is it true that you no longer sell Station Model #14? Because I need that to complete my collection…"

"Listen!" snapped Nook, "I told you to ask…"

"Sir," said the weasel, approaching Nook, "The health inspector was just here…She said we got a perfect score this year! That's good news, no?"

"Health inspector?" asked Nook.

Nook immediately turned around and saw Sakura bolt out the door.

"What?" demanded Nook, "You…"

Nook turned around to face Lindsay, but she was already gone.

"Grrr…" said Nook, "I knew it! I knew Curtis had accomplices! They probably came to destroy the evidence against him! Once I track down those girls, I will have my stuff back, ho, ho! Mind my store, will you?"

"Yessir," said the weasel, giving a salute.

"The chase is on!" said Nook.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lindsay were already long gone from Nook's store.

"And that's how she tracked down Curt's address," said Sakura, "Then she framed him!"

"So now we just need to find her house?" asked Lindsay.

"Let's see," began Sakura, pulling out her iPhone, "All I have to do is type down this phone number into the reverse phone look-up and _Voila_! Now, we know where her house is: Acre F-7!"

"Let's go!" said Lindsay, "Quickly!"

* * *

Several minutes later, Lindsay and Sakura arrived at Olivia's house and rang her bell.

"Yes?" said Olivia, as she opened the door, "Oh, it's you! How may I help you guys?"

"Can it!" snapped Sakura, "Where's the shit you stole?"

"What?" asked Olivia.

"You heard me," said Sakura, "We know you've been stealing from Nook! Give it up!"

"And you framed our friend!" added Lindsay.

"Oh yeah?" said Olivia, "Where's the evidence, huh?"

"I, er, well..." began Sakura, "We…"

"You can't pin anything on me!" laughed Olivia, "Now, get off of my property before I call the cops!"

"You're right," said Sakura, "I can't pin anything on you…But I can still pin _you_!"

Sakura then tackled Olivia. The two wrestled in the hallway for a few seconds before Sakura managed to pin Olivia to the floor with all her strength.

"Hurry, Linds!" called Sakura, "Head for the garage! Find Nook's stuff!"

"NO!" yelled Olivia.

Lindsay opened the garage door and found many of Nook's items. Sakura quickly stood up.

"Explain yourself, bitch!" ordered Sakura.

"Yeah," said Olivia, "So I stole from Nook…Big deal! He's got plenty of money!"

"Yeah, but he refuses to spend it all on a spoiled brat like yourself, so you gotta take it from him!"

"Life's a bitch, ain't it? You can go to the cops all you want and complain…I'll just tell them you rudely barged into my home, threatened and assaulted me, and then planted evidence to frame me like I did to your dumb buddy. And, if things go sour, I got myself a plane ticket for France No one will suspect me, not even…"

"Olivia?" said a voice.

"Nook?" said Olivia, horror-stricken, "I…I…"

Nook had followed the girls all the way to Olivia's house.

"I heard everything," said Nook, "Is it true?"

"Of course not, Nookie-Wookie…I was only trying to scare the girls into getting out of my house. Please understand!"

"Don't listen to her," warned Sakura, "Her garage is full of stuff."

"Please, Mr. Nook," pleaded Lindsay, "For once, put your head before your heart!"

"I…" began Nook.

Just then, Copper and Booker arrived on the scene.

"We got here as fast as we could," said Copper, "Where are Sakura and Lindsay?"

"It's not them," said Nook, "She's the thief! Arrest her!"

"How dare you?" demanded Olivia, "I gave you my love and this is how you repay me? We're through, ya hear?"

"Whatever. Just get her out of my sight!"

Booker handcuffed Olivia and took her in.

* * *

Later, at the police station:

"Man," said Curt, as he was escorted out of the cell, "Am I glad to be out of there!"

"Yes," said CJ, "And I'm glad we don't have to see Olivia again!"

"And I'm glad she confessed to the theft charges," said Copper, "It sure saves the legal system a hell of a lot of trouble!"

"At least everyone else is happy," said Nook, "I really loved Olivia, but she was only interested in my wallet…"

"Don't worry, Nookster," assured Sakura, "There are plenty of fish in the sea! Of course the chances of you landing a smokin' hot youngster who isn't out for your money again are pretty slim, but nevertheless…"

"At least Nook is back to old, normal self," said Curt, "Which reminds me; where's my 5000 bells?"

"5000 bells?" asked Nook.

"Yeah," said Curt, "The reward for catching the thief!"

"Hey!" said Sakura, "If anything, Lindsay and I deserve the money! We're the ones who actually went to her house and caught her!"

"Booker and I are the ones who physically apprehended Olivia," said Copper, "So we should get the money…"

"Um," began Nook, "That offer went null when Curt was apprehended, hm?"

"No fair!" snapped Sakura, "You can't just screw us over like that!"

"Yeah!" said Curt, "Where's our money?"

"I have to get back to my store," said Nook, "Bye!"

Nook then ran out of the police station. Everyone quickly followed.

The end! Stay tuned for more episodes of _Animal _Crossing! Later!


	33. The Big Pity

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 17: The Big Pity**

Deep in the heart of downtown Mallsville stood the city's tallest skyscraper. An 800-foot tall glass behemoth sporting a giant "G" symbol at the top, it was no surprise that this building was the head office of…

"USELESS!" snapped Gracie, bringing her hands down on her desk, "I asked for an espresso, and you give me this garbage?"

"But, miss," said the assistant, an anteater with a nasal-y voice, "That _is_ an espresso!"

"It's BURNT!" yelled Gracie, throwing the cup away, "I can't finish that! Now, how am I supposed to get all this work done without my morning coffee?"

"I…" began the man.

"I am a very important person with a very important job," said Gracie, "Too bad you don't understand that! YOU'RE FIRED!"

The man lowered his head and walked out of the office. Not long after, Eduardo Gorillez entered.

"Ms. Gracie?" he asked.

"Yeah," said a still-angry Gracie, "What is it?"

"The ambassador is on the phone for you," replied Eduardo.

"Ugh," said Gracie, "Tell him I'm, uh, in a meeting right now. I'm not in the mood to talk to him at the moment."

"Will do," said Eduardo, "I must say, Gracie, I always knew you were a kind and compassionate woman, but what you have done for the small, impoverished island nation of Andoga is a truly compelling act worthy of…"

"Don't flatter me," said Gracie, "You know you're not getting a raise any time soon. I'm still recovering from the massive debt my last, er, 'error in judgment' caused me. Not to mention all those models that quit my company in disgust once their contracts ended!"

"Well," said Eduardo, "I think we're starting to do okay again…Financially, at least."

"Don't worry," said Gracie, "By sponsoring the construction of _Gracie's School for Bright Children_, my company will become the target of international praise for all the kindness I've shown to the children of this poor nation. And just in time for the release of my new clothing line, too! Ha!"

"Ah yes," said Eduardo, "That is sure to help your publicity!"

"I know. And the best part is that my financial returns will also be greater than ever!"

"How so?"

"Oh, you'll see in time..."

Gracie then let out an evil laugh. Eduardo quickly joined in.

* * *

The camera panned over the studio audience before stopping to focus on Dr. Shrunk, who was sitting on a chair. Next to him was a couch with a female koala sitting on it.

"Welcome back!" announced Dr. Shrunk, "Before the break, we were speaking with Melba, who is looking for the father of her child, Bibo."

Shrunk turned to Melba.

"Now," he began, "You think Gonzo is the father of your child?"

"Shrunk," began Melba, "I _know _Gonzo is my baby's daddy! After the twelve other men we've tested on this show, he has to be the one!"

"That's _Dr. _Shrunk," corrected Shrunk, "I do have a PhD, you know."

"Seriously?"

The television screen behind them began displaying a picture of both Bibo and Gonzo. The audience immediately said "Awww..."

"Do you see any resemblance there?" asked Shrunk, "'Cause I sure do! The nose, the eyes, the, er, eyebrows..."

"_Bleep _yeah!" said Melba, "But that _Bleep _Gonzo refuses to accept his responsibility!"

"Well, why don't we bring him out then so we can settle this whole business?"

At that moment, Gonzo stepped onto the stage and made his way towards the couch where Melba was sitting. As he did so, the audience booed loudly.

"_Bleep _you, Gonzo!" yelled Melba, as she stood up, "This child is yours, ya hear?"

"What?" said Gonzo, "I think you've been smokin' too much crack or somethin'!"

"Shaddup!" snapped Melba, who then charged towards Gonzo.

Almost immediately, two security guards showed up and separated the two.

"I sense a lot of anger," said Dr. Shrunk.

"Man," said Gonzo, "This bitch thinks the child is mine! How else am I supposed to feel?"

"That's 'cause it is yours," sobbed Melba, "You _Bleep_!"

"You're just trying to squeeze a few dollars out of me! I won't have this anymore! I just wanna get this _Bleep _over with!"

"That's why," began Shrunk, as he put on his reading glasses, "It's time to find out the results of the paternity test!

A security guard handed Shrunk a brown envelope, which he quickly opened. Melba and Gonzo sat back down and waited patiently.

"In the case of little Bibo," began Shrunk, "Gonzo, you ARE the father!"

A chorus of "Woooaaahs" erupted from the audience.

"SEE?" yelled Melba, standing up, "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! You liar!"

"If the child is mine," said Gonzo, sounding defeated, "Then I will do my part to raise it and take care of it..."

"WAIT!" announced Shrunk, "There's more! Melba, you are NOT the mother!"

More "Woooaaahs" came from the audience upon hearing the announcement.

"What?" demanded Melba, "How is that even possible? I gave birth to it! Who performed this stupid test?"

"Wow," said Shrunk, "Wasn't that messed up, ho, ho? For that reason, today's 'Emotion of the Day' will be _Disbelief_! And that's all the time we have for now. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode when we help junkie teens buy real estate! For now, the Doctor is OUT!"

"_Guests of _The Dr. Shrunk Show _stay in the luxurious Mallsville Heights_ _Hotel," _said the announcer.

* * *

"God, I love daytime T.V.," said Curt, who was on his couch, watching television.

Just then, there was a sound coming from outside. Curt got up to see what it was.

"Pete?" said Curt, as he opened his front door, "What's up man?"

"Deliverin' the mail," replied Pete, "What else?"

"True," said Curt, "Here, lemme see what I got."

"Have a nice day," said Pete, as he handed Curt a stack of letters.

As Pete flew off, Curt searched through the stack. Most of it was spam mail from Crazy Redd and the Farway Museum. However, one letter from the HRA caught Curt's attention. He quickly opened it.

"_Dear Mr. Townshend,_" read Curt, "_It has come to our attention that you have not been paying off your mortgage_…Blah, blah, blah…_Long-term debt puts you at serious risk for repossession_…Yada-yada…_Therefore, you have by the end of this week in which to settle your outstanding debts with the Happy Room Academy, or your house will be repossessed_...

Curt let the letter sink in for a second.

"Uh-oh," he said.

* * *

"Um," said CJ, "No? What are you, insane?"

"My house is about to get repossessed," said Curt, What choice do I have?"

"He's got a fair point," said Sakura, "They didn't give him enough of an advance warning."

"That's not the point," said CJ, "The point is that he wants to go to the HRA's head office. Do you know where that is?"

"Um," began Curt, "Not anywhere near here?"

"Mallsville," replied CJ, "Which is a six-hour drive from here!"

"Look," said Curt, "I can't force you guys to come, but _I_ need to talk to them, ASAP!"

"I'll go with Curt," said Lindsay, "I can afford to take two days off."

"Count me in," said Sakura, "I loves road trips!"

"Alright," sighed CJ, "I got a long weekend coming up, anyways. But I sure as Hell ain't driving all that way!"

"You had no problem doing it when Sakura was there as a model!" said Curt.

"Not to worry," said Sakura, "We can take the bus there. We just buy our tickets online, head to the station and grab the next fucker outta here!"

"Yeah!" said Curt, "Road trip! Woooo!"

CJ sighed.

* * *

It was now early the next morning. Tickets in hand, the gang eagerly awaited the bus' arrival at the town bus station, along with a couple of other animals. After a few minutes, the bus finally showed up.

"Aaaaargh," said Kapp'n, who was the bus driver, "Hop on board!"

"Kapp'n?" asked CJ, "Since when are you a bus driver?"

"Aye," began Kapp'n, "Since the economy be sunk lower than the Titanic. Now, I hafta work two jobs to make ends meet. It's harsh, but it's a living, har, har, har!"

"Interesting," said Sakura, sarcastically, "Just get us there in one piece!"

As the gang took their seats, Kapp'n pulled out his radio.

"Aaaargh," said Kapp'n, "Welcome aboard _Hell Tours_! I be Kapp'n, yer driver for today. We will shortly be commencing our voyage from Hell to Mallsville, with stops in Otterston, Boondox, and Sunnydale. The facilities are at the back end of the bus. Keep yer valuables in the compartment above or below yer feet. And be sure to tip generously! Now, let's go!"

And so, Kapp'n started up the bus and the trip to the city had officially begun.

* * *

Later that afternoon, the gang finally made it to the city of Mallsville. The area around the bus station was bustling with activity. As the gang got off and headed for the plaza, they saw a familiar figure.

"Kicks?" said Curt, "Kicks man, is that really you?"

"Curt," said Kicks, who was sitting on some steps, holding a rag in his hand, "It's good to see you again, dude!"

"What are you doing in the city?"

"After we got laid off, I went back to shoe-shining. I made enough money to move out of Hell. Now, I'm earning more than ever!"

"Just from shoe-shining? Damn! Maybe I…"

"Don't even think about it," warned CJ.

"Fine," said Curt.

"Hey, man," said Kicks, "Shine your shoes? 500 bells!"

"Nah," replied Curt, "I'm good. But good luck, anyways!"

"Awww," said Lindsay, as the gang walked away, "Isn't that nice? A happy ending!"

"Yeah, for him," muttered Curt, "At least someone doesn't have to worry about losing his house!"

"Balloons," shouted Phineas the Sea Lion, "We got balloons, pinwheels, bubble wands…You name it!"

As the gang passed by Phineas' stand, he noticed them.

"Would ya like some balloons, guys?" he asked.

"I'll take a Bunny P.," said Lindsay.

"Here ya go, sweetie," said Phineas, smiling, "And what would you like, missy?"

"Me?" said Sakura, "I don't know…Surprise me."

"Ho, ho, ho!" chuckled Phineas, "Here's a blue one for you!"

Phineas handed Sakura a balloon as well.

"Be sure to stop by The Marquee tonight," said Phineas, "Gracie's doing a fashion show, and I'll be handing out stuff there!"

"Ugh," said Sakura, "Gracie? I can't believe that bitch is still in business!"

"She's actually doing quite well," said CJ, "Not that I would ever buy shit from her."

The gang eventually left the plaza and ended up an intersection.

"Okay," said CJ, "I think the HRA headquarters is a few blocks east."

"If you boys don't mind," said Sakura, "Lindsay and I are gonna head to Main Street and do some shopping. I mean, that's kinda the reason we wanted to come."

"Go ahead," said Curt, "CJ will come with me, and I'll be just fine. Hopefully, I can clear this out by tonight!"

And with that, the gang parted ways.

* * *

CJ and Curt entered the main lobby of the HRA headquarters. Curt approached the receptionist.

"Greetings," said Curt, "I'm here to speak with someone about mortgage payments."

"Name, please," said the receptionist.

"Curtis Townshend," said Curt.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Um, no…"

"I'm sorry, sir. We are very busy here at the moment. Come back another time…"

"You don't understand. This is an emergency! I really need to speak to somebody!"

The receptionist pushed a button on her desk.

"Sir," she said, "We have a deadbeat here to whine about how he can't make payment on his house. Should I send him to Lyle?"

"Yeah," said a voice on the intercom, "Lyle's out with a client now, but he'll be back in an hour."

"If you don't mind waiting, sir," began the receptionist, "Someone will see you in an hour or so."

"Fine, fine," said Curt.

Curt went to sit on a chair next to CJ.

"So?" asked CJ.

"We wait," replied Curt, grabbing a magazine off a nearby rack, "Ooh, look! _Ten Great Ways to Improve your HRA Score_. Nice!"

CJ sighed and rubbed his head.

* * *

Later, Sakura and Lindsay, their hands filled with shopping bags made their way across a busy street.

"HEY!" snapped Sakura at an oncoming taxi, "Can't you see me, asshole? I'm trying to cross!"

"Fuck you bitch!" yelled a voice from inside the taxi.

"Fuck you, too!" yelled Sakura as she and Lindsay reached the sidewalk, "God, I hate the city!"

"Ooh, look!" said Lindsay, pointing, "A GracieGrace store! Let's go!"

"Linds," said Sakura, "I don't know if you remember, but we met Gracie, and she was about as vile as they come. What makes you think I wanna shop in that whore's place?"

"Well," began Lindsay, "She's got this new line coming out. Besides, I just wanna go see what they have. It doesn't mean we have to buy anything."

"Alright," sighed Sakura.

The two girls entered the shop and looked around. Techno music blasted through the speakers as tons of preppy girls walked about the store, examining every piece of clothing they saw. Posters of models wearing Gracie clothing lined the walls of the store.

"Ugh," said Sakura, "Just being here makes me wanna puke."

"How may I help you?" asked a saleslady.

"We're good for now," said Lindsay, "Come on, Kura!"

Lindsay grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her towards a pile of shirts sitting on a table. As they made their way over, a group of girls stared at Sakura on their way to the exit.

"Aren't they lovely?" asked Lindsay, as she held one up in front of her.

"Yeah," said Sakura, eyeing the same group, "I guess…"

"Oh, look," said Lindsay, "They have hats too…"

"Why is everyone staring at me?" asked Sakura, "It's kinda weird."

"Um, Sakura," began Lindsay.

"What? What is it?"

Lindsay said nothing as she stared at the wall in front of her.

"Is that?" asked Sakura, "NO!"

Sakura angrily made her way to the front desk.

"Good afternoon, ladies," said the sales clerk, "We're having a sale on…"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "Can someone please explain that poster over there to me?"

"That?" asked the clerk, "It's just one of our models, but…"

"It's me!" snapped Sakura.

"Oh? You're one of our models? Well, good for you! That means you're entitled to a discount…"

"That's the thing, I'm not anymore! I wanna speak to your manager about this. NOW!"

The clerk called in the manager, who was a female porcupine with long, pulled-back quills and thick eyelashes. She bore somewhat of a resemblance to Sable Able.

"Hi," said the porcupine, "I'm Labelle. How may I help you?"

"My name is Sakura Manaki," began Sakura, "And I worked as a model for this company briefly. Why is that poster of me still up, even though I quit like, two months ago?"

"Oh," said Labelle, "I don't know…Perhaps our decorators made a mistake or something?"

"Oh yeah? Well, I demand compensation! No one uses my likeness without my permission!"

"Oh, boy," though Labelle, "Gracie is gonna kill me if give out money to this chick…"

"Well?" asked Sakura.

"Tell you what," began Labelle, "I'll remove the poster immediately and I'll give you and your friend free tickets to Gracie's fashion show tonight!"

"Oh, wow!" said Lindsay, "That sounds wonderful!"

"Nuh-uh," said Sakura, "I'm not going to Gracie's freak show. Where's…"

"Sakura," pleaded Lindsay, "Please? I would love to go! Maybe we can get some free samples of her new stuff!"

"But Linds," said Sakura, "Don't you remember what Gracie is like?"

"Yeah, but she changed! Did you know that she's building a school for the children of the impoverished nation of Andoga? Gracie wouldn't do that if she was evil!"

"Yeah," said Labelle, "In fact, the ambassador of Andoga will be there as well. It would mean so much to him and the children of Andoga if you two went and showed support! He will even collect donations!"

"Don't you guys see?" asked Sakura, "This is all just a stupid publicity stunt to…Ah, forget it. Just give me the tickets. If it means helping out poor children, then fine."

"Excellent," said Labelle, cheerfully, "We will even supply you two with fancy dresses for the evening. Have fun!"

* * *

"Mr. Townshend?" asked the receptionist.

"Finally," said Curt, getting up, "Time to save my house."

Curt made his way into the small office. A short, blue weasel wearing a red suit and large, square glasses sat at a small desk.

"Have a seat," said Lyle, "So, Mr. Townshend, according to your file, you owe the HRA a lot of money…"

"Yeah," said Curt, sitting on the chair, "Is there anything I can do to get out of debt? Or, at least postpone the repossession date?"

"Well," began Lyle, "I'm afraid we can't do either…"

"There has to be something! Listen, I wouldn't have travelled all this way to the city if I wasn't serious about saving my house!"

"There is something you can do," assured Lyle, "Have you heard about our Share-A-House program?"

"Um, no?"

"It's a program where we help our customers rent out their houses to those in search of temporary homes. By renting out, let's say, your basement and/or your upstairs, your rent significantly decreases, as your tenant pays off his/her share."

"Tenants? I, er, well…"

"I don't think anyone in your position has much of a choice, other than to move out."

"Well, then, who will be moving in with me?"

"Fill out these forms, and then we will discuss this more tomorrow. Thank you so much for joining our program."

"Yeah," muttered Curt, as he grabbed his forms, "Don't mention it…"

Curt was clearly not too thrilled at the idea of renting out his house, but what other choice did he have?

**To be Continued...**


	34. The Big Pity II

**The Big Pity (Part II)**

That night, Gracie's show began. All the chairs in the Marquee were removed and replaced with large tables. The hall was filled with people from all around, all of whom were standing around, examining the different articles of clothing on display, or just chatting with each other. Many of them had drinks in their hands.

"I knew it," said Sakura, "It's just a bunch of stuck-up snobs. And the dresses they picked out for us are hideous! Did they get these from their garbage bin or something?"

"Look," said Lindsay, "We should try to make the most of it. I'm sure things will get better once the show starts. And maybe the people here aren't so bad…"

"One thing's for sure," said Sakura, grabbing some food off the hors d'oeuvres table, "Free food and drink rocks!"

Meanwhile, Gracie and her associates, Stinky Coco and Eduardo Gorillez, were walking around and greeting many of the guests.

"Thank you so much for coming," said Gracie, as she double-kissed a random guest, "We hope you'll stay for the after-party!"

"This is already turning out to be quite the success," said Eduardo.

"You know," began Gracie, "I've never actually been to Andoga before…"

"Oh, trust me," said Stinky, "I've seen it. Little, half-naked ragamuffins running around, no roads, bugs everywhere… I shudder just thinking about it."

"Hmmm," said Gracie, "Well, I'm gonna have no choice but to go for the ribbon-cutting ceremony. Perhaps I can sweet-talk my agent into shortening the trip."

Gracie looked around for a bit before something caught her attention.

"Stinky," she said, "Eduardo! Back room…NOW!"

Gracie and her two associates headed for the back room.

"What is _she _doing here?" demanded the Giraffe.

"Um," said Eduardo, "Who?"

"Sakura Manaki," replied Gracie, "The bitch who ruined my last fashion show!"

"Oh," said Eduardo, taking out a clipboard, "Well, she and her friend are on the guest list…Apparently there was a mix-up in one of your stores and she threatened to file a lawsuit."

"Grrr…" said Gracie, "I guess I have no choice but to put up with her if it means not having to dish out more cash. It's just that I worked really hard to get this school built and if she finds out the real reason I'm building it, she's gonna screw me over like last time!"

"Well, then," said Stinky, "Let's find her and keep an eye on her!"

"Excellent…" said Gracie.

As Sakura and Lindsay made their way around the main hall looking at the clothing on display, Sakura saw Gracie approaching

"Shit," muttered Sakura, "It's her. Come on, Linds, let's go the other way. I don't even wanna look at that witch…"

Sakura and Lindsay headed the opposite way, but instead bumped into Stinky Coco.

"Hey, girlfriend!" shouted Stinky, as he hugged Sakura, "Long time no see! Oh, honey! You still look fabulous!"

"Ugh," said Sakura, "I'm not your 'girlfriend'! And I'm only here…"

"Ms. Manaki," said Gracie, who was standing right behind Sakura, "How nice to see you again!"

"Listen, lady," began Sakura, "I…"

"I know we got off on the wrong foot, dear," said Gracie, "I acted like a complete jerk last time. That is soooo not me. But, thanks to you, I have seen the light!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I know you're up to something. There's no way you would do something this nice without expecting something in return."

Gracie scowled at Sakura.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Gracie," said Lindsay, "My friend is a little cranky 'cause we've been busy all day. We're just here to have a good time and preview your new line."

"It's alright, ladies," said Gracie, "In fact, I never properly thanked Sakura for all those months she worked for me. Let me give you ladies a special VIP tour of my exhibit. Then we'll head backstage, and you can meet the Andogan ambassador. Follow me."

Sakura and Lindsay hesitantly followed Gracie out of the main hall and into a hallway.

* * *

"This sucks," said Curt, who was sitting on the bed, filling out forms, "Sakura and Lindsay get to go to a fashion show while I'm stuck in the hotel room, filling out forms!"

"Uh-huh," said CJ, who was sitting on a chair, watching television.

"The worst part," began Curt, "Is now I have to share my house with someone if I wanna save it!"

"Serves you right," said CJ.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means if you weren't so lazy and perhaps found a job earlier, you wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Now you're getting personal! Take that back!"

"You know it's true…When you first moved to Hell, you opened yourself up to a world of responsibility! What, in all honesty, made you think that moving here meant not having to work and being able to spend all you want with no repercussions?"

"Well, I did have a job. It's not my fault I got laid off!"

"Shit happens, but sometimes, you gotta clean it up yourself."

Curt lowered his head in shame.

"You're right," he said, "I'm a failure at life! I should have never moved out of my parents' home!"

"You can still fix this," assured CJ, "Hopefully, your tenant will save your house. And if you're lucky, maybe he knows some people who can land you a job."

"Yeah! Here's hoping…"

And so, Curt continued to fill out his forms. He almost couldn't wait to get back to Hell, so that he can get his life back together.

* * *

"Thank you so much for taking my tour," said Gracie, as she lead Lindsay and Sakura down a long hallway, "Now, if you could just wait here for a while…I'll call you out when the ambassador gets here, okay?"

"But…" began Sakura.

Gracie and her associates lead the two into a small room marked "Employees Only" before walking out. She then shut the door.

"What's going on?" demanded Lindsay, "This looks like some kind of janitor's closet!"

Sakura ran up to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked.

"That fucking bitch!" snapped Sakura, "She's trying to get us out of the way! I knew she was up to something!"

"Sakura, I'm scared," said Lindsay, "I told you not to say anything bad to her!"

"Don't worry, sweetie," said Sakura, "We'll get out of here. And when we do, we're gonna find out just what that psycho is up to!"

Sakura looked around the room, before spotting an airvent. She ran to it.

"I think I can get it loose," she said as she began pulling on it.

* * *

"Good evening, everybody!" said the reporter, "I'm here at the Marquee, where world-famous fashion designer, Gracie is unveiling her new clothing line, _G-Spot_! As you can see, there is quite a crowd here tonight, and Gracie will soon be stepping out to deliver a speech. Joining her will be the ambassador to the nation of Andoga, who will be rewarding her on behalf of his country for the construction of _Gracie's School for Bright Children_. This act of charity will most certainly boost Gracie's publicity following the animal fur fiasco that resulted in a massive lawsuit and the resignation of many of her top models."

Suddenly, Phineas appeared on camera as well.

"So, Phineas," began the reporter, "How are you tonight? What do you think of Gracie's new line?"

"Ho, ho!" chuckled Phineas, "I think it's just swell! Would you like a balloon, good sir?"

"Um," said the reporter, "I…Sure, why not?"

Phineas handed the reporter a yellow balloon.

* * *

Sakura and Lindsay, who had been crawling in the the tight, dirty airvent for several minutes now, finally reached the end.

"I see something," said Sakura, looking through the grating.

"I can't take it anymore, Sakura, " pleaded Lindsay, "It's so hot and cramped in here. I can barely breathe."

"Don't worry," said Sakura, "We made it…"

Sakura and Lindsay jumped down into a large room. There were mirrors on the wall and chairs positioned in front of them. There were also racks holding up various dresses.

"Gracie's dressing room!" exclaimed Sakura, "Come on, let's look around!"

Sakura ran up to one of the chairs and found a pile of papers and notebooks on them. She immediately began searching through them.

"Let' see," muttered Sakura, "It appears to be blueprints of the school…"

"But that doesn't look at all like a school," said Lindsay, "It looks like a factory, or something."

"You're right!" said Sakura as she continued to look through the book.

There were balance sheets and papers filled with calculations.

"_All manufacturing will hereby be allocated to the school_," read Lindsay, "What does all this mean?"

"Don't you see?" said Sakura, "Gracie isn't building a school…It's a sweat shop!"

"Are you serious?"

"It all makes sense…The school is just a cover-up so she can get some good publicity. But what Gracie's really after is profits. She's outsourcing most of the fabrication of her clothing to the school, where the children who attend will work for cheap!"

Lindsay gasped.

"That is so cruel!" she said.

"It's cruel," began Sakura, "But that's Gracie for ya. Come on, we have to expose this!"

Sakura and Lindsay ran out with what they could. However, they were immediately spotted by two of Gracie's giraffe bodyguards.

"YOU!" shouted one of them, "Get back here!"

"After them!" said the other.

"Time to go, Linds!" said Sakura, as she grabbed Lindsay's hand.

* * *

"And that's why I know my school will be a great success," said Gracie, who stood on the main stage, delivering a speech, "I hope other follow in the wonderful example I've set!"

The audience applauded as a small, elderly dark-skinned human stepped onto the stage with two bodyguards at his side. He took the microphone.

"As ambassador to Andoga," said the man, in broken English, "I thank, on behalf of my nation, all that Gracie has done for us. A portion of the profits from Gracie's new line will go towards further funding of the school, which is now near completion. I proudly present Gracie with the crown of bones worn by ancient Andogan tribeleaders during ceremonial times. Let this be a symbol of the relationship between GracieCorp and Andoga."

The ambassador grabbed a small crown made of bones from his bodyguard and held it up. Gracie bent over and the ambassador began slowly lowering it onto her head.

"STOP!" yelled Sakura, as she ran into the main hall, "Stop the ceremony!"

Lindsay followed immediately after. The two bodyguards suddenly showed up and tackled Sakura and Lindsay to the floor.

"Ma'am," said one of them, "They escaped!"

"Shush!" snapped Gracie, "Not in front of all these people."

Sakura and Lindsay broke free and stood up.

"In my hands," began Sakura, holding up some papers, "Is evidence that Gracie's school is actually a sweat shop!"

Murmurs could be heard in the audience.

"That is preposterous!" laughed Gracie, "Where did you come up with something like that?"

"See for yourself, Mr. Ambassador," said Sakura, "It's true!"

Sakura prepared to hand the papers to the ambassador, but Gracie swiped them out of her hand.

"It's all nonsense," said Gracie, as she crumpled the papers up into the ball and put it in her mouth, "I'm builling a thcool tho that the thildren can…GACK!"

Gracie gagged on the ball of paper and immediately spat it up. The ambassador quickly picked it up and unfolded the papers.

"My word," he said, as he glanced at them, "It's true! According to this, the basement houses a factory!"

Everyone booed Gracie.

"It's not what you think," said Gracie, "It's an extra-curricular program…Learning how to sew is an essential skill in life!"

"Extra-curricular program, my ass!" shouted a random audience member.

"I've never been so appalled!" yelled another.

"The people of the village were okay with it," said Gracie, "In fact, they welcomed it!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "'Cause you probably paid them off to stay quiet!"

"Shut up, you!" snapped Gracie, "You've ruined my life enough times already!"

"Ms. Gracie," began the ambassador, "I would have never expected anything like this from you! My country has been working to eliminate this thinly-veiled form of slavery from the developing world, and you try to force it down our throats? Consider my nation's ties to your company SEVERED!"

Angrily, the ambassador and his bodyguards walked off the stage and out of the Marquee. Before Gracie had a chance to do anything, dozens of reporters and cameramen who were covering the event swarmed the stage and began hounding her with questions.

"Come on, Lindsay," said Sakura, "Let's go back to the hotel."

"At least we got to help the children," said Lindsay, "Like you said."

"Yeah."

* * *

"In a startling turn of events," began the reporter, "It was revealed that _Gracie's School for Bright Children_ was actually a intended to be a sweat shop. Humanitarian and Animatarian groups across the country have expressed outrage at the revelation and are filing a joint lawsuit against GracieCorp. The school is currently being demolished and a new one will be built using the money obtained from the lawsuit. Gracie had this to say:

The story cut to a clip of Gracie at a press conference.

"Screw you all!" snapped Gracie, "I was going to stimulate their economy and give those poor people jobs! But noooo…You portray me as an evil witch! _Bleep_ you! Especially you, Sakura Manaki! You haven't heard the last of Gracie!"

"There's no telling how this will hurt Gracie's publicity," continued the reporter, "But so far, it's not looking good."

* * *

"Not bad," said CJ, "It's always good to see Gracie get taken down a couple of notches."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I hope this means we won't hear about her for a while."

It was now the next morning, and Sakura, CJ, and Lindsay were at the station waiting for the bus.

"Hey," said Lindsay, "Where's Curt?"

Curt suddenly showed up, holding a pinwheel.

"Hehe," said Curt, "Look what I got!"

"Grow up, dude," said CJ.

"Man," said Curt, "I'm so bummed we have to leave so soon. It feels like we just got here!"

"Yeah," agreed Sakura, "Lindsay and I wanted to do so much more shopping…Especially with all that money they gave us for busting Gracie."

"Um, Sakura," began Lindsay, "I thought we…"

"Oh, right!" said Sakura, "Um, Curt. How would you like the money we got so you can pay off your house?"

"Wow," said Curt, "That's so kind…I don't know what to say!"

"You're welcome," laughed Lindsay, "Will it be enough?"

"It's plenty," said Curt, "Now that I'll be having a tenant, my payments will decrease significantly!"

"A tenant?" said Sakura, "That was the solution you worked out with the HRA? Ha!"

"They really know how to screw people over," said CJ.

"It's only until I find a job, anyways" added Curt.

A few minutes later, the bus arrived. The door opened.

"Aaaargh," said Kapp'n, "Welcome aboard once again! Are ye ready to commence the grand voyage home?"

The gang hopped on board and took their seats. As the doors closed, the gang got one last look at the city plaza before taking off.

"Well, guys," said Curt, "The guy who I'm sharing my house with is in this enveloppe..."

Curt held up a large, brown enveloppe. Inside were some forms.

"Let's see," said Sakura.

Curt pulled out a form and read it.

"Uh-oh…" he said.

Who will Curt be living with? Find out next episode of _Animal Crossing_!


	35. Curtis Townshend's House of Pain

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 18: Curtis Townshend's House of Pain**

It was early morning, and Sakura, wearing a pink bathrobe and a pair of bunny slippers, poured herself a cup of hot tea and headed outside to check the mail. Sakura opened the flashing mail box and searched through the letters.

"Hmmm," thought Sakura, opening a letter from Nookington's, "What's this?"

It read: _Dear Customer, today we have a limited-time special offer on a stunning Lovely Phone!_ _Hurry up, or it will go quickly! Be sure to come to Nookington's to meet your everyday shopping needs!_

Sakura raised her eyebrow. She had always wanted a Lovely Phone. She immediately headed back inside to get changed.

* * *

Later:

"Please don't be sold out," prayed Sakura, "Please don't be sold out…"

Sakura ran to the entrance of Nookington's.

"Ho, ho, ho," chuckled Nook, "In a hurry, I see? How can…"

"Where's the phone?" asked Sakura, "The one from your flier?"

"Oh, ho!" laughed Nook, "It is really quite popular today, yes? I just sold the last one!"

"What?" demanded Sakura.

"Excuse me, Mr. Nook," said Cookie, who suddenly appeared, "May I have a receipt for this?"

"Why yes," said Nook, "How silly of me to forget. I'll be right with you."

Nook headed for the cash.

"Why hello, Sakura," said Cookie, "How nice to see you here."

Sakura saw Cookie holding a Lovely Phone in her hands.

"That's mine, you bitch," said Sakura.

"Is it?" said Cookie, "I don't see your name on it. I guess the early bird got this worm, ha!"

"I bet you bought it just to piss me off," said Sakura, "Why else would you want it?"

"Sakura," said Cookie, "Really. Do you think I'm made of money? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for my date with Limberg. I think I'm gonna call him up with my brand new phone. _Ciao_!"

Cookie grabbed her receipt from Nook and left.

"Grrr," said Sakura.

"I'm afraid life isn't always fair," said Nook, "By the way, did you know that paper towels are 35% off today?"

"I don't want fucking paper towels," whined Sakura, "I need to know when you'll be selling a Lovely Phone again. I really need it."

"My apologies, miss," said Nook, "But I can't tell for sure now. It is a very rare item. I may have it in a few weeks or a few months. It really depends on my supplier, hm?"

"Please, Nook," pleaded Sakura, "I need to know where else I can find one."

"Well," began Nook, "The man who gave it to me is a good friend of mine who runs the store in the nearby village of Treehut. He may have a few left on his end."

"Treehut, eh?" said Sakura.

"Yes," said Nook, "By the way, make sure you stop by the clothing department. We have a new selection of camo tees and…"

Sakura was already gone.

"Oh," said Nook.

* * *

"You must be excited," said Lindsay, "Living with someone your age is going to be super fun!"

"Yeah," said Curt, sarcastically, "If only my housemate wasn't an immature loser who's addicted to catnip."

Lindsay was over at Curt's house, helping him clean. Curt had spent all morning preparing for the arrival of his new housemate, who was none other than Rover the Cat.

"We've all met Rover," said Lindsay, "And I think he's a nice guy. I'm not sure why he's moving to Hell, though. I guess he wasn't happy with his life in Treehut…"

"You don't know him as well as I do," said Curt, "Don't you remember the incident at that Asian restaurant?"

Waaaay back in Episode 2: _Museum Bash_, I referenced a bathroom brawl between Rover and Curt that occurred in the week following CJ's barbecue. At the time, I stated, "That's a whole different story." Well, now is the time to tell it:

-**Flashback-**

"And then I said, 'Two? Make that two-thousand'! Ha!" said Curt.

"Sweet, dude," said Rover, "Got any more fascinating made-up stories?"

"Not cool, man," said Curt, "It's a true story, and I got the proof for it!"

Curt and Rover stood in the bathroom of _Phuck Yu_, a Viertnamese restaurant. Each man stood in front a urinal.

"I got an ever better story," said Rover, zipping up his pants, "Wanna hear it?"

"No," said Curt, zipping up as well.

"Why?" said Rover, "I had to listen to your dumb story!"

"'Cause you probably told it on the train last year."

"Oh man, remember that? That was fun! Remember when I thought you were a chick?"

Curt shook his head and headed for the sink.

"Oh, and those bathrooms on board…" continued Rover, "They were gross!"

Curt rolled his eyes and began washing his hands.

"Remember Blanca?" asked Rover, as he turned on the faucet, "From the train?"

"I haven't seen her in a year," said Curt.

"Yeah," said Rover, "Well, we're dating now."

"What?" said Curt, "No, you're not!"

"We totally are, dude! Me and her are buying a house together in Treehut. It's got like two bathrooms…And only one bedroom, wink, wink!"

"Whatever," said Curt, "I gotta go."

"Jealous or something?"

"Shut up."

"I know you are, dude. It's totally okay to be jealous…Especially of me!"

"Why would I be jealous? You live in Treehut, the most boring town on the planet, and Blanca's as ugly as a bag of nails!"

"What? How dare you!"

"You know it's true."

"I don't appreciate this kind of talk! Especially not from some pothead loser who moves into a town with no money and no place to live! As you can see, I am well-prepared."

"Loser? You're really starting to piss me off, Blue Boy!"

"What'cha gonna do about it, fucker?"

Suddenly, Curt charged for Rover and the two began to wrestle each other. Curt held Rover in a headlock.

"Give it up, bitch!" taunted Curt.

"Never," said Rover, as he elbowed Curt in the gut.

A random man emerged from a stall, headed for the sink, washed his hands, and briefly glanced at the two before walking out of the bathroom. A few minutes later, CJ entered.

"What the fuck?" demanded CJ, separating them, "What's going on? Geez, I can't let you of my sight for one minute!"

"He started it!" Rover and Curt said at the same time.

"Too bad," said CJ, "I don't know what the fuck you two are fighting about, but it ends now! I think the last thing Curt wants is to get banned from another place!"

"Blech," said Rover, "You're lucky I'm leaving for Treehut tomorrow so I don't have to deal with you anymore!"

"Good," said Curt, "After today, we will never speak again, ha!"

**-End Flashback-**

"Oh that," said Lindsay, "As embarrassing as that was, I'm sure he's completely forgiven you, especially if he's willing to move in with you."

"He's just as desperate as I am," said Curt, "Aw, man. This is gonna suck, big time! Why couldn't they pair me up with a chick? Preferably a hot one?"

"Um," said Lindsay, "Because the _Share-a-House _program forbids women from sharing houses with men ever since…You know."

"Ah, yes," said Curt, putting his hand to his chest, "Poor, poor Tangy. Bless her fruit-filled heart."

"Don't worry," said Lindsay, "It'll go fine. If you have any complaints, just call the HRA or send them a letter. Anyways, I have to go to work. Byeee!"

Lindsay headed out. Curt simply stood in the main room and shook his head.

* * *

Sakura walked into the Burger Shop and approached the counter.

"Welcome to Greas-E Burger," said CJ, "How may I serve you?"

"CJ!" said Sakura, "How are you? Wow, you look great! Is that a new haircut? I just thought I'd come and visit my wonderful, awesome friend at his work and keep him company while…"

"You want me to drive you somewhere, right?" asked CJ.

Sakura placed her hands on the counter.

"Ima make this quick," she began, "There's this thing I need in Treehut, and I need to get there ASAP, so when you get off work, you think maybe you can drop me off. I promise I'll get you something when we're there."

"I'd like to help," began CJ, "But I'm not sure when I get off. Can't you just take your moped or something?"

"You know that thing isn't meant for highways. Fuck, what am I gonna do? There aren't any buses that go by there!"

"You can take the train. It'll be a really fast ride. And it's quite cheap."

"The train? Ugh…Fine then. Where do I buy the tickets?"

* * *

There was a knock at Curt's door. Curt shuddered and answered.

"Uh-huh," said Rover, who was speaking on a cell phone, "I'll totally have the stuff by tomorrow. You'll see, it'll be awesome…Yeah, I know…Listen, I'm at my new house now…I'll call you back…See ya!"

Rover hung up and smiled at Curt.

"So," began Curt, "Um…Hi."

"Hey, dude," said Rover, "Now, I know what you're thinking and don't worry…I only brought like 10 bags of stuff with me."

Curt groaned.

"How's the internet around here?" asked Rover, "'Cause I'll be having regular er, meetings with my buddies and I can't have lag while fighting mobs…I mean talking."

"What brings you to Hell anyways?" asked Curt, "I thought you and Blanca were having a great life in Treehut."

"Yeah," replied Rover, "Well, Blanca dumped me recently…She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her. Meh, life sucks sometimes. Anyways, I decided to move to Hell, because I like the town so much. I'll be living with you until I get everything in order."

"Fun," lied Curt.

"I know we have a bit of a history," said Rover, "But I'm totally willing to put it behind us so that we can live together in peace for the next while. Whaddaya say?"

"Fine," said Curt, "But I'm laying down a few ground rules, since it's still mostly my house. First things first: You're staying in the basement. And no, you can NOT touch the pool table down there without my permission. Second, the NES games are off-limits. Finally, you buy your own food. And don't touch my stove…It doesn't work."

"Aw man, that sucks," said Rover, "But hey, if it's mostly your house, then it's mostly your rent, I guess…"

Curt rubbed his forehead.

Okay, okay," said Curt, "You can play pool and my NES games whenever you want. And you can put your crap wherever you feel like."

"How kind of you," said Rover, "You are truly a good man. I think we're gonna have a lot of fun together for the next while."

"Yeah," thought Curt, "I need a job…Fast."

* * *

Sakura stepped off the train and looked around. She had finally arrived in the town of Treehut. Hell was a very isolated community, with all of the nearby towns being more than an hour of driving distance away. Treehut was the closest of these towns. Like Hell, Treehut was a rural village with a small population and an easy-going lifestyle. There were few paved roads and loads of trees, hence the name. The grass was also clean, with no signs of weeds or yellow patches, and flowers were planted in small patches everywhere.

"Eek, eek!" announced the Porter, who like Hell's Porter, was a Monkey, "Welcome to Treehut! Watch your step!"

Sakura stepped off the platform and headed into town. Every townsperson she walked by stared at her and some even waved at her, despite not knowing who she was.

"This place is weird," thought Sakura.

Suddenly, Sakura bumped into someone. He appeared to be a Turtle and was wearing a top hat

"I'm sorry, mister," said Sakura, "I…"

The man turned around. He looked remarkably like Mayor Tortimer, except instead of a Tortoise, he was a Sea Turtle, possessing long fin-like arms, instead of short, stumpy ones. He was also forty years younger and in great shape.

"Well, well," he said cheerfully, "Looks like we got a newcomer in our town. How are ya? I'm Mayor Shelldon."

He held out one of his hands and Sakura shook it.

"I'm Sakura," said Sakura, "I'm just visiting. Do you know where the department store is?"

"Just keep heading down this road," he replied, "It's so great to have you here! Be sure to head down to the beach later for our annual ocean swim! I'm doing some warm-ups now!"

"You're competing?" said Sakura, bewildered.

"Why, of course! What kind of a mayor would I be if I just stood around and watched? It's no wonder the people here love me!"

Mayor Shelldon then headed off and continued doing his warm-ups. Sakura shrugged and continued her walk to the store.

When Sakura final arrived, she walked in through the automated door and looked around. A Raccoon (That's right, an actual raccoon, not a Tanuki) approached her.

"Greetings, miss," said the Raccoon, in the same Animalese accent that Nook had, "Welcome to Billington's! I'm Bill, how may I serve you?"

"Nice store," observed Sakura, "Do you know where I can find a Lovely Phone?"

"Ho, ho, ho," chuckled Bill, "Right this way, miss. There are only a few left. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Sakura headed for the center of the store and picked up the phone. She was so glad to finally have it in her possession. However, as she examined the store, Sakura noticed there were tons of other cool items there as well, many of which couldn't be bought or even found in Hell.

"This place is amazing," said Sakura, "There so many cool items…And they're so cheap! It's like a shopper's paradise!"

Sakura decided to hang around the store and see what else they had.

"Hmmm," said Sakura, "I'm getting kinda hungry. Hey, Bill! Where's the food section here?"

"Food section?" asked Bill, "Why, I don't sell groceries here. We have a separate store for that. We also have a separate store for clothing and a separate store for wallpaper and carpeting!"

"A store for everything?" asked Sakura, "Why?"

"I could easily sell it all in my store," said Bill, "But it wouldn't be fair to those other small-business owners, hm? I value a level playing field over profits any day!"

"That's, um, nice…" said Sakura.

On one hand, Sakura loved the town, on the other, she felt like a total outsider. Treehut was like a _Bizarro _Hell.

Sakura later left the store, holding numerous bags of goods. She was so happy to have found her new "Shopping headquarters."

"Wait until I tell Lindsay about this place," she thought, as she headed for the train station.

* * *

"Come on, _Emogirl_666_," said Rover, into his Bluetooth device, "We need to gather supplies so we can build that bridge across the chasm! And where's _ant423__? Tell him to STOP wasting time killing those pigs! I have enough pork chops for everyone!"

Curt walked into the living room and sighed as he saw Rover playing on his laptop.

"Yeah," said Rover, waving his arm in the air, "That's what I'm talkin' about! Hey, Curt! What's up?"

Curt looked around the room and saw boxes and bags everywhere.

"You haven't even finished unpacking?" asked Curt.

"Too tired," replied Rover, "I'll do it soon. I just have to finish this, er, meeting…"

"Right," said Curt, "Why don't you start looking for a _real _job? Now that you live here, you gotta make ends meet."

"I'm on it," said Rover, "What about you?"

"As a matter of fact," began Curt, "I'm off to drop my resume off at the train station. I've always wanted to be a porter."

"Good luck, dude," said Rover, "They got the worst hours, ha!"

"Shut up," mumbled Curt.

"Wanna help me unpack, now that you're here?"

Rover stood up and opened one of his boxes. Curt and Rover worked together to pull an enormous plant out of it.

"Good Lord," said Curt, "What the hell is this?"

"A Tanabata palm," replied Rover, "It's a tree made of tags that display people's deepest wishes. I bought it off of Crazy Redd, who says he nabbed it from the last Tanabata festival while on vacation in Japan!"

"This has to be the most useless piece of shit I've ever seen. You can't keep this here!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause it sucks and it takes up too much space!"

"Hmph! Well, if there's no room here, I might just have to move in with someone else who has a bigger house…"

Curt bit his lip. He couldn't afford having Rover move out.

"Fine, fine," said Curt, "You can keep it in the basement next to the busted-up slot machine."

"Yaay!" said Rover, "You're the man! Thanks!"

"Don't mention it," muttered Curt, "So…What kind of wishes are on this thing?"

"Check it out," said Rover, "The orange tag says, 'I hope to learn how to learn better'. Cool, eh?"

"You can read Japanese?" asked Curt.

"No," replied Rover, "They're written in…English?"

Rover quickly read through some other tags.

"GAAAAHHH!" he screamed, "I've been duped!"

Curt rubbed his forehead.

"Oh well," shrugged Rover, "I'm still keeping it. It looks cool, plus it brings me good luck!"

"So, first it's a wishing tree," began Curt, "Now it's a good luck tree?"

"Can't be everything at once, can it?"

"No sir," muttered Curt, "I gotta go. I'll be back soon."

"Supper's on me," said Rover, "I'm gonna teach ya how to make my ultra-secret macaroni-with-catnip recipe! Mmmmm…"

"Save me," thought Curt.

**To be Continued…**


	36. Curtis Townshend's House of Pain Part II

**Curtis Townshend's House of Pain (Part II):**

"…And then I blasted those fuckers away!" said Rover, "I was up against five guys and I still won! It was the most epic game of paintball this side of the Western County!"

Rover, Curt, Snake, Poncho and Alfonso were all sitting together at a table in the Roost, having coffee and talking.

"Awesome story, man," said Poncho, "I'd love to play paintball with you some time!"

"That's nothing," said Rover, "You should hear about that epic _Quake_ match I had online the other week!"

"Dude," said Snake, "This guy's awesome! I can't believe you get to live with him. It must be like a party every day!"

"Yeah," mumbled, "It's real fucking great…"

"After this," began Rover, "Curt and I are heading to the beach to play some catch, right Curt?"

"I'll see," said Curt, "I might be busy later."

"Aw, come on, man! You're no fun. Hey, wanna go to the Able Sisters'? I can show you how to make vulgar patterns!"

"Um..." began Curt.

"Hey Brewster," called Rover, "Another round for my new buddies!"

Curt sighed.

* * *

Lindsay and Sakura walked around Treehut holding a number of shopping bags.

"You're right," said Lindsay, "This _is_ the best place for shopping. There are so many unique items!"

As the girls spoke, they took a shortcut through a small flower patch.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "And the people here are so nice. Aw man, if I could afford to keep buying train tickets, I would do all my shopping here from now on. I would never live here though."

"Why not?" asked Lindsay.

"The people here are, well…"

All of a sudden, a small mound of earth appeared in front of them. A short mole emerged from the mound, holding a pickaxe. He was dressed in blue overalls and a mining helmet. He resembled Mr. Resetti except he was a Star-Nosed Mole, possessing a pink "Mustache."

"You!" he said, pointing to the girls, "What are you doing in this flower patch?"

"Uh-oh," said Sakura, "I…Um, we didn't know..."

"What are you afraid of?" laughed the mole, "I ain't gonna bite your head off, hehe! My name's Mr. Binetti. I run the town surveillance center!"

"Oh," said Lindsay, "Nice to meet you."

"I saw you in my surveillance footage," said Binetti, "I hate to say it, but you can't walk here."

"We're sorry," said Sakura.

"Don't worry about it," said Binetti, cheerfully, "You're new in town. You didn't know. Have a great day, and don't be afraid to stop by the surveillance center if you need help getting around. Take care!"

The mole burrowed back underground and headed off.

"Wow," said Sakura, "You see what I mean, Linds?"

"Tee-hee," chuckled Lindsay, "It's so weird! Come on, let's keep going."

As the girls continued to walk, they passed by a restaurant.

"I have to use the washroom," said Lindsay, "Do you need to go too?"

"Go ahead," said Sakura, "I need a smoke anyways."

With that, Lindsay ran inside. Sakura placed a cigarette in her mouth and prepared to light it, but suddenly stopped.

"What the…" she said.

A short, white female cat passed by. She looked perfectly normal except that she had absolutely no face. At first, Sakura thought the cat was wearing a mask, but it soon became clear that she simply had no face.

"Hello, stranger," said the cat, "Do you happen to have the time?"

"Um," said Sakura, surprised, "I, er…"

"What's wrong?" said the cat, "Is there something on my face?"

"No," replied Sakura, "Not at all…"

"Oh no," said the cat, taking out a small pocket mirror, "Not again! Oh God! My face must have come off when I washed this morning!"

"How can you see?" asked Sakura, "Or talk? Or, for that matter, how are you even alive?"

"Please," said the cat, "You gotta help me! I'm gonna call a doctor as soon as I can, but I need a temporary solution to this problem!"

"Well, I can probably draw you a new face or something. I got a pen with me."

"Oh, could you? Please! That would be so great!"

"Yeah," Sakura said, pulling a pen out of her pocket, "You're lucky my two older brothers were animé nuts. They taught me how to draw pretty well."

Sakura began drawing a pair of "animé eyes" on the cat's blank face.

"Sweet," said the cat, "By the way, my name is Blanca."

"I'm Sakura. I'm just visiting your town. You guys have a lot of cool stuff here!"

"Thanks. I love this town, too. I moved here a few months ago with my ex-boyfriend. Lately, though, I've been thinking of moving out."

"Too many painful memories?"

"Well, my boyfriend was a real jerk. He was so selfish and he never paid attention to me because he was obsessed with his stupid little video games! But ever since I kicked him out, I kinda miss him. He was a pretty sweet guy after all."

Sakura added the finishing touches to her "Masterpiece."

"There," she said, "Done!"

Blanca pulled out her mirror once more and stared into it. She found herself possessing a simple, but otherwise pretty face.

"It's so beautiful," she said, "You're quite the artist! I wish I could give you something…"

"Nah," said Sakura, "Don't worry about it. It was nothing."

"If you ever need my help with something, please some by my house, okay?"

Blanca handed a piece of paper to Sakura with her address on it.

"Bye," said Blanca, walking off, "And thanks again!"

Not long after, Lindsay emerged.

"Shall we continue?" asked Lindsay.

"Man," said Sakura, "You're never gonna believe what just happened…"

* * *

For the next several days, Curt endured having to live with Rover the Cat, who, everyday, found new ways of making Curt miserable. Meanwhile, Curt sent out a bunch of applications, but so far, he was having no luck.

"Dammit, Rover," snapped Curt, who was standing in the bathroom, "You can't just keep your laundry here!"

There was no answer. Curt headed into the living room where he saw the cat playing on his laptop.

"Let's go!" shouted Rover, into his earpiece, "We have only a few minutes to complete this mission. On my go…"

Curt suddenly appeared and slammed the laptop shut.

"HEY!" yelled Rover, "We were about to storm the castle and…"

"Dude," said Curt, "Your dirty laundry has been sitting in the bathroom for three days now. I know I don't have a laundry machine, but that doesn't mean you can just leave it lying around!"

"What else am I supposed to do with it?"

"The Laundromat is just two acres away, for Christ's sake!"

"Yeah, but I was hoping you would take it along with your own laundry."

"I'm not your maid…And there's no way in Hell I'm touching your dirty underwear!"

"There's no need to worry about that. There's no underwear in the pile."

"No underwear? So, does that mean you've been wearing the same pair all week?"

"Yeah. What's the point of changing if no one ever sees it, right? Ha!"

Curt shuddered.

"Hey," began Rover, "Tonight want me to teach you how to make a tuna casserole? I love tuna, you know."

"Remember last time?" asked Curt.

"Don't worry," said Rover, "I'll use an actual casserole dish this time…And some PAM. Aw man, it's gonna be great!"

"Whatever," muttered Curt, as he walked away.

Rover re-opened his laptop.

"Time to finish…" said Rover, "What the? They started the attack without me! Guys, wait up! LEEEEEROY! JEEEEENKINSSS!"

* * *

"Rough week, huh?" asked CJ, who was standing behind the counter at Greas-E Burger.

Curt downed a soda.

"You don't know what it's like to live with him," said Curt, "He's a lazy, idiotic pain in the ass"

"In other words," said CJ, "He's you."

"Very funny," said Curt, as held up the empty cup to CJ's face, "More please."

CJ grabbed the cup and refilled it before placing back onto the counter.

"Aw man," said Curt, "I don't know what to do."

"What you should do," began CJ, "Is put your foot down; let him know who's boss. Remind him he's your housemate, not your friend."

"I can't…He keeps threatening to leave. I still need him to live with me or I won't be able to afford my house anymore!"

"Um, didn't you read the contract? If he suddenly leaves for no valid reason, then he'll have officially broken the contract and will have to pay you a buttload of money."

"So, he's just as stuck with me as I am stuck with him?"

"Pretty much."

Curt's face lit up.

* * *

Later, Curt returned home. He slammed the door to his house open.

"Hey Curt," said Rover, "I hope you don't mind. I'm putting my clothes in the same wardrobe you keep yours. Don't worry, though. I'm keeping them separate. Mine are sorted by colour, see?"

Curt approached the wardrobe. He grabbed all of Rover's clothes and tossed them to the floor.

"Hey!" snapped Rover, "It took me half an hour to sort them!"

Curt then approached the tanabata palm in the corner and picked it up.

"I fucking hate this thing," muttered Curt.

He opened the basement door and threw the plant downstairs.

"Woah!" shouted Rover, "I don't know what's gotten into you, man, but I don't like it!"

"I'll tell you what's gotten into me," said Curt, "I'm fed up of your nonsense! From now on, you can't mix your laundry with mine anymore, you can only play your stupid games in the basement, and I'm not eating anymore of your casseroles. Are we clear?"

"Oh yeah?" said Rover, "If that's how it's gonna be, then maybe I should leave."

"Go ahead," said Curt, holding up a copy of the contract, "If you leave, then you gotta pay a fine! Check AND mate! HA!"

Rover grabbed the sheet from Curt's hands and read through it.

"Aw man," said Rover, "Listen, dude, I'm sorry. It's just, I was hoping we were gonna be good buddies and stuff!"

"Please," said Curt, "You thought I'd just forget that little fight of ours and welcome you in with open arms? We're not buddies, we're housemates. With the way you act, it's no wonder Blanca left you!"

"Dude," sniffed Rover, "That hurt…"

"Look, if you wanna stay, then you gotta follow my rules, got it?"

"Okay," Rover said flatly, "I'm…Sorry. I'm gonna take my stuff downstairs now."

Without saying a word, Rover grabbed his clothes and his laptop. Curt couldn't help but feel a little bad as he watched the blue cat slowly make his way down the stairs. Perhaps he was too harsh…

* * *

The next day, at the Roost:

"Aw man, Brewster," said Curt, who was sitting at the bar, "He was so quiet…He didn't say a word all night. I feel bad."

"Maybe you were a little hard on him," said Brewster, who was wiping a glass, "Don't forget, he probably still feels rejected after breaking up with his girlfriend."

"I know," said Curt, taking a sip from his coffee, "I just got caught up in the moment. I needed to put my foot down and I went overboard."

"It's good you tried to establish some ground rules," said Brewster, "But living with someone is always a challenge…When I used to live in Mallsville, as a struggling café owner, I shared a flat with this guy. He used to waste his days playing video games and getting high. Aw man, this one time, he was out with some friends, and on the way home, he ran over a cat (A non-sentient one, of course), and he put the damn thing in his car, and brought it home because he thought I could help it. The fucking thing was still breathing, but it was mangled beyond recognition. I told him to just leave it, but he…"

"Um," said Curt, "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Right," said Brewster, "I'm off track…My bad. Anyways, as much as I couldn't stand him, I learned that living with someone meant learning how to put up with him. You don't like Rover, but you need him around. You better get used to him!"

"So you eventually put aside your differences with this guy?"

"Yup. Of course, not long after my café closed down and I decided to move to Hell to start fresh. I think the guy died of an overdose…Or was he shot? I forget. Anyways, it was here in Hell that I met my ex-wife. My whorish, backstabbing, disease-ridden ex-wife. But that's a different story."

"Damn," said Curt, "Rover and I need each other, and I treated him like a jerk! How do I fix this?"

"Curt?" said a voice.

Curt turned around. It was Sakura.

"I've been looking for you," said Sakura, "I went to your house, but Rover said you were out. Speaking of which, he looked kinda glum. What happened?"

"Nothing," said Curt, "Just a fight."

"Okay," said Sakura, "Anyways, I brought you that thing you wanted from Treehut!"

"Sweet," said Curt, "You're still shopping there?"

"Nah," said Sakura, "That place creeps me out. Besides, most of the stuff they sell is junk, anyways. It's cool and all but if I keep going, I'll run out of space in my house!"

"Yeah," said Curt, "Thanks, anyways. Maybe I'll give it to Rover to, you know, cheer him up."

"What's wrong with him exactly?"

"I don't know. I think he's finally realizing what a loser he is thanks to my rant. But hey, at least he was a funny loser. Now…It's even _more _painful to live with him. Plus, I think he's still secretly depressed about his girlfriend. Last night he was playing _Two Days Ago _pretty loudly in his room."

"His girlfriend, eh? She wouldn't happen to be a white cat, would she?"

"Her name is Blanca. I think we all met her at least once. But she moved on so what can we do about it?"

"Not quite," assured Sakura, "Hold on. I think I got a plan…"

* * *

Sakura approached the small house where Blanca lived. She had followed the exact address that Blanca had given her. When Sakura reached the door, she knocked and the white cat quickly answered.

"Sakura," said Blanca, "What a pleasant surprise!"

To Sakura's surprise, Blanca's face was still blank and her drawing was still there.

"Your face," began Sakura, "You still haven't gotten a new one yet?"

"I booked an appointment with the plastic surgeon in Salzburg," Blanca explained, "But he was very busy, so it's not until next week. Oh well. What can you do? I like my cartoon face, anyways, tee-hee!"

"That's good," said Sakura, "Listen, can you do me a favour?"

"Of course," said Blanca, "Anything for the girl who gave me this beautiful face!"

"Good," said Sakura, "I need you to come with me to Hell. I'll pay for your train ticket and everything. There's someone I need you to talk to…"

* * *

Later, Curt and Rover walked towards the train station.

"Listen man," said Curt, "I know you're still bummed, but I just wanted to say again that I'm very sorry."

"It's alright dude," said Rover, "I know I've been acting like a douche. I'll change. Now, can we go back? I got another, er, meeting…"

"Wait," replied Curt.

A few seconds later, the train arrived. A number of passengers stepped off and headed into town.

"I don't know what there is to…"

Suddenly, Rover stopped. He looked up at the platform and saw Sakura and his ex-girlfriend, Blanca, stepping off.

"B-B-Blanca?" he said, in awe, "Is that really you?"

"Oh Rover," said Blanca, running towards the blue cat, "I'm so sorry!"

"Your face," said Rover, "It's beautiful! You look just like just like a manga character! Aw, man, you should keep it!"

"Glad you like it," she said, "Listen, it was stupid of me to just throw you out like that. Could you ever forgive me?"

"Of course," said Rover, "And I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention to you. But hey, with a face like that, it's gonna be hard to ignore you from now on!"

"Aw, that's so sweet! Rover, will you move back in with me?"

"Hell yeah! Oh, but wait…I can't leave because of the contract."

"No problem," said Curt, "I'm gonna call the HRA tomorrow and tell them to take us out of the _Share-a-House_ program! You're free!"

"But Curt," said Sakura, "How are you gonna afford to pay your house?"

"Didn't you hear?" said Curt, "I got a new job! Starting next week, I'm working at this new office place they're building! I can't wait!"

"That's great," said Rover, "I'll miss you, buddy."

"Me too," said Curt, "I had a blast living with you!"

"If ya ever need another house mate," began Rover, "You'll know who to call, hehe!"

"Indeed," said Curt.

And so, Rover and Blanca left town and returned to their home in Treehut. Curt began his new job, and so far, he hates it. But hey, it's a living. With a steady income, Curt can finally live stress-free...At least for now. More adventures await next episode of _Animal Crossing_!


	37. All in a Day's Work

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode #19: All in a Day's Work**

"DEATH TO THE OUTSIDER!" chanted the angry mob.

Sakura found herself tied to a post upon a tall wooden platform just outside of Treehut's town hall. She stared down at the crowd before her in absolute terror.

"Guys," she pleaded, "Please! I didn't know! Can't we just be civil about this?"

"You have destroyed our perfect town," yelled Mayor Shelldon, "You must pay!"

"We welcomed you with open arms," said Bill, "We provided you our services! And this is how you repay us?"

"Oh, God," pleaded Sakura, "How did I let this happen? I should have listened! Please, don't let it end like this…"

Tears formed under Sakura's eyes. She could not believe that this was the end for her…

* * *

4 days earlier:

The phone in Curt's cubicle rang. It had been a whole week since Curt started working and everything was going great for him. He was staring to get the hang of the job. Plus he really liked the people he worked with and the handsome salary he was receiving.

"Yello?" said Curt, in his most suave voice, "_Marathon _head office, Curtis speaking."

"Oooh," said Lindsay, over the phone, "Listen to you, sounding like a true businessman! How's work?"

"Can't complain," said Curt, "You?"

"Today's a little slow," said Lindsay, "Say, my lunch is coming up. Wanna head out for a bite together?"

"Ahhh," said Curt, "I don't remember the last time we went out together during the day. It certainly feels good to have a job again!"

"Alright," giggled Lindsay, "I'll meet you for sushi at 12:15, okay?"

"What about CJ?" said Curt, "We should call him up!"

"Nah," said Lindsay, "He's super busy today. And I think he already had his lunch like, at 11 or something."

"Too bad. Oh well, maybe next time!"

* * *

Speaking of CJ:

"Welcome to Greas-E Burger," mumbled CJ, as Snake and Poncho entered, "How may I serve you?"

"What's up?" said Snake, "You sound glum. More than usual, anyways, ha!"

"It's nothing," said CJ, "Are you ordering something?"

"Yeah," said Snake, "A box of onion rings. Extra sauce!"

"I'm having a salad," said Poncho, "Gotta watch my weight!"

Poncho patted his fat stomach.

"So," said Snake, "Curt's really enjoying his new job, huh?"

"It's not fair," said CJ, "I just found out that Curt earns more than me! I work ten times harder than that bozo!"

"Jealous, much?" asked Snake.

"I'm not jealous," said CJ, "It's just…Lately I've been thinking. I feel like I'm stuck at a dead end. Maybe it's time to change jobs or something. Or, maybe even go back to school."

"There's nothing wrong with where you are now," said Poncho, "You have your own house and your own car and you got plenty of friends. You're livin' the dream, man!"

"And you did it all yourself," said Snake, "Through hard work!"

"I guess," said CJ, "It's just…Something's missing. I don't feel like I accomplished anything worthwhile during the time I've been here."

"May I suggest something?" asked Snake, "Try doing some volunteer work! It's a very fulfilling experience. Poncho and I helped clean up the museum last week!"

"You should have seen how many beer bottles were still left over from our museum bash," said Poncho.

The two high-fived.

"Volunteer work, eh?" said CJ, "Yeah, I'll see. Maybe I could clean up this town a bit or something. That would be great! Thanks, guys!"

"Where's my salad?" asked Poncho, "I'm starving!"

* * *

Sakura, who was holding an old owl clock, entered Nookington's and immediately headed for the cash.

"Ah," said Nook, "Ms. Manaki. What can I do for you today, hm?"

"Um," said Sakura, "You see, I bought this thing in Treehut last week, and I decided I don't really need it. I don't feel like going all the way there to return it. You think maybe you could buy it off of me?"

Nook put on a pair of reading glasses and grabbed the clock from her. He quickly examined the item.

"My word," said Nook, "This is quite beautiful, yes? Look at the detail and the quality of wood…I'll give you 4000 bells!"

"4000?" said Sakura, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Apologies," said Nook, "That's not enough. How about 4500, yes?"

"Fucking crap!" said Sakura, "That's more than what I paid for it!"

"Well then, it seems you've earned some profit, hm?"

"But why so much?"

"My dear, this kind of high-quality Treehut stuff is rare here. That town has an abundance of trees that produce some of the best wood in all of the Western County. Their stuff is the envy of shopkeepers everywhere!"

"But their stuff isn't that expensive."

"Treehut has plenty of trees, so they often can afford to sell their stuff cheap. But I often have to jack up the prices due to shipping and handling fees and taxes. The price I paid you is nothing compared to what I normally pay my suppliers!"

"Why don't you just go there and get the stuff yourself?"

"Ms. Manaki, I am a very busy man. I rarely get time for myself, yes? But you…You seem to have some time on your hands."

"What are you getting at, Nook?"

"How would you like to be my business partner? You get me as many valuable Treehut items as you can, and I promise to pay you handsomely. I'll even pay a percentage of your train ticket. Imagine, Treehut will no longer be that hidden gem in the Western County. Everyone in town will flock to my store for their hand-crafted goodness! You and I will be, how do you say, filthy stinkin' rich, ho, ho, ho!"

"Nook, you magnificent bastard! Treehut, here I come…Again!"

* * *

"Alright, bub," said Resetti, "So ya wanna do some volunteer work, huh? Good. You can start by pullin' out all the weeds in this acre!"

CJ looked around. Weeds occupied every square inch of the ground.

"Aw man," said CJ, "There's so many!"

"Kids these days," said Resetti, taking the cigar out of his mouth, "When I was your age, I was already workin' the mines with my brother, earnin' just 100 bells an hour. Pullin' a few weeds out of the ground should be no problem, 'specially for a guy with muscles like yours!"

"Can't I at least get a spade or a pickaxe or something?"

"You'll ruin the ground. I can't have too many holes here. Now, GET TO WORK!"

With that, Resetti burrowed into the ground and disappeared. CJ moaned and put a pair of gloves on. He began pulling the weeds out, one by one.

* * *

Later that day, Sakura headed back to Treehut to shop for some goods.

"Ms. Manaki," said Bill, "It has been a while, yes? What brings you back to our fair town?"

"Oh," said Sakura, as she shopped around, "I've been busy, but now I'm back. I just can't get enough of your stuff!"

"Ho, ho, ho!" chuckled Bill, "Well, if you like that, you should visit Clarence's shop."

"Who's that?"

"Why, he's the town carpenter. He sculpted some of the items I sell here. He's a nice old man, but a little lonely. For a small price, he can sculpt you just about anything, hm?"

"You don't say…"

* * *

"WRONG!" yelled Resetti, "That ain't how you plant flowers! What's wrong with ya?"

"I put them in the order you asked," said CJ, "Red tulip, white cosmos, pink cosmos…"

"YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?" shouted Resetti, "It's white cosmos, red tulips, then pink cosmos! Dig 'em out and START OVER!"

"Ugh," sighed CJ, "I volunteered so I can feel like I'm making a difference. So far, I've done nothing but hard labour for no pay!"

"Welcome to the real world," said Resetti, who then burrowed away.

CJ grumbled and began digging out the flowers he planted near the train station.

* * *

"Why, Sakura," said Nook, examining the wooden sculpture, "This is fabulous! You say there is a guy over there who specializes in making these, yes?"

"That's right," said Sakura, "I asked him to make me so more. I'll head there tomorrow to pick them up."

"My dear," said Nook, "Thank you so much! You have made me a happy salesman!"

"And you," said Sakura, taking her cash, "Have made me one happy chick."

* * *

That evening, ¾ of the gang went behind the post office to hang out. A very tired-looking CJ lit a cigarette and took a big puff.

"How was your day?" asked Curt.

"Exhausting," said CJ, "But I can honestly say that I made this town a better place to live!"

"Good for you," said Lindsay, "When tourists step off the train, the first thing they see will be all those pretty flowers you planted."

"Yeah," said Curt, "Great job! I don't why you're suddenly so interested in helping the community, but it's very inspiring. I wish I could do something more to help out."

"Well," said CJ, with a sense of pride, "It's certainly not for everyone. You don't get paid, but that feeling you get in your heart is totally worth it."

Suddenly, Sakura arrived, holding a wad of cash.

"Wow," said Curt, "Where'd you get all that money?"

"Sold some old junk," replied Sakura.

"That's a lot of junk," said Curt, eyeing the money, "But hey, who am I to judge?"

"I have Friday off," said CJ, "That means I can stay out late tomorrow night. How about we all do something together?"

"Yeah," said Curt, "We should totally go that French restaurant. I'm buying, of course, since I'll be getting my first paycheck, hehe…"

"Oooh," said Sakura, "Look who's high-balling now."

"I know," said Lindsay, "Soon, he'll be richer than all of us!"

CJ frowned.

* * *

The following day:

"And I sculpted that one while I was in the Peace Corps," said the old Beaver, as he pointed to various sculptures around the room, "Oh, and that one I started during the summer of '75, but didn't finish it until about 10 years later. Yessir, by that time, I had completely run out of enthusiasm."

"Uh-huh," said Sakura, bored.

Sakura sat in the shop, waiting as Clarence the Beaver finished sculpting a small frog statue.

"There ya go, missy," said the old man, as he handed Sakura the sculpture, "Always nice to have company, you know. I remember back when I was a young carpenter just starting out, I..."

"Yeah, yeah," said Sakura, "Having friends is great and all, now, you think you can carve me a cabin chair? Nook...Er, my buddy needs one."

"Anything for a sweet young lady like yourself," said the man.

"Good. I'll be back later to pick it up later. See ya, old man."

As Sakura stepped out of the old beaver's shop, she ran into Bill the Raccoon.

"Bill?" said Sakura, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the shop?"

"Ah," said Bill, "I had to run an emergency errand. I presume everything is going well, hm?"

"Oh, it's great," said Sakura.

"Yes," said Bill, "I see you were just at Clarence's."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "He's pretty good, isn't he?"

"It's the second time in two days you go there, yes? What could you be doing with all those wooden knick-knacks, hm?"

"Well, some are for my collection and, um, some are for...Friends. Yup!"

"Friends, hm? Well, good luck with your collection. I would love to talk some more, but I must be on my way. Take care, miss."

Bill eyed Sakura as she ran for the train station.

**To be Continued…**


	38. All in a Day's Work Part II

**All in a Day's Work (Part II)**

And so, for the next couple of days, Sakura made her usual trips to Treehut, buying high-quality stuff and selling it to Nook. Sakura basked in the absurd amount of profit she earned.

"Yes," said Nook, examining an end table that Sakura bought, "This is indeed a fine piece. How does 2000 bells sound, hm?"

"2000 bells?" asked Sakura, "Come on, that stupid frog statue from yesterday earned me more that!"

"I have to start lowering my prices," said Nook, "I am not making the profit I had hoped for. But you're still making money, yes?"

"Not as much if I were to sell it on my own," said Sakura, grabbing the table back, "I'll just find someone else who will give me more money!"

"We had a deal," said Nook.

"Deal, my ass!" snapped Sakura, "It's mine! I bought it and I could do whatever I want with it!"

"Wait!" pleaded Nook, "You have to be careful with what you do with outside furniture, you..."

Too late. Sakura was already out of the store.

* * *

"Stupid Nook," muttered Sakura, as she stapled a flier to the town bulletin board, "Thinks he could cheat me out of money! I'll show him!"

When Sakura was done, she looked at the flier with a sense of pride before heading to her house. Not long after, a mysterious man in a trenchcoat approached the bulletin board. The man's face was hidden by both his large hat and upright collar, though a long nose with a pink "mustache" could be seen. The man examined Sakura's ad and pulled out a cell phone.

"Bill?" said the man.

"Yes?" said Bill, over the phone.

"Your suspicions are correct."

* * *

"Ugh," said CJ, "What the hell do people throw in this thing?"

Using a pool net, CJ pulled a large clump of hair from the town fountain as part of his community service.

"Fucking teenagers," muttered CJ.

"My sentiments exactly, mortal," said a voice.

Serena the Fountain Fairy emerged from behind the fountain.

"Every day, I am treated to the sight of loathsome, immature brats throwing their rubbish into MY fountain," she said, "Have they no respect for Serena, Queen of the Fairies?"

"Look," said CJ, "I'm cleaning up this place for you. You should be thankful."

"Never will I admit to being in debt to a mere mortal! Now, would you mind coming back here and picking up my old sandwich wrappers?"

"Hold on, I gotta finish this...Ugh, seriously? Who throws old underwear into a fountain?"

CJ pulled out a pair of dirty briefs and read the label. The name "Curt T." was scribbled on it in marker.

"You don't know how lucky you have it, Serena," sighed CJ, "You live in total ignorance. You are happy with the knowledge that you're a queen, and nothing else bothers you. Me, I'm living what many would call a good life: I'm living on my own in a foreign country, with my own car and a whole bunch of friends. But that's not enough for me. I keep reminding myself that I never finished college, and I'm working in a burger shop. I make money, but still...It's a burger shop!"

"You provide nourishment to the citizens of this village," said Serena, "I have dug through your garbage numerous times. The food is quite delectable!"

"Um," said CJ, "Thanks?"

"I know what you are missing, child," said Serena, "You are lonely. You have no partner. Allow me to fill the void..."

"Are you hitting on me?"

"You are a beautiful man. Come, let us rule the Fountain Kingdom as king and queen. Together, we will punish those unruly teenagers! Mwahahaha!"

"No thanks," said CJ, "I put off dating for a while after I got cheated on. But, um, good luck finding your king!"

"Fool!" snapped Serena, "How dare you turn down the Queen of Fairies! I shall smite you...After you finish cleaning up. Chop, chop!"

CJ shook his head.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside Sakura's house:

"I can't believe you're going again," said Lindsay, "Haven't you cheated those people enough?"

"What?" said Sakura, "Hey, if anyone's being screwed over, it's me! Fucking Nook, paying only 2000 bells for an end table!"

"It's not that," said Lindsay, "Those Treehut people made those things cheap just for you because of all the business you have given them, and then you go behind their backs and sell it all!"

"Yes. It's called business, my dear."

"Yeah, but at least give them a little bit of the profit you're earning!"

"Why?"

"Like you said, it's business. I mean, look at how mad you got when Nook didn't pay you what you wanted."

"That's a whole different story, Linds. Besides, they're clueless. They don't know shit! And even if they found out, it's not a big deal. I mean, it's not like they're gonna crucify me or anything!"

"It's just…I have a bad feeling about all this."

"Don't worry, I can take care of myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. The train'll be here any minute."

"What are you buying this time?"

"Someone called me about that ad I posted. He's offering a handsome price for the end table, but promises to double it if I get the whole set."

"So you're going to get some chairs?"

"Yeah. I'd appreciate it if you could come and help me. Maybe there's something you can get. I'd hate to hog all the profits to myself."

"I told you, I'm very busy today. I don't suggest you go, though."

"Suit yourself, bizznach! Later!"

Lindsay watched as Sakura ran to the train station.

* * *

Later, at Treehut, Sakura walked around Bill's store, searching for the chairs she promised to buy.

"Looking for something particular?" asked Bill.

"Yeah," replied Sakura, "But it's okay. I think I'm gonna go to Clarence's and see if he can make me something. Thanks, though."

"Don't mention it," said Bill, in a very sinister tone.

Sakura headed for the exit, but it became immediately apparent that something was wrong. The electronic doors did not open when Sakura stepped on the mat. She stepped on and off the mat, hoping the doors would eventually open. She began trying to pry the doors open with her hands.

"Having trouble, my dear?" asked Bill, as he approached her.

"Um, yeah," said Sakura, "I think it's broken..."

"No," said Bill, "I can assure you, it's working perfectly fine, hm?"

"Then," began Sakura, "What the Hell is going on?"

"You and I need to discuss something, yes? Those items you have buying from us...Where are they?"

"At my house, where else?"

"Are you sure a certain shopkeeper isn't holding them?"

"What are you..." Sakura began.

"We know you've been selling our stuff," said Bill, "We are not stupid. Because of you, other businesses are earning money off the stuff we worked hard to make for you!"

"I, um, well..."

"We want our share, Ms. Manaki," demanded Bill, "We want it now..."

As Bill spoke, he moved closer and closer to Sakura. Sakura could almost feel his digusting raccoon breath on her skin. She began to feel very uncomfortable.

"Well?"

Sakura suddenly kneed the raccoon in the gut, causing him to reel over in pain. She then pushed him to the ground. Sakura picked up a nearby lamp and used it to break the glass door open. Sakura immediately jumped through.

"SHE'S GETTING AWAY!" yelled Bill from inside his store.

As Sakura ran through the town, several townspeople tried to jump her, but she managed to avoid them all. Even Clarence tried to attack her.

"Get back here, you rascal!" he yelled, as he waved his cane in the air, "You won't get away with this, ya hear?"

Sakura eventually bumped into mayor Shelldon.

"Shelldon?" said Sakura, out of breath, "Oh, thank God! Listen, you have to help me! The people of your town are nuts! They're trying to kill me!"

Shelldon turned around and smiled at Sakura.

"She's right here, guys!" he called out.

"Eek!" screamed Sakura, "You're one of them!"

Sakura continued running. She eventually stopped in a thick forest just outside of town and hid amongst the trees. Sakura could not believe what was happening. She had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Rover and Blanca were still out of town for Blanca's facial reconstruction surgery. She was all out of friends.

"Think, Sakura, think!" she muttered.

She pulled out her IPhone and quickly dialed the number of Tom Nook's store.

"Yes?" Nook answered the phone, "You've reached Nookington's. How may I serve you, hm?"

"Nook?" said Sakura, "Listen, you have to help me..."

"Sakura?" asked Nook, "You sound scared. What is the matter, child?"

"The people of Treehut found out what you and I were up to...Now, they're trying to kill me! I don't know what to do!"

"Um," Nook began to panic, "I don't know anone named Sakura. I think you may have gotten the wrong number."

"What?"

"If you would like to place an order, I can have it mailed to you in 4 days or less, guaranteed!"

"No, I don't want to order anything! You better call someone or I'll..."

"I'm very sorry, ma'am. I really have to get back to work. Good day!"

Nook immediately hung up the phone.

"You fucking asshole!" Sakura yelled, but it was useless.

She immediately began dialing Lindsay's number, but didn't have time to finish as several townspeople swarmed her location. Sakura began running scared.

"Found her," called out a townsperson, "She's runnin' again!"

As Sakura ran, a small mound of earth formed in front her, forcing her to stop. Mr. Binettu appeared and tried to grab Sakura's legs.

"Ha ha," laughed Binetti, "You're mine!"

Sakura broke free and kicked Binetti in the face before running off. It wasn't long before Sakura was completely surrounded and despite her efforts to fight them off, the crowd managed to subdue her. The crowd lifted and carried Sakura into the town. A large platform was set up just outside of Town Hall. In the centre of that platform was a tall post.

The crowd placed Sakura onto the large platform and Bill tied her to the post. Sakura looked down at the crowd that surrounded the platform and began to panic.

"DEATH TO THE OUTSIDER!" they cheered, "DEATH TO THE OUTSIDER!"

"Can't we be civil about this?" asked Sakura, "I promise I'll get you the money! Just please, let me go!"

"You destroyed our perfect town!" yelled Shelldon, "You will not get away with this!"

"We welcomed you with open arms," said Bill, "Provided you our services...And this is how you repay us? DEATH TO THE OUTSIDER!"

"DEATH TO THE OUTSIDER!" repeated the mob.

Sakura began to cry as the mob slowly advanced towards the platform. She did not know what was going to happen next...

Suddenly, two large vans came screeching onto the scene, nearly mowing down the angry mob. Two men jumped out of the first van, and three out of the second van. All five men wore ski masks, covering their faces. They immediately whipped out submachine guns and began firing in the air, causing the crowd to scatter.

Three of the men jumped onto the platform. Two of them pointed their submachine guns into the crowd below, while the third man pulled out a switchblade and cut the ropes that bound Sakura's hands.

"Relax," said the man, in a voice that sounded familiar, "We got you..."

The man grabbed Sakura by the arm and lead her off the stage.

"Listen up," announced the man, "If any of you Treehut freaks step foot in Hell...BOOM!"

The man then fired a couple of shots into the air to punctuate his threat. In seconds, all the men had returned to their respective vans. Sakura sat up front with the man who cut the ropes. They immediately drove off, leaving Treehut far behind them.

"Looks like we made it in time," said the driver.

"What's going on?" demanded Sakura.

The driver removed his ski mask, revealing himself to be Spud from Boondox. The men in the back of the van did the same, revealing themselves to be Zit and Zot.

"Spud?" asked Sakura, "Zit? Zot? You guys are alive!"

"Of course," replied Spud, "Those Felinez ain't nothin' but a bunch o' pushovers. We had 'em runnin' scared not long after you ladies left. Too bad you girls missed the end our little shootout!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I'm just so glad to be alive. How did you guys know where I was?"

"Buzz called us a few minutes ago," said Spud, "Your friends in Hell musta told him where you were. You should know better than to work with these Treehutters...There's a reason Buzz does business in Boondox instead of here."

"Yeah, well," began Sakura, "Now I know, huh? Thank you so much guys. It was great seeing you again!"

"Don't mention it, lady," said Spud.

Zit and Zot hissed positively in the background.

* * *

Later, in Hell, the gang gathered around the train station.

"Sakura," said Lindsay, "I can't believe you're okay! That must have been so scary!"

"Seriously," said Curt, "Who knew those Treehut guys could be so psycho?"

"Let's just be glad Sakura's alright," said CJ, "Hopefully none of us will be going there any time soon."

"Oh, Linds," said Sakura, "I'm such an idiot. I should've listened to you. Could you ever forgive me?"

"Of course, Sakura," said Lindsay, "Like CJ said, we're just glad you're alive!"

"How did you guys find out, anyways?" asked Sakura.

"Why, CJ, of course," replied Curt, "He knew where you were and assumed you were in trouble."

"Huh?" asked CJ.

"Yup," agreed Lindsay, "CJ called us up and told us he was concerned. Then we all went to see Buzz."

"But," began CJ, "It was Lindsay who got the call on her phone and then went to talk to Nook and..."

"CJ's the real hero here," interrupted Curt.

Suddenly, Sakura threw herself onto CJ and hugged him tightly.

"Oh, thank you so much," cried Sakura, "You're the best!"

CJ smiled and patted Sakura on the back. Curt and Lindsay smiled back.

"CJ's so awesome," said Curt, "He always saves the day and gets the girl!"

"You said it," agreed Lindsay.

And so, that was that. Sakura was safe and CJ was happy again. But the gang's adventures are far from over. Tune in next week for a very spooky episode...


	39. The A Files

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 20: The A-Files**

It was a clear October night. Curt and CJ walked through the town park, holding nets.

"Come on, dude," said CJ, "Let's go back. It's getting really late!"

"Not until I find an evening cicada," said Curt, "Come on, help me look. I know it's around here somewhere."

"Since when have you become so interested in completing the museum?" asked CJ, "I thought you hated that place!"

"Screw the museum," said Curt, "I'm taking this baby straight to Nook's! I heard the old man pays handsomely for cicadas!"

"Sure," said CJ, rolling his eyes, "Listen, I got work tomorrow. I'm only staying another…"

"Woah," said Curt, "Did you see that?"

CJ looked up at the sky, where Curt was looking.

"I don't see anything," said CJ.

"There," said Curt, pointing, "Look!"

In the sky, a small blinking light could be seen. It flew very quickly and in a circular pattern.

"Oh my God," said Curt, "It's a UFO!"

"What?" demanded CJ, "That's stupid! I'm sure it's something else, like an airplane or something…"

"Come on," said Curt, "Have you ever seen an airplane, or anything for that matter, fly like that? And look at the colour!"

"Dude, you're living in a fantasy world."

"I gotta take a video of this thing!"

Curt whipped out his cellphone and began filming the strange object. It continued to fly around in its strange pattern. It appeared to be getting faster.

"I can't believe it," said Curt, "We're witnessing a real-life UFO! This is great!"

It wasn't long before the object flew off and disappeared.

"There," said CJ, "It's gone. Can we go home now?"

"Hell yeah," said Curt, "I gotta post this on my Facebook account…And YouTube! I'll be known as 'Curt: UFO tracker, extraordinaire'!"

"I'm telling ya, man, it's not a UFO. You'll be the laughing stock of the internet."

"We'll see about that!"

And so, as soon as Curt arrived home, he immediately went on the internet and posted the video he took. Some parts of it were shaky and blurry, but the overall quality was decent for a cellphone video. Once the video was up, Curt went to bed, anxious to see people's reactions to his video.

* * *

A few days later:

**DarkAngelxXx: **FAKE AND GAY!

**Neo_political_dude: **Fake, just like President Lionheart's plan to increase health care spending and to lower our nation's debt! He is destroying this country with his ill-fated policies.

**Pr0mN1t3Dmpst3rB4by: **** To: Neo_political_dude:** Lionheart's helth care plan has helpd ppl get the treatment they need. under johnson, we wuldve all ben broke!1

**Neo_political_dude: To: ****Pr0mN1t3Dmpst3rB4by: **Sir, you have the spelling and grammar of a five-year old. Come back and argue when you grow up a bit.

**Kissesfromthenorth23: **Copy and paste this message into 30 other videos or you will die!

"Ugh," muttered Curt, as he scrolled through the YouTube comments, "Seriously?"

"So?" said CJ, as he entered Curt's house, "Are you famous yet?"

"How the hell does a video about a UFO turn into a political debate?" asked Curt.

"Welcome to the dark side of YouTube," joked CJ, "But seriously, I told you no one would take it seriously. There are tons of ghost and UFO sightings on the internet that you can't really tell which ones were genuine and which ones were staged."

"Well," said Curt, "I know mine was real! And I have you as proof! The world will know what we saw that night!"

"Right," said CJ, "Listen, I'm off to work. Maybe we'll hang later and try catching that bug again."

Curt sighed. He shut off his computer and headed outside. However, as he walked towards Nook's store, it became clear something was wrong.

"What the…" he began.

A series of black vans came driving in through the town gate and headed for the centre of town. As Curt watched each van go by, he wondered what was going on. He decided to check it out.

* * *

The vans stopped in the middle of the town park and parked themselves on a field of grass. It was, in fact, the same spot where Curt saw the UFO. Curt immediately ran for the park and saw other townspeople standing around, including the mayor, as well as Sakura and Lindsay.

"Hey guys," said Curt, taking a spot near the girls, "What's happening?"

"I don't know," replied Lindsay, "We were heading out to eat, when we saw all these black cars coming in. We decided to see what they were doing."

Copper and Booker quickly arrived on the scene.

"Dagnabbit," snapped Tortimer, "What's going on here? I demand an explanation as to why they are parked in the middle of the MY park!"

"Sir," said Copper, saluting, "Booker and I let them in through the town gate. They said they're N.A.U."

Murmurs could be heard through the crowd.

"N.A.U.?" asked Lindsay, "Oh, God. Did something happen?"

Suddenly, the doors of all the vans opened, and several agents stepped out.

"Alright," demanded Tortimer, "I don't care if you're N.A.U., S.O.B., or E.I.E.I.O! I'm the mayor of this town! What do you confounded nats want here?"

One of the agents approached Tortimer and held up his badge.

"We have been granted authorized clearance by the federal government," said the agent, "We have reason to believe your town is hiding something."

"What'cha?" asked Tortimer, "Hiding something? Like what? And why are you parked here of all places?"

"We are not at liberty to say," said the agent, "But we will need your town's full cooperation, lest they face the consequences."

"This better not affect the Harvest Festival!" snapped Tortimer.

Tortimer's bodyguard whispered something into his ear.

"It passed?" asked Tortimer, "Where the hell was I? What day is it?"

Curt, Sakura and Lindsay examined the wall of N.A.U. agents. To their surprise, one of the agents was a human.

"No," said Sakura, "It can't be! It's Derek Green!"

"Who?" asked Curt.

"The agent who went undercover as my Italian boyfriend when I was a model," replied Sakura, "The one who helped bust Gracie?"

"Still doesn't ring a bell," said Curt.

"You're hopeless," said Sakura, "Come on! We gotta find out what's going on!"

"Listen people," announced Derek, "We will need you all to clear the area. We need to prepare the site for observation. Understood?"

People began to scatter off. Many of them looked confused and angry.

"Derek," said Sakura, as she approached the agents.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," said Derek, holding his hand up, "This site is off limits for the time being."

"It's me, Sakura," said Sakura, "Don't you remember? The fashion show?"

"Ah, yes," said Derek, "I remember you now. You told me you lived in Hell. I see you've been doing pretty well."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "What's going on here, anyways?"

"Let's just say," began Derek, "We're here to confirm reports of a certain sighting…"

"Sighting?" asked Sakura, "Like Bigfoot? Ghosts? Come on, Derek, you have to tell us!"

"First of all, it's _Agent Green _to you. Secondly, you guys have overstayed your welcome here."

Agent Green snapped his fingers and two burly hippo agents showed up. They immediately escorted the three out of the park.

In the distance, the gang could see several agents and scientists setting up tables. Upon these tables were very expensive equipment like computers, satellite dishes, and television monitors. A large number of telescopes were set up as well.

"Grrr," said Sakura, "Those N.A.U. bastards make me so mad! They think they could do whatever they want, wherever they want! There's no way this is legal!"

"I still can't figure out what they're doing," said Lindsay, "Judging by those tents they're setting up, I'm guessing they're planning on staying for a while."

"Oh God," said Curt, "This is all my fault!"

"How?" asked Sakura, "What the hell did you do this time?"

"It's not what you think," said Curt, "The other night, I saw something in the sky that looked like a UFO and I filmed it…And Then I posted it online. I was trying to stir up trouble or anything! Aw man, what if they find out I'm the one who posted it?"

"Relax," said Lindsay, "Maybe the N.A.U. are just here to figure out what that thing was. For all they know it could have been a missile or something."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Or maybe this is just one big coincidence. We should get going. Some of the agents are staring at us and it's creeping me out."

"I hope you guys are right," said Curt.

* * *

Later that evening, Curt and CJ watched from a distance as several scientists observed the darkening sky through their telescopes. Agents guarded the park's perimeter.

"I hope you're happy, Curt," said CJ, "Someone noticed your videos."

"You didn't even believe me," said Curt, "Sakura and Lindsay think they're just here on some routine crap, but I know this has everything to do with what I saw!"

"Some of those agents came to my restaurant to eat earlier," said CJ, "It was kind of a shock since I didn't know they were in town yet…Frankly, I didn't think suits ate burgers."

"You're not listening!" snapped Curt.

"Damnit, Curt!" said CJ, "I don't know what to say. Maybe they just wanna catch a glimpse."

"Or maybe," said a voice, "They're here ta catch the UFO itself."

"Kapp'n?" said Curt, turning around, "What are you doing here?"

"I may be but a humble sailor," said Kapp'n, "But in me years on the seas, I've dealt plenty with the supernatural! Haunted islands, ghost ships…You name it! Once, me crew and I saw the legendary Ogopogo while sailin' up to B.C.!"

"The rock band?" asked CJ.

"Nay," said Kapp'n, "The beast! The Pacific is full of mystery and wonder. But the government is trying to cover it all up from us regular folks!"

"Wait," said Curt, "How do you know about the U.F.O.?"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "I saw yer video. Someone posted a link to it on the _Weird&Wonderful _forums. I, er, have an account on that site..."

"Great," said CJ, "Kapp'n's a conspiracy nut. How about that?"

"Trust me," said Kapp'n, "I've been around. I dunno if the Nats wanna experiment on the alien or if they're maybe tryin' ta work alongside it...But what I do know is that they're up ta somethin bad..."

"Don't you have a pier to run?" asked Curt.

"Don't ignore me warnings, boy," warned Kapp'n, "Yer the one who posted the video. When they can't find what they're looking for, they'll be comin' for ya!"

"Don't listen to him, Curt," assured CJ, "He's nuts. You..."

Suddenly, Curt was gone. CJ looked up and saw Curt running home.

"Shit," said Curt, as he ran towards his house, "I gotta take the videos down, pronto! My Facebook account, my YouTube channel...Everything!"

"Damnit, Kapp'n," snapped CJ, "See what you did? You got him running scared!"

"Fer good reason," said Kapp'n.

CJ sighed.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Curt tossed and turned in his bed, dreaming about all the crazy events that had been going lately. He was suddenly awakened by the sound of his telephone ringing.

"Huh?" said a sleepy Curt, "What?"

Curt fumbled around his dark room as his phone continued to ring. He finally found it and picked it up.

"Hello?" said Curt.

"Curt," said Sakura, over the phone, "It's me, Sakura!"

"It's 3 a.m.," said Curt, "What's going on?"

"I couldn't sleep," continued Sakura, "I looked outside my window and I saw some shadows lurking around our acre...I think it's the N.A.U.!"

"The N.A.U.?" asked Curt, "What are they doing here?"

"I saw them moving towards your house...Curt, I think they're coming for you!"

"Holy Mother of Fuck," thought Curt, "They're after me! What do I do?"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Curt put down the phone and looked around. With no time to get dressed, Curt simply opened his bedroom window and leapt out. He fell two storeys down and landed in a thick bush.

"Shit!" snapped Curt, as he struggled his way out of the shrub.

"There he is," pointed out an agent.

"You," shouted another agent, "Stop!"

Wearing nothing but a pair of briefs, Curt began running down the acre in a desperate attempt to evade the agents. Suddenly, another agent showed up and tackled Curt down.

"Aaaargh," screamed Curt, "Help! They've got me!"

"Easy, kid," said an agent, "You're not in trouble."

"Yeah," said another, "We just want to talk."

The two agents helped an embarrassed Curt up.

"Great," said Curt, "Can I at least put some pants on?"

**To be Continued...**


	40. The A Files Part II

**The A-Files (Part II)**

Curt found himself inside one of the N.A.U. tents. He sat at a table opposite two agents, who were both standing with their arms crossed. They eyed Curt through their dark glasses.

"Oh God," cried Curt, "You're gonna kill me, aren't you? You're gonna make me disappear and then wipe all records of me so that no one knows I ever existed! Am I right?"

"Um," replied one of the agents, "No..."

"Oh," said Curt, "Wait, you're gonna neuralize me then, right? Make me forget everything I saw this past week?"

"What?" said the other agent, "Kid, I think you've been watching too many movies or something."

Just then, Agent Derek Green entered the room.

"You can go, guys," he said, "I'll take it from here, alright?"

The two agents nodded and walked out of the tent. It was just Curt alone with Derek. Derek placed his knuckles on the table in front of Curt and leaned forward.

"Can I get you something to drink?" asked Green, "Something to eat?"

Curt shook his head. As Derek leaned in , Curt could see through his jacket. There was a holstered pistol strapped to Derek's shirt. Derek noticed Curt staring and smiled.

"Now," said Green, standing up straight, "We could do this the easy way...Or we could do this the _fun_ way. Your choice. Tell me everything you know about what you saw that night."

"I, er, uh..." began Curt, "I don't know what you're talking about. I never saw any UFO's or aliens. You got the wrong guy!"

"Who said anything about UFO's?" asked Derek.

Curt slapped his forehead.

"Your name is Curtis Townshend, right?"

"Yeah," replied Curt.

"Therefore, you're the one who posted that twenty-second long video of a big, bright blinking light in the sky on both your YouTube and Facebook accounts, correct?"

Curt nodded.

"Good," Derek continued, "I don't know about you, but I don't see any good clubs or bars in this town. What would a twenty-something like yourself be doing out in the middle of the night?"

"Um," said Curt, shaking, "I was looking for an insect. A very rare insect. I was gonna sell it for money. Wait, that's not illegal, is it?"

"Bug-catching?" asked Derek, "Riiiight. Listen, kid. We are the N.A.U. You wanna hide stuff from us, then fine, go ahead. We have ways of finding out what's really going on in that little head of yours."

"Look," said Curt, panic-stricken, "I don't know what else to tell you. I just went out to catch a bug, I saw a couple of lights in the sky, pulled out my cell phone and filmed it. That's it, I swear!"

"And it was in this spot, correct?"

"Yeah. I don't know why you guys are so hell-bent on catching a UFO."

"Let's just say, we're part of a race to make first contact. There have been reports all across the Pacific about UFO sightings. For a while, we have been scanning social media sites and blogs for sightings, hoping to catch the alien intruders at their sources. Most turned out to be hoaxes or mix-ups. But this sighting...Well, so far, we haven't found an explanation for it yet, so we're hoping it's the real deal."

"Okay," said Curt, "Listen, we understand you guys are looking to make first contact and all, but we'd really appreciate it if we can have our town back."

"Sorry," said Derek, "Not until we find what we came here for. Oh, and since you have nothing else to share with us, you're free to go."

"That's it?" asked Curt, "I can leave?"

"Yeah, we have nothing to hold against you. Hopefully, we can call you again if we need some more of your...Cooperation."

Derek then shook Curt's hand and escorted him out of the tent. Just outside the perimetre, the rest of the gang anxiously awaited their friend in their pyjamas.

"So?" asked Sakura, "Did they zap you? Waterboard you? Details, honey!"

"Sakura!" snapped Lindsay, "Curt, what did they say?"

"I'm so tired," yawned Curt, "I'll tell you in the morning..."

* * *

The next morning, the scientists, who were still in the park, were studying their equipment and examining the skies. Tortimer was speaking with Derek and a couple of agents.

"Got-dangit!" snapped Tortimer, "You're still here? When are you Nats just gonna leave us be?"

"Sorry, old man," said Derek, "But we still have some business to take care of!"

"Old man?" asked Tortimer, "Show some respect, sonny! Before you were even born, I was in Korea, aiding the war effort! I've shot more people than you could ever dream!"

"Oh," said Derek, "You're a vet? I bet you want a medal."

"I already have three," snapped Tortimer, "Listen here, young man: I want some answers and I want 'em now!"

"Sorry, sir," said Derek, "This may be your town, but we have full jurisdiction here, now. We will let you know when we are done. For now, we still need your cooperation..."

* * *

From afar, the gang watched as Tortimer continued to argue with the N.A.U., to no avail.

"Great," said Curt, "They're still here. They must still be convinced that there's a UFO here!"

"We seriously need to find a way to get rid of these guys," said Sakura.

"How?" asked CJ, "It's not like we can just ask nicely. These guys can have us arrested just for breathing on them!"

"We should do a revolt," suggested Sakura, "I say we just kick their asses, the old fashioned way."

"I appreciate the enthusiasm," said Curt, "But there's no way we would ever win."

Suddenly, Tortimer and his bodyguards walked by. Tortimer looked grumpier than ever.

"Mr. Mayor!" said Curt, as he ran up to Tortimer.

Tortimer's bodyguards stepped in between Curt and Tortimer, however Tortimer simply pushed past them.

"What do ya want, sonny?" asked Tortimer, "You ain't another one of those pesky Nats, are you?"

"No sir," assured Curt, "I just wanna know what they told you. Are they planning on leaving?"

"Leaving?" asked Tortimer, "Hrmph! Not only are they stayin', but they decided to block off all outgoing traffic!"

"What?" demanded CJ.

"You heard me," said Tortimer, "Trapped like animals we are!"

Tortimer's bodyguard suddenly whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Tortimer, "You know what I mean! To think, I'm a mayor and I can't even run my own dang town! How dare they..."

Tortimer and the bodyguards walked off, with Tortimer continuing his rant.

"I can't believe we're stuck in our own town," said Linsdsay, "This is horrible!"

"Can they even do this?" asked Sakura, "Is it legal?"

"I think it's time we spoke to Kapp'n," suggested Curt.

"Why him?" asked CJ.

"I know you think he's a crackpot," began Curt, "But he was right about last night! He might know something else!"

"Alright," said CJ, "Let's go see what Kapp'n has to say about all this..."

* * *

Later at Hell's docs:

"Aaaaargh," began Kapp'n, "I was supposed ta be drivin' me bus today, but with the quarantine in place, I had nothing to do but to come here today! They be destroying me business!"

"But why would they do that?" asked CJ.

"I dunno," replied Kapp'n, "I suppose they think one of us is hiding a secret or somethin'...Or maybe they think the alien's hidin' among us and they don't want it leavin'!"

"You can't be serious," said CJ, "By now the N.A.U. have to realize that Curt's UFO sighting wasn't real! It hasn't even reappeared since Curt saw it!"

"Wait a sec," said Curt, "That's it!"

"What?"

"The N.A.U. won't leave until they get their sighting...Well, I say we give it to them!"

"How?" asked Sakura.

"We make our own UFO sighting! A genuine hoax!"

"Why," began Kapp'n, "That'd be an oxymoron if I ever heard one!"

"When the Nats see that the UFO was fake all along, they'll become frustrated and leave!"

"Good plan," began CJ, "Except how the hell do we stage a sighting?"

"Um," said a voice, "Guys...I think I have something you might wanna see."

The gang turned around and saw Gulliver standing on the docs, holding a broom in hand.

"Gulliver?" asked Kapp'n, "Did ye finish sweepin' the docs like I asked ye?"

"Yessir," sighed Gulliver, "Come, guys! Follow me!"

Gulliver lead the gang to a small shed at the east end of the docs. Gulliver removed the lock and opened the large, wooden door. In the middle of the room sat a large round metallic object.

"Is that..." began CJ.

"It's a little something I won in an auction last week," began Gulliver, "I had no room in my house to store it, so I kept here the whole time."

"It's some kind of spaceship," said Curt, as he observed the object, "Does it fly?"

"Apparently," replied Gulliver, "Well, it hovers really. I've never flown it before though."

"This is just what we need to convince those Nats that there really isn't a UFO in Hell," said Curt, "All we have to do is have someone fly it around town, draw their attention to it, and then slowly reveal that it's a fake. They'll put two and two together, and then realize they've been wasting their time!"

"Do you really think this will work?" asked Lindsay.

"There's only one way to find out," said Curt, "Gulliver, would you do the honours and pilot this ship tonight?"

"Me?" asked Gulliver, "I told you I've never flown it before! I'm not fully sure how it works. Plus, I'm scared of heights!"

"Yes," said Kapp'n, "But ya know more about the contraption than anyone else here! If anyone's qualified ta fly it, it's you!"

Gulliver gulped.

"And we should totally dress him like an astronaut, too," added Sakura.

"Totally," said Curt, "It'll be more realistic...But not too realistic, 'cause we're trying to convince the Nats to go away."

"Oy," sighed Gulliver.

* * *

And so, the gang and Kapp'n worked together to get Gulliver into his fake astronaut uniform. Sakura glued a small antaenna to the top of a fishbowl before placing it on Gulliver's head. At the same time, the gang also cleaned and prepared Gulliver's UFO.

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "He's ready, at last!"

"We just have to wait for tonight," said Curt.

"Guys," said Gulliver, "I'm not so sure about this anymore..."

"Relax," assured Curt, "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Can you at least cut a hole for my beak?" asked Gulliver, "I can barely breathe..."

"Right after we rehearse our lines," said Curt, "I want this to be authentic! Let's go!"

* * *

That night, the N.A.U. and the scientists got their equipment ready as usual and began examining the skies once more. Suddenly, Curt ran over the hill into the center of the park.

"You there," said an agent, "Stop! This area's off-limits!"

"I saw it," announced Curt, "I saw the UFO again!"

"What's going on?" demanded Derek.

"The UFO came back," continued Curt, "I saw it just over that hill! I think it's heading towards the town!"

"What?" said Derek, "Men, let's go! You, take us to where you saw it, now!"

Curt nodded and lead the agents up to the hill. There, Gulliver's UFO was hovering several feet off the ground. In the tiny cockpit, Gulliver struggled to operate the confusing machine. In one hand, he fumbled with a few knobs and buttons, and in the other, he held up the owner's manual and read from it.

"Wow!" said Gulliver, "I think I'm getting the hang of this!"

"Holy shit," said Curt, faking panic, "It's getting closer! I think it's gonna land!"

The UFO continued to hover around in circles.

"I said," began Curt, "I THINK IT'S GONNA LAND!"

"Oh dear," said Gulliver, "I don't think I know how to land. Maybe I should try pushing this..."

Gulliver pushed a small lever near his lap, which caused the UFO to lose control and fly erratically and nearly hit Curt and the N.A.U. agents. It continued to fly back up the hill where the camp was.

"Shoot it down," ordered Derek.

"NO!" pleaded Curt, "You might kill Gull...Um, the alien! Let's just follow it and see what it does next."

Gulliver continued struggling to regain control of the ship, but his efforts were fruitless. Eventually, the UFO flew up high and did a nosedive towards the N.A.U. camp. Several scientists in the area were forced to dive out of the way as the ship came crashing down into one of tents, completely destroying it, as well as a nearby table full of equipment.

A dizzy, but otherwise unhurt, Gulliver climbed out of the wreckage and fumbled around.

"Ugh," said Gulliver, "That's the last time I buy stuff at an auction."

Suddenly, several agents showed up and pointed handguns at him.

"Freeze!" ordered one of the agents.

"EEEK!" screamed Gulliver, as he held up both his wings, "Don't shoot, please! I'm not an alien, look!"

Gulliver removed his fishbowl helmet and threw it to the ground. The agents lowered their weapons.

"What the..." began Derek, "That's not an alien! It's just some seagull in a fancy suit!"

"Well," said Curt, "Would you look at that? I guess the UFO wasn't real after all!"

CJ, Sakura, Lindsay and Kapp'n suddenly showed up as well.

"We heard a crash," said CJ, "What happened here?"

"Everything's okay," replied Curt, "It turns out the UFO I saw was just our buddy Gulliver testing out his fake spaceship. Right, Gulliver?"

"Yeah," said a still-dizzy Gulliver, "Everything's cool..."

"No, it's not," said Derek, "You guys have a lot of explaining to do. More importantly, your idiot friend destroyed some very valuable equipment! Someone's gonna have to pay for that!"

"It was an accident," whined Gulliver, "Please don't arrest me!"

"I want everyone in my tent now," ordered Derek, "We're gonna..."

Derek was interrupted by a loud sound. When the gang looked up, they saw a large helicopter flying above them. The machine descended slowly onto the area and parked itself not too far from Derek. As soon as the door opened, two men in black suits emerged and stood on either side of the door. A few seconds later, a third man emerged. He was tall, middle-aged Lion wearing a green suit, a white shirt and a black tie. He had a golden mane that was neatly combed back and a pair of spectacles on his eyes.

The Lion carefully surveyed the area. All of the agents present immediately saluted him.

"Who the hell is this guy?" whispered Curt.

"Um," began CJ, "That's Leo Lionheart, the _president _of Animalia! What's he doing here?"

"Sir," began Derek, "My men and I were..."

"Not another word, Agent Green," said Lionheart, "I was under the impression that you were on a routine intruder watch."

"Yessir," replied Derek, "We had reason to believe that..."

"Aliens were trying to invade our country?" interrupted Lionheart, "Last time I checked, sir, there were more important matters at hand..."

"We had reason to believe there was a genuine alien sighting right over this town," continued Derek, "We were only looking out for the safety and best interests of these people!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Sakura, "By trapping us in here like fish in an aquarium?"

"By interrogating and harassing us citizens?" asked Curt.

"By eating at our restaurants and undertipping?" asked CJ.

Everyone just stared at CJ.

"What?" he said, "Those two guys who came to eat at Greas-E Burger were lousy tippers!"

"I've heard enough," said Lionheart, "As of right now, I'm putting a stop to your little science project! You and your men will leave Hell immediately!"

"But sir," begged Derek, "What about our damaged equipment? Who will pay for that?"

"Not my problem," replied Lionheart, "And its certainly not theirs! Now, start getting ready to go!"

"Yessir," sighed Derek.

As the agents and scientists packed up their stuff, Lionheart approached the gang.

"I'm terribly sorry," said Lionheart, "Though the N.A.U. work for the federal government, I can assure you my staff and I had nothing to do with all this."

"Apology accepted, your highness," said Curt as he got on one knee and bowed.

"Dude," said CJ, "He's a president, not a king! Get up!"

"Sorry..."

"Ho, ho," chuckled Lionheart, "It's quite alright. Here, take this."

President Lionheart handed the gang a bunch of campaign buttons.

"Be sure to vote Liberal in next year's elections," he said, "Take care!"

And with that, Leo Lionheart and his bodyguard stepped back onto the helicopter, which took off into the night. A short while later, every last N.A.U. agent and government scientist was gone for good. The gang had their town back.

"Whew," said CJ, "Glad that's over."

"Man," said Sakura, "Was I fed up of those guys or what! I guess they learned the hard way that they can't just do whatever they want!"

"You said it," agreed Lindsay.

"Can I take my suit off now?" asked Gulliver, "It kinda itches..."

"Come on Gulluver," said Kapp'n, "Ye should get some sleep! We have a busy day tomorrow at the docs! See ya around lads! Until the next sighting!"

With that, Gulliver and Kapp'n left the scene.

"I'm exhausted too," yawned CJ, "I could some sleep."

"There's just one thing that's bugging me, though," said Curt.

"What?" asked Sakura.

"We never really found out what that blinking light I saw was," replied Curt, "Was it really an alien spaceship? Or something else?"

"Bah," said CJ, "It was probably nothing important. I think you and those Nats just overreacted."

"Yeah," said Curt, "You're right. It was probably nothing...I hope."

That's the end of that...Or is it? Tune in next week for more _Animal Crossing _goodness!


	41. Noobtials

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 21: Noobtials **

"Hiiii!" screeched the overly-enthusiastic large-breated female squirrel, "Cindy Butternut here and welcome to another edition of _Talk Entertainment_! Yaaaay!"

A large television screen next to Cindy displayed photos that corresponded to what she was talking about.

"It looks like Sherles Hopenstein is in trouble with the law again," began Cindy, "We'll find out who the actor struck this time after my one-on-one interview with dance enthusiast Pavé about his upcoming dance-off reality series! But first...It's good news from fashion icon, Gracie! She came out earlier this week and revealed that will be getting married to long-time billionaire boyfriend, Charles J. Wentletrap III. The two have kept their relationship out of the public eye for a very long time and despite the 58-year age gap between the two, they say they are madly in love with each other."

The show then cut to an interview with Gracie.

"Charlie and I are indeed getting married," confirmed Gracie, "It will be the most extravagant, most expensive wedding the world has ever seen! Anyone who is anyone will be there!"

The show cut back to Cindy.

"Gracie's wedding celebration is set to take place later this week at her luxury resort home in Paw Beach," she said, "We'll have more on this cool story after the break! Yaaay!"

* * *

At the top floor of GracieCorp headquarters in downtown Mallsville, Gracie sat at her desk with a martini glass in hand while her assistant, a crocodile, checked off a bunch of names on a cliboard.

"Let's see," began the assistant, "P. Bourdeau"

"Invite," said Gracie, sounding bored.

"H. Ross," continued the assistant.

"Yup," said Gracie, taking a sip of her martini.

"S. Manaki..."

Gracie said nothing. Instead, she stared at the assistant with incredibly intense eyes. She gripped her martini glass so tightly that it shattered in her hoof.

"Um," said the assistant, "So, I guess that's a 'No' then..."

"How did that name get on my list?" demanded Gracie.

"I...I," began the assistant, shaking with fear, "I, um, took it off a list of your former employees. I thought..."

"If I see that bitch anywhere near my house during my wedding," began Gracie, "I will have your head on a platter, _comprende_?"

The assistant cowered behind his clipboard and nodded. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"I'm making invitations," said Gracie, "What do you want?"

"It's about your dress," called a voice through the door.

"Come in," said Gracie, "You're excused for now."

The assistant ran out of the room as Eduardo Gorillez and Stinky Coco entered.

"Hey girlfriend," said Stinky Coco, "Just wanted to congratulate you again on this beautiful occasion. Oh, I can't wait for the wedding! I always cry at those things, you know. I keep telling myself I won't cry at this one, but I know I will..."

"To think," added Eduardo, "That poor man is nearly a century old and still alone. Thank goodness such a beautiful, kind and loving woman such as yourself fell into his lap!"

"Believe me," said Gracie, "If I actually were to fall into his lap, his pelvis would crack."

"Ahem, right," said Eduardo, "Anyways, the tailor said your dress is ready. When are you free to try it on?"

"As soon as possible," replied Gracie, "I can't wait to get this shit over with."

"Me neither," said Stinky, "Oh, you will look so pretty with that dress on! Of course, you always look pretty, but..."

"Right," said Gracie, "While I try that dress on, I want you two to go to check up on Charles Wentlewhatever, and make sure he survives until the day of the wedding."

"Relax honey," said Stinky, "94 is the new 75. He's in as good a shape as ever."

"I know," said Gracie, "It's just, I can't take a chance when all that money is involved."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, one of Gracie's workers listened in on the conversation. She sighed and shook her head.

* * *

The following day, in Hell, Lindsay and Sakura were at Nook's doing some shopping.

"Oh," said Lindsay, "I need to show you that website when we get home."

"The one that lets you buy books for cheap?" asked Sakura, "Sounds cool."

"It is," said Lindsay, "By the way, can we stop by the electronics department for a sec? I need to buy batteries."

As the girls headed for the electronics department, they walked by a series of display TV's. They immediately stopped to take a look:

* * *

"Welcome back," said Cindy, "Earlier, our cameras caught our favourite fashionista as she and her fiancé landed in Paw Beach in Gracie's private jet. Isn't that exciting?"

The show then cut Gracie and an elderly tortoise stepping out of the jet at the Paw Beach airport. A swarm of paparazzi surrounded the jet and began taking photos of the couple. Gracie waved to the crowd. Charles, on the other hand, who was very old and frail and severely hunchbacked, could barely lift his arm up. Gracied then pulled Charles towards her and kissed him on the lips, inciting cheers from the crowd.

* * *

"Ugh," said Sakura, disgusted, "You can't be serious! Not only is that bitch back in the spotlight, but now she's getting married? What. The. Fuck?"

"Look how old he is," said Lindsay, "I can't believe someone like Gracie would even date a man that old."

"Duh!" said Sakura, "That guy's supposed to be some kind of oil magnate. Don't you remember when Nook was dating that cat bitch and all she cared about was Nook's money? It's happening all over again!"

"Why would she need more money?" asked Lindsay.

"I don't know," said Sakura, "Maybe it has something to do with all those times we screwed her over."

"Oh well," said Lindsay, "I guess it's not up to us to questions who she marries, huh?"

"That's right," said Sakura, "I've had enough of that monster. Come on, let's keep shopping."

* * *

Later, Sakura was sitting at home, watching television when her doorbell rang. Sakura grumbled and stood up. When she opened the door, she saw a middle-aged female tortoise with curly, red hair standing at the front entrance.

"Yes?" said Sakura.

"Is your name Sakura Manaki?" asked the lady.

"Yeah," replied Sakura, "Who are you?"

"My name is Sherry Kessington," began the lady, "I came all the way here from Mallsville. Can I talk to you about something for a minute?"

"I guess," said Sakura, "Come inside."

The woman followed Sakura into the house and took a seat on the couch.

"Anything to drink?" asked Sakura.

The lady shook her head.

"Suit yourself," said Sakura, "So, what's this all about?"

"Do you know about the wedding between Gracie and Charles Wentletrap III?"

"What? You came all the way down here to talk about that? Listen, there is no person I hate more on this planet than Gracie, and quite frankly, who gives a shit about who she marries?"

"Well, I do. You see, Charles is my father."

"Huh? I don't know much about the geezer, but I heard he was never married."

"No, but he was quite a womanizer, even into his fifties. He was often careful, but there were some occasional, er, slips. He may have other offspring, but so far, I'm the only one whose absoloutely convinced."

"Have you come forward yet?"

"That's the thing. I only found out recently from my mother. And seeing as I work for Gracie, I'm scared of what she might do if I revealed to her the truth. You see, Gracie is only marrying Charles for his money..."

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that out," interrupted Sakura.

"Right," continued Sherry?, "But when Charles dies, she will not only inherit his money, but also his entire company! She will merge it with her own enterprise and become the most powerful woman in the country! As his daughter, that money is rightfully mine. I know it sounds selfish, but..."

"Don't sweat," said Sakura, "It's better it falls into her hands than yours. I get it. What you need to do is come out publicly. Forget telling Gracie the truth. You gotta tell the world first and get them on your side!"

"I see," said Sherry, "Listen, I'm very nervous. I've never been in the public eye before. This is why I tracked you down. I need help."

"Um," began Sakura, "I don't know who you think I am, but I'm not some caped crusader, or some champion of justice...The other times I stopped Gracie, it was just chance."

"Please?" pleaded Sherry, "I promise I'll do everything. I just need someone to back me up."

Sakura thought for a moment. This woman said she worked for Gracie, yet she was different; she wasn't at all like the people Sakura worked with when she was a model. Plus, Sakura did feel a little bad for her.

"Fine," said Sakura, "But you owe me big for this!"

"Yes, yes," said Sherry, "Don't worry, I know. Now, we have to get to Paw Beach. Our ride is waiting."

"Hold on," said Sakura, "We'll need some more help. Let me call up my friend."

Sakura ran to her lovely phone and dialed Lindsay's number.

"Hey, Sakura," said Lindsay, cheerfully, "Did you check out the website yet?"

"Not now, bizznatch," interrupted Sakura, "I'm off on another crusade to once again stop the evil-doer, Gracie. Wanna come?"

"I don't know," said Lindsay, "I'm gonna be awfully busy this week with work and all..."

"Did I mention we're going to Paw Beach...For free?"

"Are you serious? A free trip to one of the most beautiful vacation spots in the country? This is just what I need to escape this ugly November weather! Count me in!"

Later, Lindsay came over, holding several bags of clothes.

"Linds," began Sakura, "Do you think you have enough stuff there?"

"You never know, Sakura," replied Lindsay, "This is gonna be so great! I've wanted to go to Paw Beach since I first moved to Animalia!"

"Right," said Sakura, "By the way, this is Sherry. Sherry, this is Lindsay. Now, how are we heading there?"

"By limo, of course," replied Sherry.

Both girls stared at Sherry in shock.

"There are perks to working with one of the top fashion designers in the world," said Sherry, winking.

"Alright," said Sakura, excitedly, "Let's go ruin a marriage!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Gracie's house, Eduardo and Stinky were putting up decorations around the house, while contractors set up a huge altar in the backyard.

"Phew," said Gracie as she entered the front door, "What a day!"

"Oh, look at you!" said Stinky, "It's like you came straight from the Bahamas, tee-hee! I presume our tanning session went well?"

"Meh," replied Gracie, "Took longer than it was supposed to. Those faulty tanning beds couldn't even roast a damn marshmallow. And when I complained to that mongrel behind the front desk, she told me I would have to wait...Like some commoner! Ugh! Don't they know who I am?"

"Would you like me to file a complaint with the tanning salon?" asked Eduardo.

"Not right now," said Gracie, "It's been tiring day, having to avoid paparazzi everywhere I went. Now, where's my little Charlie-Poo?"

Gracie found Charles sitting on the couch mindlessly staring at a blank television screen. Gracie hugged Charles so tightly that she practically suffocated him.

"Oh, Charlie," said Gracie, "Only three days from now, you and I will be married! And then your money...I mean, your love, will be mine! Yaaaay!"

Gracie let go of Charles, and the old man immediately clutched his chest and took some deep breaths.

"Can somebody please feed him?" asked Gracie, "I think he's hungry or something. I have to go take a shower. Ta-ta!"

As Gracie left the room, Eduardo and Stinky stared at each other.

"I'm sorry," began Stinky, "But I can't be the only one in this whole company who thinks this marriage is a little odd."

"No," said Eduardo, "I agree with you, this wedding is a little odd. Did you see the guestlist? Gracie picked Cousteau to be in charge of her wedding photos. I always thought she had better taste than that..."

* * *

Several hours later, Sakura, Lindsay and Sherry finally arrived in Paw Beach. Paw Beach was a small, but beautiful beach town located in the southwestern region of Animalia. Even in November, the weather remained fairly warm and the streets were filled with people. Main street was filled with shops, restaurants and other attractions. The beach was located at the south end of town.

"Oh, I already love this place," sighed Linsay, as she stepped out of the limo, "There's this one restaurant I read about where they apparently serve the best seafood in the country!"

"Easy now," said Sakura, "We have to focus."

"Where do we start?" ask Sherry.

"We need to make contact with one of the paparazzi," began Sakura, "Whereever Gracie is, they won't be far behind. This is how we'll get the message out."

"Good," said Sherry, "Let's get going."

The trio headed into town and began to look for some reporters. Lindsay, who was taking in the sights, was left behind.

"After we'll get to go shopping, right?" asked Lindsay, "Right? Uh-oh..."

Lindsay ran after the two women.

* * *

Back at Gracie's mansion, Eduardo sat on a large armchair, flicking through channels.

"Ho, ho," he chuckled, "The wedding is in just three days, and it's all everyone is talking about. Hell, even the weather channel can't stop talking about Gracie!"

However, as Eduardo continued to channel surf, something caught his attention.

"What the..." he began.

* * *

"Earlier today," said the anchor, "Sherry Kessington, an employee of GracieCorp, came forward today with allegations that Gracie's fiancé, Charles Wentletrap III, is her long-lost father. Our reporters were at the scene."

The show cut to a conference of some kind. Sherry stood behind a large podium as several paparazzi snapped photos of her and listened in.

"All my life," began Sherry, "I have longed to meet my real father. The man that Gracie is about to marry is the same man that I have been looking for for nearly twenty-five years. I truly believe that Mr. Wentletrap is my father."

The paparazzi began hounding her with questions.

"Where is the proof?"

"How sure are you that he is your father?"

"Are you doing this for his money?"

"Is it true you were in a sex tape with...Oh, wait, wrong person!"

"I'm sorry," said Sherry, "I do not have time for questions. My only request is to speak to Gracie and the man I believe is my father. Thank you."

* * *

"Oh dear," said Eduardo, "I must inform Gracie of this!"

Eduardo quickly ran to the bathroom, where Gracie was violently vomitting into the toilet.

"Miss Gracie," called Eduardo, "Miss Gracie, there...Oh, are you okay?"

"Yes, yes," said Gracie, as she stood up and wiped her mouth, "I ate what I thought what a protein bar following my afternoon workout. It turned out to be a chocolate bar that my idiot assistant left behind. I cannot have this many calories so close to the day of my wedding. My dress barely fits me as it is!"

"Perhaps you should have picked up a bigger size," suggested Eduardo.

Gracie said nothing. She simply stared at Eduardo with an almost psychotic look in her eyes. She grabbed Eduardo by the collar.

"There is no such thing as a bigger size," spat Gracie, "Understand?"

Eduardo nodded nervously.

"Now," continued Gracie, "What do you want from me?"

"There's something on television you need to see..."

* * *

The three girls were staying at a rather fancy hotel room just outside the beach. It was now evening and Lindsay and Sakura were discussing after a long day of being in the spotlight.

"What a view," said Lindsay, "This place looks so much prettier during sunset."

"Soak it in, honey" said Sakura, "We did what we had to do. Tomorrow, once Sherry gets her little meeting with Gracie and _Mr. Scrooge_ our little vacation will officially begin!"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Sakura approached the door and opened it.

"Gracie?" asked Sakura.

"YOU!" said Gracie.

Gracie had to practically restrain herself from wrapping both her hooves around her arch-nemesis' neck.

"What are you doing here?" demanded Sakura.

"Ahem," said Gracie, regaining her composure, "Nice to see you again, Ms. Manaki. I'm here to talk to your lady friend. Where is she?"

"Bathroom," replied Sakura, "I don't know what you and your cronies want here, but just know that whatever you try to do to cover this whole thing up, this story will get out one way or another! You won't get even half of the geezer's money once he meets his daughter!"

"Oh, Sakura," giggled Gracie, "Now why would you think I'm after that man's money? Charlie and I are in love."

Just then, Sherry emerged from the bathroom. When she saw Gracie at the doorway, she stopped and stared in shock.

"Ah, Ms. Kessington," began Gracie, "My favourite employee."

"Listen Gracie," began Sherry, "I..."

"Say no more," said Gracie, "I saw your little speech on T.V. and thought I'd track you down and pay you a visit. You see, my poor little Charliekins is very old and very frail. His weak heart probably cannot handle the sudden shock that comes with discovering he has a daughter. So, how about I make you an offer?"

"What is it?" asked Sherry.

"You leave town and keep quiet," began Gracie, "And I will pretend none of this ever happened. How does that sound?"

With that, Gracie handed Sherry a cheque.

"20 million bells?" said Sherry, "I...I'm speechless!"

"Sorry, Gracie," said Sakura, "But we're not so easily tempted by your stupid offer. We came here to find this woman's father and..."

"I'm sorry, Sakura," said Sherry, "I'm in such huge debt and I...I really do need this money!"

"Are you serious?" demanded Sakura, "We came all the way down here to find your father, and now you're gonna sell him out for 20 million bells?"

"I'm so sorry," pleaded Sherry, "Please understand!"

"Oh, don't worry about Sakura," laughed Gracie, "She'll be fine. What do you say you and I head to town for an esspresso? I know a great place!"

And so Gracie lead Sherry outside into the hallway. Sherry held her head low, clearly ashamed of what she had done.

"Sherry," began Sakura.

"Nuh-uh," said Gracie, holding out her hand, "You're not invited! Ta-ta!"

"THANKS FOR WASTING OUR FUCKING TIME, BITCH!" yelled Sakura before slamming the door shut.

"Now what?" asked Lindsay.

"I'm gonna take a bus back home if I have to," said Sakura, "I'm not getting back inside the limo with that two-timing sell-out!"

"Oh well," said Lindsay, "Wanna head out for some sightseeing? Maybe it will calm you down a little bit."

"Sure," replied Sakura, "Just let me freshen up."

Sakura entered the bathroom and turned on the sink. As she looked down, she noticed something sitting next to the sink. It was a hairbrush. Sakura picked it up and examined it for a few seconds. The brush was filled with strands of Sherry's red hair.

"Hmmm," thought Sakura, "It's a longshot, but it just might work..."

**To be Continued...**


	42. Noobtials Part II

**Noobtials (Part II)**

In his office in Mallsville, the psychiatrist Dr. Shrunk sat at his desk leaning back in his chair. In his left hand, he held a cardboard box filled with chop suey. In his right hand, he held a pair of chopsticks. A telephone was wedged in between his shoulder and ear.

"So," began Shrunk, "Let me get this straight. You want me to come all the way down to Paw Beach to record a special episode of my talk show, in which I invite Gracie and her soon-to-be husband and then do a DNA test to prove that the old fart is really the father of that Sherry chick from the news?"

"Yup," replied Sakura, who was speaking on the phone in her hotel room, "I'm a huge fan of your show, and I think you're our only hope for getting the truth out."

"Cool," said Shrunk, "What's in it for me?"

"Think of the ratings you'll get," said Sakura, "A power couple like Gracie and Wentletrap? People are gonna tune in for sure, regardless of whether Sherry turns out to be related to the old man at all! And, if everything turns out badly, you don't have pay me anything."

"Sounds tempting indeed," said Shrunk, "But how are you gonna convince Gracie to come on my show? How are you gonna get the DNA from Charles Whats-His-Face and his alleged daughter?"

"Just leave all that to me," replied Sakura, "Just come down here as quickly as you can and set up and I promise everyone will be there!"

"Oooh," said Shrunk, "A celebrity ambush! The last time I did one of those, we got K.K. Slider on the show and forced him back into rehab...And you know what? Our ratings skyrocketed after that airing! Alright, I'm in. I'll be there as quickly as I can!"

"Thank you so much," said Sakura, "You won't regret it!"

Sakura hung up the phone.

"Yes," said Sakura, "Now, I just got invitations to make..."

"Sakura," began Lindsay, "I don't understand why we're still going through with this whole business."

"Even though I'm still pissed at Sherry," explained Sakura, "I still feel like she should see her father, which is the whole reason we came down here in the first place. I will not have my time wasted!"

"Yeah, but..."

"Besides, Sherry's right! If the old man dies, Gracie will inherit his company! You think our planet is fucked up now? Wait until you see what happens when you put a woman like Gracie in charge of one of the biggest oil industries in the country!"

"Alright. I'll go along only because I agree that Gracie doesn't deserve all that money."

"Sweet. Let's go. I have people to talk to!"

* * *

"And we are back," announced Dr. Shrunk, who was sitting on a couch in the Paw Beach studio, "Before the break, we were talking to these two lovely ladies about the whole Wentletrap-daughter scandal. Tell me, what are your thoughts?"

"Well," began Sakura, "I'm absolutely certain that Gracie is after Wentletrap's money. I mean, why would a fashion designer like her date a sickly old dude when she could pretty much have any guy she wants?"

"That's why Ms. Kessington objects to the wedding," added Lindsay, "If we can prove she really is his daughter, then he will surely listen to her instead of Gracie!"

"Good point," said Dr. Shrunk, "And speaking of Gracie, we have her and her fiancé backstage, waiting."

The television screen behind Shrunk showed Gracie and Charles Wentletrap standing backstage, holding hands. Gracie appeared anxious, while Wentletrap appeared to be falling asleep.

"Aaaaw," said the audience.

"Now," continued Shrunk, "Neither of them know the real reason they are here, so we can expect them to be quite shocked when they step out. Before we begin, how exactly did you manage to find the DNA necessary for us to conduct the test?"

"The hair sample came from Sherry's brush," explained Sakura, "While the old dentures came from the dumpster near Gracie's estate."

"She paid a paparazzo who was camping out nearby to dig it up," said Lindsay.

"What'd you expect?" said Sakura, "There's no way I'd ever touch that shit!"

"Excellent," said Shrunk, "How about we bring out the lovely couple? Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gracie and her fiancé, Charles J. Wentletrap III!"

The audience cheered as Gracie and Charles stepped onto the stage and made their way to the centre. Gracie waved to the audience and blew kisses. Dr. Shrunk stood up and shook both their hands. Gracie and Charles sat on the couch next to Sakura and Lindsay. Gracie's smile immediately disappeared when she saw the two girls.

"Welcome to my show," said Dr. Shrunk.

"Um," began Gracie, "What is _she _doing here?"

"Just finishing the job I came to Paw Beach to do," replied Sakura, "We all know why you really wanna marry Charles!"

"What?" demanded Gracie, "Bitch, you've really lost your mind! It wasn't enough you humiliated me twice already? Now, you have to do it a third time...On live TV! Now, where's the statue of me I was told they were unveiling?"

"That was a ruse to get you on the show," replied Sakura.

"That does it," snapped Gracie, "Charles, we're leaving!"

Gracie stood up and prepared to leave.

"WAIT!" called Shrunk, "Don't you wanna hear the results of the paternity test?"

"The what?" asked Gracie.

"Before we proceed," began Shrunk, "How about we call Ms. Sherry Kessington onto the stage?"

The audience erupted into cheer as Sherry stepped onto the stage. She appeared confused as she looked around the room.

"Sakura?" she asked, "What's going on? Why did you ask me to come here?"

"YOU!" snapped Gracie, "We had a deal! 20 million bells to keep your big mouth shut!"

"It's not me," said Sherry, "Sakura did this behind my back!"

"Enough," said Shrunk, "It's time to read the results..."

Shrunk's assistant handed the doctor a large brown enveloppe. Shrunk opened it and examined the document inside.

"In the case of Sherry Kessington," began Shrunk, "Charles J. Wentletrap III, you ARE the father!"

The audience exploded with cheer and applause.

"NO!" yelled Gracie, "No, no, no! This is all your fault, you whore!"

"Sorry, Gracie," said Sakura, "Once again, you fail!"

"I'm gonna kill you," threatened Gracie.

"Bring it on, cunt!" taunted Sakura.

Gracie charged for Sakura and tackled her to the floor. The two began wrestling each other.

"SHRUNK! SHRUNK! SHRUNK!" cheered the audience, "SHRUNK! SHRUNK! SHRUNK!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Roost in Hell, CJ, Curt, Poncho, Snake and Alfonso sat together at a table, watching the television that hung from the side wall of the café.

"Hey," said Alfonso, "Is that Sakura? What's she doing on TV?"

"Hey, it is her," said Curt, "I wonder where she's been for the past three days?"

"I think she called and told me something about going to Paw Beach," replied CJ.

"Oh yeah," said Curt, "I think she called me too…I must've tuned out during the convo."

"Does anyone else find this arousing?" asked Snake, as he watched the television.

"Hell yeah!" agreed Poncho.

* * *

Two large gorilla bodyguards wearing black t-shirts stepped onto the stage and separated Gracie and Sakura.

"You never learn, do you?" asked Gracie, "Stay the hell out of my life!"

"Bitch," said Sakura, "You don't deserve to marry this man!"

"May I have a word?" said a hoarse and strained voice.

Everyone turned silent and focused their attention to where the voice was coming from. With all his effort, Charles stood up from the couch and cleared his throat.

"I am very much in love with Ms. Gracie," he said, "Despite all the allegations that she is only after my fortune. After all, there aren't many options for an old fool like myself. That being said, the news that I have a daughter comes as both a shock and a joy to me. If it is okay with my fiancée, I would like to postpone the wedding so that I may spend some time with Sherry."

Tears welled up in Sherry's eyes. She could not hold back her feelings anymore.

"OH DADDY!" she screamed, "I'm so glad I finally found you!"

Sherry ran up to Charles and gave him a big hug. Charles hugged her back.

"Awww," said the audience.

"Sorry to break up the reunion," said Gracie, "But this wedding is still on! Come, Charlie. We have to go home and prepare!"

Gracie grabbed Charles by the arm and tried to lead him offstage. However, Sherry held on to his other arm tightly.

"Um," said Gracie, "Excuse me, but…"

"Don't think so," said Sherry, "My father said he wants to postpone the wedding so he can get to know me better! Let go!"

"Who do you think you are?" demanded Gracie, "This man is my future husband! He is coming with me!"

The two women began literally playing tug of war with the old man. They each pulled one of his arms in a different direction.

"You just want his money," snapped Sherry.

"You're just trying to make me miserable," said Gracie.

"Ladies, please!" pleaded Shrunk, "This is too much for him to handle! He…"

Too late. Charles let out a painful moan. The two women let go and Charles simply collapsed to the floor. Shrunk immediately ran up to Charles' body and felt his pulse.

"Um," began Shrunk, "He's dead."

Everyone gasped.

"Cut to commercial," ordered Shrunk, "We better get an ambulance here."

"UGH!" yelled Gracie, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I…I…Hate you all! Especially you, Manaki! I hope I never see you again! Hmph!"

Gracie then stormed off the stage, leaving only the three girls and Shrunk on the stage.

"Dad…" whimpered Sherry.

"Hey," said Sakura, "I'm really sorry all this happened."

"And I'm sorry I wasted your time," said Sherry, "I brought you down here for a reason and then lost sight of what I was doing. It was stupid of me to take the money. This was never about money, or my father's estate…I just really wanted to meet my father. And now, I can't."

"I know how you feel," said Sakura, "I wish there was more I could do."

"Well," said Lindsay, "Maybe there is a way you can keep his legacy going."

"How?" asked Sherry.

* * *

"…And after last night's episode," said Cindy Butternut, "_The Dr. Shrunk Show_ received its highest ratings ever in the last ten years! Yaaaaay!"

A picture displaying Charles appeared next to Cindy.

"Speaking of which," she began, "Our hearts and prayers go out to oil magnate Charles J. Wentletrap III, who last night on _The Dr. Shrunk Show, _died suddenly of a heart attack. With his will incomplete, his entire fortune and company will be donated to his next of kin, former GracieCorp employee Sherry Kessington!"

A picture of Sherry appeared in the corner of the screen.

"And speaking of which," continued Cindy, "Ms. Kessington, who is planning on legally changing her name to Sherry Wentletrap, promises there will be some major changes to the company with her as the new CEO!"

The show then cut to Sherry Wentletrap, who was holding a press conference.

"Yes," said Sherry, "There will be changes to this company. We will switch to cleaner, more efficient means of production, and upgrade all of the technology used in our offshore oil platforms. Furthermore, I will donate part of my newly-inherited fortune to fund various oil clean-up organizations and keep our waters clean. I hope to carry on the great legacy my father created."

The show cut back to Cindy.

"As for Gracie," she began, "We at _Talk Entertainment _tried contacting her, but to no avail. Wherever she is, we wish her the very best in this time of mourning. That's all for now! I'm Cindy Butternut, and this was _Talk Entertainment_! Byeeeee!"

* * *

Meanwhile at GracieCorp headquarters, on the tallest floor, Gracie sat at her desk, taking sips from a martini glass. She appeared hammered.

"Cheer up," said Eduardo, "I know it hurts now, but time heals all. Besides, there plenty of fish in the sea!"

"Yeah, girlfriend," said Stinky, "I mean, look at you! You're stunning! You could have any man on the planet!"

"You idiots!" snapped Gracie, "I was marrying the man for his money! I didn't give a shit about the geezer!"

"Oh," said Eduardo, "Well, now it all makes sense…"

"Oh, I knew it," said Stinky, proudly, "I totally knew it. I mean, yeah! It was sooo obvious."

Gracie sighed and rubbed her aching head.

"Next time, Manaki," she muttered, "Next time, you will not get in my way…"

See you next time, folks!


	43. The Kiss of Debt

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! I'm back after a looong hiatus! My last chapter was posted in November of last year, so for convenience, just assume that this chapter is set after New Year's instead of whole year later. Enjoy!

**Episode 22: The Kiss of Debt**

It was a crisp, January morning in Hell and Poncho and Snake were on their way to Curt's house. They excitedly knocked on the door.

"In a minute," called Curt through the door.

"Ooooh," said Poncho, "I can't wait to hit the gym! No more butterball Poncho! From now on, all the ladies will be chasing after me."

"This is probably the best idea we have ever come up with," agreed Snake, "Every New Year's, my resolution was to get healthy, but for the first time, I'm actually seeing it through!"

Just then, Curt stepped outside.

"Ready?" he asked, "I know I am! I'm gonna be doing all the heaviest sets I can do!"

"Just don't hurt yourself, bro!" laughed Poncho, "Come on, let's go! We need to be back before noon so I can watch my show!"

The trio headed for Hell's gym. Time and time again, Snake, Poncho and Curt (But not Alfonso, since he's "allergic" to exercise) had made vows to get in shape. This time, with a sudden burst of enthusiasm and energy, the guys decided today would be the day they start their exercise journey…

* * *

"Yes?" said the clerk.

"We'd like a one-year membership," said Curt, "And some health bars, please."

"Ah, yes," said the clerk, "Another New Year's membership application. As if we don't get enough of that. Very well. That'll be 800 bells each. Just a friendly reminder: You will not be entitled to a refund since you are signing up before January 31…Since, you know, everyone gives up after two trips."

"Yeah, yeah," said Curt, "Just hand over my card!"

The clerk rolled her eyes and handed the trio their membership passes. They anxiously headed inside where all the exercise machines were.

"Okay guys," said Snake, "Here we are. Pick a machine and get to it."

The three guys stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

"Um," said Curt, "Are we supposed to start with cardio?"

"Not sure," replied Snake, "I always thought cardio was what you do when your muscles are strained from too much lifting."

"I think we're supposed to ask a trainer," said Poncho.

"No," said Snake, "Everyone else is doing it alone, see?"

Snake pointed at all the other customers that were exercising in the gym.

"Well," began Poncho, "If they're exercising, then that means we're supposed to as well. I'm just gonna take this here and…"

Poncho lifted a large barbell off a nearby rack and began curling it.

"Hey," he said, "This isn't so bad! It's really light!"

"That's because it's only 10 pounds per weight," said Curt, "Try something heavier…"

"Is that a challenge, good sir?" asked Poncho, as he grabbed a heavier barbell off the rack, "Oooof! I can already feel the burn!"

"That's nothing," said Curt, "Watch this!"

Curt grabbed an even heavier barbell and began curling that, albeit with great difficulty.

"Beat that!" groaned Curt.

"You guys are wimps!" taunted Snake, "Check this shit…ACK!"

Just as Snake began lifting the heaviest available barbell, he quickly slammed it to the floor. He clutched his back in pain.

"I…I can't breathe," said Snake.

"Here," said Poncho, holding out a health bar, "Eat this! It'll help!"

"No it won't!" snapped Curt, "How in the fuck…"

"It'll give him energy," replied Poncho.

"Dude," began Curt, "He's not tired, he's in pain!"

"Would you two just shut up and get help?" demanded Snake, "GAAAH!"

* * *

An hour later, Curt, Poncho and the injured Snake found themselves in the waiting room of the town clinic. When the nurse called Snake's name, the trio stood up and headed for Dr. Aly Gator's office.

"Hmmm," said the doc, tapping Snake's knee with a miniature hammer, "I see…"

"What does this have to do with my aching back?" asked Snake.

"Standard procedure," said Dr. Gator, "Now, how did this happen again?"

"I was pumping iron at the gym," began Snake, "And my back suddenly hurt. It was like a sudden, sharp pain that shot upwards from my ass."

"Ahem," said Dr. Gator, as he scribbled something into a clipboard, "It appears that you have a herniated disc in the lower spine. I would advise against lifting beyond your capabilities from now on."

"Got it, Doc," acknowledged Snake, "Now when do I get my meds?"

"I'm afraid meds alone aren't going to solve this," said Dr. Gator, "You're going to need a laser discectomy."

"A what now?" asked Snake.

"A minimally-invasive surgery that will correct your spine problem," replied Dr. Gator, "Don't worry; it's covered by your insurance."

"But I, er, don't have insurance," said Snake, "I had to cancel it in order to pay off some, um, bills…"

"By 'bills'," began Curt, "He means gambling debt."

"Shaddup!" snapped Snake.

"Ho ho," chuckled Dr. Gator, examining his clipboard closely, "No insurance? In that case, the surgery will cost you 30,000 bells!"

"WHAT?" asked Snake, "There's no way I can afford that! There's gotta be something you can do, Doc (For free, preferably)!"

"No can do," said the doctor, "Without the surgery, there's little I can do to improve your quality of life. Have a pleasant recovery."

* * *

Outside the clinic, the trio discussed. Snake was using a cane to support himself.

"Dude," began Curt, "I can't believe you don't have insurance. Then again, neither do I, but at least I'm not hurt!"

"What are you gonna do?" asked Poncho.

"Look," replied Snake, "Once I'm back on track with my finances, I'll get my insurance back."

"That's good and all," began Poncho, "But you still need some fast cash to pay off the surgery now!"

"You could always borrow money," suggested Curt.

"I have years of bad credit under my belt," said Snake, "The post office will never lend me money…"

"Who said anything about the post office?" asked Curt, "Just ask Buzz. I'm sure he'd be willing."

"Alright," said Snake, apprehensively, "I'll see what he can do."

Snake knocked on the door to Buzz's house. He nervously awaited a response.

"What?" demanded Buzz, "Huh? Snake? What's up with the cane, man?"

"Accident," replied Snake, "I need some cash. Can you lend me some? I'll be straight: I won't be able to pay you back right away but…"

"Sorry," said Buzz, "I only lend when I got a cash surplus. Times are tough now!"

"Augh!" said Snake in frustration, "Now what? I'm desperate here! I need surgery! My back is driving me nuts!"

"Surgery?" said Buzz, "That sucks, man. However, I think I do know someone that could help!"

"Really?"

"There's this group known as 'Project Hyrule'. I've never dealt with them personally, but I hear they specialize in problems like yours."

Buzz handed Snake a small piece of paper. A phone number and password was written on it.

"Oh," said Snake, "And is this 'Project Hyrule' reputable?"

"Well," began Buzz, "They got a reputation if that's what you mean…"

"That's all I need to know," said Snake, "Thanks Buzz!"

"Always willing to help," said Buzz, "Unless of course you're in debt to me. Then I'll kick your ass."

With that, Buzz slammed his door. Snake stared at the paper for a few seconds. The password was:

_WB2&pARAcnOwnU_

_jMCK%htk8JHyrT_

* * *

"Hello," said the friendly-sounding voice on the telephone, "Welcome to Project Hyrule, where our friendly and highly-trained staff promises to deliver only the best financial advice. If you're one of our clients, please tell us the password provided to you on our mail-order brochure and we can get started!"

Confused, Snake uttered the password Buzz gave him.

"WB2 & PARA cn Own Uj MCK %h tk8j HyrT_…._"

"Alrighty den," the friendly voice suddenly changed to a gruff-sounding Bronx accent, "So youze gots money problems, is dat it?"

"Um," began Snake, "I need 30,000 bells and…"

"We can fix dat," said the voice, "Come meet us at da Roost at two p.m. sharp. You don't show up, den we assume da deal is off, got it?"

"Two p.m.," repeated Snake, "Got it. No problem."

"Good," said the voice, "Tanks for callin' Project Hyrule. Have yourself a fine day, kid!"

Snake hung up the phone and looked at his watch. He had half an hour to get the Roost.

* * *

As Curt unlocked his front door to go inside, CJ emerged from his own house. He stopped to greet Curt.

"'Sup man?" asked CJ.

"Not much," replied Curt.

"How was your first day at the gym?"

"Um, pretty good. Yeah, except the part when Snake nearly broke his back!"

"Let me guess…You and Poncho were in a heavy-lifting contest and Snake, in an attempt to one-up both of you guys, hurt himself. Am I in the ball park?"

"Damn, are we really that predictable?"

Curt entered his house. CJ followed.

"Is he okay?" asked CJ.

"He needs surgery," began Curt, "Which he can't afford. No insurance."

"Oh God," said CJ, "And he turned to Buzz, right?"

"Um…"

"Being in debt to Buzz is bad for your health. Everyone knows that…Especially you!"

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"As Snake's friends, the least we can do is to take Snake to a respectable money-lending business outside of town."

"Or we can buy him a bunch of lottery tickets and pray one of them is a winner!"

CJ just stared at Curt.

"Fine I'll call Snake up later," said Curt, "When I'm free!"

* * *

Snake anxiously entered the Roost and looked around. The place was empty except for Brewster behind the counter and a booth in the far left corner which had three Echidnas occupying it. When they noticed Snake, they beckoned him. Snake limped towards the booth

"Siddown," said one of the Echidnas, "Want an espresso? Some cappuccino?"

"How about some pigeon milk?" offered another.

"I'm good," said Snake, "Thanks."

Snake took a seat in the booth across. He examined the three Echidnas. The man in the center was very chubby with a short, pointed snout and quills that appeared to have been gelled back. The two men on either side were thinner, with facial scarring and longer snouts that hooked downwards. All three Echidnas were wearing nice suits.

"Your name," said the center man.

"Gordon," replied Snake, "Gordon Bunyip. But you can call me…"

"We decide what to call you, Mr. Bunyip," said the center man, "My name is Ellio. The man on my left is Manny. The man on my right is Louie."

"So are you guys work for Project Hyrule?" asked Snake.

"Yup," replied Manny, "We're da enfor…er, da businessmen. We conduct 'business' ya see?"

"Right," said Snake, "And you guys aren't associated with the banks or anything?"

"No siree, Bob," replied Louie, "We just help out da needy like yourself. Dats it, dats all."

Louie placed a briefcase on the table and opened it. It was filled with cash.

"Now," began Ellio, "We don't expect any interest payments. You just take your time and pay us back when you can and our deal is almost done."

"That's it?" asked Snake, "But then how do you guys make profits? Where is this money coming from?"

"We run a number of ventures outside of money-lending," replied Ellio, "But don't worry about all that. That's our business, _capiche_?"

"Yeah, but…" Snake appeared confused, "There's gotta be a catch to all this money!"

"Of course there is," said Ellio, slamming the briefcase shut, "You see, kid, only half the money is in here. To get the rest, you gotta do us a big favour."

"Um," said Snake, nervously, "A favour?"

"Yeah, but it should be easy," assured Ellio, "Even for a cripple like yourself. You got a car, correct?"

Snake nodded.

"Good," said Ellio, "In exactly 2 hours from now, an associate of mine will be arriving in town by train. I need you to pick him up and drive him to _Pork & Cheese's. _Just park the car in the lot and we'll be there to take care of the rest."

"Pick up your friend," repeated Snake, "And drive him to _Pork & Cheese's_. Got it."

"He's a Fox," added Manny, "Soze you'll spots him easily."

"Indeed," said Ellio, "Now, we have to get going. The don…Er, the 'boss' is waitin'. Don't forget our deal!"

With that, the three Echidnas left the café, leaving behind the briefcase of money. Snake was a little anxious about the task, but he knew what he had to do.

* * *

At around 4 o'clock that day, Curt headed to Buzz's house and knocked on his door. Buzz answered.

"You again?" snapped Buzz, "I thought I told you not to show your pathetic face around here until…"

"Listen, Buzz," began Curt, "This isn't about me. I need to know if Snake was here recently."

"Nuh-uh," replied Buzz, "Dealer-client confidentiality. I can't discuss…"

"He borrowed money from you," interrupted Curt, "Did he not?"

"Actually," began Buzz, "He didn't. I told him I'm not lending at the moment. If Snake is not cool with talking to Project Hyrule, then you should suggest perhaps trying one of my contacts in Boondox."

"Who's Project Hyrule?" asked Curt.

"Tell you what: You pay me back the 2000 bells you have left to pay off for your last purchase and I'll tell you."

"I'm kinda strapped for cash. I'm working on it, though!"

"'Working on it' won't cause cash to magically appear before me. Now, scram!"

Buzz slammed the door. Curt seemed unsure of what to, so he ran back to CJ's house.

* * *

Meanwhile, Snake had arrived at the train station and began waiting patiently outside his car. The 4:15 train was a little late, but eventually arrived. Snake looked at all the passengers stepping out. One of the passengers was a brown Fox. He was wearing a black, pinstripe suit and a fedora. Snake immediately waved him down.

"Name's John," said the Fox, as he shook Snake's hand.

"I'm Snake," said Snake.

"I didn't ask for your life story, kid," snapped John, "Now, you know where to take me. Get movin'!"

John entered the backseat and fastened his seatbelt, while Snake returned to the driver's seat and started the car.

"So, um," began Snake, "Where are you from? What do you think of our town?"

"Geez," said John, "What is this? An interrogation? I ain't in the mood, kid."

"Sorry," said Snake, softly, "Would you like me to turn down the heating a bit?"

"You just don't get it, do you?" asked John.

Snake simply stared at the road ahead without saying anything. They were just a few minutes from their destination when Snake received a call on his cellphone.

"Oh," said Snake, "It's my friend calling. Do you mind if I pick it up?"

John simply rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Alrighty," said Snake, "Yello?"

"Snake?" said Curt, "Where are you now?"

"I'm doing something for someone now," replied Snake, "This isn't a good time!"

"You mean for Project Hyrule?"

"How…How did you know?"

"I spoke to Buzz. Listen, I went to CJ's house and together we did research on this company. They're not in the Yellow Pages, nor are they registered with the government."

"What does this mean?"

"According to some online sources I found, Project Hyrule is a front for the Animalese mob! Dude, you're in debt to the frickin' mob!"

"The MOB?"

John, who was sitting quietly in the backseat, suddenly perked up.

"What are they making you do right now?" asked Curt.

"I'm driving some guy to _Pork & Cheese's _right now," replied Snake, "They're waiting for him there!"

"Who's waiting for him?"

"Three Hedgehog-looking dudes or something…"

Snake suddenly felt a cold, metal object touching the back of his neck. Snake quickly realized what it was and dropped his cellphone in terror.

"You," said John, who was holding a gun to the back of Snake's head, "Stop the car now."

Snake slowly brought the car to a halt.

"Good," continued John, "Now, get out!"

"But I…" began Snake.

"NOW!"

Both Snake and John opened their doors and began to climb out. Due to his back problems, Snake was taking slightly longer.

"Hurry up!" yelled John.

John forcefully pulled Snake out and threw him to the ground, keeping his pistol trained on Snake the whole time.

"P-p-please don't shoot!" begged Snake, "I'm only a delivery boy!"

"Ellio and his boys have had it out for me since day one," said John, "And to think, I almost allowed myself to be driven to my own doom by some stupid kid!"

"They had a hit on you?" asked Snake.

"I guess they didn't tell you, huh?" said John, "Then their new plan is to trick unsuspecting suckers like yourself into doing their dirty work! Well, it ain't gonna work!"

John climbed into the front seat of the car and slammed the door.

"I'm taking your ride, kid," said John, "I need to get out before they come find me!"

"But," began Snake, "That's my car…"

"You're lucky I don't knee-cap you, kid! Then again, you're already crippled, so what good will that do, huh?"

John slammed on the gas, and within seconds, he was long gone. Snake simply stood in the middle of the street where his car once stood, looking both confused and scared. He lost his car and surely the mob was going to come after him for failing his job. And then it hit him…

"Shit," he thought, "My phone's in the car…"

**To be continued…**


	44. The Kiss of Debt II

**The Kiss of Debt (Part II)**

The three Echidnas stood in the parking lot of the _Pork & Cheese's_, smoking and waiting impatiently for Snake to arrive. He was more than 45 minutes late and they were getting impatient.

"I knews we couldn't trust dat kid," snapped Louie, "Dis was a mistake!"

"Manny," began Ellio, "Have you tried calling him?"

"Bastard's phone is off," replied Manny, "I tink he's playin' us for chumps."

"Luckily, gentlemen," said Ellio, "I have planned ahead for this type of thing; I have men stationed at every hot spot in town – The town gates, the train station, and so on – When he shows up at either of these spots, we nab him…Alive, of course. That way, we can have some 'fun' with him before we whack him."

"Sounds like a plan, Ellio," said Manny, "I can't wait to wrap my oversized paws around dat dumb kid's neck."

"Believe me," said Ellio, "We're all excited. Unfortunately, I have to take care of some other business. You two stay here in case he does show up, got it?"

"Yessir," said Louie and Manny.

* * *

Meanwhile, across the street, Curt and CJ hid in a narrow alleyway and spied on the three Echidnas.

"That must be them," exclaimed CJ.

"This is a bad idea, man," said Curt, "What if they see us? It's five o'clock on a Wednesday and _Pork & Cheese's _is closed, so it's not like we can pretend to be customers!"

"Well, we have to help Snake," said CJ, "He might be in trouble! After all, why else did he just hang up on us?"

"I don't know," began Curt, "Maybe he didn't want any distractions. The way I see it, we should just let him finish his job. Once he brings that dude over, he'll get his money and be free. No worries!"

"Yeah," said CJ, "Except have you ever actually seen a gangster movie? I'm telling you, that guy Snake is picking up is a hit target! Once he gets here they'll whack him!"

"Oh…"

"Yeah, and assuming the Echidnas don't betray Snake and whack him on the spot to keep him quiet, he can still be arrested for being an accessory to a murder!"

"Shit. Well, let's see if we can…"

Suddenly, the duo heard the cocking of guns. When they looked behind them, they saw Manny and Louie pointing pistols at them. CJ and Curt had gotten so distracted they did not notice the Echidnas leaving the parking lot and crossing the street.

"Soze we got ourselves a couple o' spies, eh?" asked Manny.

"Spies?" asked Curt, "Nah, we were just checking to see if _Pork & Cheese's _is still open!"

"Manny," began Louie, "Whattaya tink we should do we dese punks?"

"As much as I'd like to whack 'em," began Manny, "I tink we should talk to 'em first and find out where dat rabbit-eared fuck went!"

"Good idea," said Louie, "Come wit us!"

With the Echidnas holding them at gunpoint, Curt and CJ had no choice but to go along.

* * *

Despite his aching back, Snake ran to the closest house, which happened to be Alfonso's. Snake needed a phone to get in touch with the mobsters.

"Alfonso!" yelled Snake, as he banged on the Alligator's door, "For the love of God, open!"

Alfonso ran to the door as quickly as he could and opened it.

"Gee, Snake," said Alfonso, "Is something wrong?"

Snake suddenly collapsed to the floor in exhaustion.

"Oh dear," said Alfonso, "Fortunately, I know just what to do in case of a medical emergency!"

Alfonso ran into his house and began looking through his bookshelf. He pulled out a book on CPR.

"Okay," began Alfonso, as he read the book, "'Place the victim on his/her back, then apply several compressions to the chest…'"

Alfonso placed both hands on Snake's chest and pushed down.

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Snake, "MY BACK!"

"That worked quicker than I thought," said Alfonso.

Snake lay on his side and placed his hand on his lower back, which was in tremendous pain.

"I don't need CPR!" snapped Snake, "I need to use your phone! I've been running around for almost an hour and…"

"Why haven't you informed me of your back problems?" asked Alfonso, "I have a number of books and brochures on acupuncture that could prove useful."

"That's not important," replied Snake, "Now, let me use the damn phone!"

Snake stood up and made his way over to Alfonso's phone. He picked it up and dialed the number of Project Hyrule.

"Hello," said the friendly voice, "Welcome to…"

"WB2 & PARA cn Own," interrupted Snake, "Uj MCK…"

"Rabbit boy," said Louie angrily, "We've been lookin' for youze!"

"Listen," said Snake, "I've run into a slight problem…"

"Da hell you have!" snapped Louie, "Where's our 'delivery'?"

"Long story short," began Snake, "He mugged me and ran off with my ride. I meant to call you sooner but my phone was in the car and…"

"No excuses, kid," began Louie, "You fucked up big time, and now either youze or your friends are gonna pay, _capiche_?"

"My…My friends?"

"Yeah, we found two Humans lurkin' around where we was waitin'. I'm guessin' you were tryin' to distract us while you made off with da money, am I right?"

"No, it's not like that at all! Look, how about this: I bring the 15,000 bells and you set Curt and CJ free? I swear I didn't spend a dime of it!"

"Youze better not screw dis up, kid, or we're gonna make your friends wish dey were dead!"

"Of course not! Where are you?"

"The abandoned factory where your friend Craig…Wait a sec...What's dat?"

Curt's voice could be heard in the background.

"Curt?" continued Louie, "Sorry, I mean where your friend, Curt, apparently used to work. You got five minutes, _Bugs_. Get movin'!"

Snake hung up the phone and looked distraught.

"Oh my God," said Alfonso, "Oh my God…You're in trouble aren't you? Oh dear, this is bad, this is very, very, very, very…"

Alfonso had to stop to catch his breath. He placed an inhaler in his mouth and breathed in as much as he could.

"…very, very, very…"

"Get a hold of yourself," snapped Snake, "Yes, I got in trouble with the mob and I'm sorry, but now it's time to set things right!"

"You called from my house phone," said Alfonso, "They can track me down! Oh God, now I have to change my number. And I really liked my old number! All the digits are prime numbers!"

"You don't have to do anything," said Snake, "They want me, not you. Now, call Poncho over. I need a ride to the abandoned toy factory!"

"What for?" asked Alfonso.

"To save Curt and CJ," replied Snake, "And I know you're not willing to drive right now!"

"Oh dear," said Alfonso, as he took another puff from his inhaler, "Just this morning you were inviting me to the gym with you, Curt and Poncho. Now, all of a sudden, you have a hernia and you're in debt to the mob!"

"When you put it that way," began Snake, "It sounds even more messed up!"

* * *

Not wanting to waste any more time talking, Alfonso called Poncho and invited him over since they needed a ride. Within two minutes, Poncho arrived and picked up both Snake and Alfonso.

"I came as soon as I could," said Poncho, "What's the plan?"

"First," began Snake, "We gotta stop by my house and grab the briefcase of money, then it's off to the toy factory!"

"Hell yeah!" shouted Poncho, "Let's crush those spiny, ant-sucking bastards!"

"What are you, nuts?" asked Snake.

"Hey," continued Poncho, "You have a Japanese sword collection at home, right? Why don't we pick some of those bad boys up so that we can go all _Pulp Fiction _on their asses?"

"Um, no?" said Snake, "This is the fucking mob! They'll destroy us!"

"We really should call the police," suggested Alfonso.

"No way!" yelled Snake, "They'll kill all of us when they see that we brought cops! I'm just gonna hand in the money and this nightmare will be over."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the abandoned toy factory:

"You'll never get away with this, you smelly Hedgehogs!" snapped Curt, who was tied to a chair in the middle of the room.

"For da last time," said Manny, "We're Echidnas! We ain't as stuck up as Hedgehogs are!"

"Listen," pleaded CJ, who was also tied up, "I know my friend fucked up. All my friends have a tendency to do that. By now, I'm used to it. But I'm sure even guys like you have a little heart!"

"Your friend fucked us over," said Louie, "And so when he gets here, money or not, he's gonna get shot and dat's dat! In da mob, we gotz a code dat we gotta uphold."

"Yeah," said Manny, "If we ain't got rules, how we gonna maintain people's respect for us?"

"Well," began CJ, "You know, people could respect you a lot faster if you were more polite, spoke proper English, and didn't use such…'potent' aftershave!"

"Meh," said Manny, "Maybe dis kid's got a point. I mean, after all, da don gets all kinds of respect and he's always polite!"

Just then, the doors burst open and Snake appeared, holding the briefcase full of money.

"Well, well, well," said Manny, "If it ain't Bunny Boy. Where's da money?"

"Set my friends free and you'll get it," ordered Snake.

"Fine," sighed Manny, "Louie, cut 'em free!"

Louie pulled out a switchblade and sliced through the ropes that held CJ and Curt to their respective chairs. The two immediately stood up and began to approach Snake.

"Da money?" asked Manny.

Snake placed the briefcase on the floor and slid it towards the two mobsters. The immediately opened it and examined the bells inside.

"Excellent," said Louie, "It's all here. Your friends can go, Mr. Bunyip. Sadly, you still have to die!"

The two drew tommy guns and pointed them at Snake.

"What?" demanded Snake.

"Sorry," began Manny, "The don officially marked you for death, kid. You fucked us over, and now you have to pay!"

"This is bullshit," said CJ, "Snake gave you back the money! What else do you want?"

"We kept our word," said Louie, "We spared you and your friend. Our beef wit Mr. Bunyip is something else!"

"Now," began Manny, "Get out of da way or we'll kill da both of youze!"

"Wait," said CJ, "Where did Curt go?"

Suddenly, there was a loud noise. Both mobsters turned around to see what was going on. Someone had turned on one of the conveyor belts.

"I think it's about time we leave," said Curt, "Come on!"

The trio ran for the exit. The mobsters fired a few shots from their tommy guns, but missed.

"Fuck!" snapped Manny, "AFTER DEM!"

Curt, Snake and CJ ran outside and jumped into Poncho's car.

"Start moving!" ordered Snake, "NOW!"

Poncho slammed on the gas and fled the scene. The Echidnas quickly jumped into their own vehicle and began pursuing them.

"You turned on one of the machines to distract them, didn't you?" asked Snake.

"Yeah," said Curt, "I used to work there after all. I know where all the switches are!"

"Good thinking," said CJ, "Except now we got two pissed off mobsters on our tail!"

"Are you serious?" asked Alfonso, who began puffing on his inhaler once more.

Indeed, the mobster's car was fast approaching from behind. Poncho began driving faster to get away.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," Alfonso said.

He attempted to inhale once more, but a the sound of a gunshot hitting the rear caused him to drop the inhaler in shock.

"Eat lead, assholes!" screamed Manny, as he pointed his tommy gun out the window and fired.

Manny continued firing, resulting in the back window of Poncho's car shattering.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" screamed Curt.

"I'll never get to see humanity's attempt at lunar colonization," cried Alfonso, "Oh, cruel world!"

"Relax," assured Poncho, "I got this! I… Uh-oh!"

One stray bullet hit the rear tire of Poncho's car, causing him to lose control and fly off the road and onto the beach, which at this hour and at this time of the year, was abandoned. Poncho crashed into a giant piled of sand.

"Ow," said Poncho, "My head feels worse than on New Year's morning!"

"Come on," said Curt, "We gotta keep moving!"

"If we keep heading west," began CJ, "We can make it to the docs and seek shelter in there!"

The gang exited the vehicle and began running. Snake, however, stopped. He watched as the two mobsters climbed out of their car and ran towards him, submachine guns in hand. CJ looked back at his friend. Snake knew the mobsters were coming for him, so he chose to sacrifice himself so that his friends could get away.

"SNAKE!" yelled CJ.

"Dere he is," said Manny.

"Let's put him outta his misery," smirked Louie.

They pointed their tommy guns at Snake and prepared to fire. Snake closed his eyes and braced for the shot…And that's when it came; two very loud ones.

"Huh?" asked Snake, as he opened his eyes.

Snake looked around. To his surprise, he had not been hit. Instead, Manny and Louie were both lying limp on the ground.

"What's going on?" demanded Snake.

John suddenly appeared along with two other gangsters.

"Fucking Echidnas," muttered John, "Egg-laying Mammals? That ain't fuckin' natural!"

"You…You saved me?"

"Did I now? I'm just here for revenge against these assholes for calling a hit on me!"

"Well, you picked a good time to exact revenge!"

Within seconds, the others came running onto the scene.

"What's going on?" asked CJ.

"Geez, Louise!" said John, "You kids with your damn questions!"

"Oh no," said Alfonso, "We're witnesses to a murder! The cops we'll be after us! We're gonna have to testify against the mob!"

"No you're not," said John, "My boys and I will clean up the evidence so no one will know what went down. And yes, that means I'll have to dispose of the briefcase."

John signaled his henchmen and they began dragging the bodies away from the beach.

"Normally," continued John, "I'd have you all shot for what you just witnessed here, but I still owe Snake my life, so be grateful. Oh, and by the way…"

John tossed Snake's car keys back at Snake.

"You be careful next time, kid," warned John, as he turned to leave.

"So," began Curt, "It's over now?"

"Not really," said Snake, "There's another guy, Ellio, who wasn't with these guys. He's probably still out there, completely pissed off!"

"If it's any assurance," began CJ, "Ellio will probably be more focused on this 'John' fellow. Of course, next time shit hits the fan, we should consider calling the cops to avoid a crisis."

"Yeah," said Snake, "And I definitely learned my lesson! No more deals with strange people!"

"Fortunately," began Alfonso, "Your selfless sacrifice at the end there more than made up for the serious lapse of judgment that got us all in this mess in the first place!"

"Lapse of judgment?" said Snake, "Hey! I was on hardcore pain meds for my back! Those things mess with your mind!"

"Speaking of your back," began Curt, "What are you gonna do about the surgery? You still can't afford it!"

"Yeah, and John just drove off with your surgery money," added Poncho.

"Not to worry," said Alfonso, proudly, "I might be able to help poor Snake with his problems!"

* * *

That night in Alfonso's house, a half-naked Snake lay down on his stomach on a small cot in the middle of Alfonso's living room. Steam was rising up from around the cot. Alfonso hovered over Snake with several more needles in one hand and a book on acupuncture in the other.

"So, Curt," began Alfonso, "Not once did you ever think to search up 'Project Hyrule' on the internet? You have a computer, no?"

"Well, um, you see," began Curt, "Its layout isn't very ergonomically friendly. My back hurt like a son-of-a-bitch every time I sat down in front of it so, I never really bothered!"

"That's the first thing we're gonna fix once we're done here, then! Now, let's see…Ah! This shouldn't be too hard!"

"I appreciate the help," began Snake, "But I think I'd still rather see a real acupuncturist or at least…"

"Shhh," said Alfonso, "I think I've got it."

Alfonso shoved a needle into Curt's lower spine. This caused Snake to yell out in pain.

"Hmmm," pondered Alfonso, "Perhaps not…"

Alfonso tried again. This caused Snake to scream some more.

"I don't understand," said Alfonso, frustrated.

"Save me," pleaded Snake, "ACK!"

* * *

Ellio stood in the darkened room staring out the window in front of him. Boondox's short, but dense skyline shone through the haze-filled midnight sky. Behind him, a mysterious figure sat in a large chair.

"So," said the figure, in a raspy voice, "Manny and Louie are dead?"

"Yeah," replied Ellio, "But they were useless anyways. I can easily replace them."

"That's not what concerns me," the raspy voice said, "Those kids…Are they not part of the same group of punks who cost Mr. Nook his Hell election, jeopardizing our condo project back in the summer?"

"Probably. They were humans, right?"

"They are becoming quite a nuisance…"

The mysterious figure brought a drink to his mouth and took a sip.

"Right now," began Ellio, "We got bigger things on our plate. That bastard Fox killed a lot of our guys and we have to settle the score with him!"

"Do as you must," said the figure, "But you had better make sure those kids never interfere again, understand?"

"No, boss. They won't. I'll make sure of it…"

That's it, guys! Stay tuned for more in the future!


	45. Ring Around the Tortoise

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 23: Ring Around the Tortoise**

"Got-dangit," said Tortimer, as he paced around the room, "If I don't find my lucky bow tie soon, I'm gonna have to cancel my town meeting tonight!"

Meanwhile, in the background, Tortimer's two bodyguards, Doug and Frank, dug through Tortimer's wardrobe, searching for the missing bow tie.

"Tell me again," said Doug, "What's so special about this tie?"

"I dunno," said Frank, "He says it brings him good fortune. He wears it at every event."

"Hey," said Doug, "Check this out!"

"You found the tie?" asked Frank.

"No, it's some kind of ring…"

The bodyguard held up a small gold ring with a tiny gem attached to it. The initials "M.S." were inscribed into the ring.

"Sir," Doug, as he approached Tortimer, "What's this?"

"Is it my tie?" demanded Tortimer, "'Cause if it ain't, I don't give a hoot!"

"No," replied the guard, "It appears to be an engagement ring."

"I didn't know you had a fiancée, sir," said Frank.

"Whatcha?" said Tortimer, "Lemme see!"

Tortimer grabbed the ring from Doug's hand. He adjusted his spectacles and examined the item for a second. Suddenly Tortimer's expression changed from curiosity to terror. He looked up and slowly lowered both his hands…

-Flashback-

_White Horse, Iron Triangle (Korea), 1952 _

A small group of soldiers marched through the thick forest. They were on their way to White Horse to offer supplies and assistance to the UN forces that were fighting there.

The group was composed entirely of Animals; two dogs, one lizard, one cat, two moles, and of course, a tortoise, who appeared to be in charge. He stood at the front of the group, donning a green jacket, a military helmet, and aviator shades. He was young, but with a gruff look and a thick five o'clock shadow.

"Fuck this," said the lizard, as he spat on the ground, "I still don't see why the whole world has to get involved in some stupid fight between two halves of a country I didn't know existed until last year. Frankly, I think we should let 'em duke it out!"

"Seriously, man," said of the dogs, "I could be at home now fucking my beloved Marion!"

Suddenly, the tortoise stopped and turned around.

"That's enough, privates!" he spat, "I've had it up ta here with your got-dang complaining! We have supplies to deliver so keep moving!"

"Come on, Sarge!" said the Dog, "You know what Preston said is true!"

"Listen, Buddy," said Tortimer, "I don't care what Preston said. All I know is that this ain't just some stupid fight! If we let these commies win, our very way of life is threatened. Heck, Animalia is smack-dab in the middle of the Pacific between Asia and the U.S. When the commies start bombing everyone, it'll be us first! You think about that when you're at home fuckin' Marion!"

"Eep!" said Buddy, "I didn't think of that…"

"Of course not," said Tortimer, "Ya never do! Now, let's get movin', dagnabbit!"

The soldiers continued to march through the forest, engaging in conversation.

"So," said one of the moles, "What do you guys think you'll be doing once this war is over? I wanna write a book about my experiences!"

"Queer," said Preston, "I'm Takin' over the family business. How about you, sarge?"

"I'm moving back to my old town of Hell," replied Tortimer, "Gonna take care of my sick pappy, and maybe later on, I'll run for mayor…Clean up that dump a bit, you know?"

"Mayor?" said Buddy, "No offence, sarge, but you were never one to like politics. You always referred to politicians as the 'Devils of Haavengard' or some shit like that…"

"It's 'Demons of Haavengard'," corrected Tortimer, "And no, running for mayor is different. At least, I'm trying to make a difference…What about you Buddy? Got any post-war plans with your sweetheart?"

"Actually," began Buddy, "Yes I do! I'm asking her to marry me."

Buddy pulled a small ring out of his bag. It was golden with a tiny gem inside of it. Marion's initials were engraved on the side.

"Nice, eh?" said Buddy, "Had that blacksmith in Seoul make it for me, hehe. When I get home, I'm slipping this little bastard on Marion's finger and taking her away somewhere nice."

"How romantic," said Tortimer, "I just hope ya…"

Suddenly, there was a loud gunshot. A bullet whizzed past Tortimer's face. Within seconds, the soldiers took defensive positions behind trees and rocks and anything else they could find.

"The hell was that?" demanded the cat.

"The Chinese," said Tortimer, "They must've seen us coming and ambushed us. We gotta get past these guys to deliver the goods!"

"Fuck that," said Preston, "I say we retreat!"

"And I say we stand our ground," said Tortimer, "We were trusted with this task and we're gonna see it through to the end!"

Several Chinese soldiers charged up the nearby hill. The Animalese soldiers drew their rifles and began firing upon the incoming enemies. The fighting lasted a few minutes. Suddenly, Tortimer noticed a small metal object lying not too far from him.

"GRENADE," he shouted, "GET DOOOWN!"

As the other soldiers backed off, Tortimer ran to the grenade and leapt on top of it. He immediately withdrew his head and all four limbs into his shell. The grenade exploded, sending Tortimer flying into the air, though everyone else was ok.

Once all the enemy soldiers were dead, Buddy ran to Tortimer's fallen shell.

"Sarge," pleaded Buddy, "Speak to me! Tortimer!"

Tortimer's jacket had been burned off and there was an enormous crack on the front part of the shell, though Tortimer himself was fine. His head slowly emerged from within.

"Oh, thank God," said Buddy, "You're alright! And you saved us all!"

"Just doing my job," said Tortimer, "Now, let's get…"

Suddenly, one of the Chinese soldiers, who had been feigning death, drew a pistol and fired several shots in Tortimer's direction. Thinking quickly, Buddy stood in the way, absorbing all the shots.

"Buddy!" shouted Tortimer.

Tortimer drew a knife from inside his shell and hurled it at the soldier's head, killing him. Meanwhile, Buddy staggered around for a bit before dropping to the floor.

"Damnit," said Tortimer as he and the others surrounded Buddy, "Don't die on me, son. Stay conscious!"

"I ain't gonna make it," whispered Buddy, "Tell Marion…I…Love her…"

With that, Buddy slowly pulled the bloody engagement ring from his pocket and held it up. As Tortimer took it, Buddy slowly closed his eyes.

"Buddy!" shouted Tortimer, "BUDDY! BUUUUUDYYYYY!"

-End Flashback-

"BUUUDDDYYYYY!" Tortimer continued to scream, "BUUUUUUDYYY!"

"Uh," said Doug, "It's happening again…"

"I'll call the nurse," sighed Frank.

Within minutes, the nurse arrived at Tortimer's house and performed a quick check-up.

"Sir," said Frank, "How are you feeling?"

"Whatcha?" demanded Tortimer, "Who are you? What do you want from me? You'll never get anything out of me!"

"Geez," said Doug, "What did give the poor man?"

"Nothing," said the nurse, "I didn't give him any sedatives whatsoever!"

"Wait a sec," said Tortimer, "Where's the ring?"

"Oh," said Frank, "You mean the ring we found in your closet? The one that triggered your episode?"

"Hrrmph," grunted Tortimer, "It wasn't an episode, I was just thinking! Now, get me that ring!"

"What's so special about it?" asked Doug, as he pulled it out of his pocket.

"It belonged to a war buddy of mine. I was supposed to give it to his fiancée after he was killed in action! By the time I got home, I had completely forgotten about it."

"Tortimer's usual routine," muttered Doug.

"Well," said the nurse, "If you want these episodes to stop, I suggest you deliver this ring to its rightful owner. It's obvious he is consumed by the guilt of…"

"Yeah, yeah," said Frank, "We pay you to sort his pills not to deliver counseling."

"Hmph," said the nurse as she walked out of the building.

"She's right," said Tortimer, "I need to get that ring to Marion Sweeney, even if I am 60 years too late! Last I heard, she was living in New Reiswald. Hopefully, she's still there!"

"Well," said Doug, "We can search her name in the database and see where she's living. Hopefully she hasn't moved since the war."

"Ugh," said Frank, "New Reiswald is a dump. Why anyone would stay that long is beyond me."

"How are we gonna mail it, sir?" asked Doug, "We need an address and…"

"We're not mailing anything, sonny!" snapped Tortimer, "I'm deliverin' it personally! It's the right thing to do!"

"Sir, you can't be serious! You can't go all the way to New Resiwald by yourself! You get lost every night on the way to the bathroom!"

"Fine, then come with me!"

The bodyguards sighed and rolled their eyes.

"Now," continued Tortimer, "Send a memo to all town residents. Let them know their mayor will be out of town until tomorrow evening. Hang on, Marion! I'm comin'!"

* * *

Later that day, Curt and CJ headed for the docs holding shovels.

"I'm telling you," assured Curt, "There are tons of fossils on the shoreline!"

"There had better be," said CJ, "It's cold out and I'd rather not be digging holes on the shore when Resetti is out and about."

"Don't worry about him," said Curt, "Now, how about we…"

"Aaaaargh," said Kapp'n, as he ran towards the two, "Ye wouldn't happen to be interested in doing a little favour for yer dear old Kapp'n, would ye?"

"We're kinda busy," replied Curt, "Why don't you ask Gulliver?"

"Nay," said Kapp'n, "'Tis Gulliver's week off! He's going to St. Rosa again. If only I knew what was there that interests the lad so much…"

"Whatever," said CJ, "What's the task you want us to do?"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "It'd be a simple task, but an important one, nevertheless. Tortimer has given me the keys to the town lighthouse and has asked me to turn it on tonight in his absence! Unfortunately, I forgot that I was drivin' me bus this evenin'! I'm headin' across the county and won't be back before Tortimer!"

"So you want us to switch on the lighthouse?" asked Curt, "Sweet! We can do it, no problem!"

"I knew I can count ye boys," said Kapp'n, as he handed Curt the lighthouse key, "Remember, before sundown, understand?"

"Yessir," replied Curt.

"Good," said Kapp'n, "Now, I must return to the docs to close up! I gotta be at the bus stop in half an hour, aaaargh!"

With that, Kapp'n ran back to the docs. The duo stared at the key for a second.

"Wanna check it out?" asked Curt.

"What for?" asked CJ, "It's a lighthouse! It's not like there's anything interesting in it!"

"Still," said Curt, "I never stepped inside one before!"

"Fine, let's go!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Tortimer, who was on the train with his two bodyguards, lay fast asleep. He was snoring very loudly.

"Amazing," said Frank, "Not even twenty minutes into the ride and he's out cold."

"The joys of getting old," said Doug.

Just then, a woman with a trolley passed by the booth where Tortimer and his bodyguards were sitting.

"Excuse me," she said.

"WHAT'CHA?" said Tortimer, suddenly springing up, "Who's there? Is it the commies? You'll never take me alive!"

"Relax, sir," said Frank, "Just some food service…"

"Oh," said Tortimer, adjusting his spectacles, "Let's see what we got here...Candy? Chocolates? Chips? What are ya, trying to kill me? This stuff ain't good for my diabetes, dagnabbit!"

"Apologies sir," said the woman, "We have another trolley carrying fresh veggies on its way. Or perhaps you would like some applesauce?"

"Oh, I get it," said Tortimer, "Because I'm old and have no teeth, you think I can't handle a few carrots? Is that it? Listen here, missy…"

"Sir," said Doug, "The lady's just offering some food. Are you gonna order the sauce or not?"

"Aw, fine!" said Tortimer, "But can I have some cinnamon sprinkled in it?"

"Sorry," said the lady, "We don't do that."

"Harumph," said Tortimer, folding his arms.

* * *

CJ and Curt walked down the shore until they reached the lighthouse. The lighthouse was the tallest structure in town at just over a hundred feet. At the base of the tower was a small cabin where people normally entered.

The lighthouse was over a hundred years old and a town landmark, and as such, Tortimer had strict control over who was allowed inside and who was allowed to operate it. Back in the day, the lighthouse was run by an operator. Nowadays, the beacon is powered by a machine, but still needs to be manually turned on.

"Let's see," began Curt, as he placed the key in the keyhole, "Ah! I got it!"

Curt slowly opened the door. Both CJ and Curt dropped their jaws in shock.

"No fucking way!" said Curt, excitedly.

The cabin's living room consisted of two couches perpendicular to each other, a fireplace, and a bookcase. At the far end of the room was the beautifully decorated spiral staircase that led to the beacon on top. The whole cabin had a distinct cabana theme, including the carpet, wallpaper, and furniture.

"This," began CJ, "This…Is amazing! It's like a whole lounge"

"Hell yeah!" shouted Curt, "And it's ours for the night!"

"We gotta call the girls to check this out," suggested CJ.

"Even better," began Curt, "We're throwing a party in this shit! I am not letting this go to waste!

"Woah, woah," said CJ, "This lighthouse is an important town symbol! Any form of vandalism against it is a pretty big crime! There's no way we can just throw a party in it!"

"So? We'll be careful. We'll wax the furniture, and clean up when everyone's gone. No problems!"

"Yeah, but remember our museum bash? We were careful then, and we still almost got caught!"

"Yeah, but this time we're _really_ gonna be careful! We're gonna look at all the mistakes we made last time and correct them! We'll get away with this, I swear!"

CJ scratched his chin and shook his head.

"My head tells me you're wrong and that throwing a party in here is a bad idea," he began, "But my gut tells me that this is the ultimate opportunity!"

"Damn right," said Curt, "I gotta head home!"

"I'll call the girls!" said CJ.

* * *

Later, at the police station, Copper sat at his desk with his feet up on table while reading some forms. Booker sat at the adjacent desk, working on something else.

"Booker," said Copper, "What do you think we start auctioning off some of that crap we have stored in the lost and found? I mean, some of it hasn't been claimed in weeks!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," replied Booker.

"Why not?" asked Copper, "We could use the money. Maybe get a working toilet in the holding cell or something."

"I suppose," agreed Booker, "But what if the original owner comes and claim it eventually?"

"Then that person's gonna have to place a bid like everybody else," replied Copper, "We have to start setting up a policy for things like this!"

"It's mostly just fruit and bell bags in the lost and found, anyways," grumbled Booker, "I think…"

Just then, Kapp'n entered the police station. Copper immediately composed himself.

"Aaaargh," said Kapp'n, "The deed be done."

"Excellent," said Copper, "So now those kids have the lighthouse key?"

Kapp'n nodded.

"Um, sir," began Booker, "What's going on? Didn't Tortimer trust _us_ with that key before he left?"

"Yup," replied Copper, "But I have plans of my own. You see, like virtually everyone else in town (Except Nook), we are overworked and underfunded. For too long, troublemakers that we could have easily caught have gotten away, despite our efforts. Tonight, things are gonna be different!"

"How so?" asked Booker.

"With full access to the lighthouse," began Copper, "There's no way those pests are gonna pass up an opportunity to trash it! And when they do, we're finally gonna catch them in the act!"

"And how can we be sure that's what they're gonna do?" asked Booker.

"Of course that's what they're gonna do!" exclaimed Copper, "I know their entire shtick by now! Run around town, cause all kinds of mischief and mayhem, and then go to bed like nothing happened. Hell, just last week there were all kinds of noise reports coming from the area near the beach. I'm sure you heard them from where you were, Kapp'n!"

"Aye," replied Kapp'n, "But how do ye know it was them fer sure?"

"Trust me," assured Copper.

"But sir," began Booker, "I'm not comfortable with all of this…What would Tortimer say?"

"Too bad," laughed Copper, "Tortimer is out of town for the next day and a half, and so we're practically in charge now! I promise, I _will_ find out what they're up to tonight…"

"I don't agree with yer plan either," began Kapp'n, "I only did this so ye would cancel all me damn parking tickets, aaargh!"

"And I will," said Copper, "Once I catch the gang! But seriously, you should be more careful where you park that bus of yours!"

"Maybe," began Kapp'n, "If ye didn't spend so much time ticketing me, you'd have time ta deal with the humans!"

"I'll keep that in mind," said Copper, "Now, get out before I change my mind about cancelling the tickets!"

Kapp'n then left. He returned not long after.

"By the way," he began, "Can I check the Lost and Found for one of me hats? I dropped it the other day and..."

"We'll start the bidding at 20 bells," began Copper, "Do I hear a 20?"

"What?"

"30 bells," continued Copper, "Going once, going twice..."

"Uhhh," said Kapp'n, "Never mind..."

**To be continued…**


	46. Ring Around the Tortoise Part II

**Ring Around the Tortoise: Part II**

"Attention passengers," said a voice on the train's intercom, "Due to a malfunctioning track, we will be forced to stop at the next station. We apologize for the inconvenience."

"What'cha?" said Tortimer, as he awoke from yet another nap, "What in tarnation is going on now?"

"An interruption," replied Frank, as he casually read through a magazine.

"Got-dangit," said Tortimer, "It's always something with these newfangled trains! Back in my day…"

"Oh boy," muttered Frank.

"…Trains were always on time!" continued Tortimer, "No delays and no problems! If the track was ever broken, then there were blacksmiths who wandered the sides of track with hammers and toothpicks to take care of things! Track jockeys, we called 'em! Of course, back then there was no sunscreen so a whole lot of 'em died of heatstroke on the really hot days…But consarn it, at least the train was always on time!"

"Sir," said Doug, "If it's any consultation, we can just take a bus from the next train station. I'm sure there are plenty that pass through the mid-western county."

"Buses?" said Tortimer, "BAH! Nothin' but deathtraps on wheels, I say!"

"Didn't you drive one in Korea?" asked Frank.

"No!" cried Doug, "For the love of…"

"Those were different, sonny!" yelled Tortimer, "Those were top-of-the-line military hardware used to transport injured soldiers to base camp! This one time…"

"I warned you," said Doug, as Tortimer continued rambling.

"Right," said Frank, "I'll take note. Should we give him his meds now?"

"…And that's when the enemy started shootin'! I told everyone to keep their heads down as I slammed the accelerator and charged through those bastard commies like they were a stack of a stack of soda cans! But they wouldn't let up…"

"You know what?" said Frank, "_I _could use those meds!"

"Those are Tortimer's," said Doug, "They could kill you!"

"So?"

* * *

"Now this is the shit," proclaimed Sakura, as she threw herself onto one of the couches in the lighthouse cabin, "I can't believe Kapp'n just gave you the key like that!"

"Neither can I," said Lindsay, "Something seems off about all this…"

"Look," assured Curt, "I was just in the right place at the right time and now this place is mine for the night!"

"So," said CJ, "Should I start inviting Poncho and Snake?"

"Sounds good," said Curt, "I'm gonna start buying the drinks and shit for tonight!"

"Shall I prepare an alibi for us in case we get caught again?" Lindsay sighed.

"Relax, Linds," assured Curt, "There'll be no need for that. We have the key and this time, it's legit. Now, let's go! I have to move the furniture around!"

* * *

It was nightfall by the time Tortimer and his bodyguards arrived in New Reiswald. The "Golden City" of Animalia was once the biggest and most influential city in the country before an economic downturn in the 1950's allowed Mallsville to take the lead. Nowadays, despite the city's high poverty and high crime rate, a large number of tourists flock to New Reiswald every year to take in its fine collection of pre-war skyscrapers and old-school design.

Tortimer, and especially his two bodyguards, were exhausted from the long bus ride they had to endure. They immediately made their way to the hotel so they can sleep and resume their search tomorrow. Tortimer, who was dressed in a blue and white striped pyjama complete with nightcap, stood in front of the window, examining the New Reiswald skyline.

"This isn't the New Reiswald I remember!" said Tortimer, "Where are all the streetcars? The neon lights? The life-sized cigarette ads? As a young man, I used to love coming here! This place had all the best cabaret clubs in the country!"

"Cities change," replied Doug, who was lying on the bed, "Some for the worst. I strongly suggest we get some sleep, since we have a long day tomorrow."

"What kind of bodyguards are you?" demanded Tortimer, "The ones I hired during my term back in '75 were a combined age of 113 and could run circles around the both of you!"

"Yes," said Frank, who was brushing his teeth, "But did they have to endure trips like this?"

"Actually," began Tortimer, "There was this one time…"

"Sir, please," interrupted Doug, "I have a headache!"

"Hrrrmph," grunted Tortimer, as he made his way to his bed, "Young people these days never have time for their elders! It's always 'Me, me, me'!"

Frank put his toothbrush away and approached Doug, who was still lying down.

"There are only two beds in this room," whispered Frank, "There's no way I'm sharing one with him!"

"Well." said Doug, "You're not getting in this one with me!"

"Fine," said Frank, "I'll sleep in the armchair. But you owe me!"

"Would you two keep it down?" snapped Tortimer, "I'm tryin' to sleep here, Consarn it!"

"Sorry," said Doug.

"And who tucked these sheets in?" complained Tortimer, "I can barely move my legs!"

"Maybe once we get the ring delivered," began Doug, "Tortimer'll be less cranky…"

"In that case," said Frank, "It's almost over. I hope."

* * *

Meanwhile, in Hell, the lighthouse party was in full swing. Sakura, Lindsay, Curt, CJ, Poncho, Snake and Alfonso were all at the cabin, sitting on the couches. A bunch of snacks and drinks were placed on the table and on the floor nearby. A drunk Curt and Snake were disussing on one of the couches.

"I'm telling you," began Curt, holding his beer, "All skeletons are evil! No exceptions. There's Skeletor, the Grim Reaper, the Terminator…"

"What about Jack Skellington?" asked Snake, "He's not evil!"

"Dude," said Curt, "He kidnapped Santa Claus! He's a fucking dick!"

"Touché," said Snake.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Sakura and CJ were sitting together and discussing.

"This party sucks ass," said Sakura, "Where's the music?"

"We have to keep the noise to a minimum to attract any attention," said CJ.

"I put a lot of shit on hold tonight to come here," said Sakura, "When's the real fun shit gonna start?"

"Look," said CJ, "Poncho's having a good time!"

"WOOOT!" screamed Poncho, as he held his beer up into the air, "Awesome! I never knew lighthouses could be this…"

Suddenly, Poncho tripped, causing him to fall through a nearby desk.

"I'm okay," said Poncho.

"Damnit Poncho," snapped CJ, "We're supposed to be careful or we'll get in serious trouble here!"

"Ha!" laughed Sakura, "What an ass!"

Meanwhile, Lindsay approached Curt.

"Curt," said Lindsay.

"Hold on," said Curt, "Snake and I are discussing something!"

"But Curt," continued Lindsay, "This is important!"

"So is this!"

"You forgot to turn the light on! Isn't that the whole reason you were given the keys in the first place?"

"Oh, that…I completely forgot. Meh, I never see any ships come by here anyway!"

"Because Tortimer always turns it on!"

"Fine, fine," Curt stood up, "I'll turn it on in a sec, just…"

Suddenly, the cabin door burst open. Copper and Booker stood at the entrance with their guns in hand.

"Alright," said Copper, "Everybody, freeze! Party's over!"

"This is a bust," said Booker, "I think…"

"Let's see what we have here," said Copper, as he looked around, "Furniture moved around, smashed table, alcohol…Yup, looks like a clear case of lighthouse vandalism."

"Wait," said Curt, "What the fuck is going on?"

"Booker," said Copper, "The rulebook please."

Booker pulled out a giant rulebook and handed it to Copper.

"Ahem," said Copper, reading, "Article 56 says: _No person(s) shall vandalize the town lighthouse or occupy it without direct authorization from the mayor himself_. You guys are in big trouble!"

"Who the fuck told you we were here?" demanded Sakura, "I bet that bitch Cookie ratted us out again!"

"We'll discuss this outside," said Copper, "Let's go, people! Single-file!"

The gang lined up and walked out of the lighthouse. Copper lined the gang up on the beach.

"Do you mind explaining what this is all about?" asked CJ, "You owe us at least that!"

"Of course," said Copper, "I knew you guys couldn't resist throwing another one of your wild escapades so I made sure the key, which was entrusted to Booker and me, fell into your hands!"

"Kapp'n!" snapped Curt, "That bastard betrayed us!"

"You can't do this," said CJ, "You're beyond your rights! Tortimer will…"

"Tortimer's gone," interrupted Copper, "I'm practically the mayor in his stead. Your asses belong to me now, hehe!"

"Um," began Snake, "Can I say something?"

"NO!" snapped Copper, "Unless you want it used against you in a court of law!"

"In that case," said Snake, "There's a huge shadow in the ocean and it's getting really close to the docs!"

Copper and Booker turned around and watched in horror as a large yacht approached the docs.

"Right," said Curt, "I forgot to turn on the lighthouse…My bad."

"You idiot!" yelled Copper.

The yacht, having realized it was on a collision course, attempted to turn around. It only managed to turn to its side before crashing into the docs, causing substantial damage to both the boat and the docs. The noise was so loud that more than half the town went running to the beach to see what was going on.

"ME DOCS!" cried Kapp'n, as he pushed through the crowd, "Aaaarrgh! This surely be karma for what I did to them poor kids! I didn't really wanna go through with it!"

"Wow," said Curt, "I guess you were right, Lindsay."

"You guys are in really big trouble now," said Copper.

"Um, sir," began Booker, "Technically speaking, it was our job to turn on the beacon, or um, at least that's what I recall…"

"True," said CJ, "You got so caught up in catching us that you forgot to do your job!"

"Aw, fuck me!" snapped Copper.

In all this time, the captain of the yacht had climbed out and ran towards where the gang stood.

"Alright," he said, "Who forgot to turn on the damn lighthouse? I couldn't see shit until the last second!"

"Sir," began Copper, "If you'll let me explain…"

"Who's the mayor here?" demanded the captain.

"Well," replied Curt, "The mayor's out of town now, but Copper here just told us that he's 'practically the mayor' at the moment so…"

"It's true, sir," said Booker, "You did say that, I think…"

"Well," said the captain, "Someone had better get my boat fixed before dawn or I'm filing for damages against this whole town!"

"Listen guys," Copper pleaded to the gang, "You gotta help me. I screwed up big and Tortimer'll fire me if he gets sued!"

"Drop the charges," began CJ, "All of them. And then we'll help."

"Fine," said Copper, "I'm sorry!"

"Aye," said Kapp'n, "Count me in too…If ye promise to drop me speeding tickets!"

Copper rolled his eyes and nodded his head.

"But sir," began Booker, "What about the docs? Those repairs will take much longer…And will be way more expensive!"

"Well," began Kapp'n, "I'm sure Tortimer will have no choice but ta dock yer pay for the next while to fund the repairs, eh?"

"Oh God," said Copper, "Tortimer will never trust me with anything ever again!"

The townsfolk began yelling and complaining as Copper began sobbing.

"Well guys," said CJ, "What did we learn tonight?"

"That Copper's an even bigger ass than I initially thought?" said Curt.

"That karma's a total bitch?" said Sakura.

"That skeletons are evil?" said Snake.

"Something like that," said CJ, "All I know is that I'm just not doing this kind of shit again."

"Me neither," said Poncho, "How about next time, we party at my place? I just got new couches!"

"Hell yeah!" said Curt, "Party at Poncho's…Right after we get this shit cleaned up."

"Come on, guys," said CJ, "Let's go…"

* * *

The following day in New Reiswald:

Tortimer had finally tracked down the address of Marion Sweeney and he and his bodyguards promptly headed to her house. Tortimer, who was wearing a nice suit, slowly climbed the steps to her front door. His bodyguards waited on the sidewalk.

Tortimer knocked on the door and waited. Eventually, an elderly female dog opened the door.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Ahem," Tortimer cleared his throat, "The name's Tortimer von Tortimer, and I was in the war with Buddy…"

"Buddy?" she asked.

"Yes," said Tortimer, "He was your fiancée. He was K.I.A. and for all these years, I've been holding on to his…Well, your engagement ring."

Tortimer grabbed Marion's paw and slowly placed the ring in it. She simply stared at it, confused.

"I'm too late," sighed Tortimer, "It appears that in her old age, her past memories are all but forgotten. What a waste of time!"

With that, Tortimer turned around and began to climb down the steps.

"Tortimer!" called Marion, "Wait!"

Tortimer turned around.

"For all these years," she began, "I had been suppressing the memory of my dear old Buddy. The day before he went to war, he and I had gotten into a fight and I thought he hated me. When I heard the news that he had been killed, I felt horrible…For the first time in 60 years, I can finally rest knowing that he still loved me."

"Good to know," said Tortimer, "He was a great man and I hope you never forget him!"

"I won't," said Marion, "Thank you so much, mister. Would you like to come in for some tea?"

"No m'am," replied Tortimer, "I must get back home now. My town awaits me!"

"I hope to hear from you again," said Marion, as she closed the front door.

Tortimer made his way over to his bodyguards.

"Well," said Tortimer, "It's done, and I can finally rest easy, ho, ho!"

"Excellent," said Doug, "I can't wait to get out of this place!"

"Me neither," said Tortimer, "This city is full of those baggy pants, beanie-wearing urchins! Disgraceful!"

Tortimer and his bodyguards began to walk towards the train station.

"And when I get back to Hell," continued Tortimer, "Everything better be in one piece, dagnabbit, or there'll be Hell to pay! Mark my words!"

"Seriously," said Frank, "You were gone for two days. What could have possibly gone wrong?"

That's it for now, guys! With the holidays approaching, I might not have time to update as quickly, but keep checking after the New Year for more episodes! Happy Holidays!


	47. Dog Days in Hell

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 24: Dog Days in Hell**

The large van rolled quickly down the large stretch of highway just outside of Hell. The driver, a turtle, appeared very bored and munched on a bag of chips while bobbing his head to the song that was playing on the radio. In the back, the one and only K.K. Slider was sitting on a couch, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket. He carefully tuned his guitar while his manager, a Bear wearing a suit and thick-rimmed glasses, spoke to him.

"I'm telling you," said the manager, "If we cranked up the pyrotechnics just a bit on your next show, it could be a really big hit!"

"And I'm telling you, Rig," began K.K., "I don't give a shit. The ladies love me how I am, ya dig?"

"I'm just saying," said Rig, "Besides, your fan base extends beyond just the ladies. Your last album attracted a high proportion of metalheads!"

"Cool," said K.K., "But I ain't interested into that shit! Now, if y'all don't mind, I need some time to myself. Peace."

"Fine," said Rig, "Hey Driver! Can we hurry it up a little? K.K. has to be in Salzburg by tonight so we can meet with the band and start setting up the sound system!"

"I have a name, you know," said the driver.

"Whatever, just pick it up!"

As he continued tuning his guitar, K.K. turned to look at the window.

"Man," he said, "What a sad place, this Western County. Ain't nothin' but trees'n rocks'n shit!"

"It's a little backwater compared to the rest of the country," said Rig, "But your show here last year was a big hit. The fans here are just as crazy as everywhere else!"

"Yeah, but…"

Before K.K. could finish his sentence, the van hit a large bump. Everyone inside flew up in the air, and the guitar string that K.K. was tuning suddenly snapped.

"What the fuck was that?" demanded Rig, "You trying to get us killed, Driver? Slow the fuck down! You always go so damn fast! Geez!"

The driver sighed and pulled the van over. All three men stepped out to examine the damage.

"What happened?" asked K.K.

"We hit a nasty pothole," replied the driver, "It completely destroyed the van's suspension."

"Piece of shit van," snapped Rig, "Next time, we're getting you a high-class tour bus."

"Whatevs," said K.K., "Can this be fixed by tonight? I really need to get to my show, man!"

"Of course it can be fixed," assured the driver, "We just need to find a shop!"

"There's a town up ahead," said Rig, "Can you drive the van just a bit further?"

The driver carefully and slowly drove the van up to the nearest town, which happened to be Hell.

"_Welcome to Hell_," K.K. read the sign aloud, "The fuck kinda name is Hell, yo? This is some fucked up shit!"

"It's probably one of those towns named after places from the Bible," suggested Rig.

"Oh yeah," said K.K., "Remember when I did that tour in Israel? There was a town called Jerusalem _and _a town called Bethlehem! I was all like, 'come on, man'!"

"Well, whatever," said Rig, "Hopefully, we can get this van fixed up ASAP and get moving again."

"I better not be seen," said K.K., "I love my fans, but they can be nuts sometimes. I gotta remain incognito for the time being, ya dig?

"Of course," said Rig, "You're just gonna have to blend in a bit. Although these country bumpkins probably don't even know who you are!"

"Naw, man," said K.K., lowering his sunglasses, "Everyone knows who I am!"

* * *

While all this was happening, Lindsay approached the counter at the Roost to pay for her drink.

"Hey Lindsay," sighed Brewster.

"Hi Brewster," said Lindsay, "What's wrong? You look down."

"Business has been pretty bad lately," replied the Pigeon.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," said Lindsay, "Things have been going well for you for so long!"

"Not really," said Brewster, "My first shop in Mallsville failed miserably, and this shop was only helping me to get by. I don't know where I went wrong!"

"Maybe you just need to change your image," suggested Lindsay, "Use brighter colours, play happier music…You have to create an image for yourself!"

"You're right," said Brewster, "There are plenty of little shops and restaurants across town. I need to set myself apart from those guys. I need to do like Starbucks and become an actual coffeehouse! Now, where to begin…"

"Hey, Linds!" Curt had just entered the Roost.

"What'll it be?" asked Brewster.

"Nothing," replied Curt, "I just ate."

Brewster frowned as he began wiping a glass.

"What's up, Curt?" asked Lindsay, "Aren't those guys from the H.R.A. at your house now?"

"Yeah," said Curt, "During their inspection, they noticed a major 'structural weakness' in my basement."

"Oh," said Lindsay, "That's really dangerous! I can't believe it went unnoticed for so long!"

"Meh," said Curt, "I always figured something was up. I use to hear creaking noises in my basement all the time and…"

"You were too afraid to go down and check, were you?"

"NO! I mean…No, of course not! How silly! Afraid of going down to my own basement? That's a good one!"

"Well, what now? Did they deduct points?"

"Nope! In fact, the issue is on their end…Apparently someone screwed up during last upgrade. Therefore, it's up to the H.R.A. to fix it themselves…For free! Ha!"

"Well, that's good!"

"Yeah, except I'm gonna have to stay in a hotel for the next couple of days. Ya know, in case my house caves in. And no, the H.R.A. isn't paying for that…"

"Well, I'm sorry…I'd invite you to stay at my place, but you know how the H.R.A. are. They'll find out the moment you step foot inside and double-charge me for rent!"

"Assholes…Anyways, I gotta go to the motel and book a room, so…Yeah."

"Hey," said Brewster, "You sure you don't want anything? Please?"

"Sorry," said Curt, "I gotta go!"

Curt the left the café. Brewster folded his arms on the table and buried his face into them.

"Don't worry," said Lindsay, "Everything will be fine!"

* * *

K.K.'s van was now parked in a small garage at the center of town. The driver stood outside the garage, playing with a yo-yo. Rig and K.K. both stood inside the garage speaking with the mechanic. K.K. was wearing a large trench coat with a fedora and dark glasses.

"My friend here really needs to get to Salzburg for a show, er, business meeting," began Rig, "How fast do you think you can fix this van?"

The mechanic examined the van for a few seconds.

"Hard to say," said the mechanic, "The suspension's busted up alright, but it won't take me too long to fix. Of course, you are on a waiting list…I would say by tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?" snapped K.K., "Don't you know who…"

Rig placed a hand on K.K.'s shoulder, shutting him up.

"What my friend meant to say was," began Rig, "'Can you move us to the top of the waiting list and repair our van today?'"

Rig then discretely placed a few bills into the mechanic's pocket.

"Aw," said the mechanic, "I appreciate the early tip, but I'm sorry, there's no way I can move you up. Sorry!"

"Damnit," whispered K.K., "These townsfolk are dim as fuck! Tell him the truth and then we'll get the van fixed right away…And maybe a new installed stereo for free!"

"Tell him the truth?" whispered Rig, "And risk him blabbing your secret to the whole damn town? This place is small. I bet news travels fast here! In minutes, these people will be crawling all over you like ants!"

K.K. bit his lip.

"Fine," said K.K., "But my show, er, meeting is in two days, so it better be fixed by then!"

"Of course," said the mechanic, "Have a pleasant day!"

"Now what?" asked K.K., "I have to remain incognito for two whole days in this shithole? Dang!"

"Let's start by booking a hotel room," began Rig, "I'm sure they have one in this town…"

* * *

"And so, I now bid _adieu _to my humble abode," said Curt, "Until tomorrow night!"

"Humble?" asked CJ, "More like pitiful!"

"Hey!" snapped Curt.

Curt, CJ and Sakura watched as the H.R.A. began the repairs on Curt's house. Construction workers carried support beams, wooden planks, and steel pipes in and out of the house, while the sound of drilling came from inside.

"I always knew your house was a dump," laughed Sakura, "But a deathtrap? You never fail to surprise me!"

"Shut up, both of you!" cried Curt, "You heard the H.R.A.! It wasn't my fault! Now, I'm getting free repairs, so…HA!"

"Yeah," said CJ, "But no evaluation!"

"Speaking of which," began Sakura, "What did you get, CJ?"

"33 500."

"Sweet! You improved!"

"Yeah," said CJ, "It turns out that leaving your fan on when you're not at home deducts points…Plus my bedroom was a little less cluttered this time."

"Good to hear," said Curt, who was carrying two big suitcases, "But I don't give a shit about points. Now, who's going to help me bring my stuff to the hotel?"

"Put 'em in my trunk," sighed CJ, "I'll be back soon."

Sakura nodded.

"Hey!" yelled Sakura, "This construction better stop by 9 p.m. I live next door to this asshole and the last thing I want is for the sound of drilling to keep me up all night, got it?"

The workers ignored her.

"Whatever…" she muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Hell Motel, K.K., Rig and the driver were settling down in their room.

"Man," said K.K., "We shoulda stayed at that other place, the _Chateau Hell_ or whatever?"

"No," said Rig, "We're not spending more money than we need to. The repairs are costing enough already! As your manager, it's my job to take care of you, both personally and financially!"

"If by 'taking care of me' you mean robbin' me blind of my royalties, then yeah, you're doing a hell of a job!"

"We all gotta eat, K," chuckled Rig, "Speaking of which, how about we order some room service?"

"So much for saving money," said the driver.

"Later," said K.K., "I just wanna chill for a bit."

"Okay," said Rig, "But remember: If you're gonna step outside, put on your disguise! We don't want a media frenzy!"

"Yeah, yeah," muttered K.K.

In the room next door, Curt was settling down as well. Poncho was there as well.

"Yo," said Poncho, "What an awesome place! And look at that view of the ocean!"

"For the last time," began Curt, "The H.R.A. isn't paying for this room, only the repairs! And I was just starting to get out of debt!"

"Yeah, it bites," said Poncho, "Hey, I gotta go online and buy the tickets for K.K.'s Salzburg show! It's in a few days!"

"You're actually gonna go?" asked Curt, "With who? Snake? Alfonso? You actually convinced those guys?"

"Nah," said Poncho, "I'm going alone!"

"Dude, going to a concert alone is the most pathetic, loser-ish thing someone can do! It's worse than watching a movie alone!"

"No! Not if it's an outdoor concert! No one can tell if you're by yourself or with a group because everyone's just standing around!"

"Yeah but…"

"If you're so concerned, buy a ticket and join me then!"

"I'm not a fan like you are! I would never spend money on that guy!"

"It's true, I'm the biggest K.K. fan ever! Man, I'd kill for an autograph!"

"Maybe you'll get lucky…"

"Bah," Poncho stood up, "Either way, I have to go home and buy the ticket! I hope your first night goes well! I heard this place has major bedbugs!"

"Aw fuck!" snapped Curt.

Poncho chuckled and walked out of the room. As he walked down the balcony outside the room, he passed by Rig and K.K. (In his trenchcoat and glasses) who were both having a smoke. Poncho nodded to the two men and they nodded back.

"Can't wait 'till next week," muttered Poncho, "Gonna be awesome!"

* * *

Later that evening, Sakura headed to the Roost to meet up with Lindsay. As she walked inside the café, she observed the walls, which were painted beige and decorated with abstract paintings. In the center of the room was a stand containing bags of coffee beans. At the counter, where Brewster stood, there was a small box containing various CD's as well as a bookshelf.

"Um," began Sakura, "What?"

"Like it?" asked Lindsay, "Brewster here was concerned about his business and I offered some advice!"

"Yeah," said Brewster excitedly, "I'm trying to change my image! Welcome to my brand new café, the Я∞st! It's spelt with an infinity sign 'cause I'm unique!"

Sakura rubbed her forehead.

"Lindsay," she began, "I think it's really cool that you're helping the man, but this place looks some dumb hipster joint!"

"I know," said Lindsay, "I had to give Brewster some freedom to make his own decisions!"

Just then, a couple entered the Roost.

"Woah," said the man, "This place really changed."

"Ah," said Brewster, "Customers! Welcome! Try some of our new stuff."

"Like?" asked the woman.

"My London Fog Latte," began Brewster, "Super foamy, with _extra_ pigeon milk!"

"Er," said the man, "No, it's ok. I'll just have a regular coffee…Medium."

"Sorry, sir," said Brewster, "Our sizes are now _Minuto_, _Gigante _and _Che Cazzo_!"

"Um," said the man, "Why are the drink sizes in another language?"

"Yeah," said the woman, "And what happened to the smallest size?"

"Just trying to max out the coffee experience for everyone, ma'am! Now, you get more for less!"

"Yeah," began the woman, "But I can't have too much coffee at this hour!"

"Then try one of our bubble teas," Brewster held up a picture of a frothy drink filled small blue beads."

"Um, what is that?"

"It's a delicacy in Japan! Tell 'em, Sakura!"

The couple stared awkwardly at Sakura.

"Uh, actually," she began, "It's a Taiwanese drink…"

Lindsay shook her head at Sakura.

"But it's Hella good!" Sakura faked enthusiasm by swinging her fist.

"Can we go now?" asked the woman, "This place is creeping me the fuck out!"

"Yeah," said the man, "Sorry, but we'll just go somewhere else! Thanks!"

As the couple left, Brewster began sobbing.

"I'm a failure!" he cried, "All those bells wasted on wall paint!"

"At least the paintings were free," assured Lindsay, "They're from his old apartment!"

"This place is headed for the shitter," moaned Brewster, "Just like my old café! Waaaah!"

"Look," said Sakura, "When Lindsay suggested being unique, she didn't mean to rip off Starbucks! You need to do your own thing!"

"Yeah," said Lindsay, "I promise things will pick up!"

"I hope so," sobbed Brewster, "Or I'm screwed…"

**To be continued...**


	48. Dog Days in Hell Part II

**Dog Days in Hell (Part II)**

That night, K.K. awoke in his bed. He was having trouble falling asleep.

"Man, fuck this shit," he muttered, as he stood up, "I ain't used to bedsheets like this!"

K.K. approached the mini-refrigerator, hoping to grab a drink.

"Aw, shit," he said, "This drink's warm as piss. Damn fridge must be broken!"

K.K. looked around and an empty bucket sitting on the dresser. Frustrated, he approached Rig, who was fast asleep, and began shaking him.

"Rig, dog," said K.K., "I need some ice and I ain't in the mood to put on my stupid get-up!"

"But I don't wanna eat broccoli, mom," muttered Rig in his sleep.

"Yo!"

Rig groaned and then farted loudly.

"Fuck!"

K.K. decided to just go out and get ice himself.

As K.K. stepped out, so did Curt. K.K. began panicking because he was not wearing his disguise. K.K. raised his paw in front of his face and began scratching his head in an attempt to hide his identity. He walked briskly and passed right by Curt. Curt did not even bat an eye; K.K. breathed a sigh of relief once he was in the clear.

"Hey, dude!"

K.K. stopped in his tracks but did not turn around.

"Um," began K.K., "You talking to me?"

"You look familiar," began Curt, "Have we met before?"

"Nope," said K.K., "I don't think so!"

"Yeah, I definitely know you from somewhere!"

K.K. turned his head slightly, but kept his paw on his forehead.

"Nope, sorry dog!"

"K.K. Slider?"

"What? Hell no! I just need to get some ice, now scram!"

"You really do look like him!"

"I said scram!"

"Wait…Why would a big-time celebrity like K.K. Slider be staying at a cheap motel in a small village like this?"

"Because it's not me…I mean it's not him…Aw fuck!"

K.K. gave up and turned around.

"Holy shit!" said Curt, "K.K. fuckin' Slider! I don't…"

"Sh!" snapped K.K., "I'm here in secret! If everyone in town knew I was here they'd swarm me! Ever been to one of my concerts? Or, at least seen one on t.v.?"

"I get it," said Curt, "You're just trying to get away from it all. Good for you!"

"Yeah, that's exactly it. Now, please don't tell anyone I'm here dude, got it?"

"Your secret's safe with me! But can I at least get an autograph?"

"Sure," said K.K., "You got a pen?"

Curt ran to his room and grabbed both a pen and a piece of paper.

"Here ya go," said K.K., as he signed the paper, "Now scram, ok?"

"Got it!" said Curt, "Later!"

Curt walked back to his room with his autograph and smiled.

"Man," he thought, "Poncho'll be happy to see this!"

* * *

At noon the next day, Rig turned on the television set. K.K. was still asleep and the driver was taking a shower in the bathroom.

"Let's see," began Rig, "What channel is…What the?"

The local news was playing:

"Good morning," said Bob, "I'm Bob the Cat, and here are today's top stories."

A photo of K.K. Slider appeared in the top right-hand side of the screen.

"Thanks to an anonymous tip," began Bob, "We now know that musician and pop-culture icon, Totakeke Sliderman, better known by his stage name, K.K. Slider, is currently in town. He was rumored to be seen last at the Hell motel near the beach…"

Rig shut off the television and ran to the window to take a look outside.

"Shit," he muttered.

Rig ran up to K.K.'s bed and shook the superstar violently to wake him up.

"Get up," ordered Rig, "Get up now!"

"The fuck is going on?" asked K.K., confused.

"You'd better come and see this shit!"

Rig dragged K.K. over to the window. Looking outside, K.K. saw a massive crowd forming around the motel. Many of the people in the crowd were women, and they all looked excited.

"Aw, shit," said K.K., "They must know I'm here!"

"How in the fuck did that happen?" demanded Rig.

"I think I know," replied K.K.

As K.K. approached the door, the driver stepped out of the bathroom, fully-clothed. He calmly lay down on Rig's bed and pulled out a magazine.

"Oh boy," he said, sarcastically, "It looks like K.K. made a big boo-boo!"

"Shut up," snapped Rig, "You're not helping things!"

K.K. stepped out onto the balcony and fans began cheering loudly.

"Oh my God," shouted Dizzy, "It's K.K. Slider!"

"Sign my CD's!" yelled Limberg.

"Sign my boobs!" yelled Cookie, as she lifted her shirt.

"I love you, sexy!" called out Sally.

Just then, Curt stepped out of his room.

"YOU!" snapped K.K., pointing at Curt, "You told all these people I was here!"

"Oh," said Curt, "That's what all that ruckus was…"

"You promised to keep your damn mouth shut!"

"I did! I never told anyone you were here!"

"So how did these people find out?"

"Hmmm," Curt rubbed his chin, "Maybe my friend Poncho told them…But I didn't say you were staying in this motel. All I did was give him the autograph you signed early this morning."

"It was on motel stationary, numbnuts! The motel's logo is on it!"

"Ohhhh…My bad."

"You did what?" demanded Rig, who suddenly appeared behind K.K., "You signed a fucking autograph?"

"Are you his bandmate?" asked Curt, "Or his roadie?"

"I'm his fucking manager," replied Rig, "And you, kid, are in big trouble!"

"I didn't do shit," said Curt, "I was trying to make a friend happy! That's it!"

"Guys," began K.K., "Let's focus on the issue at hand!"

"WE WANT K.K.!" chanted the crowd, "WE WANT K.K!"

"Play us a song!" shouted a random person.

"Sure thing," said K.K., "If y'all wanna hear a song, then I'll have to grab my guitar first, so hang on!"

K.K. grabbed Rig and dragged him back into the room. Curt ran into his own room.

"Dude," said Curt into his hotel phone, "You blabbed about K.K.? What the fuck? It was supposed to be a secret!"

"Alright," said Poncho, "You got me. I'm sorry! But I swear, I only told Snake this morning!"

"Really? Are you sure that's it?"

"Um, yeah…Except I told him at the post office; maybe someone overheard?"

"Yeah," began Curt, "Well, Now, the whole damn town knows!"

"I know, I know," said Poncho, "I fucked up…But maybe there's a way I can help!"

"You wanna help?" asked Curt, "Call Lindsay! She's at the Roost. We'll hide K.K. there!"

"Right!"

Poncho hung up his phone.

* * *

Minutes later, K.K., who was still holed up in his motel room, paced around anxiously.

"This is your fault, K," said Rig, "You shouldn't have signed that guy's autograph!"

"Well, excuse me for trying to be nice to my fans!" snapped K.K., "Now what do we do?"

Suddenly, there was a loud pounding at the door. The fans had gotten impatient and climbed up to the second floor balcony.

"WE WANT K.K.!" they continued chanting.

"Eep!" shrieked K.K.

"Quick," said Rig, "There's a window in the bathroom. We'll escape from there!"

K.K.'s room was at the far end of the motel, so there was an extra window in his room that lead out the side of the building. K.K. and Rig ran to the bathroom and immediately opened that window. K.K. looked down. There were no fans on the side of the building.

"And where are we supposed to go from here?" asked K.K.

"I didn't plan that far ahead," admitted Rig.

Suddenly, the two heard a honk. A small van approached.

"Let's see," said Rig, "Strange, mysterious van, or the crowd of screeching fangirls?"

"That's a no brainer," said K.K.

With that, K.K. leapt out of the window and landed next to the van. Rig did the same but landed on his ass instead.

"Ow," he said.

The two quickly entered the van.

Meanwhile, the fans managed to break down the door. However, when they entered the room, it was empty, except for the driver, who was still lying in bed, reading a magazine.

"He went to the bathroom," he said.

The fans rushed into the bathroom and looked out the window, but by then, the van was long gone.

* * *

Later, at the Roost, the gang plus Poncho gathered around K.K. and discussed:

"I can't believe you don't remember me," said Sakura, "We met, like, a year ago…I was a model!"

"Sweetie," began K.K., "I've hooked up with a whole lotta chicks in my life, human and animal. Why would you stand out in particular?"

"Ugh," said Sakura, "You're nasty! I don't know how the fuck women like you so much!"

"Plus," began CJ, "You looked totally different. You were all made-up!"

"Regardless," began K.K., "She's still a fine piece of ass. How about posing for my next album cover, babe?"

"Blech!" Sakura winced.

"Anyways," said K.K., "Thanks for getting us out of there, Mr…"

"Brewster," said Brewster, "Just call me Brewster! And it was my pleasure."

"Great," said Rig, "As long as we're in the clear! All we have to do is hang out here until the van is finished up and we can get the hell out of this town. We'll send someone for the stuff at the hotel…Assuming those rabid fans haven't auctioned it off already!"

"So," began K.K., "Why did you rescue us again?"

"To make up for what I did," said Poncho, "I know you have a problem with your fans, but I assure you, we're not all crazy!"

K.K. smiled.

"Now that you're here," began Brewster, "I was wondering; you're a pretty hip guy, right? I mean you're popular with the young folks? So, what can I do to improve my café?"

"Brewster," said CJ, "Are you serious?"

"Hey," said Brewster, "I'm not asking for a reward for saving K.K. here! Just some advice will do."

"Well," began K.K., "For one thing, change the colour. And what the hell's up with those CD's at the counter, man? Even as a musician, I find it unlikely anyone's gonna walk into a café and buy a CD!"

"Agreed," said Rig.

At that moment, Curt came running in.

"Guys," he said, "You should watch the news!"

Brewster picked up his remote control and turned on the television in the corner of the room.

* * *

"'Where is K.K.'?" began Bob, "This is what several of the townspeople are wondering following his sudden disappearance from his motel room. His current whereabouts are unknown, but so far, the townsfolk are getting riled up."

The show then cut to some street interviews:

**Sally: **K.K.'s a sell-out and a loser and he doesn't care about his fans!

**Limber: **Dang! All I wanted was an autograph! It's not like I wanted to eat the guy…Though I'm sure he's delicious!

**Tortimer: **Dagnabbit! This is what passes for role models nowadays? Young hooligans with songs about touching each other and getting high! Baaah! Back in my day, women liked classy men, respectable men…Men who could sport a top hat and bow tie! Got-dang young people…

* * *

"Wow," said K.K., shocked, "This is what my fans think of me? What the hell kind of a musician am I?"

"I told you you're a douche," said Sakura.

"Sakura!" snapped Lindsay.

"No, it's true," said K.K., "I got so wrapped up in the ladies and the drugs and money that I forgot about what matters; the music, man!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Rig, "You're music still matters!"

"Yeah," said K.K., "'Cause it pays off that mansion of yours!"

"You got a problem with my house now?" demanded Rig.

"No," replied K.K., "It's just…I need to find some way to make my fans happy again. Like Poncho here said, they ain't all bad!"

"Fine, whatever," said Rig, folding his arms, "Do what you want. I don't care! But those fans just wanna tear you apart and you know it"

"Hey," said Lindsay, "I just got a great idea! One that benefits both you and Brewster!"

"I'm listening," said K.K.

* * *

That evening, a large crowd gathered at the Roost to watch K.K., who sat on a stool on center stage. K.K. held his acoustic guitar in his hands.

"Um," began K.K., "Yeah, so the real reason I was in town is that I wanted to surprise y'all with a little concert. I don't normally do shows _this_ local, so bear with me for the next while. Before I begin, I'd like to thank everyone for comin', my manager, Rig, for it's because of him that I ended up here! And I'd especially like to thank Brewster here for giving me this rad venue. He's probably the hippest dude I know. Alright then, here we go: 1, 2…1, 2, 3!"

K.K. began strumming his guitar and whistling the first few notes of his latest track, _My Place_.

"_Always thinkin' 'bout the last time I got up from my couch,_

_And did something…Worthwhile._

_How the hell did my life pass me by__,__ I got to get out,_

_Get out…Leave my place tonight._

_Leave my plaaaaace…_

_Aoooooooohhhh!_"

"Hell yeah," said CJ, "K.K. sounds better than usual; almost as if the soul has been pumped back into his music!"

"Even I think he rocks tonight!" chuckled Sakura.

"A'ight," said K.K., as he strummed the last few notes, "I'm gonna take some requests now. If anyone has a tune in mind, let me know!"

"Oh!" yelled Cookie, as she raised her arm, "_K.K. Love Song_! And I dedicate it to my wonderful boyfriend, Limberg."

"Aaaaw," said the entire café.

"Far out," said K.K., "Get ready to jam man, _Love Song _style!"

K.K. began plucking some strings on his guitar and whistling the first few notes.

"_You...Just don't know what you mean to meeeeeee__…Oh__ yeah, Ooooh yeah!_

_And I just can't spell it out,_

_It's how…I…Feel!_

_Oh, and…Your smile penetrates my soul…Oh yeah, Ooooh yeah_

_And if I could, I'd scream it out_

_I would…OH YEAH!_"

* * *

Once the performance was done, K.K. stood outside the museum, signing autographs and taking pictures with his fans. K.K.'s tour van, which was now repaired and ready to go, arrived at the scene, with the driver once again at the front seat. Rig opened the back door and waited impatiently for K.K. to enter. K.K. eventually hopped onto his van and waved goodbye one last time. Before long, K.K. was once again on the road to Salzburg for his concert.

"Well," began Curt, "That was a pretty awesome day!"

"Tell me about it," said Brewster, "I made more profit in one night than in the past year!"

"Plus," added CJ, "You got a boost to your reputation!"

"Hell yeah," said Brewster, "I should do an open mic night every weekend! That'll keep the people coming!

"Are you still seeing K.K. in Salzburg next week, Poncho?" asked Curt.

"What for?" replied Poncho, "I met him, got a wicked up-close performance…And best of all, I got his frickin' autograph!"

"Speaking of which," began Curt, "Where are you keeping it?"

"I sold it on eBay this afternoon," replied Poncho, "But thanks for it though! I'm gonna use the money to buy myself a new swimsuit for the summer! Let's see…Trunks or speedo?"

Curt slapped his forehead.

And that's all for now! Tune in next week to see what else is new in the world of _Animal Crossing_!

**Author's Note: **Those lyrics are my own. I tried my best to make them match the actual songs.


	49. Sayonara Sakura!

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 25: Sayonara Sakura!**

It was another day in Hell and the gang were hanging out in their usual spot behind the post office.

"You know what I hate?" asked Curt, "Dudes who wear scarves like, all the time. It doesn't matter whether they're inside or outside or what time of the fucking year it is."

"Ugh," said CJ, "Tell me about it! When I see assholes like that I just wanna yank the scarf off and strangle them with it!"

"Maybe it's the only thing keeping their inflated heads from falling off," said Sakura flatly.

"What's up with you lately?" asked CJ, "You seem...Down, or something."

"Nah," said Sakura, "Just bored. We always meet up here, talk about useless shit, then go off and do our own things and then meet up somewhere else and talk about more useless shit! This is the fifth thing this week Curt said he hates!"

"Well, excuse me for being opinionated!" said Curt.

Just then, Lindsay arrived onto the scene.

"Hey, Sakura," began Lindsay, "I got great news!"

"Hey Linds," said Sakura, "What's up? Is Nook finally leaving town?"

"No, Sakura," said Lindsay, "I just found out about this all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant that opened last week near the Able Sisters'! Isn't that great?"

"And why would I care?" asked Sakura, sarcastically, "Oh wait, is it 'cause I'm Japanese?"

"I don't care what you are," said Curt, "I'm just thrilled I don't have to drive all the way Salzburg for cheap sashimi anymore!"

"It's not that," said Lindsay, "I was thinking, you know, maybe you can apply for a job there…"

"A job?" asked Sakura, "What for?"

"Well," began CJ, "Since you're apparently so 'bored' with us…"

"Shut up," snapped Sakura.

"Look," said Lindsay, "I don't know how to say this without offending you, but...It's just that you're the only Japanese person in town and…"

"Ooooh," said Sakura, "I get it; they'll want to hire me for the publicity!"

"Exactly," said Lindsay, "I'm only doing this to help. Don't you need a job?"

"I'm really not sure how to feel about all this…"

"Take it," said Curt, "It's guaranteed employment! Damn, I wish I was a visible minority…"

"You are, Curt," said CJ, "We're in an Animal-dominated country!"

"Hellz yeah!" shouted Curt, raising his arms.

"Alright, fine," said Sakura, shaking her head, "I haven't made a delivery in a while and my modeling money is running low…"

"Sweeet," said Curt, "Maybe she can get us a nice discount."

"Maybe," said Sakura, "I still don't think I'm totally qualified to work in a restaurant but whatever."

Sakura headed for her house.

"I have to go too guys," said Lindsay, "We'll talk more tomorrow."

"And that means, you, good sir," began Curt, "Have volunteered to help me carry my shit back down to my basement!"

"Oh, right," said CJ, "You're moving back in. How's everything?"

"Safe," replied Curt, "For now…I had to remove most of my shit from the basement to make room for the workers. Now that it's done, I can move it all back!"

"Alright," said CJ, "I'll help. Is it a lot?"

"Nah," said Curt, "It's mostly in boxes!"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Sakura arrived at _Hara-Kiri Sushi _to hand in her résumé. She was immediately asked to meet with the manager, who was a Platypus.

"Ms. Manaki, is it?" asked the manager.

"Yes," said Sakura, "Sakura Manaki."

"Beautiful name," said the manager, "I am the owner and manager of _Hara-Kiri_, Mr. Donovan. Certainly not as pretty as your name, huh?"

"Um…" said Sakura.

"I've just read through your CV," began Mr. Donovan, "And I must say, I'm impressed."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah…It says here you attended high school in Hawaii. How exotic! And you worked as a model for Gracie? Amazing!"

"Thanks, I guess."

"Of course, one important matter has caught my attention…You have absolutely no experience in the restaurant industry. Not to worry, though. We're gonna start you off small; baby steps, you know?"

"Right."

"Rest assured, the pay is fine, even for a low-level employee. And, if you really strive, you can climb the ranks in no time!"

"Well, this could be a great experience…"

"Of course it is! Just sign these forms and you can start as early as tomorrow!"

Mr. Donovan handed Sakura a bunch of papers.

"Just one question though," began Sakura, "What exactly will I be doing here as a 'low-level employee'?"

"Oh," said Mr. Donovan, "We have the perfect job for you…"

* * *

"So," began Curt, as he lifted a box, "I'm on my way to the post office, and I see that new girl in town, Coco…"

"The one with the creepy eyes?" asked CJ, who was on his way down the stairs.

"'Creepy' doesn't even begin to describe them," said Curt, "They're like black holes, piercing into your soul!"

CJ and Curt carried down box after box into Curt's basement, which was now repaired and safe to enter.

"Then what?" asked CJ.

"Anyways," said Curt, as he climbed up from the basement, "She asked me to mail a letter for her. You know? Since I was on the way to the post office…"

"Well that was rude of her," said CJ.

"Yeah," agreed Curt, "But the worst part was: I actually did it! I was so freaked out by those eyes…And that mouth, that I couldn't refuse!"

"Ha! Well maybe she's taking advantage?"

"Fuck if I know…I don't think I'll be walking by that acre anymore!"

"Anything else to carry down?"

"Just a couple more boxes."

Curt and CJ approached a pair of boxes in the living room. The one that CJ grabbed was marked "Personal Stuff".

"'Personal Stuff'?" asked CJ, "I wonder what's inside!"

"Well," began Curt, "If it's personal, maybe it means I don't want anyone to see!"

"Meh," said CJ, "Just open it!"

Curt approached the box and opened it. There were several trinkets inside, including glasses, pottery, etc.

"Just some old stuff my mom gave me when I first moved out," said Curt, "I never…"

"Hold on," interrupted CJ, "What are these?"

CJ reached inside the box and grabbed several pieces of paper. They appeared to be photographs.

"Ooooh," laughed Curt, "Those…Ha! I forgot about them!"

"These are pics of us when we first moved to Hell," said CJ, as he searched through them, "There's quite a few!"

Curt and CJ looked at the photos together.

"Ha," chuckled Curt, "Look, that's me on the platform, waiting for the train!"

"I took that," said CJ.

"Here's me ordering some food from the trolley," continued Curt, "Here's right after we met Lindsay…"

"Here's all of us together," said CJ, as he showed Curt, "Rover must've taken it!"

CJ showed Curt a photo of the gang sitting together in their booth on the train smiling and waving.

"Wow," said Curt, "You were a skinny wimp back then!"

"I didn't have my weight set yet," said CJ, "Don't judge!"

CJ placed the photos down.

"One question," began CJ, "Why weren't these saved onto your computer, or camera? Why are they in print format?"

"I don't know," replied Curt, "I think I was planning on framing them or something. But then, I forgot and they ended up down here…"

"These are valuable memories," said CJ, "We can't lose these photos!"

"One step ahead of you, dude," said Curt, "We gotta scrap them!"

"What?"

"As in, put 'em in a scrapbook!"

"Oh. That's an odd term to use…"

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna head down to Nook's and buy a nice big scrapbook, and then you and I can start putting the photos in!"

"Sounds like a plan! It'll be much better than keeping them in a box in your basement!"

* * *

The following day, Sakura headed to _Hara-Kiri Sushi _to begin her first day of work. Sakura was wearing a long, pink kimono with sandals. Her hair was tied up in a neat little bun and had a flower in it.

"How exciting," began Mr. Donovan, "Your first day! I hope you're not too nervous!"

"No sir," replied Sakura, "I just don't understand why I have to wear this get-up…"

"Authenticity, my friend," replied the Platypus, "We're not just here to serve food; we're here to provide an experience for our customers! With our staff dressed like that, our customers will feel like they've actually travelled to Japan to eat!"

"I guess," said Sakura, "But…"

"Now," said Mr. Donovan, "Just remember to always smile! At _Hara-Kiri _our atmosphere is always positive, understand?"

"Just one more thing: For how long will I be a greeter? I mean, it doesn't seem like much of a job and…"

"It is a very simple job, I agree. But I assure you, there is still a lot of responsibility to it. You are part of the whole dining experience!"

"But I will eventually get promoted, right?"

"Ho, ho! Now, your first break is at 11:15, and your lunch will be at 2:00, after the big rush. If you have any questions or concerns, I'll be in my office at the back of the restaurant. Good luck!"

And so, Mr. Donovan headed to his office, leaving Sakura standing in the middle of the restaurant in her embarrassing Geisha outfit. After a few minutes, a couple walked in.

"_Kon'nichiwa,_" said Sakura, bowing, "Welcome to _Hara-Kiri Sushi_. Take a seat wherever you like and someone will be with you shortly."

Sakura smiled the biggest smile she could.

"Awww, look," said the woman, "How cute! I love this place already!"

"Wow," said the man, "Just like being in Japan!"

"Idiots," muttered Sakura, as the couple walked away.

Not long after, a family walked in. There was a man, a woman, and a small boy.

"_Kon'nichiwa,_" said Sakura, "Welcome to _Hara-Kiri Sushi_."

"Look mommy," said the little boy, "It's _Mulan_!"

"How adorable," said the mother, "Do you mind if my son takes a picture with you?"

"Not at all," said Sakura, annoyed.

The boy ran up to Sakura and she put her arm around him. Sakura smiled a fake smile as the mother whipped out a camera and took the picture.

"Thank you so much, dear," said the mother.

"Take a seat," said Sakura, "Someone will be with you shortly."

Sakura never felt so humiliated in all her life. As time went on, it became more difficult for her to fake her smile. She couldn't wait until break.

As she waited for the next customer, Sakura examined the place a bit. It looked like a standard sushi restaurant, with an exposed kitchen and Asian-themed artwork adorning the walls. As Sakura examined the kitchen, she noticed the chef, a Cat, hard at work. He wore a blue, sleeveless kimono and a knotted headband.

The chef placed a piece of raw salmon on a cutting board and quickly began cutting it up. When he was done, he placed a piece of avocado and did the same. Sakura was impressed with how quickly the Cat worked. As he balled up some wasabi, the chef glanced up at Sakura and smiled, causing Sakura to turn her head away in embarrassment. She had forgotten how long she was staring. As another couple entered, Sakura glanced one last time at the chef before getting back to work.

* * *

Meanwhile, CJ was sitting at his desk at home, working on his computer, when he suddenly heard his door open.

"Check this shit out," said Curt, as he entered CJ's house, "This is perfect for storing the photos!"

Curt proudly held up a large binder.

"Dude," said CJ, "That thing is massive! You could've gotten a smaller size and saved money!"

"It was the only thing Ol' Nookie had left," said Curt, "Besides, we have a lot of photos!"

"No we don't! The photos we found won't fill up that thing!"

"We have others, CJ! My computer has some, and I'm sure yours does too!"

"Oh, so we're turning this into a major art project now? Our goal was find some place to store your old photos, not start a collection!"

"You know me, CJ! Once I start something, I get really into it!"

CJ sighed and stood up. He grabbed the binder from Curt and examined it for a few seconds.

"It is a pretty nice binder," said CJ, "Alright, fine. I'll help you with your little project."

"Great," said Curt, "Start printing out what you got! Then, we'll sort out what we like best!"

* * *

"_Arigato_!" said Sakura, as a customer headed for the exit, "I hope you enjoyed your meal!"

"Ms. Manaki," said Mr. Donovan, "Good work so far! You may take a fifteen-minute break now!"

Still in her geisha outfit, and with a cigarette in her mouth, Sakura walked out the back door, which took her behind the restaurant where the dumpsters were.

"So fucking humiliating," muttered Sakura, as she tried to light up the cigarette.

Sakura couldn't stand this job anymore. She felt like she was being mocked and used. She couldn't wait for the end of the day, at which point she was going she was going to quit.

"Fuck," snapped Sakura, as she struggled with her lighter.

"Here," said a voice, "Allow me!"

Suddenly, a lighter appeared under her cigarette, lighting it. When Sakura looked up, she saw the feline chef from before.

"Thanks," said Sakura.

"Don't mention it," said the chef, as he lit up a cigarette of his own, "I couldn't help but notice you before. You're the new girl they hired, right?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "I'm Sakura Manaki. You're the chef, right?"

"Yup," said the cat, "The name's Toshihiro Bakeneko, but you can call me Toshi. Cooking's been a long time passion of mine!"

Toshi eyed Sakura for a moment.

"So," he continued, "I see Donovan's got you all dressed up, huh?"

"Is he always this rude," began Sakura, "Or is it just when Asians walk through his door?"

"He's really not a bad guy once you get to know him. He means well, trust me."

"At least he keeps to himself."

"So, are you actually from Japan?"

"Yeah…Well, I was born in Tokyo, but my family moved to Honolulu when I was just five. I moved to this country when I turned 21. I haven't visited Tokyo in like, 8 years!"

"I've been to Tokyo…And also Hong Kong, Bangkok, Paris, New York...I guess you can say I've been around."

"Wow, you really traveled to all those places?"

"My dream was always to be a chef. I went to the best culinary schools around the world to perfect my skills."

"No offense, but why are you here then? You can probably get a job at the fanciest restaurants in the world!"

"I did work at this high-class place in Mallsville for a time, but I got tired of the big city. I came here a few months ago for the change of pace and scenery. So far, I'm really enjoying this town."

Sakura flicked her cigarette butt away and exhaled.

"I'm glad you like Hell," she said, "I would love to try your cooking one day."

"How about at lunch time?" asked Toshi, "I bet you've never tried puffer fish before."

"Puffer fish?" asked Sakura, "But that's toxic, no?"

"Not if you know where to make all the cuts," Toshi winked as he replied.

Sakura giggled slightly.

"If you'll excuse me," said Toshi, "I have to get back to the kitchen. I hope this job goes well for you. You're just a greeter now, but in time you'll see that any restaurant experience is good for you."

"Yeah, of course," said Sakura, "I'll see you at lunch!"

Sakura smiled to herself as Toshi headed back inside. She decided she won't be quitting this job after all…

**To be continued...**


	50. Sayonara Sakura! Part II

**Sayonara Sakura! (Part II)**

After Sakura finished work, she met up with the gang near the post-office to discuss.

"So, Sakura," began CJ, "How was your first day at work?"

"Hang on," said Curt, as he whipped out his digital camera, "Smile!"

Curt then wrapped his arm around Sakura and held his camera up in the air before snapping a quick photo.

"Looks great!" he said, as he examined the camera.

"What the hell are you taking pictures for, Curt?" asked Sakura.

"For that photo album I'm making," said Curt, "Even with all the photos I dug up, there are still some blank pages in the book, so I decided to fill in those blanks myself."

"Yeah," said Sakura, unamused, "Good luck with that."

"I think what Curt's doing is nice," said Lindsay.

"Thank you, Linds," said Curt, "Now smile!"

Curt snapped a photo as Lindsay struck a quick pose.

"Anyways," began CJ, "You didn't tell us how your day was!"

"Oh," said Sakura, "Well, I…It went well. They seem to like me!"

"What do you do exactly?" asked CJ, "Clean tables? Serve food?"

"A bit of everything," said Sakura, nervously.

Unsurprisingly, Sakura was ashamed to admit what her job was exactly.

"Yo," said Curt, "We gotta eat there one day! Did you ask them about 'friend discounts' or something?"

"Um," said Sakura, "Well, you see…I don't think you guys wanna eat there. Just today I saw this big-ass cockroach and um, yeah!"

"Aw fuck that shit," said Curt.

"Wow," said Lindsay, "You should report that to the manager or the restaurant could get in trouble from the health inspector!"

"I know," said Sakura, "I will…Tomorrow!"

"Oh well," said CJ, "I guess we can always get sushi from somewhere else…Like that restaurant, _Phuck Yu_!"

"I don't trust sushi that comes from a non-Japanese place," said Curt, "Isn't _Phuck Yu_ Thai? Or Laotian? Why the hell would they even serve sushi?"

"It's all the same continent," said CJ.

"Yeah," agreed Curt, "But do Chinese people actually eat Japanese food on a regular basis, and vice-versa?"

"Well," began Sakura, "If it means anything, I did have an eggroll last week…"

"But that was just takeout," said Curt, "Like, did your mom ever prepare Chow Mein when you were growing up?"

"Ugh," said Sakura, "You guys and your fucking questions!"

Sakura stormed off.

"What's eating her?" asked Curt.

"Did we offend her?" asked CJ.

"She's probably just stressed from work," said Lindsay, "Let me talk to her."

Lindsay ran after Sakura and eventually caught up.

"Sakura," she began, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," replied Sakura, "It's just that…"

"Look, if you come back with me, I'm sure CJ and Curt will apologize for what they said…"

"Forget it. They're not worth it."

"Is something bothering you at work?"

"Look, Linds, you can't tell anyone about this ok?"

"My lips are sealed!"

"Good. They have me working as a greeter over there. I was too ashamed to say anything."

"Is that why your upset?"

"No…Well, sort of."

"If it's bothering you so much, maybe you should quit. I'm starting to feel bad for recommending that place!"

"Don't feel bad, Linds. Actually, there is one thing I like about working there: There's this guy, a chef, and…"

"Awww, do you like him? Hee-hee!"

"Maybe, I don't know. He's decent-looking. And he's quite possibly the most interesting man I've ever met. I've never spoken to anyone like him before!"

"Oh, well that's really sweet! It's up to you if you wanna keep working there, Sakura. Just let me know how things go with this guy!"

"I sure will!"

"No problem! And your secret's safe with me, okay?"

"Thanks a lot, Lindsay! You're a good friend!"

* * *

It was another day at work for Sakura and she had just finished seating a small family. Almost immediately afterwards, two familiar faces entered the restaurant.

"_Kon'nichiwa,_" began Sakura, "Welcome to…"

"Well, well, well," said Cookie, "Lookie here, Limberg! The bitch finally made herself useful…Somewhat."

The two then laughed. Sakura gritted her teeth, but was forced to remain polite.

"If you two are interested," began Sakura, "We have a special lunch deal going on and…"

"I bet the reason they put all that makeup on her is because her ugly face was scaring all the customers away! HA!"

"Good one," chuckled Limberg.

Sakura growled.

"Hey aren't Geishas like, prostitutes or something?" asked Limberg.

"I guess that's why they gave a whore like Sakura a job like this, huh?" suggested Cookie.

Suddenly, Toshi intervened.

"Now, now," said Toshi, "You two are just misinformed. Geishas are strictly entertainers. Any prostitute who claims to be a Geisha, is not."

"Who asked you?" demanded Cookie.

"Why, you did," began Toshi, "When you walked in here with the same kind of western ignorance that has soiled the image of Japanese culture since World War II!"

"You're not even Japanese," said Cookie, "What do you care?"

"Just because I look like a Cat," began Toshi, "It doesn't mean…Forget it."

"Yeah," said Limberg, "Plus, isn't Animalia like, east of Japan?"

Cookie just stared at Limberg.

"Ugh," she muttered, "Whatever. It's obvious Sakura has found herself a little boyfriend to protect her. Let's go somewhere else!"

"But I wanted some maki," cried Limberg.

"_Sayonara_!" said Sakura, bowing, "Thank you for coming to _Hara-Kiri _sushi!"

Cookie said nothing. She simply raised her middle finger in the air.

"That was awesome," said Sakura, "Thank you for defending me like that! Those fuckers are always out to make me miserable!"

"It was nothing," said Toshi, "As with the legend of the Kappa, the trick to beating your foes is not hostility, but politeness."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "But, um, what did you mean before?"

"About what?"

"When Cookie said you weren't Japanese?" asked Sakura, "Aren't you? I mean, I figured because of your name…"

"I have to get back to work," said Toshi, appearing flustered, "Sorry. I'll talk to you at lunch!"

Sakura watched with concern as Toshi returned to the kitchen.

* * *

For the next few days, Sakura continued to work at the sushi restaurant, greeting customers. Every day, at lunch, she spoke with Toshi and learned a lot about cuisine, as well as his travels and experiences abroad. He mostly kept to himself about his personal life, however.

With a full week of work under her belt, Sakura began to really get the hang of the job. She still disliked being a greeter, but the restaurant culture fascinated her deeply.

"With just five minutes left," began Toshi, "You can bet your claws I was stressed! Somehow, I managed to win that competition. The judges really liked my dumplings!"

Sakura and Toshi were discussing outside the restaurant on their lunch break, as they did every day.

"Amazing," said Sakura, as she flicked her cigarette a bit, "I could never survive a cooking competition. And it's not just 'cause I'm a lousy cook. I don't work well under pressure."

"It's not for everyone," said Toshi, "But you do get a good experience out of it, win or lose."

"I bet," said Sakura, "You're so interesting. The guys I hang out with are alright, but I've never met anyone quite like you!"

"And I've never met anyone quite like you," laughed Toshi, "It's a shame we only ever see each other at work. Perhaps you and I would like to have supper together somewhere. Not here, of course."

"Oh," Sakura appeared nervous, "I…Sure! When?"

"Tomorrow night," suggested Toshi, "If that's okay. You know that Italian place in Acre F-1?"

"I'd like that," said Sakura, dreamily.

"You and I are both getting paid today," chuckled Toshi, "Might as well take advantage and celebrate, right?"

Toshi looked at his watch.

"Damn," he said, "Gotta go. Let me give you my number…"

"Thanks," said Sakura, "I can't wait!"

* * *

Later, at the Roost:

"And he asked you out," began Lindsay, "Just like that?"

"Yeah, but," began Sakura, "It's nothing, really!I just..."

"You're telling me there's no attraction?" chuckled Lindsay, "Come on!"

"Alright," said Sakura, blushing, "Maybe a little. But we work together, technically, and I don't want things getting complicated."

"I understand," said Lindsay, "But you should always follow your heart! It's good that you find someone, especially if he's handsome, smart, and knows how to cook!"

"Right," laughed Sakura, "Because I suck at it, right?"

Lindsay chuckled.

"I just don't know much about him personally," said Sakura, "He loves to talk about food and cuisine…But I think he's hiding something from me."

"That's why," said Lindsay, "Tonight's the night. If he wants things to get serious with you, he will tell you!"

"I hope you're right...By the way, how's Curt's album coming along?"

"I don't know, sometimes I see him sneaking around, snapping pictures of me and CJ. I think yesterday he staged a fake camping trip with Snake and Poncho or something."

"That guy's royally messed-up! You can't just fake memories like that!"

"Tell me about it! But I'm just happy to see Curt in such a good mood."

"Yeah!"

* * *

It was late Saturday night, and Sakura and Toshi, having just finished their meal, headed for the town park, for a night walk.

"It's beautiful out," said Sakura.

"I agree," said Toshi, "I spent most of my life living in cities. You don't see stars in the sky the way you do out in the country."

"Tell me about it," said Sakura, "I grew up in the suburbs, far from the inner city. Me and my sister used to go camping a lot in the woods near our house; It was fun to look at the stars."

"That must have been a wonderful experience," said Toshi, "Were you and your sister close?"

"As close as we could get," said Sakura, "There's a bit of an age gap; I also have two older brothers. They all got jobs and moved out long before I did."

"And what made you leave?"

"Got bored at home, I guess. I thought it would be fun elsewhere. My parents are back in Tokyo now. Nothing for them in the U.S."

"I see."

Toshi and Sakura walked for a bit. Toshi remained silent.

"What about you?" asked Sakura, "Where are you from? Do you have any family?"

Toshi sighed.

"I don't usually talk about it," replied Toshi, "But we've gotten to know each other quite well, so I guess it's only fair I tell you."

They stopped walking.

"I was born in Osaka to a human mother," said Toshi, "She worked as a nightclub hostess. My father was a Cat from Animalia on business in Japan. He left the very same night he met my mother and I never got to know him."

"That's terrible," said Sakura.

"She was young and had to grow up fast because of me," continued Toshi, "She was mostly on her own; imagine how her family felt when their perfectly human daughter gave birth to a furball like myself."

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Plus, you grew up an Animal in a predominantly human country."

"Exactly," said Toshi, "We were shunned; on our own. I spent a lot of time with my mother. She was a natural cook and passed down a lot of that knowledge to me. I eventually took my passion further."

"Well," began Sakura, "I guess we're both fish out of water, huh?"

"I guess so," said Toshi, "Thank you for listening."

"It's my pleasure Toshi," said Sakura, "You are literally the most interesting person I have ever met! I love my friends, but sometimes…Sometimes I think I only hang out with them because they are humans. I mean, since moving here, I've never truly felt like I've had a rewarding experience…You must think I'm total bitch, huh?"

"I understand, Sakura. They are reminders of the life you left behind. The life you so dearly miss."

Sakura did not know what to say. Between the pity she felt for Toshi and the regrets she had in life, Sakura felt like she was being consumed by her emotions. She slowly hugged Toshi, and in that moment, she felt like they were alone; just them two in the whole universe.

"Sakura," said Toshi, "I think it's time I told you…My mother isn't doing too well back home. She is very sick and does not have much time left…"

"Oh," said Sakura, "I'm very sorry to hear that…"

"It's okay. She has been ill for many years and I knew this time would come. However, this does mean that I will be leaving next week to take care of her in her final weeks."

"You're going back to Osaka?"

"Yes, Sakura. I've already given Mr. Donovan my two weeks notice. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but...If you truly desire, I will allow you to come back with me. We can be together and you can be amongst your own kind again!"

Sakura backed off.

"Wait," she began, "You want me to travel to another country with you? I…I don't know what to say…"

"I understand it's a bit fast, but think about it! You don't have to be a 'fish out of water' anymore!"

"Look, I really have to think this through. This is a bit much!"

"You're right," Toshi smiled, "For now, let me take you home."

* * *

Sakura arrived to work Sunday morning. Mr. Donovan was standing at the door.

"Now, Sakura," he began, "You're five minutes late. I'm not…"

"Mr. Donovan," Sakura said boldly, "I'm not doing this shit anymore!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm being exploited here! Every morning I put on that ridiculous get-up and act like I came off the fucking boat! I'm a living being, not your tool!"

"But Sakura, this is your culture! You should…"

"First of all, it's not! This is all fake! Secondly, I don't care if it's my culture! I live in Animalia now and you're signaling me out like some foreigner!"

"But I…"

"I want a real job! Let me wash dishes, clean tables…Anything is better than being your sideshow!"

"Oh dear," Donovan rubbed placed his hand on his beak and shook his head, "Look, I'm sorry. Please don't file a complaint against _Hara-Kiri_! I wasn't trying to make you my sideshow, I just…Let me go to my office and see what other openings there are for you!"

As Mr. Donovan left, Toshi approached Sakura.

"That was pretty ballsy," he laughed.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Well, after what you told me the other night, about your past…It was just a reminder of how I'm a stranger in this place."

"It's okay Sakura," said Toshi, "You did good!"

Toshi hugged Sakura.

"Listen, Sakura," began Toshi, "I'm sorry about last night. You know, when I asked you to leave with me. It probably came off as a bit creepy and whatnot and…"

"I get it," said Sakura, "You were just trying to help me. I appreciate that! But there is something you should know…"

"Yes?"

"I didn't tell you the whole story…Of my life, that is. And I think it's only fair I tell you since you were so open with me!"

"What is it?"

"I swear to God, I've never told anyone before. Not even my closest friends. You see, my father and I never got along. He was always comparing me to my siblings, reminding me of how I could be so much better at this and that. The last straw was when I flunked out of college. We had an argument, and I…Told him to 'fuck off and die'. And that was the last time I ever spoke to him."

"You left after that?"

"I gathered every single penny I had and bought a plane ticket out of the country. Animalia was the closest, so I went there. No money, no direction, and no place to live. I hopped on board the next train heading west. I was lucky to have met my friends on board that train. I followed them here. I owe them so much."

"It sounds to me like you do have somewhere you belong," said Toshi, "Your friends are wonderful people and you should never take them for granted."

"I agree," said Sakura, "In the end, Hell is the place where I've felt the happiest…Not Japan, not Hawaii, but right here!"

Toshi smiled. Donovan reappeared, smiling nervously.

"Ahem," said Donovan, "I'm afraid there are no other jobs available at this time. But I can assure you that…"

"Forget it," said Sakura, "I quit."

"What?" demanded Donovan, "No…You can't! Look, I'll increase your wage!"

"Sorry," said Sakura, "This really isn't the job for me. I'll have to look for something else."

"Aw, fudge!" snapped Donovan, "First you, then her! How is my business supposed to survive?"

"You can always learn to cook yourself!" suggested Toshi, "I'll teach you!"

"I need you to make sushi, Mr. Bakeneko," demanded Donovan, "Not smart comments!"

"Yessir," said Toshi as Donovan stormed back into his office.

As Sakura headed for the door, she turned around one last time and smiled at Toshi, who smiled back. She then walked out and began walking towards her house.

"Sakura!" called Curt, "Sakura!"

"Yo, Curt," said Sakura, "What's up?"

"I was on my way to the restaurant to see you," began Curt, "How come you're not there?"

"I, um, quit," said Sakura, as she rubbed the back of her neck.

"Ah," said Curt, "Those roaches finally got to you, eh? Anyways, check this shit out!"

Curt held up the binder he was carrying and Sakura took it.

"It's the photo album I've been working on all week," continued Curt, "I already showed CJ and Linds and they love it!"

Sakura grabbed the book and began flipping through the pages. It was filled with the photos of the gang throughout their two years in Hell, as well as some of the recent photos Curt took.

"Wow," said Sakura, "You actually did a good job…"

One photo caught Sakura's attention as she continued flipping through the pages. It was the photo of the gang sitting together in their booth on the train ride. Suddenly, a single tear splashed onto the page. Sakura immediately closed the book and wiped her eye.

"Are you crying?" asked Curt, bewildered.

"No," snapped Sakura, "What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, I think I saw…"

"I got wasabi in my eye, alright? Now, let's go find Lindsay and CJ. I wanna treat all you guys to dinner later!"

"What's the occasion?"

"To celebrate your, um, project coming together…"

"Sounds good to me!"

And another episode comes to an end! Stay tuned for more episodes! Bye!


	51. Snow Job

**Animal Crossing: The Series**

**Episode 26: Snow Job**

"Good afternoon," said Bob, "This is Bob the Cat. In today's top stories, a huge winter storm is approaching Hell from the northeast that is said to bring more than 30 centimetres of snow and freeze over much of the Western County. This storm has already devastated the eastern coast and is said to be the biggest storm to hit our sleepy town in over fifty years. We will continue updating you on the story throughout the day!"

* * *

It was a cold, late-February day in Hell, and the townspeople were running about, gathering supplies for the coming storm. Normally, Animalia's location in the Pacific left it snow-free for most of the year, but this year was a huge exception.

CJ and Curt, who had not yet heard about the storm, were busy fixing the broken weather vane on CJ's house.

"Damnit, Curt," warned CJ, "Hold the ladder steady!"

"My hands are going numb," said Curt, grasping the ladder CJ stood on, "The steel's fucking cold!"

"Why the hell aren't you wearing gloves? You knew it was cold out!"

"Man, fuck this! I moved here to get away from this kinda weather! It's February, man. By now, I should already be able to wear my tank top!"

"Don't exaggerate, Curt. Now, hold the damn thing steady, will you?"

At that moment, Sakura and Lindsay approached the guys.

"Hey girls," said Curt, "What's up?"

"Not much," replied Sakura, "Why's CJ on the roof?"

"Wind blew off my damn weather vane," replied CJ, "It's been terrible lately."

"It's probably because of that big storm they just announced," said Lindsay, "We're supposed to get buried tomorrow!"

"What?" snapped Curt, "No fucking way! A little cold I can handle, but a snow storm?"

"You can't handle shit," said CJ, as he climbed down the ladder, "All you did this morning was complain!"

"I don't blame him," said Sakura, "Lindsay's the only one of us who's really prepared for this kind of weather."

"For the last time," began Lindsay, "Just because I'm from Canada, doesn't mean I lived in an igloo and rode a snowmobile everywhere!"

"Maybe," said Sakura, "But your winters are cold."

"And our summers are hot," argued Lindsay, "I'm dreading this storm like everybody else."

"I'm just saying: Try growing up in Hawaii like I did and then we'll see who's dreading what."

"Whatever," said CJ, "Curt and I have to go to Nook's and get some supplies in case we lose power."

"And your weather vane?" asked Sakura.

"No point," replied CJ, "Wind'll probably blow it away tonight, anyways. Come on, Curt!"

"Maybe," said Curt, "I can finally put my old potbelly stove to use."

"Not if you want your house burning down."

"Fuck you!"

* * *

By the time CJ and Curt arrived at Nookington's, the place was packed with people.

"Welcome, welcome," sang Nook, "Take your time, look around! We have everything to suit your snowstorm needs!"

"You're in a good mood," said Curt.

"My dear boy," began Nook, "I'm ecstatic! Snow storms mean big sales! And since we rarely get snow in this town, these people do not know what to do with themselves. They are in a panic, yes? So they all come to me for supplies."

"Yeah, yeah," began CJ, "We get it. Our misery means your happiness. Now where are the industrial flashlights?"

"And matches," added Curt, "I'll need…"

"For the last damn time," began CJ, "You're not turning on that stove!"

"Then why even fucking have one?" mumbled Curt.

"Right this way, my friends," said Nook, "While you're here, be sure to try on my _Snuggies_. Only 200 bells a pop."

"Those things would look ridiculous on me!" said CJ.

"But they will keep you warm, hm?"

"He's got me sold," said Curt,

CJ shook his head as he and Curt headed for the second floor to look for supplies.

* * *

Later, by the post office, the gang discussed. Curt was wearing a _Snuggy _over his jacket.

"It's fucking freezing," said Sakura, shivering, "And the snow's already starting to come down! How the hell are you not cold, Curt?"

"This," said Curt, pointing at his _Snuggy_, "You should buy one, it really works!"

"Dude," said CJ, "Take that shit off! You look like a cultist!"

"Fuck you," said Curt, "You're just jealous 'cause I'm all warm and you're not!"

"What else did you get from Nook's?" asked Lindsay.

"Beef jerky," replied Curt, as he pulled a piece from within his _Snuggy_, "I bought a whole jar. When the apocalypse hits, it's good to have dried up food that will last!"

Curt took a bite.

"Apocalypse?" said CJ, "It's just a storm!"

"Might as well be an apocalypse," said Curt, taking another bite, "We are getting snowed in, no?"

"We won't be snowed in," assured CJ.

"I got an idea," began Sakura, "Let's ride out the storm together. We can chill together while this shit goes down!"

"Now, that I like," said CJ, "Wanna do it at your place?"

"Nah," said Sakura, "Anyone's is fine."

"As long as it's not at my place," said Curt, "Mine's, ya know, messy…"

"Fine," said CJ, "We'll do it at mine. Just gather your stuff and bring it over."

"Awesome," said Lindsay, "This should be fun!"

"Yeah Curt," began CJ, "Just don't finish all the jerky now! You're supposed to save it."

Curt shrugged and took another bite.

* * *

That evening, the gang, including Poncho, Snake and Alfonso, all headed for CJ's house to begin preparing for the winter storm that was about to batter Hell. The sun set and dark clouds blanketed what was left of the light. The howling winds grew stronger and large snowflakes began to fall and coat every house in town. Signs, mailboxes and weather vanes blew off of people's properties and rolled around like tumbleweeds.

All across Hell, the townspeople prepared to spend the night their own way:

At Cookie and Limberg's place:

"Check it out, my love," said Cookie, as she entered the living room wearing a bathrobe, "I got some 'supplies' to make this night a little more pleasant!"

"Oh, boy!" said Limberg.

"Let's see," began Cookie, "Candles, music, and of course…Our favourite chocolate!"

Cookie handed Limberg a heart-shaped box of chocolates.

"Wow," said Limberg, "You really thought of everything!"

"Of course, Limby," chuckled Cookie, "To make up for our lackluster Valentine's Day dinner. Now, let me freshen up a bit and I'll be right back."

Cookie headed for the bathroom. In a few minutes, she returned to the living room wearing a light red bustier.

"Are you ready, Limberg?" she asked, "What the…?"

Limberg, who had just pulled his face out of the heart-shaped box, licked his lips and belched loudly.

"Awww, Limberg!" snapped Cookie.

"They're really good," said Limberg, "I saved you the coconut ones!"

Cookie shook her head.

* * *

At the docs:

"Aaargh," said Kapp'n, as he poured himself and Gulliver a drink, "And now, we wait for the sun ta rise. Fortunately, this ain't the worst storm I ever been in, no sir! I seen the worst places this fine Earth has ta offer."

"Like?" asked Gulliver.

"This one time," began Kapp'n, "Me crew and I were sailin' through the Antarctic in a fishin' vessel when we got stuck in an ice sheet. Fifteen days, we waited for help, trapped in that frozen wasteland!"

"How did you not lose your mind?"

"Aye, we kept busy! Played cards, told tall tales, pranked each other…"

"You guys played pranks on each other?"

"Aye, we did it all, from hidin' each other's belongings, to putting each other's hands in warm water while we slept. This one night, when the weather was forty below, we pulled one of those on ol' Twisty…Doesn't the water freeze overnight? Had to wrestle that damn bowl offa him! By then, the poor bastard had gotten serious frostbite and I had to hack off two of his fingers with me shavin' blade! Otherwise, good times…"

Kapp'n looked over at Gulliver and saw that he had fainted.

"Aaargh," said Kapp'n, "Poor guy's already sleepin'! Hmmm…I wonder where me bowl is?"

* * *

And lastly, CJ's house:

"Great minds really do think alike," said Curt, as he admired Snake's matching _Snuggy_.

"You said it," said Snake, "I can't believe we both got the same colour and everything!"

"Would you guys get over yourselves and those damn blankets?" snapped CJ, as he played cards on the floor with Poncho, "You got any four's?"

"Go fish," said Poncho, "What do you think is gonna happen tomorrow? There's no way our town is equipped to deal with the aftermath of a storm like this."

"I don't even wanna think about that," said Alfonso, as he watched the storm anxiously from the window, "All this howling is getting me on edge…"

"Relax, 'Fons," said Sakura, "It's not like there's a monster out there!"

"I know," said Alfonso, "I'm perfectly aware that the howling is created by high-speeds winds vibrating at a particular frequency…But that doesn't make it any less creepy."

Alfonso shivered.

"How about you step away from the window and join us?" asked Poncho, "That might calm…"

Suddenly, all of the lights in the house went off.

"Uh-oh," said Poncho.

"Oh dear," moaned Alfonso, "Oh dear…"

Alfonso pulled out his inhaler and took a deep breath.

"Great," said CJ, pulling out a flashlight, "Gotta light up the candles."

"I think we should all thank CJ for letting us stay the night," said Lindsay, "I for one appreciate the time we spent together as friends."

"I'd thank him," began Curt, "But I spend the night here so often it's lost all meaning."

"Yup," said CJ, lighting a candle, "You sure do get drunk a lot…"

Everyone laughed.

"But seriously," began Curt, "Thanks man!"

"What do you say I take out the old bottle," asked CJ, "I'm sure we can all use a drink!"

The gang cheered as CJ fetched his old vodka bottle and began pouring everyone a glass. The storm continued on late into the night, well after everyone had gone to sleep.

* * *

The following morning, the storm had finally subsided, though not without leaving huge piles of the white stuff everywhere. CJ struggled to open his front door, which was partially blocked by a small mountain of snow. Once he got it open, he took a few steps outside, only to find himself knee-deep.

"Just great," muttered CJ.

"It's still fucking cold," said Sakura, "But at least it stopped snowing."

"We're gonna have to shovel this shit," said CJ, "It's the only way we can even step off the property."

"I'll go grab the shovels," said Lindsay, "We'll all help any way we can."

"Ha," chuckled Curt, "Good luck getting home you guys!"

"Maybe this was a mistake," said Poncho.

"Naw," said Snake, "I had a good time!"

"Not me," added Alfonso, "I barely slept due to all the creaking. CJ, I highly recommend you get your roof checked. It might…"

"Yeah, yeah," said CJ, "I'll look into it. For now, let's just shovel!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Nook, who had risen at the crack of dawn, finally made his way to his store, which was completely covered. Nook wore a thick bubble jacket and hunter's cap and was carrying a large plow-shaped shovel.

"Good thing I brought my trusty shovel," said Nook, "I am not going to let winter get in the way of profit! Think of all those townspeople who'll need supplies: Shovels, blankets, firewood…Oh my!"

Nook dug his way to the door and unlocked it. After shaking off all of the snow, he made his way to the cash and took off his coat.

"Now," he began, "I hope my employees show up soon!"

* * *

"Not so fast," warned Alfonso, "Every year, over a thousand people die from exhaustion due to excessive shoveling. I for one do not want to be buried in a snow-covered grave."

"You're not gonna die," groaned CJ, as he rubbed his face, "Just take a breath and you'll be fine."

"Oh, don't worry," assured Alfonso, "I've been monitoring my breathing using this app on my phone. It lets me know when I'm over-exerting. You should download it, CJ!"

"I'm fine," said CJ.

Just then, Pete the mailman showed up.

"Pete," said CJ, "'Sup? Now there's one guy who's undeterred by the snow!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Pete, "I can't fly too far because the cold weather might freeze up my wings. I'm just as screwed as everyone else."

"What's going on?" asked Lindsay, "Are you really delivering mail in this weather?"

"Nope," replied Pete, "Came to inform you of an urgent Town Hall meeting. We sent out memos and announcements, but with the power down, I have to let as many people as possible know personally!"

"Well thanks, then," said Lindsay, "Come on, guys. We should try to go. Maybe Tortimer will announce a solution to this mess!"

"We can only hope so," said CJ.

* * *

After several minutes of driving through the thick snow, the gang finally made it to Town Hall. Snake, Poncho and Alfonso followed close behind in Snake's car. There were several cars irregularly parked around the building, as well as the footprints of dozens of people.

"All right," announced Tortimer, as everyone took their seats, "I called you all in here for a very important announcement: As you know, this is our worst snowstorm in fifty years! Yes, I remember the last one like it was yesterday…Back then, we used to make Baked Alaska's from the snow that fell. Each house had buckets set up outside and we would…"

Just then, one of Tortimer's bodyguards whispered something into Tortimer's ear.

"But I digress," continued Tortimer, "There isn't much we can do. We're but a small, humble village which until last night had been snow-free for half a century! We don't have plows or any fancies doo-das to clean up this mess!"

Lindsay raised her hand.

"May I suggest holding a fundraiser to raise money for a plow?" asked Lindsay, "We can organize something fun and…"

"That's the thing," said Poncho, "Who here actually wants to do anything when the weather is this bad? I mean, I'm already exhausted from all the shoveling I did at CJ's house this morning!"

The crowd nodded in agreement.

"So then what do you propose?" asked Tortimer.

"Simple," said Sakura, standing up, "I say, 'fuck it'. Let's call it a snow day. No school, no work. We go back when the snow starts to melt!"

The crowd began nodding in excitement.

"A snow day, eh?" asked Tortimer, "I like the sound of that. There isn't much we can get done anyways, and I could use a good rest…Good for my blood pressure. All those in favour?"

"Aye," said most of the crowd.

"All those who oppose?"

The crowd was silent.

"Then it's settled," said Tortimer, "For the next 24 hours, all businesses except the town clinic and police station will be closed!"

Just then, the doors burst open and Nook came charging in.

"I demand to know what is going on," said Nook, "I opened my shop on time, despite the bad weather, and none of my employees show up and no customers whatsoever! What is everyone doing here?"

"I'm guessing you missed the memo?" said Tortimer.

"What memo?" asked Nook.

"Got-dangit, Nook," said Tortimer, "There was a town meeting and you missed it! The town ruled in favour of a snow day! That means your store is closed, ya hear?"

"What? How dare you! You can't order me to close my own store!"

"I 'm not ordering anyone! You can keep your store open, you just can't sell anything…And you can't fire any employees that don't show up!"

"But I will lose profit, yes? How can you just allow everyone to take a day off? What kind of a society are we?"

"Man," said Sakura, "Chill the fuck out! You're not gonna go broke in one day!"

"I didn't ask you, Ms. Manaki," said Nook through his teeth.

"Well too bad," said Sakura, "Besides, it's not like anyone's gonna go to your store anyways. We all wanna take advantage of our day off, right guys?"

Everyone began cheering.

"Grrr," growled Nook, "I will make this right, just you watch! No one tells me when and when not to sell!"

With that, Nook stormed off.

"Meeting adjourned," said Tortimer, "Now go out there and have some fun!"

From outside town hall, Nook listened in as everyone cheered.

"So they don't want to shop, do they?" he asked, "I'll have to resolve this matter myself, it seems!"

**To be continued...**


	52. Snow Job Part II

**Snow Job (Part II)**

All across Hell, the townspeople took advantage of what was for many of them, their first snow day. Young children engaged in snowball fights, adults went ice-skating, and every property had a snowman out front.

"Look, Limberg," said Cookie, happily, "I made you!"

Cookie presented her snowman, which looked exactly like Limberg, to him.

"Wow," said Limberg, "What a surprise! So did I!"

Limberg presented his snowman, which also resembled him, albeit cruder and uglier.

"Grrr…" grumbled Cookie.

Elsewhere, Snake, Poncho and Alfonso were tobogganing down a large hill.

"All right," began Snake, "Last one to the bottom has to make the others a hot coco!"

"I'm not so sure about this," said Alfonso.

"Alright, go!" yelled Snake.

The trio pushed off the hill and began sliding down at very high speeds. Alfonso screamed loudly as he passed both Snake and Poncho.

"How do I stop this thing?" he yelled.

Even after reaching the bottom, Alfonso continued to slide across the snow-covered ground.

"Wooooaaah!"

Alfonso eventually crashed into a thick snow mound.

"Damn, man," exclaimed Poncho, "That was insane!"

"Yeah," said Snake, "You alright?"

Still stuck head-first inside the snow mound, Alfonso spoke, dizzily:

"I'll take my coco with extra marshmallows please…"

Just outside of the CJ's house, Curt, who was holding a small, plastic bottle against his groin, chuckled and began squeezing it, causing water to spray into the ground.

"Hey," he said, "Check it out! You think I can write my name in the snow?"

Curt began spelling out his name using the flowing water.

"Dude," said CJ, "I can see the bottle!"

"Aw, man," said Curt, "Hey wait a sec! The water's frozen!"

The stream of water that was coming out of the snout had turned into a small icicle.

"It's still below zero," said CJ, "Of course it's…"

Just then, CJ was hit in the face with a snowball. When he turned to see who threw it, he saw Sakura and Lindsay, giggling.

"Oh," he said, "You are sooo dead!"

CJ began forming his own snowballs and throwing them at the girls.

"Help me out here, man!" he said.

Curt nodded and began throwing snowballs as well.

* * *

Unfortunately, not everyone was having a great time during this snow day. Nook, who was still upset about earlier, paced around his empty store anxiously, eyeing his phone.

"Can't operate my store, eh?" said Nook, "Damn that Tortimer! These townspeople don't know it, but they need supplies, and I need my money. If I am going to get people to come, the only solution would be to clear the snow myself!"

Nook stopped pacing and approached the phone.

"Fortunately," he began, "I have just thing. I just need to make a few calls…"

Nook began dialing.

* * *

"Alright," said Poncho, as he sat in his toboggan, "Since you guys lost the last race, you have to pull me across town. Don't go too fast, or I'll crash into you!"

CJ, Curt, Alfonso and Snake were all harnessed to Snake's toboggan and ready to pull. Sakura and Lindsay watched from the side and cheered them on.

"This is fucking humiliating," muttered CJ.

"Tell me about it," replied Snake, "But a bet's a bet!"

Just then, there was a loud rumbling, followed by the roar of an engine. The gang nearly fell over when they saw what was approaching them.

"Jesus," said Curt, "The fuck is that?"

An enormous red machine with four huge tires and an attached plow pulled up beside the gang. The words _Snowbuster 3000_ was written on the side.

"What the fuck is this shit?" demanded Sakura.

Nook opened the door and stepped out of the truck.

"Like it?" asked Nook, "Borrowed it from a buddy up in Ashville after making a down payment. I think it's about time this town invested in something like this, hm?"

"I see what you're doing," said Curt, "You're still pissed that no one's coming to your store, so you're gonna put an end to our little snow day!"

"I'm doing this town a favour," said Nook, "Why don't you go back to whatever little game you were playing before all your precious snow disappears? Ha!"

"Bullshit," snapped CJ, "You're just trying to make everyone as miserable as you! But we won't let you!"

"I'm sorry, children," said Nook, "But I must go and present this to the mayor, yes? Perhaps, if he likes it enough, next year's storm may go a little differently!"

With that, Nook hopped back in and drove off.

"That bastard," said Snake, "Trying to ruin our fun? Damn him!"

"Well," said Lindsay, "I guess we brought this on ourselves by trying to shut down an entire town for a whole day!"

"Well nothing," said Sakura, "Nook is a miserable old fuck and he's not gonna get away with this! Come on, let's go rally everyone up! We got a snow plow machine to take down!"

As Sakura stormed off, Curt and CJ looked at each other.

"Damn," said Curt, "For someone who doesn't have a job, she sure is passionate about getting a day off!"

"But she has a point," said CJ, "We never get snow days! Come on, let's go!"

* * *

Tortimer sat in his office, taking a nap, when he heard loud rumbling. Tortimer nearly leapt out of his chair.

"What'cha?" demanded Tortimer, "What's going on? Are we under attack?"

In seconds, Tortimer and his two bodyguards stepped outside and saw Nook approaching in his plow.

"Dagnabbit, Nook," snapped Tortimer, "You nearly gave me a heart attack! What's the meaning of all this?"

"This," began Nook, "Is the _Snowbuster 3000_. You may consider this a test run, yes?"

"I can see that," said Tortimer, "Where'd you get it?"

"It doesn't matter," replied Nook, "The point is that from now on, there will be no need to ever have to close down anything. This is the future of Hell!"

"Well," said Tortimer, "I suppose it could be of use…But it looks unsafe and it's noisy as all hell!"

"I can assure you, it is perfectly safe, hm? Just let me finish this test run and you will see for yourself just how efficient it is. I can have the streets completely cleared by 3:00 today!"

"Alright, but this thing better be worth it. If it is, I'll order one for myself. Otherwise, forget it!"

"I will not let you down."

Nook chuckled evilly.

* * *

Several townspeople gathered around the town bulletin board where Sakura and the gang stood.

"Listen up, people," announced Sakura, "Our friend, Mr. Nooklittle, has decided to take it upon himself to clean up _our _streets! In a couple of hours, he is gonna singlehandedly ruin our snow day!"

Everyone booed.

"Fortunately," Sakura continued, "I have a plan to stop him. It's gonna require the cooperation from most of you though, so bear with me! Are you guys ready to take back our snow day?"

Everyone cheered loudly.

"Now, let's go over the plan!"

"_La, la, la,_" sang Nook as he drove his plow down a large, empty street, "Oh, glorious day! Soon, the streets will be cleared and I…"

Suddenly, a snowball hit the plow's windshield.

"ACK!" screamed Nook, "What the…?"

Another two snowballs struck the plow, this time, hitting the side door. Nook stopped the plow and stepped out.

"What's going on?" he demanded, "Aha!"

Nook pointed at two children standing at the side of the road. They both giggled.

"Don't you know that it's dangerous to throw snow at a moving vehicle?" asked Nook, "I can't…"

The two kids threw more snowballs, this time at Nook himself.

"ACK!" yelled Nook, "Stop it! Stop it now!"

The two kids continued giggling and ran off.

"Just wait until I tell your parents, you little punks!"

Nook reentered his snow plow and began driving after the children.

"Where did they go?" muttered Nook.

The street Nook drove down had numerous snowmen set up along the sidewalks. Nook drove very slowly and examined the area, hoping to find the two children.

"Oooh," said Nook, shivering, "These snowmen give me the creeps! It's like they're staring at me. Ever since I was little, I had a phobia of them. Yes, I remember this one time..."

Another two snowballs hit the side of the truck.

"Ha!" yelled Nook, climbing out of his truck yet again, "Now I got you, you rotten kids!"

Nook chased after the two children on foot. Meanwhile, CJ and Curt emerged from behind a house and snuck up to the plow.

"Alright," said CJ, "We're clear. Let's get in!"

"Sweet," said Curt, "Can't wait to do this!"

As soon as the plow started up, Nook stopped chasing the children and turned around.

"NO!" yelled Nook, "Give that back! It was a loan from a friend!"

It was too late; the plow began to drive off. Nook pulled out his cell phone.

"You return that thing right now," began Nook, "Or I call the police, yes?"

Suddenly, Nook was hit with a snowball, causing him to drop his phone.

"What now?"

All the snowmen on the block suddenly began shaking and moving, causing Nook to jump in fear. However, the snowmen were not actually alive; the snow crumbled off, revealing the townspeople that were hiding underneath.

"Attack!" yelled Sakura.

Almost immediately, the people scooped up as many snowballs as they could and threw them at the exposed Nook. Nook tried desperately to avoid the onslaught, but snowballs came from every angle.

"Aaaah!" shouted Nook, "What is this? Stop it!"

Nook ran down the street as snowballs continued flying at him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Curt and CJ drove the plow around town in an attempt to undo the damage Nook did.

"Dude," said Curt, "I can't believe we're actually doing this! This is insane!"

"Are you sure you know how to drive this?" asked CJ, "Maybe I should…"

"Nah," said Curt, "I got this!"

Curt drove the plow straight into a large snow mound, causing snow to spread all over the street.

"WAAAHOOO," shouted the two guys.

"Sierra to Charlie," said Sakura, over CJ's phone, "Come in, Charlie!"

"Yeah, yeah," said CJ, rolling his eyes, "I hear ya. We got the plow and we're making good progress. How are things on your end?"

"Nook got in his car and is on his way to your location," replied Sakura.

"Good," said CJ, "We're heading for town hall."

"Sierra out," said Sakura, before hanging up.

"Let's go meet up with Buzz and the guys," ordered CJ.

"Got ya," said Curt.

CJ and Curt parked the plow in the middle of the street near town hall. Just up ahead, Buzz, Limberg, and other townspeople sprayed large amounts of water into the street using garden hoses from the nearby homes. Naturally, the cold air froze the water, causing the street to become icy and slippery.

"Are you guys done?" asked CJ, as he and Curt climbed out, "Nook's coming!"

"Just about," said Buzz, "Come on, people! Let's finish up!"

The men retracted the hoses and retreated behind the houses. A minute later, Nook arrived onto the scene.

"Grrr," he said, "If I catch whoever took my truck…Hmmm, they seem to have just left it here."

Nook ran up to the plow and entered it.

"Those little shits are gonna pay!" he muttered, as he turned the key.

Nook drove off, but because of the slippery road ahead, Nook immediately lost control of the plow and began spinning rapidly.

"Woooooaaaaahh!"

Nook whizzed right by town hall. Tortimer, who was just stepping outside, nearly fell over as the plow passed by.

"Jeezum Crow," snapped Tortimer, "What's going on?"

The plow eventually slid off the road and into the park, where it crashed into a cluster of trees. An enormous amount of snow fell onto the plow, trapping it.

"Gah!" said Nook, "This isn't over! I'll get out of here and when I do, there'll be hell to pay, oh yes!"

Nook stepped on the gas as hard as he could, but the plow would not budge. The more Nook forced the accelerator, the more the plow's engine began to overheat. Eventually, large amounts of smoke began pouring out from the front hood.

"This can't be," said Nook, "Don't break down on me now! Ack, now I'm down 660,000 bells!"

"What is the got-dang meaning of all this, Nook?" demanded Tortimer.

Nook climbed out and approached Tortimer.

"Listen, sir," he began, "I can explain!"

"Not only did you completely fail to clean up this town like you promised," began Tortimer, "You nearly killed me! Look at that piece of junk! It's a deathtrap!"

"But sir, I…"

Just then, the gang and several other townspeople ran onto the scene. Nook glared at them.

"You," said Nook, "It was you, wasn't it? You are nothing but trouble!"

"Hey," said CJ, "Don't look at us! No one in this town really liked that thing!"

"That thing nearly ran over my children," snapped a random lady, "I saw that bastard chase my sons down the street in it!"

"They were throwing snowballs at me," pleaded Nook, "I just wanted to speak to them!"

"And did you see the way he lost control?" asked Buzz, "That thing has no traction!"

"Agreed," said Tortimer, "You get that thing outta my sight before I scrap it myself, ya hear?"

Tortimer continued to mutter angrily to himself as he reentered town hall.

"I swear," said Nook, "You will all pay for this! I will have my revenge, you hear? REVEEEEENGE!"

"Geez," said Curt, "Calm the fuck down! Crazy old bastard…"

Nook stormed off.

"Well guys," began CJ, "We did it. I'd say this day was a success."

Everyone cheered.

"I don't get it," said Lindsay, "All this hard work and planning to stop Nook and keep snow day…I mean, we would've probably done less work if we had actually gone to work!"

"My dear," said Sakura, as she wrapped her arm around Lindsay, "This was about taking Nook down a peg, which we did! I can't think of a better reason to celebrate!"

"I guess so," said Lindsay, "But still, it's…"

"Besides," said Curt, "There's still plenty of time to get back to what we were doing! This day is far from over!"

"That reminds me," said Sakura, "You guys still have that bet with Poncho."

"Aw man," said CJ, "You can't be serious!"

"A bet's a bet," said Sakura.

"I hate you so much right now," joked Curt.

The gang laughed.

Stay tuned for more Animal Crossing goodness! Until next time!


End file.
